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bluebalu86

Love during withdrawal

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bluebalu86   
bluebalu86

What if you met the love of your life during early withdrawal (and have a long and painful journey ahead of you) but can't be together because you're too sick to function normally and have a relationship, + you don't want  to bring pain and suffering into this person's life? 

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Multidrug   
Multidrug

Hello bluebalu,

 

oh god, that is exactly what is happening to me right now! I met the love of my life four months ago. I was in bad withdrawal but had a window and was feeling a bit better. We spent a wonderful full month together and in my head I thought, "ok,  maybe it will take a little more time but together you will make it and then you can enjoy everything and celebrate your love together. WRONG!!!!! The last time we wanted to meet (we live in different cities) I was back into a very bad wave (actually the window I was talking about before was the only window in over 6 weeks) and I thought I get a nervous breakdown in any second!!!! She took the train that took her 7 hours and came to visit me and she told me she how happy she was to see me and I knew I was so happy too and I want to look at her and be around her all the time because she is just wonderful. BUT I CANT!!!!! I was dying these 3 days because on one hand I did not want her to go and I wanted her to be with me all the time, on the other hand it was pure stress for me!!!!! 

Now we skype every night and she keeps saying she will wait for me....but I dont want that!!!! I do not want her to wait because I cannot tell her how long it will take. And I dont want her to tell me one day in the near future that this is too much for her and she cannot do it and then leave. 

I will tell her to live her life and that I will go away for as long as I am feeling so bad. And then....I will go and reach out for her again. 

Maybe others can handle this better.....and of course I would not leave her if we were together for 10 years or so. But now....that devil withdrawal monster is just to big for such a beautiful new love...I am so very sad...she is so wonderful!!

 

And how do you handle it??

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LoveandLight   
LoveandLight

So difficult establishing any new kind of relationship during this and keep the existing ones!

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GardeniaBlossom   
GardeniaBlossom

I agree with LoveandLight. I thought I'd met someone I could enter a romantic relationship with, recently. I was wrong. The relationship went downhill very quickly. It was incredibly stressful. I've found that the normal stresses of being in a relationship are infinitely magnified during this process. In my opinion, that creates an unhealthy imbalance in the (new) relationship. There is a fantasy that love can conquer all, but for me beginning a relationship amidst this degree of turmoil would be unwise at best. I experience a depth of loneliness unlike during any other time in my life. As much as I'd love to have a partner, I don't need any more obstacles to healing than I already have.

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Aeroman   
Aeroman

when I was in the depths of wd, I suffered from depression and couldnt feel "love".  It was tough

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InvisibleUnless   
InvisibleUnless

how do you feel confident that intense interests in other people will carry through after withdrawal?  sick people sometimes want different traits in a partner than less sick or perfectly well people...  i am concerned about investing in something significantly and then healing into someone that is less fitting within that relationship.

 

before withdrawal, i would sometimes date people in really bad physical/psychological places that i knew would take some rehabilitation and a lifetime of (self-)work, but i was ok with it because i thought they/the relationship warranted that kind of sacrifice and adjustment.  but that is pretty rare in a person, im seeing, especially as we all grow older and to many single people youre either someones final destination, all dream-traits intact, or youre nothing to them.  (not the most mature view, but most relationships arent mature relationships, even though theres plenty of ones that are.)

 

i dont know if i could find someone genuinely interested in me, given how sick i am and might be for a while.  and, as others have voiced, i share that fear of finding someone there is mutual interest with and then being unable to be as present and supportive as i usually am in a romantic relationship.  it sucks to feel like the incapable one, though i guess feeling like the capable one never worked out either.

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rapunzel2   
rapunzel2

I'm facing the same dilemma.. actually there's someone who is interested in me but he doesn't know how sick I am. as my condition is fluctating, I'm better off some days/periods of time, and I seem "normal". now suddenly he is so interested and I have to tell him how sick I am. it's really complicated, how to do that?

 

and even more complicated is going into withdrawal and at the same time trying to explain why I can't do things etc. I think that people might THINK they understand, but when it actually happens they don't understand exactly. because I appear "normal". 

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

 

Hello everyone, hope everyone is doing okay. Sorry for the length, but literally if anyone can help me I'd be so grateful. I've never been a depressed person although I've always struggled with severe anxiety. Last August I was into my senior year of nursing school and was incredibly stressed out so I was put on 10 mg of Lexapro by my doctor. About a month on the pills I met an amazing guy. Oh my goodness, I had never felt that way about anybody. I knew after a few months that he was the one and we could not have had a stronger love. Things continued to be great and about 10 months on the pills I decided I no longer needed them and I quit cold turkey. I did not have any major WD at first but a couple weeks passed by and I noticed my anxiety was insane. I could barely go to the grocery store without sweating and shaking, and I hated work meetings cause we had to talk in front of people, but it all would go away as soon as I was alone again so I didn't think much of it. But then about a month later something had changed. I woke up one morning and the man I had loved more than anything was almost a stranger to me. I felt nothing. It was like the love I had for him was all gone. I cried and vomited nonstop for the next two days just from pure panic. To say it was awful would be an understatement. It's been almost exactly 4 months since that day and I just don't understand. How can I be so close and so attached to someone and then just nothing. Completely dead when it comes to love and romance. I just want to sleep all the time and not talk to anyone. It's just crazy cause literally two weeks before I had lost feelings, I was watching proposal videos and just crying cause I could not wait for that moment. I want my happiness back with him so bad, I would do anything. Please let me know if you've felt this way because of these pills or withdrawl and if the loving feeling will return. I don't know how much longer I can take it. Thank you in advance!

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Lindux   
Lindux

What I have read is that people become extremely emotionless. I think it is best to not take emotions in full when on withdrawal. Just live very peaceful until the storm passes :)

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

Thank you so much for your reply! I pray it gets better and I really think it will. It's just so hard cause I feel like I'm living such a lie these past few months. But I know it's the pills making me not feel anything.

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

Can anyone tell me honestly if they got their feelings back and how long it took? I fell madly in love with my boyfriend while on lexapro. I loved him more than I ever thought I could love something. And then I quit lexapro 10 mg cold turkey and a month later I felt nothing. It's been almost 5 months and I can't help but get discouraged. I reinstated 5 mg lexapro so I'm praying that will help but I just don't know. He's tired of waiting, but I think I still have a ways to go. I cannot feel anything :( has anyone fallen in love on pills and felt like you fell out of love during withdrawal? I can't take it anymore :(

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Faithgrl   
Faithgrl

I hear you. I started cipramil 11 years ago and met my boyfriend 10 years ago. This is my third go at coming off. For the first time I don't feel like reciprocating and I feel nothing. For him, for food, for shopping even. But its been 10 years. And love is a choice. So for me, I am going to act as if and continu to build the relatioship because I want to and I believe the feelings will return. He has been so good to me in the last year with my up and downs and he said he aint going.

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

Thank you for replying! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this too. It's been awful. But yes like you said love is a choice and I KNOW how I felt for him for all those months and I just cannot imagined that would've ever changed. I'm just gonna pray and believe that feelings will come back the way they were. This has been a nightmare and I'm hoping before too long we will be back to our old selves.

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

Hello everyone, I don't mean to bombard everyone with questions but I would love to get feedback on anyone who has experienced this. If I had any earthly idea that antidepressants would affect love, I would have never started them. I was into my last year of nursing school and was very stressed out so I went to my doctor and he prescribed me 10 mg of Lexapro. I started taking the pills at the end of August 2015. In September I met the love of my life. Omg I loved him so so much. I couldn't believe I had met someone like him and I just felt so incredibly blessed to finally find my soulmate. Just thinking about him would make me tear up. I loved him so so much. We had an incredible, amazing 9 months together and I was done with school so I decided to get off the lexapro. I quit cold turkey around May 2016 cause I thought I could handle it and wasn't really concerned about withdrawl. Stupid I know. The next 6 weeks or so went great. I had maybe had a couple headaches and been extra tired but nothing that I couldn't handle. My anxiety had increased but I still felt good, very happy. And then out of nowhere, my world fell apart. I woke up one morning to realize my world turned upside down. I looked at the man I had been so crazy about and I felt nothing. He kissed and hugged me before he went to work and I had no feelings whatsoever for him. Just like that. I immediately felt dizzy and ran to the bathroom and threw up. I couldn't believe what I was feeling. The man I was certain I couldn't wait to marry and love more than anything. I felt nothing for him. I cried and cried. It has been 5 months since that day and the feelings still have not returned. I am terrified. I cry so often. I hate everything. I cannot believe what I'm feeling. I was so so happy and now this. I got even more terrified when I had read something about people sometimes fall in love with people they normally wouldn't if they weren't on pills. This makes me literally sick. I loved him so much on the pills, I just cannot even began to believe that the 9 months with him were a lie or all caused by some pills. I wish I would have never started lexapro or stopped them cold turkey. I pray with all my heart and soul that this is only from withdrawl and that my love for him will return as this gets better. I don't know what to do. It's getting so hard to fake it but we have so many amazing memories together. Please please please if anyone has experienced this please let me know. Even if it didn't get better, I would like to know what I should maybe expect or if I should plan on getting them back. I really need some help. I'm afraid if I keep going on feeling this miserable, I'll end up in a mental hospital somewhere. I apologize for the length, but I didn't know how to shorten my story. Please let me know if anyone fell in love while on pills and if you felt like you fell out of love during withdrawl. Thank you so much in advance.

Edited by scallywag
merged topics

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Stormstrong   
Stormstrong

Thank universe for this thread. 

My almost 2 year relationship is ending, I feel. The romantic part of it. He's got many of his own issues and it's too much for him. He's too concerned that I've become like a vegetable, though he didn't directly state that. 

:(

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AnaTheCat   
AnaTheCat

During six years on paroxetine, I had no feelings toward any man. None, zero. When withdrawal syndrome came punching me right in the face, I actually fell in love. Then, I had to went back on my meds (paroxetine) and feelings begun to fade away. I felt like literally fighting to keep them. I'm dropping again, feelings were coming and going. Now, as I'm struggling with depression, I feel like all is left to do is put to put some flowers on my feeling's grave. Well, crap... at least I'm able to grieve them. It was good to have them.

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

I'm so sorry yall have felt this too. It's been so devastating. I'm still very confused as to how I fell in love on them and then felt like I fell out of love during withdrawl. It seems like I had the opposite effect of the majority of stories I've read :/ I pray that once my awful withdrawl is over, I will get my feelings back but some days I just don't know. I cannot understand how I can be so so in love with someone for 9 months and then just wake up one day and literally care less about them. It makes me sick :( I feel uneasy about the future but I cry when I think about a life without him so I'm really hoping that means deep down I do still love this amazing person. I hope all of us get better cause this is devastating.

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rowinghippy   
rowinghippy

Just another experience. Met my first love prior to meds. Between the depression and near suicide caused by the meds/withdrawal, we ended things. It was one of the worst things to see lost from the withdrawal, although everything in my life has gone to hell and pieces. I've resolved to not bother with relationships until this is all over. That's a hard pill to swallow, but there are so many hard things to accept so what's another.

 

My heart goes out to all of you. Losing love because of this sucks, which is an understatement.

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

I'm so sorry you lost your relationship due to this awful withdrawl. It really has been hell on earth. 6 months ago I had my dream life. Literally everything I ever wanted and now, I've left a good job, I isolate myself, I don't spend time with my family, and I cannot feel love. I just don't get it. This is so not me and I just wanna get back to myself and my relationship the way it was but I just don't know when that will be. I want my life back. I'm hoping the best for every single one of yall pray everyone will heal.

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Barbarannamated   
Barbarannamated

My heart goes out to everyone here.

 

I wonder if this is a form of depersonalization / derealization. I say this because it happened to me long before I started any drugs.

 

It was my first love, extremely intense, the summer before my senior year of high school. He was a year olde. When he was preparing to leave for college several hours away, my feelings just shut off and I felt like I was in a bubble, alone. When people asked me about him, it sometimes took a few seconds for me to recognize his name! I told him what was going on and this sweet man did research at his University library and sent me a long handwritten excerpt explaining Depersonalization. It was SPOT ON.

 

As Depersonalization / dissociation are common in withdrawal, I suspect there may be a connection to my subconscious defense type experience before drugs.

 

It was terrible to lose that feeling. I tried to force it for many months which only made things worse. The feelings eventually returned.

 

I've experienced this with different drug changes over the years, though not as profoundly. The connection to friends, family, beloved pets is broken, but I know that I still love them.

 

Just throwing this in in case it helps to make any sense of it as a stress response.

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

Thank you very much for this! That does sound like some of what I was feeling so maybe depersonalization could be associated with withdrawl? I was so so head over heels for him. And then withdrawl hit and I honestly just don't even enjoy being around him :( ugh it's so awful. There are times where I'll be in my own little world at work or something and then I'm like wait I have a boyfriend.. And it's like i have to remind myself. I'm not giving up cause I was so so in love with him for so many months. It just doesn't seem to be easing up any but I know it can take a long time to feel the old feelings again. I'll do anything to be in love with him anything. I just want my feelings back so bad :( but I'm not giving up

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Floral   
Floral

Hi everyone,

 

The stories I've read on here resonates so close to my heart. Unfortunately my relationship ended recently after 3 long hard years. It was a decision that my partner made as he was battling severe withdrawals. I tried my best to stay by his side but I know that for most of the time he felt inadequate to be in a relationship because of what he was struggling with. Though I tried to reassure him that I loved him and intended to stay by his side through it all, it was not enough. We had gone through so much together and at the end of it all, it just became too much for him. I am no longer in contact with him as he wants nothing to do with me anymore. All I can do is pray that he stays safe, stays strong and that he pulls through.

Sending you all lots of hugs xxx

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I'm on the opposite side of this situation and I know I'm putting my boyfriend through hell without even meaning to. It's awful, I feel like such a cold hearted person. I just hope and it pray it gets better for all of us.

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sadandconfused   
sadandconfused

Idk why, but the past couple days have been a little rough. I'm just afraid the feelings won't come back and I start panicking thinking about this. It's already been almost 10 months with no feeling whatsoever and I'm just so terrified. This is hurting my boyfriend so bad and I hate doing this to him.

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MyHurtisoftheMultiverse   
MyHurtisoftheMultiverse

It's interesting that many of you mention a loss of emotions. Since my withdrawal, my emotions are actually too strong. I was always a bit hypersensitive (unless I was on Paxil), but now it's ridiculously intense. My last relationship actually failed because I felt like I was ripped apart by emotions. I almost always became utterly depressed when she was gone for a longer period of time and when she was there I feld an unbearable mixture of overwhelming love and fear of getting hurt. Since the withdrawal I'm pretty much the opposite of the cool and confident "bad guy" whom most women desire. Also, I have PSSD, so for a man it's really the worst case scenario with regard to relationships. Perhaps the effect on emotions differs depending on gender as well.

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PapayaShake   
PapayaShake

I know this post is a bit old but, the exact same thing happened to me. I met my girlfriend and fell in love like 5 months  before starting to take cymbalta.  5 more months taking it and I still was madly in love. But after some months I started losing libido and sencibility  and other side effects so I decided to quit. I Went from 120 mg to 60 per my psychiatrist advice. She pretended me to go down to 30 and then quit. I started loosing interest in her. Im now around 3mg cymbalta after slowly tappering for 8 months or so and my feelingsd had nor come back. At least not strong or permanently.  Sometimes when I experience windows I feel a bit towards her, but it is a very distant and not  intense emotion. Sometimes for a couple of days, sometimes just hours or minutes. That reminds me of how much I love her and that staying and faking the rest of the time is worth it.  I have noticed that when I lower the those I enter a pattern where I feel nothing at all after a couple of days after the lowering, I stay in a wave of feelinglessness  for weeks or more and then I sort of come to a window and start slowly feeling a bit. but when I lower the dose again I go again into same cycle again and again. When I lower by bigger amounts I feel the most deattached and I last longer in the wave. And Im only talking about lowering amouns of as little as 0.5 mg or less. Of course Im no science researcher but from experience I think that the lack of chemicals provided by the meds in the the brain might cause the anhedonic state until the brain balances again. I can think that since you sadandconfused quit cold turkey you  might be going throug the same as I do but your brain is doing it in one long phase and mine in small multiple phases. After the dose lowering  and wave of anhedonia and other awful stuff I always come to a more emotionally balanced state and I do start feeling a bit of her, I enjoy her smile, her company, her love. I also feel  a bit more like myself which is something I  lost too. I hope there can come the day when I can finally be off this rubbish meds. I feel kind of ultra hopeless myself today douting if I will ever recover my past self but I guess thats just how this waves are. I still want to bet on staying with her until I recover

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