Maybe Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Everyone here has of course taken the medication for different reasons. My reason was some kind of burn-out syndrom. When I feel better and have less symptoms which might distract me, I feel the same demotivation and lack of interest as before. Does anyone share the same reason and knows how one might overcome this? I always think that this has to come from some physical problem, like a mineral shortage or so, but every tests were fine. As I see no clear reason why I suffer so long from this burn-out, I doubt that it is mental in nature. Maybe someone has an idea? End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in. Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
compsports Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Everyone here has of course taken the medication for different reasons. My reason was some kind of burn-out syndrom. When I feel better and have less symptoms which might distract me, I feel the same demotivation and lack of interest as before. Does anyone share the same reason and knows how one might overcome this? I always think that this has to come from some physical problem, like a mineral shortage or so, but every tests were fine. As I see no clear reason why I suffer so long from this burn-out, I doubt that it is mental in nature. Maybe someone has an idea? Hi Maybe, Alot of my demotivation and lack of interest is due to not have good quality sleep. When I got it Saturday night, I noticed the difference on Sunday. But since I am still finding good qualify sleep elusive for various reasons, I have to find other ways to reprogram my brain so I can feel motivated and interested in activities. One great suggestion I read is to list interests and then brainstorm ways of fulfilling them. I have admittedly not done that but hopefully, putting myself in the position of practicing what I am preaching will inspire me:) Anyway, to address your concerns, I think we're going to find that in my cases regarding WD, there aren't obvious answers and we have to figure out workarounds. I am sorry you're dealing with this and I hope it gets better. CS Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010 Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006 Finished taper on June 10, 2010 Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016 Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maybe Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Hello CS, The problem is that I had those "symtoms" before I took the meds. As a matter of fact, I took the meds because of those symptoms. My sleep is the only thing that has been back to normal after I went to the hospital. I did not face any ("conscious") sleep problems for the last 16 months or so. But to take your advise, I even have difficulties to write down what motivates me. I often feel like a cork on the water, no directions, just randomness. The best way to describe it is the feeling as if my batteries are just empty and my brain is full. The burning fire has been put out and I am not able to lighten it again. End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in. Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
compsports Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Hi Maybe, ""The problem is that I had those "symtoms" before I took the meds. As a matter of fact, I took the meds because of those symptoms. My sleep is the only thing that has been back to normal after I went to the hospital. I did not face any ("conscious") sleep problems for the last 16 months or so."" Even if you had these symptoms prior taking meds, I think the principal of brain reprogramming still applies. ""But to take your advise, I even have difficulties to write down what motivates me. I often feel like a cork on the water, no directions, just randomness. The best way to describe it is the feeling as if my batteries are just empty and my brain is full. The burning fire has been put out and I am not able to lighten it again."" Sorry I wasn't clear and I definitely understand what you're saying. Would it work perhaps to come with one interest? It doesn't have to be anything that fancy and think of one way you could engage in the activity. Hopefully, by starting, that would get your brain moving. Regarding being random vs. having a direction, I am starting to realize that when I work with the way my brain is trending, it is alot easier. For example, today, due to not having enough sleep, I am random as heck. But I am actually finding I am coming up with alot of ideas. I just have to make sure I capture them so that when I feel like I am more in the direction mode, I can head that way. I guess what I am trying to say is don't fight it and work with it an an advantage if you can. CS Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010 Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006 Finished taper on June 10, 2010 Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016 Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maybe Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Well, I guess I have to go to therapy to try to solve this problem. It is not that bad when I am at home, but working with no energy left is nearly impossible. I am working in the games industry and have to be creative now and then, understand new technical stuff and developments, but I just can't. My brain feels "full" on the one hand and my body empty on the other. And I have to function properly to be able to have a good career. End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in. Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted July 28, 2011 Administrator Share Posted July 28, 2011 It's very hard to distinguish between ordinary demotivation that gets one a diagnosis of depression and treatment with antidepressants and the demotivation that is a neuro-emotion generated by withdrawal syndrome. As cs said, poor sleep seems to exaggerate those neuro-emotions. I know I feel so much better and able to handle the world when I have better sleep, which happens occasionally these days. On the other hand, there are reasons we originally sought out solutions to what we identify as emotional problems. But if your nervous system has been sensitized by withdrawal, you need to accept it that you will not be able to simply take a pill to deal with even life-long emotional problems. You may, indeed, have to do difficult work to either accommodate yourself to emotional pain or change your life to reduce that pain. What I've found for myself is a lot of that emotional pain came from me expecting too much of myself and expecting always to fall short. Maybe, in the U.S., "burn out" is a term we use to describe becoming exhausted or unmotivated at work. Is that your situation? If so, is there any way you can change your work, even slightly, to make it less draining? Or, are you thinking you always need to excel, and can't allow yourself to relax at work, accept your competence, and take it day by day? Perhaps you can stop pushing in your career for a bit? (This is such a good topic that would be of interest to many people -- would it be okay if I moved it to Symptoms and What Helps?) This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maybe Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Hi Alto, Yes, no problem. I only opened it here, because the situation evolved years before I took the pills and has nothing to do with my withdrawl, even though the latter of course adds to it. One of the main reasons I guess always was that I never knew what I wanted to achieve in life, where my strengths are. I am a perfectionist and so I always looked for the one thing that might hook me up, "enlighten my fire" and where I could excel, become "perfect". Till now, i did not find that one thing and during the past 6 years my overall interest and motivation declined extremely. Furthermore I got concentration and memory problems which added to my frustration, as I deem intelligence as one of the most important things in life. My work environment is fantastic. I have great co-workers and bosses and the work is quite diversified. But I am still uncontent, always having the feeling that I am somehow unchallenged and that I did not find "me", yet. On the other hand my cognitive abilites are quite hampered, although every single medical examination has found nothing. So i often sit there and just have no energy to do anything, I am distracted easily and cannot concentrate and feel exhausted even if the work I have to do is easy. This is why I took the darn ADs eventually as i was diagnosed with depression. Sometimes I think being as dumb as a toast would make life much easier... End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in. Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted July 29, 2011 Administrator Share Posted July 29, 2011 Maybe, how did I know you were a perfectionist? It really sounds like the difference between what you expect of yourself and what you can actually do in your present condition makes you anxious, dissatisfied, and dispirited. Learning to accept yourself would address not only your present condition but your original condition. Perhaps this is a situation where at work you need to act "as if." - "As if" you are alert - "As if" you are happy in your job - "As if" you are confident - "As if" you are not anxious about your performance - "As if" you intended to be there a long time Have you noticed at work there are people who are quiet and not stars but do their work and are accepted as team members? Try to be one of those people. It will be less stressful for you. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maybe Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 How did I know...well, I am never satisfied with what I have done. I always think that it could have been better or that it weren't my abilities but luck or benevolence from others. I hate making mistakes and I need a lot of time to even get over small faults. I remember that when I was around 15 or 16, I could not read articles about high intelligent and successful young people, because it always brought me down. No idea why. But as I said, this condition was existant before I took the medication. The demotivation started when I left school and went to university. The longer I could not find what my "purpose" in life was, jobwise, the more demotivated I got and this has been the case ever since. I once was a very idealistic guy, no I am just burned out. I want to go out and achieve something, give everything for that one thing, but I cannot find it. So it does not have anything to do with my work. Whenever I have to use my "grey cells" I am missing the energy. I have difficulties to understand new things, because everything bores me, but there is no reason why. At least I cannot find it. I really need a therapy I guess. End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in. Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted July 29, 2011 Administrator Share Posted July 29, 2011 No, Maybe, it was I who recognized you were a perfectionist! Well, of course, you're never satisfied with what you do and you berate yourself all the time. The small creative child in you must be very discouraged. Be kind to your self, Maybe. Look at the "as if" ideas. One or two of them might work for you. Do a bit of pretending at work to protect your vulnerable inner child. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maybe Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Sorry, I misread that. That's my great concentration... End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in. Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maybe Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 Hya, even though my concentration and memory are poor (had that before taking the pills, so not wd related), I still have the feeling that I become totally dumb, because I undercharge my brain. I have a very strong feeling of discontent. Whenever the wd symptoms lessen, this feeling gets stronger and stronger. But how can I charge myself, when my brain doesn't have any energy? And how can my brain be discontent in this case? I just don't get it, but the situation is another heavy burden...feeling more and more useles when I see that other evolve intelligence wise and I am getting dumber and dumber. End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in. Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted September 5, 2011 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 5, 2011 Hya, even though my concentration and memory are poor (had that before taking the pills, so not wd related), I still have the feeling that I become totally dumb, because I undercharge my brain. I have a very strong feeling of discontent. Whenever the wd symptoms lessen, this feeling gets stronger and stronger. But how can I charge myself, when my brain doesn't have any energy? And how can my brain be discontent in this case? I just don't get it, but the situation is another heavy burden...feeling more and more useles when I see that other evolve intelligence wise and I am getting dumber and dumber. May, Feeling like your life is not complete, feeling unsatisfied with your life, like there is somewhere more you need to go, like something is missing--this is not a disease. This is being human! Life is deep and rich and complex and mysterious. It's only social convention that says we should be satisfied and happy if we have a good job and enough money. Perhaps you are not as simple as that. Life, the true human experience, is much deeper than that. Throughout history, and long before the invention of civilization, part of being human has been to search, to go deep, to journey, to be dissatisfied. It's part of the mythology and legend and traditions of all humans. You are human! It's a wonderful thing to be. You may need to search. There may be secret traumas buried deep in your past that are now demanding to be discovered and healed. Or you may have spiritual or creative or emotional needs that are not being met by your current life, which you need to explore. Or maybe even both. Or something else. Who knows? Therapy might help, if it's therapy focused on helping you unfold and explore and develop, not focused on "fixing" you so you will fit in. But right now the withdrawal waves you experience are probably complicating things too. It's hard to sort it all out. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted September 5, 2011 Administrator Share Posted September 5, 2011 I agree, Rhi. There's something really wrong with the modern idea that you must be successful, energetic, happy, and outgoing at all times, with no time for grief or disappointment. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maybe Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Thank you for your posting, Rhi! Though it is normal that human beings do search and look for new goals, there has to be a point when you are at least content and happy. But this permanent feeling of dissatisfation cannot be normal? And yes. There are needs that a currently not being met and it is very hard to achieve this with wd going on. A therapy might help a little bit, so I am planing to attend in the near future. End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in. Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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