☼ oskcajga: Partial recovery: SSRI/SNRI withdrawal and adverse reaction

[AliG]

 I'm sorry for your pain, Osk. I understand about dysfunctional families. It takes a lot out of you. That & the drugs are certainly not an ideal combination.  Try to disassociate yourself, from the "drama".  Look after yourself, first.  Try and see the rest as "white noise".

[apace41]

 

I'm telling you - the damage that has befallen my family as a result of these psych meds cannot be quantified.  Before the meds, my family was still screwed up - but at least I had a life and a career and they all sort of looked up to me as their example of how good of parents they were.  But after this all happened, and I couldn't function, and lost my brain - things just have consistently fallen apart and deteroirated. 

apace is right, work at a big corporation probably is not as demanding as you envision. You might give it a try.

 

 

 

Osk,

 

Your story is painful and I'm sorry your mother is the way she is, but YOU CANNOT BLAME YOURSELF!  I know you said the drugs but I sense that underneath that you are blaming yourself for "not knowing better."  Bad things happen to people and others show their true colors in those times.  Your mother, unfortunately, has shown hers.  Unless and until she can genuinely accept and understand what has happened she is toxic to you and staying away is the best thing.  You are not some "prize" that she gets to trot around town to demonstrate how well she did as a parent.  You are her flesh and blood who she should never stop caring for, especially when you have become ill -- which is what you have been (I think you are on the verge of a breakout for the good which is why I don't say "are ill").

 

There is no gray here.  It is black and white and she has made a choice -- a very bad one.

 

I wish you continued healing.  The strength it takes to overcome this kind of ABUSE is extraordinary and you should not take your ability to deal with it for granted

 

Best

 

Andy

[AliG]

 As one who comes from "dysfunction".  I understand.  Please , just keep going.  That is all you can do.  Hang on, Osk.  Hugs,  Ali.   xx.

[oskcajga]

Some people shouldn't have children, especially malignant narcissists. Heal your CNS. That's what I'm doing, holed up in my sister's home. Never mind the job if you can be unemployed for a while lobger. Work will be there, rebound damage from the stressors of work isn't worth the risk in our healing process.

 

Haha - have to agree with this.  Why have a child just to abandon them when the going gets tough?  That level of narcissism and neglect baffles me.  I have just enough cash to keep going for a couple more months.  I don't know what the heck I'm going to do when it runs out - but I only require $300 a month to survive.

 

I agree with healing too.

 

You posted like 5 times O_o.  You must have clicked your post button too much accidentally

 

 

 

I'm telling you - the damage that has befallen my family as a result of these psych meds cannot be quantified.  Before the meds, my family was still screwed up - but at least I had a life and a career and they all sort of looked up to me as their example of how good of parents they were.  But after this all happened, and I couldn't function, and lost my brain - things just have consistently fallen apart and deteroirated. 

apace is right, work at a big corporation probably is not as demanding as you envision. You might give it a try.

 

 

 

Osk,

 

Your story is painful and I'm sorry your mother is the way she is, but YOU CANNOT BLAME YOURSELF!  I know you said the drugs but I sense that underneath that you are blaming yourself for "not knowing better."  Bad things happen to people and others show their true colors in those times.  Your mother, unfortunately, has shown hers.  Unless and until she can genuinely accept and understand what has happened she is toxic to you and staying away is the best thing.  You are not some "prize" that she gets to trot around town to demonstrate how well she did as a parent.  You are her flesh and blood who she should never stop caring for, especially when you have become ill -- which is what you have been (I think you are on the verge of a breakout for the good which is why I don't say "are ill").

 

There is no gray here.  It is black and white and she has made a choice -- a very bad one.

 

I wish you continued healing.  The strength it takes to overcome this kind of ABUSE is extraordinary and you should not take your ability to deal with it for granted

 

Best

 

Andy

 

 

It's amazing how people really do show their true colors when things go horribly wrong.  There has been a significant amount of shame and guilt built into my psyche throughout my childhood - as my mother and father constantly battled it out, and pursued new families and new dysfunction ones at that.  It seems to be a very deeply engrained sense of self that I have - and I tend to take myself very seriously as a result.  Accepting that things are not my fault is very important, and I really really appreciate you pointing this out.  I cannot agree more.  MANY of the unfortunate things that have happened to me in my life were completely or almost completely out of my control.  I really need to practice acceptance of things and just chill out and wait for things to get better. 

 

Thank you again for your kind and wise words, my friend.

 

 

 As one who comes from "dysfunction".  I understand.  Please , just keep going.  That is all you can do.  Hang on, Osk.  Hugs,  Ali.   xx.

 

Right - what else can you do?  I also try my best to not be dysfunctional myself - i.e., not getting into crazy relationships and havign children.  One way to avoid this sort of dysfunction is by avoiding propagating the dysfunction into new lives.  It's not like I can get into a relationship right now anyways - but it's something I used to keep in mind when I was healthy as well. 

 

.

[Laura1981]

 Work will be there, rebound damage from the stressors of work isn't worth the risk in our healing process.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, Osk. Gemini said something that interests me: Do you think work stress will aggravate the psych drug damage? I'm asking because that is what I suspected, but I am trying to figure out if it's just my anxiety talking or if it's a real risk. 

 

My workplace harbors some carnivores and I'm dreading the day where I have to go back brain damaged with my defenses impaired.

[apace41]

 

Do you think work stress will aggravate the psych drug damage? I'm asking because that is what I suspected, but I am trying to figure out if it's just my anxiety talking or if it's a real risk. 

 

 

My workplace harbors some carnivores and I'm dreading the day where I have to go back brain damaged with my defenses impaired.

 

 

Hi, Laura.  Not to further hijack Osk's thread, but I think there are a host of things in life that "aggravate" YOU in withdrawal.  I'm not fond of referring to it as "psych drug damage" as I think that is conclusory, casts a pall over the situation that is inconsistent with healing, and belies what is hopefully, for all of us, a temporary (albeit painful) situation.  The aggravation, whether from work or from home or from traffic or from anything else will create greater challenges to us while we are in withdrawal, but like other things, it should hopefully recede over time.  The easy answer is to not go back until you are "ready" (whatever that is). 

 

Long story short, putting yourself in any stressful situation in withdrawal is going to be more challenging, but it is not going to create some irreversible brain damage, IMHO.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Laura1981]

Hi Andy, 

 

thanks so much, that makes a lot of sense. I understand my issue as "damage" because it was caused by so few days on meds, that calling it withdrawal somehow doesn't seem to make much sense. But I don't mind calling it different and I have no doubt that it will heal, be it damage or just adaptation. 

 

And you're totally right: I should go back when I feel ready, and I'll probably know once I'm there. 

 

Cheers, 

 

Laura

[oskcajga]

 

 

Do you think work stress will aggravate the psych drug damage? I'm asking because that is what I suspected, but I am trying to figure out if it's just my anxiety talking or if it's a real risk. 

 

 

My workplace harbors some carnivores and I'm dreading the day where I have to go back brain damaged with my defenses impaired.

 

 

Hi, Laura.  Not to further hijack Osk's thread, but I think there are a host of things in life that "aggravate" YOU in withdrawal.  I'm not fond of referring to it as "psych drug damage" as I think that is conclusory, casts a pall over the situation that is inconsistent with healing, and belies what is hopefully, for all of us, a temporary (albeit painful) situation.  The aggravation, whether from work or from home or from traffic or from anything else will create greater challenges to us while we are in withdrawal, but like other things, it should hopefully recede over time.  The easy answer is to not go back until you are "ready" (whatever that is). 

 

Long story short, putting yourself in any stressful situation in withdrawal is going to be more challenging, but it is not going to create some irreversible brain damage, IMHO.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

 

This is consistent with my thoughts on the subject as well.  Going back to work and putting myself in a stressful position would probably slow down recovery, but it's not going to make things worse. 

 

What are your thoughts on getting a lot of sleep?  I have been noticing substantial amounts of recovery over the time periods where I allowed myself to get 8-12 hours of sleep each night.  It's my personal theory that the more sleep that I get the more healing that will take place.  Most nights my body just naturally gets 10 hours of sleep, and because I don't have to work a silly job somewhere, I don't need to artificially wake myself up at too early of an hour.  I think this factor might also slow down recovery.  Back in Fall of 2014, when I wasn't getting much sleep - there was a period where within 1-2 months my sleep went from like 5 hours a night to 12 hours a night, and my recovery increased in direct proportion to the amount of sleep that I got that night.  I've been getting many many hours of sleep ever since, with the hope that my body will figure out what's wrong and perform the necessary mechanisms to heal my brain.

[manymoretodays]

Thanks for laying that all out Osk and sharing.  It gives me peace about my own situation.........having had 22 year marriage and then divorcing.........doing my best along the way with my ex and son.  And maybe my ex has those jealousy feelings still........as my son stayed with me, even though he could have chosen either household.

 

Also......for me to anticipate the backlash/blame from some point from ex........as to my son's current predicament.  We have actually all gone through now blaming his friends, being angry at the lack of exes family in any way being supportive to us all now(not a single call of comfort yet.....my outlaws are all nearby).  So........I expect I will be next........to blame.  Anyway........are there any non-dysfunctional families out there in reality???  I mean what people show you is not what it always is.

 

And sweetie, money.......just money..........don't make that your end-all goal.  What are you doing for a greater philosophical attitude about life now?  You could become a great nutritional guru or regular guru.......lol.......but seriously........don't be going for the great car and home and american dream if you can help it.........don't let that be pulling you down.  I know easy to say.......I guess I somewhat had it for awhile.......but I hope you learn sooner than I did as to what life is really all about and what is important.

 

signed: Mom again 

[apace41]

What are your thoughts on getting a lot of sleep?  I have been noticing substantial amounts of recovery over the time periods where I allowed myself to get 8-12 hours of sleep each night.  It's my personal theory that the more sleep that I get the more healing that will take place. 

 

 

Osk, my personal view on sleep is that there are chemicals released during different phases of sleep that are critical to the restorative process.  They have determined that the consolidation of memory is due to certain chemicals they have identified that are released during certain phases of sleep.  So, I agree that sleep is important to your healing.  My guess, however, is that 10-12 hours is not necessary and that the healing that takes place is likely to occur before that given the normal bell curve of type of sleep and brainwaves evoked.

 

I don't know for sure, but my guess is that if you are getting a good solid 8 hours of sleep you are getting the benefit you need and that the other 2-4 hours are not bad for you but not essential to healing.  I think you feel better during those days because you are awake for less time and have less time to have to deal with outside stressors.  If that were the prevailing treatment methodology, however, we would all seek to be placed in induced comas until we were "good to go" and that can't be the right answer!!!

 

I think getting back on something of a reasonable schedule is not a bad thing.

 

Hope you are feeling well,

 

Andy

[gemini]

Yeah Laura I gave up working Indefinitely I know it will hinder my healing I'm in too much pain now to work anyway. I moved in with my older sister she is a bit controlling and boorish but she means well. At least she's willing to support me through my healing for which I'm so so grateful. I come from a highly dysfunctional f as well. And she she gets a little mean and snide I just say to myself hey I don't have to work and I can convalesce here. Trade-off...

[gemini]

The thing is the layperson who has doesn't understand or acknowledge protracted wd believes, in my case, it's something else . my physical and blood work came back excellent . I believe this is one of the reasons why out fams don't want to help us...help who? A liar, someone on psych meds al their life? Who can believe a "mentality you unstable" person? Yeah, try the meds caused the instability!

[AliG]

 Osk, If you're getting sleep , - particularly that much, I think you're doing incredibly well. It's one of those "withdrawal" symptoms, that is so hard to deal with, because  the body needs it so much.   Consider yourself  lucky.   Some of us are doing it "tough".   2 am here, and no sleep for me , tonight.    Hang in there,   Love,  Ali.

[oskcajga]

It's been about a month since my last update.  In that time I haven't really improved too much, but I certainly haven't gotten worse.  The most notable change in symptoms is that in addition to the pain and tension and involutnary twitching in my trigeminal nerve that then makes my face twitch and grimmace, etc, - over the last 3 months I developed a clicking, crackling, grinding, sensation that occurs when I am trying to go to bed.  It sounds like it's coming from my brain - but I know it's probably some sort of soft tissue adjustement in my sinuses or around the trigeminal nerve or something.  It feels sort of like how it feels when someone cracks their back to relieve tension - it's not painful or scary - sort of a passive symptom that doesn't negatively contribute to my situation - but worthy of mention because it's new. 

 

I figured I'd mention this symptom here - I don't know if it's a good thign or a bad thing.

 

I still have a couple of nights per month where I get very poor sleep, maybe 3-6 hours of sleep - otherwise my sleep is roughly 6-12 hours a day.  (grateful for this, I went through a period of many months where sleep was abysmal).

 

Still can't really work - the eye pain is too severe and when I am unable to sleep, how could I hold down a job?  I am beginning to think about applying to a job out of desperation - however.

 

I'm probably like 30-40% recovered at this point, at most.

 

I haven't had a window since early spring, wishing I'd get another one to give me a little bit more hope.

 

I've had a couple of notable waves in the last month - one was brought on by eating 2 lamb chops, the other I don't remember right now.  But my WAVES are brought on by either eating food, or ingesting something, or smelling something, etc.  I don't have any organic waves - there's always some external stimuli, whether it be forcing myself to read to much and straining my trigeminal nerve, or eating some sort of food that makes my symptoms worse.

 

I'd say that like no less than 50% of my symtpoms are all related to my trigeminal nerve problems - every wave I have directly affects the trigeminal nerve, as evidenced by the tiingling burning in my lips and face, simultaneously with blurry vision or difficult vision, and taste changes, and sometimes hearing issues.  The brain zaps and twitches etc all seem to originate from that nerve behind my eyes and deep in my frontal skull - it's not my brain because the brain has no pain sensation, so it's one of the nerves, most likely the trigeminal nerve because of all the senses it influences. 

[Petunia]

Thanks for the update Osk, from your signature it looks like you are just under a year drug free after a bunch of too fast tapers and CTs, so I would say 30 - 40% recovery is reasonable progress.

 

I'm sorry you haven't seen any real improvement this month, but not getting worse is something to be thankful for, I've read several threads today where August has been a bad month.

 

Its interesting that you had a wave caused by lamb chops, I'm not exactly sure why I find that interesting, maybe because I don't generally eat lamb, but I also ate 2 lamb chops during the month of August, they didn't cause a wave for me though.

 

I hope your recovery percentage will increase a bit more over the next few months. Others might encourage you to hurry and look for work, which is an option, but from what I've read in your thread, it sounds like you are living a healthy, stress free lifestyle at the moment, which is also good for recovery.

[manymoretodays]

I am thankful for your update as well.  And good on the taking note of what seems to lead to what.

 

Love you to the moon and back Osk.....   I am practicing that line for my own son as well.  

 

You are healing!! 

[oskcajga]

Thanks for the update Osk, from your signature it looks like you are just under a year drug free after a bunch of too fast tapers and CTs, so I would say 30 - 40% recovery is reasonable progress.

 

I'm sorry you haven't seen any real improvement this month, but not getting worse is something to be thankful for, I've read several threads today where August has been a bad month.

 

Its interesting that you had a wave caused by lamb chops, I'm not exactly sure why I find that interesting, maybe because I don't generally eat lamb, but I also ate 2 lamb chops during the month of August, they didn't cause a wave for me though.

 

I hope your recovery percentage will increase a bit more over the next few months. Others might encourage you to hurry and look for work, which is an option, but from what I've read in your thread, it sounds like you are living a healthy, stress free lifestyle at the moment, which is also good for recovery.

 

Thank you both for your responses.  In regards to the food waves, I almost always get worsened trigeminal nerve issues from food - which in turn influences my ability to see, function, sleep, etc, and usually this comes from food that is heavy in fat, etc.  It used to be much more sensitive - if I ate anything I suspected of being possibly inflamatory, it became inflamatory and hurt my trigeminal nerve, numbed it out, and made me feel anathestized quite badly.

 

This has mostly gone away, and is now limited to heavy food items, such as food heavily cooked in fats, etc.

 

I agree about working - I am already stressed out, and if I had to work a part time job getting $10 an hour I'd be stressed out like 5X as much.  Those sorts of jobs are extremely difficult and stressful relative to any career job, where you have much more autonomy and free time and freedom.

 

I suspect I'll have to ask my father for money once my reserves run out - I only have $600 to my name, and it costs me about $250 a month to pay my bills.

 

I think that withdrawal is like 5X easier if someone has money in the bank or valuable assets, or someone who is providing for them.  It's still tough, but having money to pay for things reduces stress a lot and probably speeds up recovery.

[crimsonking]

Hey oskcajga, you're definitely right about money, they make things easier, even in the withdrawal. I'm in the similar situation to yours, if I won't be able to start uni in October my parents won't sponor me anymore. And I'm just at the beginning of WD, so yeah, I'm ******

Edited November 11, 2015 by Petunia
removed inappropriate language to comply with site rules

[oskcajga]

I don't want to be a pessimist - but I can't be irrationally positive either.

 

Here's a reference to a forum that discusses the nerve damage, or neuropathy that is caused by SSRIS - other people experience these issues as well, some of which have been diagnoses by neurologists, etc.

 

http://ehealthforum.com/health/neuropathy-from-using-prozac-t187252.html

 

I'm also not entirely sure that neuroopathies are completely recoverable - especially if the damage is very severe.  One obvious example is tardive dyskinesia, which is nerve damage to the cingulate cortex of the brain among other regions.  As demonstrated by this wikipedia article, it's sometimes perminant, and incurable:

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tardive_dyskinesia

 

I'm not trying to SCARE anyone, but I think it's unfair to say that every single side effect from psych meds is totally reversable - because that would be a lie. 

 

MOST are reversible, but some are not.

 

At some point it's more important to focus on acceptance rather than obsessing about neuroplasticity fixiing every single symptom. 

 

It took me a long time to come to more or less accept the fact that I have done semi-perminant damage to my brain and peripheral nervous system - and that there's a good chance that not everything will ever go away - but most will.

 

I suspect that a positive mindset and enthusiasm may accelerate the healing process - but I also suspect that if the damage is severe enough, it doesn't matter what you do or how you think, the damage is just going to stay there.

 

I don't know why I felt like sharing this today, but sometimes I honestly think it's best to just realistically assess the situation and just sort of acknowledge the nerve damage and changes than it is to just whistle in the dark and pretend like it's all goign to be ok. 

 

I have also noticed that the healthier and healthier I become, the more and more easy it becomes for me to be positive on my outlook on life.  I think a positive mindframe is a luxury of health - and that although its possible when things are going badly, it's like 10X more difficult.

 

Perhaps some day I'll stop being such a pessimist and all my symptoms will slowly melt away.

 

I don't even care anymore if my damage or changes are permanent - I just want to be recovered enough to not be miserable and contemplate ending it all on a daily basis.  That would be a welcome change.

 

I think that if I had enough money to pay for my basic human needs, like food and clothing, I would be less stressed out and pessimistic all the time.

 

I think that my thread does demonstrate one thing:  even pessimistic people can slowly recover over time.  I wouldn't say though that pessimistic is the best way to describe my attitude - I think I'm more of a realist with pessimistic tendencies.

[Altostrata]

References to posts on other forums are not authoritative.

 

If you want to be pessimistic about your recovery -- even though you've seen clear progress -- you're free to do so. That indicates more about your disposition than the state of the world.

[oskcajga]

It's been over a month since my last update.  I just wanted to report that I started taking some supplements in this last month, notably 1/2 of a multivitamin, omega 3s (Norweigian gold), magnesium before bed, and 1/2 of a vitamin B12 losenge.  I didn't just start taking them all at once - I worked them slowly into my diet over the last month or so until arriving at this final intake.  Honestly, the supplements HAVE helped - I honestly feel like 5% improved after this month.  I noticed an immediate improvement in my energy levels after some of the multivitamin supplements.

 

My eye and head pain is getting less and less - I can now use and read the computer for HOURS on end without having to take too many breaks.  I am very grateful for this,  because the pain was my least favorite symptom.  Most of my other symptoms are getting better too.  I should also note that the PSSD symptoms have been dissipating at times, I have windows of almost 50-75% functionality. 

 

Hopefully I'll have a real window soon - but overall I've been feeling better so the improvement continues. 

 

I'll try to check back again in a month or so with further updates.

[apace41]

Great to hear, Osk.

 

Hope you continue on the ascendency.

 

Andy

[LexAnger]

So great to hear your improvement!

That's very wise of you sneaking the supplement in gradually.

 

Wish you continuous healing!

[AliG]

 Good on you , Osk..

 I love the way, you're so cautiously " guarded."     However,  5 % , is definitely, an improvement   !!         Loving , this new "  optimism" !! 

[bluebalu86]

Great to hear that Osk. You're definitely well on your way to recovery. Such an inspiration for me

[manymoretodays]

Thank you Osk.  Good to know.  Hugs. 

[LucaDiProspero]

very well, another 'nearly' success story. Thanks for sharing this, you gave us hope!

[IHadPassion]

Osk,

 

I had nearly the same experience and symptoms as well as academic background that you had.  Please take a look at my introduction post, I would really appreciate talking if you're still around.

[Martina23]

Hello Osk, I was reading some of your comments on manymoredays thread. They seemed to me very intelligent. I also like your story, especially how you made supplies by your manic epizode. I had also two weeks ago such a feeling if I am not going manic, I had idea to buy an apartment in Czech Republic with the intention then when they join EUR the prices would go up and I could thus earn some money. I asked my friends if it is a manic idea but they meant manic ideas are other, far from the reality. And I found your idea of making supplies for crushing economy really great. If you want you can write me anytime.

[servadei]

Osk, healing is very obvious in your posts. That's great!

[oskcajga]

1.  About a month since my last update.  I continue to improve in my symptoms, not by a huge %, but there's a definite improvement that I'm beginning to notice.  This has been the "month of supplements" as I've taken a large number of supplements, some have helped, some have made me worse, either singly or in combination with other supplements.  I can't help but feel like these supplements, one of them at least, has contributed to my improvement.  I do not know which one it was, because I've been taking a combination of them for at least a month.  In my earlier post, I felt an immediate improvement when I took a small dose of a multivitamin - this improvement has not only been maintained since that time, but has increased to a small degree.

 

I still exercise, and eat extremely well (fruits, veggies, 3 square meals a day). 

 

------------

2.  I'll list the supplements here for the sake of completion:

 

Niacinamide - 500mg, usually at night  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000OSUDJQ?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00

 

Centrum multivitamin - 1/2 of a tablet, usually once every other day

 

Vitamin B12 sublingual capsule, once every other day or so  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00822JNTC?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00

 

Probiotic, 2x per day  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002S1U7RU?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00

 

Melatonin .5-2mg, once every couple of days - I built tollerance to taking 2mg a day, and had to taper down for a couple days before stopping.  I only take when needed now, and at a small dose.   http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005DEK990?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00

 

Vitamin D3 = between 2000 and 5000 IU, about 2x per week (I get a hypersensitivty reaction if I take it every day, and it's a miserable feeling).

 

Coq10 - 300mg, I bite open the capsule because I found that it's poorly broken down otherwise.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004R61NCW?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00

 

40-100IU of vitamin E, once every couple of days

 

Fish oil, 2-3K total omega 3 - every day.   http://www.amazon.com/Norwegian-Gold-Critical-Omega-60-Count/dp/B001FXX3LY

 

Epsome salt baths - 2x a week or so - 5 cups, or so.  http://www.saltworks.us/shop/product.asp?idProduct=970#.VkJ8UyuGO70

 

My-B-tabs (adenosine monophosphate) - one or two tabs before bed (WARNING DO NOT MIX WITH ASPIRIN, I GOT A NASTY REACTION COMBINING THE TWO ACCIDENTLY) http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00T5KSTG8?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00

 

I started all these supplements SLOWLY at small 1/4 or at most 1/2 doses, and slowly worked my way up.  I'm currently taking a whole bunch together, but I would strongly recommend one at a time, small doses at a time until you get an idea for how it works with your body.

 

I had not so great reactions to the following supplements, and ended up returning them. 

 

ZMA - terrible headaches all night

Inositol - I had really nasty reactions to just like 500mg of this stuff - I had one favorable response, followed by a not so favorable response

Magnesium oxide - headaches for much of the night

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

3.  I've also been able to tolerate more and more foods and substances, such as caffeine (I can drink about 1/2 a cup and get normal, healthy effects from it).  I also have tried aspirin, and it helped reduce my pain.  Same with benadryl.  Most foods I can tolerate at this point - haven't had a food headache for a while, but I am also very careful about what I eat.

 

4.  So overall I continue to feel better, more or less - I have managed to start applying for jobs, had an interview, have been able to drive, etc etc.  Most of my abilities are on the mend.

 

5.  Unlike my first posts here, my face and head pain is about 25-50% of how it used to be - I'm able to read essays, browse the internet, and watch movies without too much pain.  I hope this goes away soon, because it's my least favorite.

 

6.  I've also had a window or two of feeling SOME emotions from time to time, which is nice.  I wish it would happen more frequently.

 

7.  Still estranged from my mother, and other members of my family who have been hostile towards my recovery - bastards, I still hate them for not helping me financially and leaving me to beg them for cash just to survive.  Still debating whether or not to make the estrangement permanent or not - leaning towards yes.

 

8.  One symptom I have that is quite curious is tat when I'm trying to fall asleep, or rest, I get cracks or crackles in the frontal lobe section of my brain.  They are audible - and I can hear tissue moving around and cracking.  It doesn't hurt, but feels like my body is VERY unhappy about something - usually the cracking noise will subside over time and I'll fall asleep.  It seems like the more cracking that happens the less severe my facial pain becomes.  I have absolutely no idea what could cause this noise - but I'm guessing it's some sort of inflammation in my sinuses?  This is definitely related to my facial nerve pain - so maybe there's inflammation around the orifice where my trigeminal nerve enters into the front of my face?   Anyone else experience this?

 

I did a google search and found people indicating this is my "third eye", or pineal gland - I sort of find it laughable, but I can't help artistically wonder if maybe it's all calcified and now it's breaking.  This is just a fancy fun theory I'm articulating - I don't actually believe my "third eye" is calcified and breaking apart the calification - that sounds too silly - but It's a curious relationship.  there's some interesting peices online about how SSRI's influence the pineal gland that piqued my interest - but I still lean towards the hypothesis that it's some sort of damage to my trigeminal nerve, or inflammation.  Who knows.

 

Anyways, I'll try to check in again in the future - I suspect as I get better and better I'll log in less and less. 

 

 

Cheers,

Osk

[bluebalu86]

So good to hear Osk. You will recover 100%. I'm so happy for you and also a little jealous, but it's a good type of jealousy WIsh you continued healing. Soon you will be writing your success story!

[LexAnger]

I am so happy to hear your great progress Osk!

You went through so much and set a good example being very strong!

 

Wish you much more faster healing!

 

PS I always enjoy and benefit all your posts.

 

Lex

[oskcajga]

Any time I get an adverse or paradoxical reaction to something that is supposed to help, or has reliable helped me before, I just want to give up and give my "I quit" notice to the universe.  It's terribly defeating to have a body that doesn't react normally to things that most human beings have no trouble with.   I understand that there are always risks involved with supplementation in withdrawal, but it doesn't make it any less miserable to have setbacks where setbacks were not anticipated.

 

In and of themselves, the symptoms of withdrawal/adverse reaction are not too terribly intolerable.  If for example, I had to deal with these symptoms for 2 hours every day, I think I'd be perfectly optimistic and understanding of them - and probably not feel like they were too bad.  But the fact that they are always there, 24/7, is what makes this condition so excruciatingly disabling.

 

Pain and suffering is the keystone to all spiritual progress.

 

 

Pain and suffering is the keystone to all spiritual progress.

 

 

Pain and suffering is the keystone to all spiritual progress.

 

 

Pain and suffering is the keystone to all spiritual progress.

 

 

Pain and suffering is the keystone to all spiritual progress.

 

[apace41]

 

Pain and suffering is the keystone to all spiritual progress.

 

 

Osk,

 

Love the attitude and far be it for me to be "Debbie Downer" but somehow methinks the Buddha did not contemplate antidepressants.

 

Just sayin'.

 

 

Andy

[Laura1981]

Oh Osk, I'm so sorry the supplementation has gone sideways! 

 

It's so discouraging to not be able to do anything to accelerate healing. I'm the same. I desperately need to feel like I'm doing something to contribute to the healing process. It's all the worse if you've put a lot of thought and effort into something that you hope will help and then it goes sideways. 

 

It's so defeating. I've tried so many things, most of which haven't helped.

 

I also agree: If symptoms lift up even for just an hour, it's so recharging. But if they are 24/7, it just wears you down. I think most people never in their lifetime will experience the profound and prolonged suffering that we have to endure.

 

My only consolation is: If I get some horrible illness at the age of 70, at least I'm prepared for what I have to expect.