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☼ oskcajga: Partial recovery: SSRI/SNRI withdrawal and adverse reaction


oskcajga

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Pain and suffering is the keystone to all spiritual progress.

 

:D

 

Osk,

 

Love the attitude and far be it for me to be "Debbie Downer" but somehow methinks the Buddha did not contemplate antidepressants.

 

Just sayin'.

 

:ph34r:

 

Andy

 

 

I think the Bhudda contemplated other chronic illnesses, such as Leprosy :wacko: - so there are some comparable sufferings. 

 

 

Oh Osk, I'm so sorry the supplementation has gone sideways! 

 

It's so discouraging to not be able to do anything to accelerate healing. I'm the same. I desperately need to feel like I'm doing something to contribute to the healing process. It's all the worse if you've put a lot of thought and effort into something that you hope will help and then it goes sideways. 

 

It's so defeating. I've tried so many things, most of which haven't helped.

 

I also agree: If symptoms lift up even for just an hour, it's so recharging. But if they are 24/7, it just wears you down. I think most people never in their lifetime will experience the profound and prolonged suffering that we have to endure.

 

My only consolation is: If I get some horrible illness at the age of 70, at least I'm prepared for what I have to expect. 

 

Laura, your posts always bring a smile to my face - even if they're full of tragic information.  I agree with so many of the things you write :P

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I think the Bhudda contemplated other chronic illnesses, such as Leprosy :wacko: - so there are some comparable sufferings. 

 

Osk,

 

Not to belabor the point, but I remember as a kid having nightmares over the movie "Papillon" which took place at a French leper colony.  Little did I know that one day I'd be dealing with something that we can mention in the same breath.  :angry:

 

Have a good Thanksgiving.  Glad you have been making such good progress that you are seeking work.  I think it will be a great thing for you.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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I understand the whole 'having to work through this' stuff. It's not easy, but once you get that ball rolling the faster time goes by. I also have adhd and I was on adderall from my entire life mostly, until I was 22, five years ago.

 

I'm cant imagine how tired you feel. I also understand you have you phd so theres alot of responsibility in that field

 

I dont have much advice, accept to put your heart in it as hard as it seems with pssd, but the sooner you get back to work the sooner you'll feel better about your situation.

 

Tc

Effexor 150 mg 2012-2015(august)

 

Xanax 3mg 2010-2014(began wean late 2012)

 

Currently taking 20mg of hydrocortisone (10 mg 7am, 5mg 12pm 5 mg 4pm)

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  • 2 weeks later...

So it's been about a month since my last update.

 

Unfortunately I've had some setbacks this month related to supplements.  So while the previous two months were greatly boosted by the use of supplements, as always, my secret weapon turned on me in mid flight and cut me to ribbons. 

 

As life tends to go from time to time, the supplements that did me in this month were ironically the ones that were designed to help the very symptoms they exacerbated:  the trigeminal nerve pain/neuropathy pain.

 

I took benfothiamine, acetyl l carnatine, and lipoeic acid - started small and worked my way up - but at some point they backfired and I got worse pain and hypersensitivity again.  Now I can barely handle a little bit of melatonin to help me sleep :(  

 

Well not to ribbons, but I'm not as good as I was last month - but still somewhat better than 3 months ago.

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

The biggest thing I've done this month is go to several job interviews to try to get work - even in a bad wave, I was passable and got the job offers.  These were simple jobs, delivering mail, and working in a grocery store - but I got them nonetheless.

 

I start a job tomorrow making deli meat at a super market 30 minutes from my home.  They decided to send me like 15 minutes north at 7AM to start this new job and I'm extremely nervous.

 

Currently in a bit of a wave, and have absolutely no idea how I'm going to function. 

 

Making sandwitches and cutting meat might as well be splitting the atom or proposing in the state of the union address an effective way to utilize nuclear fusion to provide sustainable energy for the human race.

 

Seems utterly impossible.

 

If I'm not too traumatized, I'll try to report back here and let you guys know how it goes.

 

I have a 7 hour shift with a 15 minute break at 7AM 35 minutes from where I live.  That makes me nervous just to think abou ***.  Ahhhh - I hope I can at least hold onto this job long enough to make my first paycheck, but I have absolutely no control over whether or not they will approve of my work.  I will try my best and give it my all, but I have no idea if it will be good enough.  I just keep trying to tell myself that "this is how it's meant to be, so no matter what you're on your own unique path in life".

 

Trying to stay zen about the whole thing.

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Hi Osk, 

 

crossing all available fingers that the first day in the new job goes well. 

 

I think the chances are good that it will work out. From my experience with this drug induced mess, our perceived disability is quite a bit worse than the disability others perceive in us. 

 

It's true that you have no control over how this goes. Your health will decide. If you're healthy enough, you'll manage. If not, it's better to let it go anyway, otherwise you'll just damage yourself more. 

 

If things get difficult, just remember to keep breathing. I'm sure it will work out ok. 

 

Cheers, Laura

Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional

Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. 

After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. 

June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells

September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. 

 

Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn

 

Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland:

https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I will be sending Zen like positive thoughts out Osk. 

 

I was just replying to a post you wrote under a peer support topic......related to what you said about AA.  Some of it.  And my experiences with helpful and not helpful peer support in the situation we are in.   I canceled it though.  None too clear today.

 

You can do it!  Breath, as Laura said........... and a new one that sometimes works for me lately is.........find the space between the breath.......there is always that moment to just be.

 

Good luck.  Hugs.  :)

 

I am thankful I didn't get the job I thought I could do........just getting through the holiday season is feeling so tough today...........but sad too.........as I don't know when I will be ready to try again.

 

My associate(son) is doing it........working at a dry cleaner he can walk to.  I am very proud of him.  It's been hard......having to live back at home, not much social life for him anymore, his friends are fleeting.......  Yet, I can be hopeful for him.  His counselor hasn't suggested medication.....thank goodness.  So maybe that's my current job.......helping him out of his hole.  He got hired for every job he applied for.  That blew me away.  And of course I don't know the why or what of why I didn't get hired.......but at this point......like I said........thankful as I seem to get so easily overwhelmed.  You won't however.  You have been at this longer.  I know you can do it or call it gracefully if you need to.

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Thank you for your Zen positive thoughts, and encouraging words.

 

So I survived, and it didn't go too badly.  I noticed that the akathesia was a benefit because I didn't get tired, no matter how many repetetive menial tasks I did for all 7 hours.  I found it was quite helpful for the akathesia - actually.

 

The downside to the condition is that I have a heck of a time memorizing what is what and what goes where.

 

I think I'll survive and be able to make an income for a while.  Maybe if it goes very well I can pick up a second job and start paying off my small debts that I've accrued during my period of unemployment.

 

Cheers,

Osk

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Hi Osk, 

 

so glad it went ok! 

 

I didn't know you have akathisia too. So sorry to hear that. 

 

Cheers, 

 

Laura

Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional

Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. 

After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. 

June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells

September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. 

 

Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn

 

Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland:

https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg

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Congratulations Osk!

You are surviving with amazing strength and wisdipom! You will get your brilliant mind back!

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Osk, and why are you not looking for a job in your field which you studied? I am sure you would make much more money in a job which has something to do with your Phd. Sure you can start with something smaller, but I would continue applying in a big job for what you have phd, and this will bring you more wisdom and more money.

 

I did it always like that. I applied always for the big things, like setting your goals for 100%. If it does not go, then you get 50%, but still you have these 50%. But if you apply for a job making 30%, you can not go down anymore. They can kick you out in both - if bigger or smaller job. I am quite a good example :-)

 

Just show them what is in you and when they kick you out through the door, come back through the window. This is the strategy which always worked for me :-)

 

Much luck!

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Congratulations Osk! Some income is always such a good thing! 

About me ------------------------ College student with a history of anxiety, excessive worrying and health anxiety.

April 2014 - May 2015----------    Prozac 20mg On and Off.  Second time on it I developed apathy, changes in personality, asexuality.

May 2015  -   July 2015-----------------  Tappering off prozac. Still no feelings,anhedonia, apathy, no libido, asexuality.

Current symptoms--------  pssd (asexuality in my case). Anxiety and depression developed some months afer stopping prozac, could have been caused by obsessing and beating myself up too much when I found myself unable to like girls again. The best thing to do with pssd (which in my case is asexuality) is accept it and move on.

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  • 1 month later...

Hi, Osk!

 

I have read some parts of your thread. Maybe I'm just too lazy to read the whole thread or I'm trying to be without sitting too much front of the computer. So I want to ask do you have had any kinds of improvements with PSSD or with anhedonia and emotional anesthesia? I got those syptoms as well. Unfornately it sounds very familiar to me when you mentioned the example of pet dog in your intro.

 

I have had bad experience with pot too when I just tried smoking little amount of leaf once on this withdrawal. When I was on drugs I have smoked lot of very strong buds without any problems but both times when I have stopped taking meds pot have started to be too strong to me even leaf! Maybe some day I could smoke Marijuana normally again when I have recovered.

I'm not a native english speaker, sorry!

 

My history with Sertraline:

 

November 2009 - September 2013: most of the time my dose was 100 mg but when I stoped taking it first time my dose was 25 mg.

 

Unfornately I decided to start taking Sertraline again in April 2014. My new dose was 50 mg.

I took my last pill of Sertraline in November 2014. Then my dose was 25 mg.

 

Symptoms: PSSD, anhedonia and emotional anesthesia

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Hi osk,

 

I read your thread. Seems like you had moderate depression before meds but had almost none of that in withdrawal? Is that correct?

10/2012 - Lexapro 10mg

2013/2014 - Started experiencing visual disturbances, like visual processing was slow, feeling drunk all the time

9/2014 - Lexapro 5mg, didn't notice any withdrawal, drunk feeling went away

2015 - Drunk feeling came back

5/2015 - Lexapro 2.5mg - 1.25mg - insomnia started

6/2015 - Lexapro 0.625mg

7/2015 - Severe symptoms started, in desperation on advice of pdoc restarted 5mg Lexapro - total disaster

8/2015 - Lexapro 5mg, disoriented, sleepless zombie

9/2015 - Very reluctantly started transitioning to Zoloft

as of 10/10/2105 - no lexapro, 37.5mg Zoloft

12/14/2015 - 35mg zoloft, 1/16/2016 - 34mg

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I get windows of emotions from time to time and the sexual stuff improves over time.   It's a very slow process of healing.  I just hope my young age and good diet, and exercise, etc will allow my neurons to heal over time and regain most of their functioning.  The fact that I experience windows at all demonstrates that the functional capacity still exists and that perhaps over time they will return completely.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Are you really out of the walking zombie stage Osk?

 

If you aren't.......say you are as it would give me hope.

 

I think I am in it for partial days at a time.

 

Is your job still a go?

 

I have to place my hope in utter learned resiliency and rest assured that I always come back intact.

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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I'm a different version of the zombie that I was before.  Instead of literally being a zombie walking around in a foreign and strange world, now I am just an emotionally slow and sort of clumsy person in a very fast paced and competitive world.

 

I'd say I'm somewhere around 25% recovered from the effects of these meditions, sometimes I'm as good as 40% and other times I'm as bad as 15%. 

 

So at this rate it'll be like 10 years before I'm back to a level where I can compete in the world and make a decent living for myself.  Unfortunately, based on a number of recover stories I've read, that's not an unrealistic time frame for some people.

 

Still waiting for a SUDDEN improvement, but I've learned that I cannot expect such things because it tends to make me sad when it doesn't happen.

 

Still working, been 1.5 months now or so.  It's a tough job.  IDK how many folks here have gone through withdrawal and tried to get a NEW job, but it's very hard.  Some days it literally feels like I'm going to collapse in pain and just die right there on the supermarket floor - but inevitably I just push through, endure the pain, and survive the day without people really noticing my suffering.  

 

I got very lucky too - the screens I have to use are not too bright and don't make my trigeminal nerve pain worse.  Morevoer, I do have experience working in a deli, and tend to enjoy helping customers because it makes the time go by quickly.  I think all my experience dealing with huge groups of students in grad school helped me not get too phased by a huge line of hungry angry customers.  I seem to have a reptuation for not letting things bother me at work - perhaps moreso a function of anhedonia than my actual personality - but I'll take whatever little praise I can get these days. 

 

I feel like I'll probably be able to keep this job for the foreseeable future, but unfortunately the pay is very small and there's little job security.

 

Having the job has really improved my outlook though - I'm much less depressed on a daily basis, and I tend to think more hopefully about the future.  Although my nerve pain seems to be not improving or sometimes getting slightly worse because I have to constantly use my eyes for 8+ hours 4-5 days a week - I feel hopeful because I am actually making an income - and as I have now learned through hard experience:

 

The most important rule to surviving antidepressants is having enough money to keep paying for food, water, and shelter.

 

Until next time, best wishes for everyone on their own path to recovery from this heinous condition.

 

Cheers,

Osk

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks Osk.  I will keep rooting for you!

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • 2 months later...

Hey Osk, how are you doing? 

Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional

Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. 

After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. 

June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells

September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. 

 

Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn

 

Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland:

https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg

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  • 3 weeks later...

Knock Knock... hope you're ok. 

Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional

Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. 

After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. 

June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells

September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. 

 

Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn

 

Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland:

https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg

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Osk, how are you? We miss you. Anything new by your healing?

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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  • 2 months later...

Hello

 

It's been a very long time since I've checked in here.  Virtually all of my time has been spent working at this supermarket for the last 8 months or so.  The good news is that I have an income again, and I've been able to secure a decent amount of money and assets over this time period - thus ensuring future survival during a protracted adverse reaction to the toxic antidepressants.  The downside is that I have not really recovered very  much, if at all in these 8 months.  In fact, in some ways I have gotten worse.  I worked a very stressful job in this supermarket for much of this time period, and I found that my eye pain and my headaches got worse. 

 

I have a lot of mixed feelings about whether or not it's really worthwhile posting here anymore, because so little progress is taking place.  I'm quickly approaching the 3 year mark since getting off ssris, the class of drug which effectively disabled me. 

 

I don't really know what else to say.  I try my best to just ignore my situation and fit into society these days, but that's pretty tough and just holding down the job that I have is a sheer miracle. 

 

Anyways, I suppose I will check back in periodically, but I feel more pessimistic than usual as of late as my symptoms just refuse to get much better. 

 

I though that working in a mentally difficult and intellectually stimulating environment with a lot of people might "force" my brain to heal itself in response to this stimuli - bu it just seems to stress it out.  I will withhold my opinions about the nature of this condition, as I have already stated them in my previous posts and more information can be found in the links in my signature.

 

I hope you folks are doing well, I miss the community a bit but I feel that this community struggles with the same problems that much of western society struggles with - just with an added element of enlightenment associated with anyone who gets screwed over by the system.

 

It's my frank opinion that the entire culture we live in is broken, and that our situation is merely a symptom of this broken, highly dysfunction, extremely unfair, unjust, and ultimately injurious culture.  I have always known that the way that we live is not right, but getting injured by fraudulent psychiatric practices - and the seemingly unending pain and suffering that continues 3 yearrs later - has forced me to become extremely aware of the litany of social, economic, political,environment, etc injustices in the world.  Perhaps the most uncomfortable reality that I have awoken to is the reality of just how selfish, self centered, and egotistic pretty much everyone - even close relatives and friends- really are.  That all the BS beffore was merely a facade, and that unless one can benefit another party in some way, theres little interest in caring about their wellbeing and future. 

 

If we can find any friends and companions during this period of pain and suffering in our lives, I firmly believe that they are TRUE friends, and TRUE allies.  It's easy to say someone has a long list of friends and family members during the good times, but when the going gets tough is when the true friends and allies are exposed.  In my case, it's appalling just how few of those I really had.  As a result, I have become much more ruthless, much more protective, and considerably more selfish - not because I wish to be this way, but because I know that I I am not, I will simply not be able to survive. 

 

I think I'll end this update by simply repeating what I have before on a number of occasions (and have found in the last 8 months to be increasingly more and more true and relevant). 

 

The #1 rule to surviving antidepressants is securing enough money and/or enough liquidatable assets to pay for basic needs (food water and shelter).\\

 

I honestly do not think that this community emphasizes openly enough the VITAL and CRUCIAL importance of having money during this process.  It feels like a sense of "good old boys" club around here where there are obviously very "comfortable" members who simply fail to neglect to mention the vital role that money plays in literally surviving this condition.  Please keep in mind that there are hundreds of thousands of  poor homeless folks on the streets who have the exact same symptoms, with 0% of the support and comfort that our more "fortunate" members enjoy.  Nexst time you are around any group of homeless individuals, be sure to identify any of the various common side effects of psycatric drug poisoning, including TD, akasthesia, tardive psycosis, etc etc etc.  It's my personal opinion that a suprisingly LARGE fraction of the homeless population in this country(and other western countries where psyciatric poisoning is common) is comprised of members of our community who simply did not have the wherewithall to afford shelter.

 

Thanks for reading.

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Hello Osk, I am happy that you wrote us, we were already wondering if you are ok. Your comments are quite missed here.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Osk and nice to hear from you with, what I consider, a very positive update.

 

I like what you wrote about the first rule of surviving antidepressants and fully agree with it. I also struggle badly to work and remain functional because I don't have any safety net to fall onto. I also think that your observations about the homeless are unfortunately very true as well as the way our culture has become selfish. But we can always be the change we want to see in the world :) So if we miss kindness and acceptance, we can be kind and accepting while remembering that charity begins at home and that we should first and foremost be kind and accepting of ourselves. This is something nobody else can do for us. So your becoming much more protective (even ruthless) about yourself is a natural and good move. It's again our faulty culture that would maybe judge it as selfish (and we have internalised it and think of ourselves as being selfish when we are just taking care of ourselves). Don't feel bad about being 'selfish'. We can't love or accept others if we don't love and accept ourselves and we can't help others until we help ourselves. That's not selfish at all.

 

  

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like you haven't done much progress. But even you admit to have done (little) progress :) To me the fact that you have been able to keep down such a demanding job for 8 months speaks volume. I would speculate that the stress you are exposed to prevents you from experiencing even more healing. In this state we have to constantly strive at finding a balance between stimulating our brain gently to encourage its repair and providing it with enough opportunity to rest. Rest is by far more crucial in the initial stages of recovery. Forcing our brain to do anything is always counterproductive. I use my analogy with a broken leg. Let's say that you are now at a stage where the cast has been removed (the worst of WD is behind you) and some movement woudl be advised for healing your leg further. But it still has to be careful and control and lots of rest and taking things slow is still advised to promote further recovery of your leg. For lack of a better analogy I approach my brain in the same way.

 

Try to see if you can reduce the stress and 'stimulation' as well as any other forms of 'forcing' your brain into better functioning. Giving it rest and time will result in more noticeable progress. Be gentle to yourself, be selfish, try to see if you can find  away of reducing your working hours and incorporating more rest in your days.

 

Whatever happens, keep us posted. We like to hear from you :)

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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I am also sending out hugs and positivity your way.

 

I really hope you heal and get your brain back.

 

I think you are doing well surviving the condition the way you have. I believe we will all be stronger and enjoy life more once our brains do heal.

 

Sincerely,

 

Yana from Vancouver...

2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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  • 1 month later...

In previous posts I mentioned that I decided to file a complaint with the state medical board against the doctor who did this to me back in 2013.  The results have recently come to my attention and is as follows:

 

And I quoth:

 

"When evaluating complaints which allege that the quality of care provided by a physician was inadequate, the Medical Board must be able to substantiate that the physicians care departed from the "standard of practice of medicine" in order to establish a violation of the Medical Practice Act.  As a licensing agency, the Board has the authority to enforce the provisions of the Medical Practice Act, however, the primary focus of our review is to determine whether sufficient cause for concern exists to warrant pursuing a formal investigation based on the circumstances presented in the complaint.  A formal investigation is undertaken when it appears that a significant departure from the standard practice of medicine may have occurred which, if proven, would indicate that the physicians license to practice medicine should be subject to discipline.  Discipline could include a letter of reprimand, suspension, or revocation.

 

We have had an opportunity to review the issues raised in your complaint to assess whether a possible violation of the Medical Practice Act has occurred.  Based on the information provided thus far, it does not appear that further investigation would likely result in a disciplinary action being taken against Dr. _________'s license.  As such, this file has been closed.  Although you may disagree with our conclusion, we hope that you recognize it is in accordance with the laws regulating the practice of medicine in ______.

 

Thank you for contacting the medical board of _______.  We regret we are unable to be of further assistance at this time."

 

 

-------

 

This post also marks the 3 year mark since stopping SSRIs and approximately the 2 year mark since getting off of stimulants.  I wish I had more positive outcomes to report, but alas, I still suffer.

 

Wish you all the best in your own recoveries, and in seeking justice against this highly corrupt and incestuous industry.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I wish I could say I'm surprised but I'm not. The system is broken.

 

Thanks for your efforts, Oak.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Par for the course, sadly.  The ignorance of the medical community concerning psychotropics is astounding.  Since my prescribing was all done by a military doc, I have zero recourse as the Feres Doctrine protects DoD docs from malpractice claims.  So instead, I wrote an open letter to congress and sent it to a bunch of news agencies.  Probably won't get any attention, but it's the least I could do. 

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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In previous posts I mentioned that I decided to file a complaint with the state medical board against the doctor who did this to me back in 2013.  The results have recently come to my attention and is as follows:

 

And I quoth:

 

"When evaluating complaints which allege that the quality of care provided by a physician was inadequate, the Medical Board must be able to substantiate that the physicians care departed from the "standard of practice of medicine" in order to establish a violation of the Medical Practice Act.  As a licensing agency, the Board has the authority to enforce the provisions of the Medical Practice Act, however, the primary focus of our review is to determine whether sufficient cause for concern exists to warrant pursuing a formal investigation based on the circumstances presented in the complaint.  A formal investigation is undertaken when it appears that a significant departure from the standard practice of medicine may have occurred which, if proven, would indicate that the physicians license to practice medicine should be subject to discipline.  Discipline could include a letter of reprimand, suspension, or revocation.

 

We have had an opportunity to review the issues raised in your complaint to assess whether a possible violation of the Medical Practice Act has occurred.  Based on the information provided thus far, it does not appear that further investigation would likely result in a disciplinary action being taken against Dr. _________'s license.  As such, this file has been closed.  Although you may disagree with our conclusion, we hope that you recognize it is in accordance with the laws regulating the practice of medicine in ______.

 

Thank you for contacting the medical board of _______.  We regret we are unable to be of further assistance at this time."

 

 

-------

 

This post also marks the 3 year mark since stopping SSRIs and approximately the 2 year mark since getting off of stimulants.  I wish I had more positive outcomes to report, but alas, I still suffer.

 

Wish you all the best in your own recoveries, and in seeking justice against this highly corrupt and incestuous industry.

I have been thinking about filing a complaint myself. May I ask you what specifically you were complaining about?

 

I would also like to comment on the importance of having money to survive Withdrawal. What I find odd is that in reality it is very difficult for those that are suffering from Withdrawal to find the money that they need and deserve.

The doctors don’t know or don’t want to believe that they and the medications are causing the harm. So, for those suffering from Withdrawal, that previously planned financially, by purchasing Short-term and Long-term Disability Insurance in reality are not truly protected financially because these same doctors need to certify this disability. How is the doctor going to certify disability if they don’t believe that they and the medications caused the harm? However, If you find a doctor that will certify disability what do they certify disability for (a physical or psychiatric disability)? Furthermore, Insurance companies will look to any loophole they can find to discredit this disability by saying that it is a nervous condition limiting the payment to two years.

It is very difficult for an individual that is suffering from Withdrawal to find a lawyer that will take on such a case to sue the pharmaceutical company or the mislead doctor. If this was an injury resulting from a disabling car accident caused by the same doctor lawyers would be flocking to your rescue with promises of this needed money for health care and long-term survival.

Financial Planners teach that we should save three to six months of living expenses for short-term needs and life’s surprises. They teach us to have Short-term and Long-term Disability Insurance to protect our income. However, with reality setting in how do those that have done the right Financial Planning (let alone the one’s that haven’t) financially survive Withdrawal that can last six months, five years or more?

I would be interested in discussing and collaborating with you and/or others on how to financially survive Withdrawal and Neurotoxicity.

Reason for SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome

From July to August 2012 I was on 50 mg of Zoloft. The GP took me off of Zoloft without tapering, He said that Zoloft was not addicting and that I would not have any side effects.

 

Withdrawal Symptoms

Anxiety/Depression like symptoms, nervous, tinnitus, headache, low energy, insomnia, electric shock like sensations in the brain/eyes/body, muscle twitches, crying spells, suicidal and homicidal thoughts.

 

History of Doctors, Tests and Diagnoses

Two Psychologists, two Neurologists, two Psychiatrists, one Otolaryngologist, two MRI’s, two EEG’s and one MRA later I have been diagnosed with withdrawal effect from Zoloft by my Neurologist and with a Neurotoxic effect of SSRI's from not tapering Zoloft (SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome) by my Psychiatrist.

 

History of Medications

10 then 20 mg of Celexa for suicidal and homicidal thoughts recommended by my first Psychologist prescribed by my GP in Sept. 2012. Then Jan. 2013 the Celexa was increased by my first Psychiatrist from 20 to 30 then 40 mg. In April 2013 my second Neurologist started to taper the Celexa by 5 mg per month. However, in June my second Psychiatrist stopped the taper of Celexa and wants to hold at 30 mg until I am stable from my withdrawal symptoms from Zoloft.

 

300 mg of Neurontin twice a day prescribed by my first Neurologist in Feb. 2013 for headaches and pain. Both my second Neurologist and Psychiatrist agree that this medication will be tapered lastly.

 

In April 2013, reinstated 50 mg of Zoloft prescribed by my second Neurologist to try and stabilize my withdrawal symptoms from Zoloft. My second Neurologist asks me to seek a new Psychiatrist since my withdrawal symptoms from Zoloft are not stable. In June 2013, the second Psychiatrist increased Zoloft to 75 then up to 100 mg to find a dose that will stabilize my withdrawal from Zoloft.

 

In August 2013, I now have a new MD who is trying to help me with the use of Supplements.

 

In September 2013, I have now completely tapered off of Neurontin and Zoloft with the help of my Psychiatrist. I have also started tapering Celexa at 2.5 mg per month. I am currently at 25 mg of Celexa.

 

All postings © copyrighted

 

 

 

 

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a.  In regards to financially planning for withdrawal, I think that people are often taken off guard by this condition.  In my own case, I really had no idea how serious this condition was at first, but I was only living paycheck to paycheck as a poor graduate student - so I couldn't really do much anyways.  Even so, I didn't take this condition 100% serious until I totally lost my ability to function around the 1 year mark when I experimented with marijuana - after that I really regarded this condition as a profound alteration in the way that my nervous system functioned, and I completely changed the way that I planned for the future.  I really now plan for a future of no job, no money, and homelessness.

 

b.  I think that this condition manifests itself in varying degrees in different people, and that it can become worse or slowly improve depending on the decisions that people make.  In my own case, my condition went from quite debilitating and disabling, to 100% disabling and debilitating when I experimented with the wrong supplements - and also after trying to reinstate.  I also got worse after working a stressful job, but that damage is on the way to being healed.

 

c.  Considering the flexibility of this condition (rather than a straight linear path to recovery) presents a unique challenge that is quite unnerving.  All it would take is exposure to the wrong anesthetic, drug, or chemical, and all of a sudden people can go from being miserable, to being quite literally in danger for their life, or worse.  I think that for this reason I can completely understand why certain people are bedridden by this condition:  because it's really one of the safest things to do, and being out in the world with this condition can lead to bad choices, and decisions that can make it even worse.  One must be quite careful, especially if they have hypersensitivity - this indicates that something is very very wrong with the central and peripheral nervous system.

 

d.  My advice to people about money mostly relates to people who HAVE money to begin with when they contract this condition.  The WRONG thing to do would be to continue to spend money and pay for things as if this condition will go away in just 6-12 months.  The truth is, this condition can last for mnay many, many years.  It might be wise to sell that sports car sitting in the garage, or sell that boat that's eating up slip fees and insurance.  It might be wise to downgrade your cable service, and to cancel that vacation you had planned.  You can save thousands of dollars by planning for this condition to last for many years by cutting expenses in the beginning.

 

e.  It would be wise to remove as many unnecessary expenses as possible, and to renegotiate any situations where you may not have full control over an asset so that you now do have control over this asset.  One thing I have noticed is that people tend to look at me like a sick person, and thus of no consequence - hence walking all over me if I let them.  Although I do not have any assets, I can imagine that if I were in a situation where I was a partner, I would be very careful to hire an attorney as to not get taken advantage of in my now enfeebled state.

 

f.  People that have jobs should carefully document all the situations with a doctor or licenses professional so as to keep a paper record of the disability, so that in the case of a lawsuit you will be able to claim lost revenue from your job.  I think that all jobs are different in how they handle someone who can no longer function in their task due to an illness, but if its an organization that does not have insurance for this sort of situation, it might be worthwhile to stay at that job as long as possible to continue collecting a paycheck.  Call in whatever favors you have with people high up in the organization to stay employed and keep that paycheck coming, - you're going to need to pull as many strings as you can to keep your income flowing, and believe me, you want that income to keep flowing.

 

g.  For people who lost their job or don't have any income to begin with when this condition strikes, it's going to be a rough ride, to say the least.  I've heard of people turning to prostitution or worse to make an income to survive during this condition - and I can't really judge them for these decisions, because things are really really brutal when there's no income.  Call in as many favors from family members as possible:  that's what I did to prevent becoming homeless and losing my credit.  I should note that after a certain amount of time, my family members did grow tired of me asking for money, and eventually cut me off - thankfully I had alraedy found a place to stay with another family member at that point and didn't need the money anymore.

 

h.  Aside from finding a job that we can handle, there aren't too many ways to make an income with this condition,  The BEST bet is for someone who has had a job for a long time, that can then go to a doctor, get a diagnosis for something, and get disability with the help of a good lawyer.  This is not an easy process, but it can be done with the correct connections and resources - and I would strongly recommend trying to do this an dnot missing out on the deadlines. 

 

Maybe other people who have more experience managing assets and vast fortunes can be of more assistance in the details of this section - I was just a poor graduate student living paycheck to paycheck when this struck, and I had no money in the bank, and basically only survived because I was extremely careful about how I spent money and also because I had family members give me a small amount of money each month so I could pay expenses.

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  • 2 months later...

Dear Survivingantidepressants Community,

 

I have been thinking about what my next post on this website is going to be for a while now that I've been living like this for 3.5+ years.  Overally, I see little point in continuing to post about a condition that doesn't really improve in any meaningful way.  I really hate to be pessimistic because part of my believes that I may potentially recover, but I honestly just don't see any real evidence for this fact in the last 3.5 years of suffering.

 

As I continue to work and earn a meagre living, I still suffer from intolerable nerve pain and central nervous system damage.  I keep debating in my head whether or not to just write off my recovery or to hang on there for hope.  However, as I see little sign of improvements, especially regarding the central nervous system issues and my eyesight, I'm beginning to reluctantly accept the fact that this condition may very well be permanent.  I Have already lost most of my young adult life to these medications, and I may never fully recover from the peripheral and central nervous system damage that these drugs have caused. 

 

It seems disingenunine to me to post unrealistic "positive" posts about "hey look, now instead of not being able to feel my limbs, I can feel my left limb - SUPER EXCITED FOR IMPROVEMENTS!!! THX FOR ALL  YOUR SUPPORT GUYS"  - no I'm sorry, that's really depressing right there - even worse than saying "well, I'm still damaged, doesn't look like I'm going to get better any time soon".  I honestly do not believe that this sort of facist "positive thinking" really benefits us - even though it may seem to at first or act as a placebo when everyone in your little "support community" is doing the same thing.  I'm a realistic person, I have been known to buy into things like that in the past, which is why I got brain damage in the first place from these drugs- and look how far that all got me.  Nowhere.

 

I was once a special person with unique abilities and the ability to truly contribute to society in a meaningful way.  Now I'm basically just a sack of flesh who functions at about 10% of his normal capacity.  I have identified the perpitrators who have done this to me, and I have distanced myself from mainstream soceity which is the major culprit for this condition in the first place.  If I was more able, I would definitely leave this country as I feel it's soceity is terminally ill and cannot be healed at this point.  There are some countries in the southern Hemisphere (and some in the north as well) that are not as mentally unwell and psychologically sick as the Western world that I feel would be much more conducive to living a heappy peaceful life the way that humans were meant to live.  Entering back into society by working the job I currently work has only confirmed my suspicion that our cutlure is completely broken.  I use the analogy that our culture is declining like someone kicking a sack of potatoes down a staircase.  Our most recent presidential election is just a symptom of our terminally ill culture and lifestyle. 

 

I have absolutely NO DOUBT what so ever that the reason we are in this situation is because of the culture we live in that has enabled non-doctors called "psyciatrists" to literally poison our children and our mothers and fathers and destroy families.  The middle and upper middle classes seem to, ironically be the most subjected to this form of modern day sterilization/ethnic cleansing so to speak.  One would think that access to top medical professoioanls and no limit of money would be much better off in society - but danger lurks around every single turn and one cannot trust ANYTHING in mainstream soceity - especially not doctors.  As these people (upper middle class/middle class) are most able to afford doctors and be seen by doctors and then because they tend to be law abiding citizens, they take their meidcations AS prescribed - which is exaclty what causes the damage that I am describing above.  The lower class tends to be MUCH MUCH more skeptical of doctors and mainstream society, and for this reason they tend to be more safe from the dangers of psychiatry than the upper and middle classes. 

 

My cautionary sentiment from this message is hopefully "do not trust the society that has done this to you in the first place".  I have talked to countless individuals in this community who still hold some sort of love for "big brother", they trust doctors, go to doctors, ask doctors for their help - they listen to mainstream media, they go on social media, etc = partly because they know nothing else, but also partly because they still trust the system (and the people in it).  All the false hope and friends and emotional support in the world is not going to put food on your plate, pay your rent, keep your kids in school, etc.  Few if anyone out there in the world cares enough about us individually to provide us with money - those that do need to be specially thanked and remembered.  Those who do not provide financial support to us in times of great need may not be your friends in the end, in all honestly.  We live in a soceity that worships the dollar - and those who are too ingenuine to provide us with financial support or even take money from us, are threats to our survival, or at best, just not a TRUE and genuine ally.

 

I cannot tell people what to do with their lives and who to listen to and what to follow and how to behave and who to believe in our terminally ill and sick culture - but I can say that we must MUST distance ourselves from toxic people and toxic sources of information.  Trust your instincts about this condition, your instincts are probably right, however grim they may seem.

 

I believe this will probably be one of my last transmissions on this website for some time.  I think I have established that I believe that SSRI withdrawal is actually a form of nerve damage to both the central and peripheral nervous systems.  This idea came from Dr. David Healy - this man is correct about this condition.  I would encourage people to read more into Dr. Healy's understanding of SSRI withdrawal and akasthesia - I do not believe that I have read such information from other "experts" or at least they are not as straightforward about describing the underlying situation.  I used to believe that perhaps my condition was NOT nerve damage, and just something like benzo withdrawal or opiate withdrawal, where I just need to wait for my receptors to be re synthesized by my neurons - I do not believe that this is the case with SSRI "withdrawal". 

 

It seems that these drugs just literally damage the nerves, and a too-rapid withdrawal seems to exacerbate this damage.  Once the damage takes place, it seems that further exposure to toxins like SSRIS or other anesthetics and central nervous system drugs just further exacerbates the original nerve damage - making recovery more and more distant  and realistic.

 

I have no idea how this works, and people can spend years trying to read through academic journals trying to parse apart the exact cause.  But I caution you about trusting these medical academic journals - after all, they are the same journals that told us these drugs are not dangerous and perfectly safe.  Academia is highly corrupt, especially the medical field. 

 

Anyways, good luck with your recovery everyone.  I do not intend to scare anyone by posting things like this, but I am not going to hold back on my beliefs.  This may not be true for everyone, but I firmly believe these drugs do cause lasting damage in many people that take them.  At some point if my eyes heal, I'm going to start my own website and blog documenting this condition in more detail - but right now I can barely read the post that I'm typing because my optic nerves are so thoroughly damaged - so this is going to have to wait.

 

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my thoughts over the last year or so.  I would also like to thank this community for offering me their genuine support, encouragement, advice, expertise, encouragement, and support.  The world is a very lonely, brutal, and inhospitable place, and this community went out of their way to offer me warmness, kindness, positive and support when things were very grim indeed.

 

Sincerely Yours,

Osk

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Can't help but think you are closer than you think. Maybe a few more years but you will get there! Giak took way more drugs and she now says is the first time she's happy to live again 6 yrs after , alto has recovered slowly but is getting closer. You are young and gonna heal! Hang tight you will be surprised what's gonna happen. Dont Beleive your permanently done, people recover from horrific accidents! BE well mate.

Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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  • Administrator
It seems disingenunine to me to post unrealistic "positive" posts about "hey look, now instead of not being able to feel my limbs, I can feel my left limb

 

 

Osk, that is, in fact, gradual improvement. As ever, you need to consider whether your "glass half-empty" existential position is helping or hurting.

 

Please check in from time to time and tell us how you're doing.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Osk, there is so much I can relate to in your latest update. I'm glad you let us know what's going on, and I'm hoping the forum can help you deal with both these long lasting symptoms, as well as handling what I call the "collateral damage" of withdrawal.

 

Please don't stay in the mindset that you are permanently damaged. Here are four things to keep in mind:

 

1. You came off your last drug in September 2014, which is 2 years and 2 months. Yes, that's a really long time and it's no wonder you're suffering from battle fatigue along with your withdrawal symptoms, but it's not uncommon for this to go on for several years. As you wrote in your signature, it's time to check out the Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal.

 

2. You've got a great education and you did it while severely ill. Once you've shed a few more symptoms and / or the intensity goes down, there's no doubt you'll be able to get a job in your field. When your thoughts go catastrophic, reign them in. Remind yourself of your accomplishments, which by the way, many of us could never accomplish even without withdrawal. A PhD is amazing and being reduced to working in a grocery store after putting in all of that work would take it's toll on anyone's self esteem. But this is just temporary. You've more than proven you're a fighter. 

 

3. There's evidence of the neuroplasticity of the brain. You may already be familiar with Dr. Doidge's work on brain neuroplasticity, but if not, this is great information and reason for hope:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8471-neuroplasticity-norman-doidge-md-interview/ and The Brain That Changes Itself.  

 

4.  There's evidence that doing activities such as mindfulness and yoga actually change the way the brain works. If you aren't already doing these kinds of activities, please add them to your toolbox of non-drug coping skills:  Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Sending healing vibes your way, Osk. You're still young and have plenty of time to heal and get on with life. Don't spend too much time in that dark mindset. 

 

Please check in again and let us know how you're doing. 

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Osk, I was so much laughing about your example of feeling of left limb to previous no limb.

 

I have also such improvements (I am 17 months off).

 

I have also in the last time such repulsion to western society. I would also like to move. It is only so tough with two little children. But I thought in US it still must be better, at least you still can sue and win the case, in Europe the trials also dont function, this is for me the most frustrating, not the harm but the thing that you dont get justice, this brings me to think that I might be happier to move somewhere. I would the most like either to move to US or to arabic countries, but at the moment it is not realistic.

 

By the way, I must admit I was also for Donald Trump in the end, he is not very wise but after these Hillarys emails on Wikileaks I actually was not so much for her anymore. So it is not that only the lowest class was for Trump, me too. But sure, everybody has other opinion.

 

But it would be nice if you stayed by SA and sometimes contribute how you are. I like your comments.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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  • 2 months later...

I wrote some other stuff but I'm editing it out because it's too depressing, and I know I'd get some PMs.

 

Here's what I kept:

 

The only thing that's managed to distract me over the last year is this job that I got - but once I was able to satisfy my financial needs, my life still has no meaning - I cannot have relationships, I cannot express my creativity.

 

I guess my purpose right now is to make money and function at my job. 

 

I still can't do any of the things I used to do that gave me satisfaction or pleasure. 

 

I really thought I'd be better off by now, I really did. 

 

If I had known it would take this long I would have made different decisions earlier on in this process.

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