Vonnegutjunky: Paxil 10 mg for 8 years - partial wean with reinstatement

[Vonnegutjunky]

Hello - I want to make this as short and sweet as possible -

After I had my 8year old DD I was put on 20 mg of Paxil- it was great - worked wonders- after about 2 years I went down to 10 mg- I had some anxiety but nothing I couldn't handle - in May 2014 I had a great job and finished grad school and was super excited to come off the meds with the help of my PCP - it took me from May - October to get down to 5mg 1 day and 2.5 mg alternating days - I was so happy - then I got a uti and ended up on a sulfa based antibiotics which I am apparently allergic to- long story short Christmas Eve 2014 I flipped out - anxiety- panic - derealization- and suicidal thoughts ( never had suicdial thoughts before btw) so I went to my PCP and told her I want to go back on my 10 mg - so January 1st of this year I reinstated to 10 mg- but I keep having what others reference as the waves or windows of feeling horrific - like I'm not myself! Just feeling sad and doom/ dread and then I get feeling ok for a few weeks and just when I think the worst has passed but it comes back-however I no longer feel suicidal- i have a therapist - he doesn't understand all of the med complications but is encouraging with my desire to come off- and my doc is not sure what is going on- discussed it with her and here are my choices - mind you I really really want off this medication - I can either try a new med that is easier to get off- but no guarantee it will make me feel better or I can up my Paxil and stabilize and try to come off again- I don't want to up it as I worry it will only make things worse- I just want to know that I am normal and I will feel better eventually - is it normal to feel crazy?! 2 weeks of DP/DR and anxiety and then a few weeks of feeling ok? Never feel manic and I'm not bipolar - I'm 42a I just have horrible anxiety - just want to know I will be ok

 

Thank you

[DLB]

Yep, sounds classic. Same as me when I did fast taper. Now I did a 15 month taper off 10 mg. paxil and took my last dose 10 days ago. I held and tapered below 1 mg. for 4 months and I seem to be doing fine except for terrible sleep and anhedonia getting better. I had a few real rough spots coming down at 2.35 mg and .85 and .25. The anxiety, blood on fire in my veins feeling happened all three times and lasted days , more days the higher doses. As of right now I don't even know how anxiety feels! But things can change fast with this crap. Are you still on. The 10 mg.? Also go to your profile and make a signature so we can see your history more accurately and help you a little more.

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you for your reply- I am still on 10 mg- I don't feel like things are getting any better - I am still having horrible panic and feelings of desperation and loneliness and depersonalization/derealization-

I am considering going back up to 20 because 10 is no longer working for me - i know it hasn't been working to the fullest the last 3 years or so- but I was able to work through it - now I just feel more horrible knowing it's the medication- I'm worried I won't feel better unless I increase or completely go off it- I wish I knew if it possible to heal my brain while on these 10 mg or do I have to go completely off before I can start it heal?!

[Vonnegutjunky]

Update : after 4 mos of 10 mg not working I took my 20mg that the PCP prescribed for me in March- I have a therapist now and I am going to work with him while getting off of this drug after I have had time to stabilize - will be back to let you know how I feel next week-

God bless

[Jlynn]

A moderator will be along soon I am sure with very knowledgeable information and amazing support. As you can see from my signature I have been in a very similar situation. I just wanted to say you are in the best possible place for information and support. Hang in there!

[Vonnegutjunky]

Jlynn- your thread was the reason I posted here-

I am super nervous and disappointed about reinstating since I've been on 10mg for 6 years- now back at 20 scares me - worried it won't work- worried about serotonin syndrome- I updosed because of the feelings of suicide- never been suicidal in my life - I also recently started seeing a therapist a month ago- I thought weaning with my PCP would be good enough but apparently not - I'm scared to be on meds - I'm scared to be off- I hate this and I hate the feelings - no physical symptoms tho1 only dread doom panic despair

Thank you for replying Jlynn

[mammaP]

Hi V, welcome to SA. I have to dash out now but another mod will be along to advise you.  Just wanted to say hi and welcome. 

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you ????

[Altostrata]

Welcome, VJ.

 

You may be more comfortable at 15mg Paxil. For information about how to titrate, see Tips for tapering off Paxil (paroxetine)

 

Also see The Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery and Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Please let us know how your updose is working for you.

[Vonnegutjunky]

I took 1 20 mg dose yesterday - I feel like I am giving in and need to be fighting instead- I want to try to stabilize on 10 mg but don't know if it's too late since I took a 20 yesterday? Also I have liver issues because of this medication- which is another reason why I want to get off of it- my PCP gave me the 20 mg dose Incase I needed it- I think I gave in last night feeling desperate then I read on this site about the windows and the ways and how that's the difference between withdrawal and relapse - I am in withdrawal- I wish I would have never went all the way back up to -10 I wish I would have stayed at 5 and stuck it out- I just didn't know what was happening to me.

[Vonnegutjunky]

*waves

[ten0275]

VJ, hey.

 

I'm sorry you've suffered as you have. One night on 20mg isn't going to break you. You can drop back to 10, or as Alto suggested, you can go for the middle-ground of 15. You're going to be ok, truly. And if you can keep yourself somewhat at ease emotionally, you'll fare all the better in the long run. Waves break on the shore and windows arrive. It sounds like you've tasted this polarity.

 

Try not to regret your updose now. It is water under the bridge. I'd settle on 10 or 15 and then hold your ground. You will stabilize, and then be able to descend again - more gently. Many of us have over or under-corrected as we've worked our way through this process. It is all learning. It is all different for each of us.

 

Deserted island, one book allowed, which Vonnegut is there? Great username.

 

Hang in there and keep us in the loop.

 

Dave

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you Dave good to know - I think I will go to 15 and try to stabilize -

One book? I would jump to say welcome to the money house only bacaue it has an array of stories, but my all time favorite is player piano

What about you?

[ten0275]

VJ,

 

I think the 15 is the prudent move. See how you do with it.

 

Funny, I was going to welcome you by saying "Welcome to the Monkey House," but wasn't sure on the humor. But I concur - the diversity of the stories would win the one-way ticket for that one. Single work, it'd be a close three-way between S-house Five, Player Piano, and Mother Night... I'd need to flip a coin - twice.

 

Have you tried any supplementation? I'm fairly skeptical when it comes to them, however magnesium glycinate has proven a most valued ally and chill-pill. As you are waiting for stabilization, symptom-handling via non-script methods is important to consider.

 

Dave

[Vonnegutjunky]

I wouldn't know where to begin on taking magnesium- as far as how much to take- I also have a fear of taking supplements because I'm worried they will do something worse to me sounds stupid I know -

 

I have a question though and maybe you could answer it for me- I have been reading about the neuroplastisity and ways to change your brain - ie meditation - do you think meditating will allow me positive changes in the areas of my brain connected to being disrupted by the Paxil even though I am still on the Paxil? I am worried about staying on it much longer and not getting back to healing and ultimately making things worse -

 

Thank you -

Jenny

[westcoast]

Welcome.

 

You are normal. That dread is not a real emotion. It is an AD thing, and the more you look around the more you will see others mention it. (Had you ever felt it before all, this? I hadn't!)

 

The tapering experts will guide you along. I didn't taper, but I am pretty sure no one here would evrper enocourge you to hurry up. Having to go back up to 20 or 15 is just what you had to do at that point in time.

 

The best thing about this site is everyones has had these symptoms, we know they are real. But outside? Just so hard to convey withdrawal with words. Here, you don't have to!

 

W

[ten0275]

Jenny, hey.

 

I was the same way about supplements - not even remotely stupid. It's a healthy fear about putting things into our bodies after what we've experienced with pharmaceuticals. We're all likely deficient to some degree in magnesium due to poor agricultural practices and the amount of stress we are under. I use a brand called Doctor's Best. It can be procured cheaply on Amazon. You can't really OD on magnesium, which I always found assuring. You'll know you've taken too much if you have tummy troubles. Magnesium glycinate is a very good form of the mineral. It is simply something to consider as you await stabilization. I used to have a panic attack before taking anything new. But magnesium always sat well with me. Others have reported positive experiences with it. See the thread on it in symptoms and self care.

 

I am a firm believer in the power of mindfulness and specifically, meditation. If you can develop a practice of any kind, I feel there will be at least some benefit - if only the few moments of quiet solace you spend sitting.

 

Getting back to healing will happen. You experienced some heavy fallout from an incorrect taper, so this time with that in mind, slow and diligent is the path to apply yourself to. It will take patience. I know it seems almost claustrophobic to continue taking the drug when you know how awful it is and how bad you want off. But it's a means to a successful end. I hope that makes sense.

 

Hang in there.

 

Dave

[OffEFFexor]

I often have difficulty focusing enough to read a book during this WD mess, but I was feeling ok enough to try the other day.  And I pulled out S-5, last read it in high school many decades ago.  Couple of days later, V-junky showed up!

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you all for the reassurance - I will post in my signature - but I took 15 last night and slept so hard - for the first time since November I feel like I slept - I am hopeful that 15 will stabilize me I just feel like a clod for even trying to get off of my 10mg since now I am on a higher dose - I have been reading a lot on this site and although I feel like a big mess right now I realize things could be worse as some peoples stories on here about docs jumping them around on meds or those trying to get off of benzos are just in really horrible situations:(

I should read s-5 again too - it's such a good book - this is only day 1 on 15 so I will keep posting and sharing my story - I am trepidatious but hopeful - oh and I'm going to get some magnesium:)

[Jlynn]

Just dropping by to show support! I wish I had known then what I know now about the symptoms and waves and windows and slow tapering. I am at 25 days reinstated on my 20 mg and I am just now getting to where I can say I am feeling better. Gives me hope for my future taper but it has been the worst month I can ever remember. I take fish oil, B-vitamins, magnesium, and a pro-biotic and so far I have had good luck with those. 

[Oceanrat]

Just sending positive vibes from Cali! Hang in there!

[Vonnegutjunky]

I have read a lot about the ways that we can heal trauma to the brain from being on ssris - my question is - even though I had to updose after a bad and incomplete taper - will exercise and meditation and therapy help combat the withdrawal the next time around? Any ideas? I kniw it won't hurt but I am really curious to know if it will help

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you everyone- Jlynn glad to hear you are stabilizing - I am on night 2 of my 15 and I feel much better- I do feel disappointed at being at 15 since I was good on 10 for so long - however I realize I am lucky - and Paxil works wonders for me - I am now at a point where my liver is being affected by this drug and maybe I will need a drug for the rest of my life & that's fine I just want a chance to see If I can make it on my own and then go in some thing less harsh on my liver should I need to in the future - super glad I found this site and Jlynns story - you have no idea that your story actually kept me from admitting Myself into the hospital - instead I reached out on here and I am so happy I did- I am still worried that the wd will come back - but I feel less alone - that's something I think is more important during this process than anything - forever grateful ❤️

[Vonnegutjunky]

Didn't sleep well last night- day 2 of my 5 mg updose- hopefully I will sleep tonight - no other issues aside from randomly sweating-

[Jlynn]

My sleeping has been terrible since all this started and I had the worst hot cold flashes and night sweats. Sleeping still sucks but the sweating has subsided. 

[Vonnegutjunky]

Jlynn would you be interested in chatting? I just feel our situations are so similar we might be able to help each other - please don't feel obligated and if your not feeling emotionally strong enough right now I totally understand - also are you up to 25 mg right now?

[Vonnegutjunky]

I have been up to 15mg since the 23rd of April- I have horrible brain fog! It started the day after I updosed- It's driving me mad!!! I also have tinnitus with it- the tinnitus is really bad Anyone have this? Anyone find any relief for it? Any one who can relate??

[Vonnegutjunky]

The brain fog/ depersonalization is not going away- this is really making me crazy - I don't know how long this is going to last for? How long do I wait to stabilize? It's been 2 weeks with no improvement- this only happened after I increased my dose - why would I feel worse after an updose?

[nz11]

Sorry you are in a terrible postion. 

You have come to the right place

[Altostrata]

VJ, it's impossible to tell what's causing your symptoms. Since you added the 5mg and after a bit, new symptoms arose, it could be 15mg is too much for you.

 

You may wish to decrease to 14mg and see if symptoms reduce. Keep notes on paper about your daily symptom pattern relative to when you take your drugs. (Are you taking anything other than Paxil?)

 

Does your doctor want to switch you to Prozac to go off Paxil? See The Prozac switch or "bridging" with Prozac

 

How exactly is your liver being affected? Have you had liver function tests?

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you alto for replying!!! Yes she did liver function tests and my enzymes were high- after I reduced down to 7.25 liver started retuning to normal-I was on 10 mg and not doing so well and literally the day after I increased by 5 mg is when the brain fog started and it has not gone away at all- no patterns other than that- I do keep a journal of my symptoms - and loud ringing in my ears-

 

yes doc said she would prescribe me something else if I wanted it- she always leaves it up to me with very little direction- I have only been at 15 for the past 2 weeks - talked to another person who stated it took her the better part of 3 weeks to stabilize -

I'm not getting worse but I'm not getting any relief - I am making an appt tomorrow with a psychiatrist- hopefully I won't have to wait too long to get In to see them - no not on any other medications or suppliments - 2000 iu of Vit d3 every night due to low vitamin d levels -

 

I just don't know how long to give it to see if it's helping or not -

[nz11]

Sorry to be the party pooper here but what do you hope to get from a psychiatrist visit.

These people do not and will not acknowledge wdl.

They will have no trouble laelling you and giving you more drugs though. Whats the bet he will try to switch you to a different drug? and throw in a benzo for good measure....take as needed?

 

Sorry VJ imo you will have to be patient ..some take several months to stabilze.

You are best to follow the advice on this site. Hope you stabilize soon.

[Altostrata]

VJ, you seem to have a fixed idea that more of a drug is better. It could be you would feel better on less.

[peggy]

I can relate to the knee jerk response of increasing too much in desperation - i have done it quite a few times.  Fortunately for me after about 28 days i seem to stabilise - but it has meant that i have ended up on a dose higher than i probably have needed to be on.  But we can only do what we feel we have to do to get through the tough times.

 

I hope you can feel better soon

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you so much Peggy- I have been patient(because of alto!!! And her advice which I am so glad she was here to give!!) and I appear to be stabilizing at 15mg- the brain fog is lifting - I'm not 100% yet but I feel better than I have in 2 weeks! - there is a psychiatric program at the iu medical center in my state and they are dedicated to assisting people in getting people off meds- my pdoc is very much in favor of psychotherapy over meds- I might mention that my doc and the psychiatrists she works with are all really young and are much more aware of wd compared to my old doc- I wanted to just update to let anyone who might have been in a similar situation. To be paitent and take care of yourself! I felt like hell and continued to exercise and meditate even through feeling horrible- it does get better - you can stabilize - now will be the long walk to tapering - thanks everyone

[Altostrata]

Please tell us more about this center that gets people off meds.