☼ BoaConstrictor: New here.. Seeking advice and help. St. John's Wort.

[oskcajga]

Also my flaccid seems to be hanging thicker and fuller.

 

 

Can you please be more specific about your flaccid hang?

[BoaConstrictor]

So lately I've been feeling less nonchalant and more overall happy or in a good mood..

When I stop and just be still and try not to think about anything or do anything, I find myself feeling a little nonchalant..

 

If I could scale it I would say.....

 

0 = totally mad, upset, angry, agitated, etc.

 

5 = nonchalant

 

10 = totally happy, euphoric, bliss, etc.

 

For the last couple of days I would say I'm more like at a 6-7.

 

It's like its borderline nonchalant with a splash or hint of happiness..

 

My libido has been spiking, some days much stronger than others.

My EQ (erection quality) has been about the same I'd say. In my sleep though I don't think it's been so rigid.

(I'm thinking it's the herbs wearing off)

 

When I last had sex a couple days ago, everything was up to par.. Erection was fine. Lasted a good amount of time and had nice control.. And orgasmed great without issue.

 

So, since my last update I guess the only thing that has changed is I am happier.

 

I went jet skiing again and boy it was a blast..

I'm really shocked at how this experience has brought me to fear things less and now when I'm in the water I'm not afraid anymore.. Haha it sounds kind of funny saying that..

But it's very true.. My biggest fear is probably drowning in the ocean or even being in deep water period.. Especially water I cannot see through..

Now that is pretty much non existent..

I'm wondering what the mechanism is behind this.

 

I've read recently (and I don't know if I mentioned this already) that after taking antidepressants, some people have committed sucide for lack of fear or care or something like that..

 

I know SJW works differently than ADs but I feel a lot less afraid to do things, like the fear of getting hurt or caught or in trouble is greatly diminished..

 

Until next time..

[BoaConstrictor]

 

Also my flaccid seems to be hanging thicker and fuller.

 

Can you please be more specific about your flaccid hang?

Like throughout the day, it will hang a little thicker and longer than usual.. Maybe not by much but enough to notice.. Like the length will hang an extra 3/4 inch and the girth will probably be up to twice what it normally is..

[oskcajga]

 

 

Also my flaccid seems to be hanging thicker and fuller.

Can you please be more specific about your flaccid hang?

Like throughout the day, it will hang a little thicker and longer than usual.. Maybe not by much but enough to notice.. Like the length will hang an extra 3/4 inch and the girth will probably be up to twice what it normally is..

 

 

Do you often look at your flaccid hang and measure it throughout the day?

[BoaConstrictor]

No I don't measure it. I just eyeball it, but I can tell it feels different in my pants and every time I use the bathroom I see the difference.

[JanCarol]

Puh-leeze, boys.  TMI?  Yeah.  TMI.  

 

I get it when there's a dysfunction.  But.  That was months ago now, methinks.

 

There are minors here. And people scarred by traumas and of varying interests and orientations.

 

I am interested in Boa's detachment and anhedonia, but Osk keeps stirring the pot, as it were.  Making the thread difficult to read for those of us who don't focus on sex.  I would even go so far as to challenge you to focus away from sex, even if it means playing video games or tennis or fishing or - jet skiing.  The wisdom of yoga teaches that sexual energy is to be harnessed, not wasted, and to focus on it exclusively can degrade your energy, creativity, and expression.  Perhaps that is where your detachment arises?  

 

It is fascinating that Boa finds the detachment "good," when most of us would give our left nut (or ovary) to have a feeling again.  And the fearlessness is interesting, too.  Maybe you feel, after what you've been through, that you have less to lose.

 

I would be interested to hear more about the life you are trying to build, about your work, the places where you feel creative or passionate (besides between your legs).

[BoaConstrictor]

It's hard to explain just what has been going on with me..

 

The anhedonia I feel is probably a small fraction of what others feel.

I think it's more like 'just enough' to keep the stress levels down, without causing me to feel a sort of 'nothingness'.

I do feel 'out of it' or 'detached from reality' a bit.

But just a bit..

 

I can see how some would think this isn't a good thing. But to me it is a very good thing.

Before being like this, I'm almost sure I would have 'given my left nut' to be like this.

My life has totally changed. I am a completely different person.

My anger, stress, and irritability levels have shot down tremendously. I would say for sure that all this IS at the expense of not feeling bursts of excitement or happiness or extreme pleasure...

 

But for what it's worth, I prefer it this way. I personally would rather feel a little bit happy ALL the time... Verses really happy - then really sad - then really happy - then really mad..

To me it's a godsend.

 

And I'm quite sure what I'm experiencing is much different from what AD sufferers feel.

[Altostrata]

Great post, JC!

 

Well, Boa, where are you in terms of recovering from St. John's Wort?

[JanCarol]

So, Boa, you are claiming that the SJW - with a mild and temporary sexual side effect - has left you "antidepressed"?

 

It sounds as if what you were describing is a numbing of anxiety (fear), and less emotional attachment to the daily events around you?

 

How is your mindfulness?  That is, are you able to pay attention to details and participate in the now, the moment?  Or are you numbed from that, too?

 

On the last page, you described "too horny" that was "annoying."  That, coupled with the "jet ski" event reminds me of what my pdoc - and doc - called "mania."  It's usually a sign that you are about to make some big changes (spiritual emergency) - and if you don't make them, you will make a drama which will force them to change.

 

Would you say you are self aware?  Are you comfortable in your work and living?  Do you get to see your child?  Are there fears there?  Are they numb?  

 

How numb is numb?  Can you feel the discomforts, be aware of them - and just "don't care?"  

 

I'm not looking for answers for me, I'm just throwing some questions out for your thoughts and exploration.

[oskcajga]

So, Boa, you are claiming that the SJW - with a mild and temporary sexual side effect - has left you "antidepressed"?

 

It sounds as if what you were describing is a numbing of anxiety (fear), and less emotional attachment to the daily events around you?

 

How is your mindfulness?  That is, are you able to pay attention to details and participate in the now, the moment?  Or are you numbed from that, too?

 

On the last page, you described "too horny" that was "annoying."  That, coupled with the "jet ski" event reminds me of what my pdoc - and doc - called "mania."  It's usually a sign that you are about to make some big changes (spiritual emergency) - and if you don't make them, you will make a drama which will force them to change.

 

Would you say you are self aware?  Are you comfortable in your work and living?  Do you get to see your child?  Are there fears there?  Are they numb?  

 

How numb is numb?  Can you feel the discomforts, be aware of them - and just "don't care?"  

 

I'm not looking for answers for me, I'm just throwing some questions out for your thoughts and exploration.

 

[BoaConstrictor]

At this point... I mostly feel great. I'm happy like 90% of my waking hours and the other 10% is probably barely less than happy..

 

Yes I feel literally 'antidepressed'..

 

As for the numbing..

It just feels like everything is the same just to a slightly lesser extent..

For instance, pain doesn't hurt as much, cold doesn't feel as cold, I don't get as hungry, pleasure is not as strong as it used to be.. Etc..

[BoaConstrictor]

Great post, JC!

 

Well, Boa, where are you in terms of recovering from St. John's Wort?

Well I would definitely say I've recovered from what I was suffering from..

[BoaConstrictor]

The 'too horny' was a result of the libido/erection enhancing herbals I was taking during my ED phase that were still in the process of wearing off from my system..

 

The jet ski event was just totally out the blue and the sort of thing I've never been faced with before..

 

Before SJW, I probably wouldn't have reacted so nicely..

 

And I'm totally comfortable considering my situation.. Before SJW I wouldn't be so happy and calm about things all the time.

 

Numb as in I feel the discomforts less and I care about them less... So this equates to a substantial decrease in how much I will be bothered.

[BoaConstrictor]

This is also probably worth mentioning..

 

I have been forgetting stuff really fast lately.. Not as in forgetting like it no longer is retained, but more like my mind has pushed the thought out until I 'want' to think about it..

I believe this plays a big role in why I haven't been stressing. It's like an event will happen, I'll start to feel the onset of getting upset, then my attention will be redirected, and I'll be thinking about something else..

I wouldn't say this happens autonomously though, I do make an effort, because frankly I don't like to dwell on things that upset me..

But I guess it's just that much easier to 'toss' that thought from my mind, and focus on something positive..

 

It's very difficult for me to explain.

 

I wonder if there are ways to get neurotransmitter levels checked? Or if a MRI could show what's going on in there..

 

I'm serious. I think I would be a good candidate for this type of research. I literally am a completely different person..

[JanCarol]

I think you are still "re-regulating" from the St John's Wort.  

 

Sometimes you feel it, sometimes you don't.  

 

It's like mindfulness, but not - like "growing a thicker skin" ? ? ? ?

[brassmonkey]

It's also possible the the events of the past few months have triggered a round of "maturing".  Growing up is an insidious thing that can sneak up on you unexpectedly.

[BoaConstrictor]

No I'm sure it is the SJW... Every day I wake up very happy and my day is wonderful..

 

I can feel the difference.

 

In my teenage years I experimented with A LOT of drugs and partying, from illegals to prescription meds.. To alcohol, psychedelics, etc.

 

I've also tried many herbs.. I've got a natural foods store near my house with a bulk section. I could probably tell you what 90% of the herbs there would feel like..

 

So I am extremely in tune with what my body feels like and what different things feel like.

 

I know for sure my body is different now.

 

I can tell you exactly how I feel but explaining the mechanism is what's tough to me.

[Altostrata]

No, you can't get neurotransmitter levels in your brain checked.

 

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

☼

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[oskcajga]

I don't think I'll be posting on this thread anymore.

[BoaConstrictor]

No, you can't get neurotransmitter levels in your brain checked.

 

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

 

☼

 

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

Are you certain it is right to post my success story here, seeing as it isn't necessarily an AD success story?

[Altostrata]

St. John's Wort is an herbal antidepressant.

[BoaConstrictor]

Ok. Well then if it will help in any way I would be happy to post it.

[ang]

It's also possible the the events of the past few months have triggered a round of "maturing".  Growing up is an insidious thing that can sneak up on you unexpectedly.

Isnt it great.               It does that.

[BoaConstrictor]

Wow..

 

So I'm still really nonchalant.

Yet I feel happy nearly all the time.

Stress never seems to poke it's ugly head anymore, at all, like 0, zilch, zip..!!!

 

I don't seem to even stay upset more than a minute, if that. Something physically neurological has changed about me..

My life is completely different.

 

I don't feel extreme heat, or cold, or pain anymore. Also I find that when in a social situation I don't have much interest in talking.. Like I almost don't want to talk, to anybody.. Most of the time.

 

I feel like life before was all about ups and downs...

Now it's just smooth sailing.. Staying straight in the middle. No ups and no downs.. Euphoric in nature.

 

The good news is, nothing seems to bother me.

The bad news is, nothing seems to bother me.

 

I guess it's open to interpretation but I'm extremely satisfied with the way I feel.

[BoaConstrictor]

It might be worth noting that the herbs have worn off a while ago and I have been feeling completely normal sexually.

[BoaConstrictor]

The last 2 or 3 days have been pretty different. I've been feeling especially nonchalant. Nothing seems to bother me or spark much interest for me. Time just goes by. I am not anxious for anything. I guess it just seems to have been more intense the last few days.

[BoaConstrictor]

So a quick update...

 

Everything in life feels normal, save for a natural constant feeling of happiness. No sexual issues or anything like that. Still have the nonchalant feeling, but not so nonchalant anymore, if that makes sense? As if my body has adapted to the 'new me'.

Whether or not a person suffers from depression I'd say this is a good thing to accomplish anyway. I feel like I permanently made myself 'anti-depressed'. It's not that I'm always happy and joyful exactly, but that nothing ever seems to get me down.

 

I have made some interesting observations though.

First of all, multivitamins appear to make me feel depressed. I'm not sure as to why. I speculate it has to do with vitamin E and/or Zinc, as I have a supplement that has these and that one too makes me feel depressed. It basically counters everything I feel from what was caused by the SJW.

Secondly, anything that is a stimulant makes me feel extremely happy and about as long as I'm stimulated. (Caffeine, coffee, tea, prescription stimulants, etc.)

My choice is green tea as it appears to be the least harsh on my digestive system and holds the most amount of benefits IMO.

 

If I could sum up the way I feel I would say it is the equivalent of being 'high' but without the actual high feeling or buzzed feeling.

When a person has had a couple drinks or has smoked a little bit (assuming they don't get the paranoia) they tend to feel like 'everything is good' or nothing to worry about. It feels like that, but minus all the extras, as in no hunger, munchies, sleepiness, droopy eyes, impaired judgement or motor functions, cravings for anything, etc.

I essentially feel 'complete' all of the time.

 

From what I read described from people who have suffered from PSSD, I feel almost like, in my case, it was sort of as if I was beginning the onset of it but stopped it in its tracks before it could have fully progressed to PSSD but not enough to prevent some of the non-chalantness.

 

My brain functions differently now. The only downside I feel is that I forget a lot. Not as if the memory is gone completely but as if my mind doesn't care to recall it. If it's brought up, I'll remember.

I also find that I have to put in extra effort to actually worry or stress an issue.

 

I haven't taken any libido herbs or supps in a long time and my sexuality is functioning quite normally. I would say, however, that my libido has dropped significantly. I don't crave or think about sex as much as I used to, but it still feels just as good and I have no issues with it.

[Bobo32]

On 26/07/2015 at 6:44 PM, oskcajga said:

On 26/07/2015 at 9:15 AM, BoaConstrictor said:

As for the erection. Well I don't think I can honestly say they come as fast as they used to, but only by maybe a second or a fraction of one. They sustain pretty well and are rigid. Before a few days ago I was having the glans issue too, and the corpus spongiosum. They wouldn't fill up completely but I think that's going away now.

 

I even did some tests during ED in which I would kegel, because whenever I kegel I can make my erection as erect as I possible can. Back then, a kegel still wouldn't swell the glans. But now it does. It really is strange to me because my recovery felt like it happened over night.

hey osc,

Did you try any supplements to help with soft glans? This issue has been going on for me for 8 months now. I'm thinking of trying Ginko Biloba to help me with this. Any advice?

Thank you