☼ manymoretodays: off many years of many medications

[Frogie]

On 3/1/2018 at 7:42 AM, manymoretodays said:

Hi Frogie,

On the car.......pfffft, it's just a thing.  Perhaps I'll delve into public transit.  Everything happens for a reason.  I may need just enough car to get to the bus area and then make connections.  

 

And yes, the snow is grrrreat for my brother who is off for a more intense ski ing adventure soon.

 

 

Wishing you the best.  I would go for less of a decrease if I were you.  However, I am not you.  I take it that you have already made the change, or did you mean at the end of March?  Do track symptoms the best you can........over on your introduction/journal.  Hoping for the best with your vision, headaches, and any thyroid symptoms.

 

Happy ides of March.......good ides.........great ides..........  Looks like the ides wasn't necessarily on the first of March.  Shakespeare.   The saying goes......beware of the ides of March.........  I'll go with the February 15th date for myself as it's past.  Looking forward to the healing tides of March.  

 

Houseguests up soon and a busy day to come.   I've got to get to the bills before breakfast.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

Thanks! Already did my taper but I'll be fine, always am. The nausea is always a side effect for me. But it goes away.

 

Now I need snow! And I would be happy. 

 

You can pay my bills lol... Have fun with your house guests .

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Edited April 19, 2018 by manymoretodays

[manymoretodays]

......did a bit more editing that you may have missed.  Signature.  Track symptoms.  See if you get the same ones....... this time........ at the same time out from your taper.

[Frogie]

11 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

......did a bit more editing that you may have missed.  Signature.  Track symptoms.  See if you get the same ones....... this time........ at the same time out from your taper.

I will update my signature, missed that. I'll track my symptoms, always do.

 

Thanks for the reminders.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Gridley]

MMT, thanks for dropping by and for your well wishes. 

[AliG]

MMT ~ dropping by like I used to ~ to talk about stuff ~ sons/ suns etc. and say Hi . We both have that in common ~ Snow ... in your world and Sun and heat ... over here in Oz Sending Love ... ~

Ali

[manymoretodays]

(((((())))))  I'm a butterfly today. (((((AliG))))) too!  I love that you stopped by.  Let's talk Aussie or something.  Aussie W/D symptom list for today.......I'll work on mine.    Thank you.  And Gridley.  And Frogie.  And Kristine.

 

It's going good with the house/home guests........after working out a few things.  Geeze, people can be really particular sometimes, including me....... but so nice to be doing meals together and some help with chores.  And the snow keeps on coming so mmt will be a low grade ski bum for a couple of days.  Much needed.

 

Son/Sun's new place is kind of better than the old and he IS working........so, good good enough, this Mom is proud.  He likes my family members a lot so just the diversion may help him.  Hope, hope, hope.  (((((son, son, son)))))))

 

On 3/1/2018 at 7:47 AM, Frogie said:

Now I need snow! And I would be happy.

Here is some snow Frogie.......if it did not come through the internet.........well then.......be happy in spite of it all.  Or not.  Even happy all the time is over rated.  Truly............ but let us know what does make you happiest or happier.  I know Brownie does.  And moving back home does......or the thoughts around that.  What else?  Write me a poem if you want.  Better yet......do a poem or just some prose of how you feel.  It helps me......to do so.........it turns the negative, scary stuff, into manageable, and  even ironically laughable sometimes.

 

Hovering bodies around my work/relax station here so..........maybe out for a walk before the weather really changes.  The birds are still.  The cat is a bit off put by a change in her routine.  And all is very well.  For which I am very thankful.  Chhhh.......chhhh........chhhanges, internal and external can be managed.  I am really proud of myself........not to sound conceited........just because I am........good enough, strong enough.........I feel a song and strum(guitar) coming on.

 

Okie dokie, I'm off to.......oh darn........probably have a smokie(tobacco).  Still tapering.......down to 12 some days.  Starting to forget I want one sometimes.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and grrrrrowth,

mmt

Edited March 2, 2018 by manymoretodays

[manymoretodays]

Well.  All is well.  And I certainly cannot complain as far as the abundance in my life right now.

 

The good news is.......my usual GP is still on my insurance plan, so is quite affordable and will see him in a couple of weeks.  The not so good news is........my erythema multiforme(EM), somewhat minor.......yet, just the same, is back!  And I'm on it.......as far as the required self care and extra rest required, as it does come with a fair amount of fatigue.  So I get to take some time this week to take care of some domestic affairs.  Housekeeping really......and get the good old paper mache' type bunny out on the front porch to welcome Spring and Easter as well.  The kids love him and so do I.  He stands out there ready to greet and welcome.

 

The other good news is that my dental appointment.......just a cleaning, mind you.........that was last week went very well.  Pleased to report no cavities.  I've got to wonder if somehow the cleaning precipitated a bit of the oral involvement with the EM.  Just some swollen tissues in the mouth at present.  I can eat well still.  Not a ton of the skin involvement.  Very thankful for that.  Darn hypersensitivity!!!  And immune system.......it just falters from time to time.  Staying balanced.  And thankful for the shape I am in.  Boy howdy........it could be worse, eh?

 

A little bit of grief processing around a changed relationship.  It was very good.....all in all.  Just not a keeper.  A dear one.  Friendship remains.  Love.  Care.  And just a bit of sadness around lost hopes is left.

 

So.......obviously, a little less on the motion therapy or exercise/meditative movement.  Just a bit more gentle with myself right now.  A slower dance/yoga routine of sorts.  Nothing lost.  So very much gained.

 

Going to extend my "goal setting".  Possibly.  As far as the "getting back to work" goes.  I have an appointment later today in this regard.   I may get some goals set on the.......what feels like "the fly".  I had to cancel my last appointment due to auto difficulties.  And it is really a slow go with my counselor and the "signers"(she is deaf).  And we are nearing the deadline for goal setting.  I feel that if we/she and I can take equal responsibility for delays.........then I will possibly stay with her, versus switching to another counselor.  I continue to learn more, and stay open to working within the "system".  Figuring out how I, for one, may be able to start to change the paradigm........if even by doing it one person at a time.  And within the boundaries of this complicated complex political system that I am only........oh so much more aware of.  Working on my voice.......I mean.......MY.......VOICE........making it count somewhere........ 

 

All that being said.......I may take care of today as best as possible and then just color or redecorate my mirror or something.  I'm challenged.......not limited, not disabled........just challenged.

 

Presently, the automotive vehicles are passable, as far as functioning now.  I should pick one to sell, although the resale value at this point is not going to be all that profitable.  So may make an adventure out of figuring out all the public transit around here.  Use the extra travel time to read some of my many books or listen to music. 

 

The weather is great.   Although, I am seriously, privately hoping for one last winter storm.  Let March go on out like a Lion.  Not likely.......but one never knows.  And then again it is fun to put on an Easter Frock that is springy.  Heck, maybe a hat this year as I have not, to date, adjusted to my hair completely and lovingly yet.

 

Oh, will listen to Norman Doidge, M.D. next week, as well as others, at a conference in the bigger city.  He writes about neuroplasticity.  I got a paperback copy of his, The Brain's Way of Healing,  book to study before then.  I hope I can snag a minute or two with him.  However, it's a big conference........so maybe just an autograph for my book, with some healing thought.

 

Okie dokie.  Doing well.......and I mean........ I.......am.........doing.........well.  It's not that difficult anymore.  Well.  HAOLA!  Just a little slow at present........yet plugging along like any fine warrior would do.......one foot in front of the other..........counting my blessings.  I can go barefoot from time to time as it is warm enough.  And I remain........strong enough.  With a little help from my friends........all my relations.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery now baby, and growing,

manymoretodays

 

 

Edited March 13, 2018 by manymoretodays
some grammar, punctuation

[Frogie]

I'm still writing in black, but not bold.

 

I want to apologize to you for talking about my problem. I failed on even trying to cut back on my Xanax.

 

I'm angry with myself for not standing up to the dr and I'm angry with myself for being a failure. I couldn't even last 3 days.

 

Xanax is mean. I took 1 step forward and 20 steps back.

 

But please accept my apology. 

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Marmot]

On 3/13/2018 at 1:05 PM, manymoretodays said:

A little bit of grief processing around a changed relationship.  It was very good.....all in all.  Just not a keeper.  A dear one.  Friendship remains.  Love.  Care.  And just a bit of sadness around lost hopes is left.

 

So.......obviously, a little less on the motion therapy or exercise/meditative movement.  Just a bit more gentle with myself right now.  A slower dance/yoga routine of sorts.  Nothing lost.  So very much gained.

 

Going to extend my "goal setting".  Possibly.  As far as the "getting back to work" goes.  I have an appointment later today in this regard.   I may get some goals set on the.......what feels like "the fly".  I had to cancel my last appointment due to auto difficulties.  And it is really a slow go with my counselor and the "signers"(she is deaf).  And we are nearing the deadline for goal setting.  I feel that if we/she and I can take equal responsibility for delays.........then I will possibly stay with her, versus switching to another counselor.  I continue to learn more, and stay open to working within the "system".  Figuring out how I, for one, may be able to start to change the paradigm........if even by doing it one person at a time.  And within the boundaries of this complicated complex political system that I am only........oh so much more aware of.  Working on my voice.......I mean.......MY.......VOICE........making it count somewhere........ 

 

Sorry to hear about your upsetting relationship change. That feeling of loss can be intense. 

 

Are you done with cars, or just doing a switch up with your vehicles? I've moved myself around with bus passes and bikes for years, and just got my first car last week. A really old one given to me by my cousin. I'm grateful for it because it saves me a ton of time and I'm trying to get things ready for work, so I need to be more efficient. However, today I was actually thinking about how I miss sitting on the bus with all of the bus people and listening to my favourite music on headphones.

 

Enjoy your conference!

[manymoretodays]

Hi Marmot!

Per usual.......I'll give it some time........probably more time than the average Joe/Jane.........as far as the car business goes.

The conference WAS.  Over now and it had it's pluses and minuses.  And I continue on........ living in a fair amount of anonymity........as far as my experiences go.  It feels like fakery a lot, and is tough on the spirit.

Just nuturing myself now...... and for some time to come I expect.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.  Going to just hold on further venturing for a bit.  Plenty to keep me occupied and lot's of catch up to do.

Thanks for the note.

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays 

 

and a p.s.  Oh yah.......the work.  Will hopefully snag something PT on my own here.  Soon enough or not.  For me, it's not essential, as I've already pretty much failed as far as societal expectations go(as far as perhaps "Trump's America"  vision.....as well as the "system", as is).   Looking forward to my continued adventures in being human.

Edited March 25, 2018 by manymoretodays
added a p.s.

[manymoretodays]

Mid morning and I am happy to report a nice middle path for today.  It's almost a Holiday Weekend for me.  Easter!  Why not?

I just thought I would stop in and share what is helping keep me calm and present.

Some of you won't be surprised.  Here are couple of links:

https://beyondmeds.com/2015/07/26/stimulate-vagus-nerve/

That one came from the list from this one:

https://beyondmeds.com/2014/04/20/limbic-kindling/

 

I get it......I mean I understand in a rational/logical way what happens with me........even now.........off medications completely.........  Yet to get back to middle ground, the good red road........I too........have to practice the more simple exercises.  And some good ones are there in the first link.  It's my way of self nuturing until I get some further wisdom from within.  And it will come......it does......always.  Meantime a good imagination helps a ton.  And getting prepared.........for some most awesome further changes in my life, as is, as was........whatever......

 

Brief GP appointment, sick visit type of thing, went well this week.  Will get some lab work checked around May or so.

 

I won't forget to smile and give a hug somewhere today.......get my eyes up to the sky.......... make somebody laugh I hope as well.

 

And Ooooommmmmmmm.......in that deep gutteral way(Tarzan yell?)

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

[Kostas]

5 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Mid morning and I am happy to report a nice middle path for today.  It's almost a Holiday Weekend for me.  Easter!  Why not?

I just thought I would stop in and share what is helping keep me calm and present.

Some of you won't be surprised.  Here are couple of links:

https://beyondmeds.com/2015/07/26/stimulate-vagus-nerve/

That one came from the list from this one:

https://beyondmeds.com/2014/04/20/limbic-kindling/

 

I get it......I mean I understand in a rational/logical way what happens with me........even now.........off medications completely.........  Yet to get back to middle ground, the good red road........I too........have to practice the more simple exercises.  And some good ones are there in the first link.  It's my way of self nuturing until I get some further wisdom from within.  And it will come......it does......always.  Meantime a good imagination helps a ton.  And getting prepared.........for some most awesome further changes in my life, as is, as was........whatever......

 

Brief GP appointment, sick visit type of thing, went well this week.  Will get some lab work checked around May or so.

 

I won't forget to smile and give a hug somewhere today.......get my eyes up to the sky.......... make somebody laugh I hope as well.

 

And Ooooommmmmmmm.......in that deep gutteral way(Tarzan yell?)

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

Very nice, thank you,! 

[Frogie]

Just wanted to say hi.

 

Wondered how you were?

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Frogie]

I posted to you a while back.

 

I just wanted to say hi and see how you were?

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[manymoretodays]

Hi Frogie.  Thank you Kostas.

I'll try and properly update soon.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

I am following along as much as I can and of course keeping you all in my meditations/prayers

Edited April 18, 2018 by manymoretodays
p.s. and elaboration

[Frogie]

43 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Frogie.  Thank you Kostas.

I'll try and properly update soon.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

I am following along as much as I can and of course keeping you all in my meditations/prayers

😊

[direstraits]

Hi mmt,

hope you're OK. thinking of you.

hugs,ds

xx

[manymoretodays]

Doing okay.  Thanks.  Not the first difficult thing to deal with since medication free.........yet a hard one............and I've got to admit I really held up well until this last week or two.   And I......am.......okay.  Easter was nice enough.  Snow......sunshine.......rain.........love the ever changing weather.  So many many chores and responsibilities to catch up on.  

The biggie though......

 

The ending of relationship

Breakup

And not a month later

he gets a pretty tough big C diagnosis

 

......and so.......life is fair about 2 weeks out of the year

for me, you, or even the other guy

just accept that mmt I say and go on and shine, shine, shine

choose happy and peace inside

it's made it hard to "let go" as they say

 

and so a few more cigarettes

darn......and coffee

and obsessive worry

and rumination

and all that

 

Time for this one(me) to get more active again

yes......I have isolated

in my own defense........AFTER decent solitude

there's a difference

 

S'okay.........and found this nugget of writing that I want to share because I like this guy and his perspective on therapy and diagnosing, etc.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/matter-personality/201209/disease-mongering-in-top-psychiatry-journal

........ it came from here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/2746-what-should-i-expect-from-my-doctor-about-withdrawal-symptoms/?tab=comments#comment-106638

 

One of Altos posts.  Thank you Alto ........there are some very interesting topics there as well...... if any of you have some interweb time.  Different paradigms around mental health.  Yay and hallelujah!!!

 

Love, peace, healing/and oh yah in recovery, and growing up(I think......hmmmm)

manymoretodays and hugs and smiles and joy and happiness.......just a few jags of tears now and then

Edited May 1, 2018 by manymoretodays
emoticon insert was in wrong place!!!! :-(

[FarmGirlWorks]

Big stuff, MMT... thinking of you.

[Kristine]

Thinking of you MMT, sending you (((hugs))) K xo

[manymoretodays]

And awww  ❤️ .........you guys.  Thank you. 

 

It has been huge, as you said FGW.  However.........I am responsible for making it and keeping it HUGE for what seems like awhile........too long.........as I went on back to previous patterns of neuro memory...........even though I HAVE the knowledge and tools.........to do better, be better with the emotional/rational balance. 

 

Somehow.......I hope it helped.........the grief........the grieving period.  In my newfound spiritual sense of things.   Giving that something/someone who passes through/joins me on MY journey for awhile due respect and honor........ and then is no longer so present in the here and now.  Oh.......what is that saying.........goes something like....."People come into our lives for awhile........." 

 

So next up.......maybe or maybe not I can be part of the larger group through some of this Big C stuff.  A lot of people who care for this dear one and I am just not in charge.

 

Breathe out.  Better today.  Out and about a couple times this week and shifting..........perceptions.........back on to what I have come to know now as myself.  Spent awhile with my sponsor yesterday and she wasn't pushy at all..........pretty humorous really..........as it was mostly listening to "her stuff" and just connecting.  It related to my stuff though too.   A little sex talk even, if that's the right way to put that......   I mean I haven't really ever bonded that well with woman friends and so this is all great.  Just general stuff that usually I've never talked out loud to anyone about.........or listened to.........someone else disclose.  Then the Woman's meeting, which really, totally took me forever to feel comfortable at.  It's just sometimes the SPIRIT that is so present among us all there.  Sure beats therapy for me anyway, some of the AA stuff........not that sometimes therapy does work well for others and did help me a little in the past.........that feeling of being under the microscope though.........ugh.  I still keep my final therapist.........and will stop on in again there soon.........just because.  After all those years I finally found one that I liked and felt we had mutual respect and standing in each others eyes.

 

I sure wish I could find an Inipi(sweat lodge) or something.........and maybe soon. 

 

Friday, friday, friday............beautiful day..........and I have to, got to, am going to get out into the now wild lands of my yard..........with hopes of some planting by the end of the month.   Oh, a couple of my deer friends were here yesterday.  The town/city is doing a relocation or trying to do a relo with them, the deer.  So I was glad they stopped by.  I will miss them if they are completely gone.  We commune.    Well I commune and they keep on doing artistic work to my yews(bushes).  I saw some new birds too.......colorful.  And the scent of lilacs and something else is in the air now.

 

I must work out some further financing from my IRA.  I mean how lucky am I to have an IRA even........after all these non paid work years.  Figure out something with the cars........Seymour Subaru and Consuelo bug.  Consuelo truly.........may.......be........a.........goner.  I need to go do a belated birthday celebration with my SUN(son) as well.  I held off on going to this wedding in the wild(more or less) that coincided with my Sun's bday...........but he went.  Sheesh, I hate to miss a Love celebration.  Had to.  There will be others.  I had to do the time.  I did.

 

Not all that today of course.  Over and out for a bit.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and grrrrr.........I'm doing it..........growth,

many many  many more todays ahead,  mmt

Edited May 4, 2018 by manymoretodays

[Frogie]

7 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

And awww  ❤️ .........you guys.  Thank you. 

 

It has been huge, as you said FGW.  However.........I am responsible for making it and keeping it HUGE for what seems like awhile........too long.........as I went on back to previous patterns of neuro memory...........even though I HAVE the knowledge and tools.........to do better, be better with the emotional/rational balance. 

 

Somehow.......I hope it helped.........the grief........the grieving period.  In my newfound spiritual sense of things.   Giving that something/someone who passes through/joins me on MY journey for awhile due respect and honor........ and then is no longer so present in the here and now.  Oh.......what is that saying.........goes something like....."People come into our lives for awhile........."  So next up.......maybe or maybe not I can be part of the larger group through some of this Big C stuff.  A lot of people who care for this dear one and I am just not in charge.

 

Breathe out.  Better today.  Out and about a couple times this week and shifting..........perceptions.........back on to what I have come to know now as myself.  Spent awhile with my sponsor yesterday and she wasn't pushy at all..........pretty humorous really..........as it was mostly listening to "her stuff" and just connecting.  Then the Woman's meeting, which really, totally took me forever to feel comfortable at.  It's just sometimes the SPIRIT that is so present among us all there.  I sure wish I could find an Inipi(sweat lodge) or something.........and maybe soon.

 

Friday, friday, friday............beautiful day..........and I have to, got to, am going to get out into the now wildlands of my yard..........with hopes of some planting by the end of the month.  Work out some further financing from my IRA.  I mean how lucky am I to have an IRA even........after all these non paid work years.  Figure out something with the cars........Seymour Subaru and Consuelo bug.  Consuelo truly.........may.......be........a.........goner.  I need to go do a belated birthday celebration with my SUN(son) as well.  I held off on going to this wedding in the wild(more or less) that coincided with my Sun's bday...........but he went.  Sheesh, I hate to miss a Love celebration.  Had to.  There will be others.  I had to do the time.  I did.

 

Not all that today of course.  Over and out for a bit.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and grrrrr.........I'm doing it..........growth,

many many  many more todays ahead,  mmt

I'm glad that you are always upbeat. It's nice to read about you.

 

I hope better days are waiting for you.  

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[manymoretodays]

I was still editing.......  So have a re-read later if you want Frogie.

Today is good enough.  A lot to be grateful for........always........

[Frogie]

Just now, manymoretodays said:

I was still editing.......  So have a re-read later if you want Frogie.

Today is good enough.  A lot to be grateful for........always........

I will read it later. I just posted on my thread if you have time... 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Well.......I found this so will share here.  As applies to :

2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Oh.......what is that saying.........goes something like....."People come into our lives for awhile........." 

 

Maybe it will help someone else who might be struggling with the people in their life or those who may have come and gone.  It seemed a little corny.........yet, the new me is open to it.  So here is the link:

 

http://www.finerminds.com/love-relationships/people-come-into-your-life-for-a-reason-a-season-or-a-lifetime/

 

Thank you Universe.

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

[FarmGirlWorks]

Thanks for this, @manymoretodays. I’ve been struggling in my mind about two people that have dropped off the map, haven’t supported me. The one, a nurse practitioner for “mentally ill” is essentially a prescriber/pusher of these drugs. I can’t think we have anything in common anymore. The other, a former surgeon and physician, told me I was “squirelly” for going off meds and would “fail” and there was merely “discontinuation syndrome.” The fantasy interactions in my head with the latter — who I thought was there for the long haul— just points to how hurt I am. It comes down to that. Anyways, thanks as I found this a step toward reconciling these uncomfortable feelings.

[manymoretodays]

Oh FGW,

 

I know.  I am hurt too.  By so much sometimes.  Hugs for both of us.

 

Support........putting it out there for both of us........on the ground level.........it'll come.  It always does.  Keep an eye out for human angels I say! 

 

On a lighter note "the fantasy interactions in my head" that you mention.........well, that's pretty much my social life now.   Me and my "fantasy interactions in my head". 

S'okay.   

 

.......and you know.......I am right back there now..........almost..........it's better in some/many ways.  Withdrawal 202 versus withdrawal 100.  I'll call it health related issues again with the general population.

 

Mostly slow......demotivated........slow........crying more often.........slow.........laughing once in awhile too..........worries and ruminations come and go...........slow........cognitively..........well yes, slow.............

 

I may be hanging out less here for a bit too.  Wish me well with that.   Just a couple of weeks I hope.  Because I am ...........slow.   And it's hard to witness the struggling right now.   It's usually just a passing state though, fortunately.  And I am fortunate.

Love you guys.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

[Junglechicken]

5 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Oh FGW,

 

I know.  I am hurt too.  By so much sometimes.  Hugs for both of us.

 

Support........putting it out there for both of us........on the ground level.........it'll come.  It always does.  Keep an eye out for human angels I say! 

 

On a lighter note "the fantasy interactions in my head" that you mention.........well, that's pretty much my social life now.   Me and my "fantasy interactions in my head". 

S'okay.   

 

.......and you know.......I am right back there now..........almost..........it's better in some/many ways.  Withdrawal 202 versus withdrawal 100.  I'll call it health related issues again with the general population.

 

Mostly slow......demotivated........slow........crying more often.........slow.........laughing once in awhile too..........worries and ruminations come and go...........slow........cognitively..........well yes, slow.............

 

I may be hanging out less here for a bit too.  Wish me well with that.   Just a couple of weeks I hope.  Because I am ...........slow.   And it's hard to witness the struggling right now.   It's usually just a passing state though, fortunately.  And I am fortunate.

Love you guys.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

 

Hi MMT,

 

So sorry you're "going through it", I really hope lots of "human Angels" shield you from the pain.

 

Im thinking of you; we all are.

 

Love and hugs,

JC xx

[manymoretodays]

On 5/1/2018 at 12:18 PM, manymoretodays said:

The ending of relationship

Breakup

And not a month later

he gets a pretty tough big C diagnosis

 

I just thought I'd update.  He died last Monday night, May 7th.  So......it's/I am a bit up and down.  It's like waves and windows of grief now. 

I'm tough.  "This isn't my first rodeo" as he would say.

In any case........I'll be in and out here for a bit longer.

I had a nice, most excellent motherhood/mothers-day.

And now I have another angel from beyond.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

p.s.  no need to comment or anything right now......I know you are all "rooting" for me and keeping me in your prayers.  Just a quiet time. 

 

[FarmGirlWorks]

Oh @manymoretodays, my heart goes out to you. Another angel from beyond is so beautiful...

[brassmonkey]

((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

[Rabe]

There are no words to express...but I am so so sad to hear....  

[manymoretodays]

Yah, waves and windows of another type.   It gets just a bit extreme......the tears, the temporary stall, the how can everyone just keep on going on all normal right now............

 

If I just go to gratitude or community as often as possible........and I really do have support.  Or can glean it when needed.  New woman friend has been great.  I'm reduced to texting with a few......oh well.......so what?  People don't have time for phone calls often in this day and age. 

 

Oh......and writing.......on paper........it's like a praying for me.

 

Anyhoo.......I've come to the "lighten up" part of this Monday, monday........soooo.......thought I might share.

I was doing some grief meditations with Louise Haye and another Dude guy and just generally interweb surfing re:grief..........and I got to something where it was meditations about ending relationships, or if it was death grief,  and then even one more.......can't recall.  And I just had to talk back to the meditative voice and say....."are you kidding, most people get just ONE of these at a time?"............Idk, that did it for me........I'm talking to a MEDITATION.  Then everything lightened up.  And I got hungry and ate a lot(fairly healthy foodstuff).

 

And I know it might seem crass if you are down, or all overly serious right now....... it started me chuckling inside and giving gratitude that I CAN laugh.  So the thing to do, I found or learned is to start to go forward.......to stay open to the next thing........and it WAS one of my better relationships overall since my divorce.

 

Somehow too.......I managed to snag not one but 2 appointments with my therapist(the only one I have ever really liked in my 30 years of psychiatric mumbo gumbo) later this week.  Both appointments this week.  I get to go to the bigger City.  She won't suggest any medication.  She'll just give sage advice.

Maybe can get my Son/Sun to go to the movies or out to eat too!  Or some free music somewhere. 

 

Called the first guy to possibly help with some outside stuff.  He'll be by next week.  Got paid.  From my IRA, retirement account. (I hate to use it and still not really be earning but.........grateful for it!)

 

Missed an Inipi because it was too early in the morning last Saturday.  And I hear you FGW, about Claire Weekes voice(I read that in your introduction)........I can't do her voice either.....she does have books, sometimes I do better with reading therapy.  And she's old timey.  So I don't write her off.  Her stuff needs a definite voice over though(she's passed on and no offense, I'm guessing she'd be pumped that we all like her so much still).

 

((((brass))))

Thank you Rabe.

FGW!  Love you.

This being upside down right now is not so bad sometimes.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

I can't quite stay away completely.  I just don't sign in as much though or get too wrapped up in it right now......my brain won't cooperate for long anyway....  🤞🦁

Edited May 15, 2018 by manymoretodays

[Rosetta]

I'm so very sorry, MMT.  -Rosetta

[Rabe]

 

Oh so grateful to hear all of that!  Your name is an apt title for what you wrote MMT...for in it you are grieving the past, living 

the present and the moments that touch you in so many ways, and planning/looking ahead to tomorrow and the future.  You are

such an inspiration!!!  Bless you!!  

And I have to say off course you deserve your retirement, especially going through what we all are here which seems FAR from retirement 

to me!!!  

[FarmGirlWorks]

Big love and hugs to you, @manymoretodays. Hope you can make inipi soon.