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Share about your windows - a hope filled thread!

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pug   
pug

Hello Everyone,

 

How about a thread where we can share about any windows that we experience. So much of withdrawal and recovery has us intently focused on our suffering and our symptoms we need the hopeful message of those who are experiencing windows.

 

I will start. I have been in a 3 day window of feeling at least 50% better! I just went through a long, hellacious wave that had me on the ropes and feeling desperate. And then suddenly the light switch was flipped and I feel almost like my old self, and it has given me renewed hope and some reassurance that I am healing. I don't know how long it will last but I am so thankful to have it.

 

Who's next?

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LoveandLight   
LoveandLight

It feels like forever since my last window but the burden of all self-consciousness lifted and I could just get on with all tasks and not just surviving minute to minute...time seemed to flow, where now it feels stuck or slow.

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Mort81   
Mort81

I like the idea of this thread. I have just passed the 11 month mark of WD. I can say I have been feeling more and more mental windows of hope that I will in the near future have a good day. Eventhough physically I am still overwhelmed by symptoms, my mind is becoming more hopeful that one day I will feel good again

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servadei   
servadei

I'm having one! It's lasting about 3 hours right now... I'm feeling comfortable in my skin, I was laughing with my friends and I have less intrusive thoughts. Also, I have derealization but I don't pay much attention to it. I just got home from work and I'm feeling tired...It's a great feeling, not exhausted from anxiety, my thoughts, dp/dr... Just normal human after work tired. :) Going to enjoy nice meal and tea and I might even take a hot bath! I think everyone here knows how hard it is to take a shower let alone bath. I had problems either being to exhausted to take a shower or not being able to stay under one longer than 10 mins.

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pug   
pug

Mort and Servadei this is wonderful to hear! LoveandLight I am wishing and hoping my hardest that a window comes your way very very soon, you deserve it!

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Steelhead   
Steelhead

I recently was driving back home from golfing; its about a 30 minute drive.  The weather here in the mid west has been very nice lately and I had all the windows down in my truck.  I suddenly realized for a very brief 10 minute span that I had almost complete clarity in my thoughts and feelings then the fog in my brain and body slowly returned.  It did not last very long but it was very refreshing for that brief period of time!  It will be 4 years off for me in December of this year and I have only had one other time that I felt this way.  Please don't get me wrong I have progressed significantly over this timespan but these moments of true clarity are very amazing and a glimpse of what will come.

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Horns85   
Horns85

Two weeks ago I was driving home from work. It had been a extremely stressful week. I never would have imagined a window.(which is typically when they come)I was about halfway home and a sense of calm came over me. Suddenly all the symptoms that I would consistently worry about, I was no longer worried about. I was able to be happy about the upcoming weekend and the plans with my wife and daughter that evening. About 75% of my symptoms went away that night and the ones that remained, I could have cared less about. It lasted that evening and into Saturday afternoon with Saturday night still being pretty good. Sunday morning was good and all hell came back Sunday afternoon. It did give me hope and that was my longest window to date! More to come for all of us!

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Mort81   
Mort81

Thanks pug and love light. Maybe I need to emotionally feel better first. Than physically, wholeness can happen faster. Rather than just wait for symptoms to go away to feel better.

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Rockingchaircat   
Rockingchaircat

Resurrection.

 

In the last 2.5 weeks I've had 3 windows lasting anywhere from 2 to 4 days (nights) in length. Now for me said 'window' involved not getting that sleep depriving aspect of Cortisol Spikes. Which meant- that during said windows- I had some nice indulgent and darned close to refreshing sleep.

 

It mostly seems to have been a result of my getting rid of my morning coffee- though the supplements added (like omega-3) for example did or does seem to help.  

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Junglechicken   
Junglechicken

I have learned that I can be in heaven and hell at the same time living through the whole W/D thing.

 

When I walk in the glorious countryside and listen to the birds singing and see the animals grazing in their fields, the bunnies and the spring flowers in bloom I know I'm in heaven.

 

Then my W/D mind will kick in and torment me as well as my current physical symptoms. I might also start crying mid-walk at the absurdity of my life which doesn't seem real.

 

I said a prayer on my walk today.

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manymoretodays   
manymoretodays

Well, I can dream about yard work being fun and having none of the self consciousness mentioned above.

 

While contemplating snowflakes and loving March weather.

 

My last window, I mean real window of length was spurred on by crisis........or so it felt.  Lasted a couple of months, at least.  I can........however............find a few moments now the last couple of days...........precious window moments of peace............it's enough.

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Mort81   
Mort81

I had a window a month ago where I thought all the really bad days were over. It was amazing I actually was at piece and wasn't scared anymore. Well a few days later a vigorous massage triggered a massive wave. But im hoping ill get back to that window soon

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RockSie   
RockSie

So happy for you mort :)

The next window will come! Stay strong!

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Junglechicken   
Junglechicken

I think I'm in a window now and have been for the last 2 weeks (minus all of the hormonal crap that comes having my TOTM).

 

Also, I agree with Mort that improving one's emotional/mental disposition can induce a window as this is what happened to me 2 weeks ago.  

 

Its because of this that I believe in Echart Tohls "Pain Body" teachings - thanks SG and friends.

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scottly9999   
scottly9999

Hi Guys

This is a GREAT idea, to try and focus on the positives, as opposed to wallowing in the negatives all the time.

 

I've had some nice windows.

Sometimes they last for a while, and feel symptom free.

 

My most recent one was the best though.

While tapering from Lexapro 2mg to 1.8mg - using liquid.

THe bottle was about 4 months old, and although I started to get a few bizarre sensations - I started to - very slightly - feel unmedicated - like the world seemed more real and I felt more connected to it.

Little things, like I cared and enjoyed how the light danced in the back room - as the sun was setting through our palm trees - I remember enjoying that previously (before meds).

Small sense of satisfaction from doing just a small job also.

 

It wasn't as though I was more happy, just felt more real, and felt like emotions were starting to bubble up again.

 

It gave me massive hope that I'll return to normal - once I'm done - and once my nervous system is ready.

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Mort81   
Mort81

Thanks Rocksie!! I think Ive gotten back to my pre massage form. Doing better ! 

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Dan998   
Dan998

I notice that hope returns when I'm in a window. I can image a future again. I have a belief that my life will get better and I can start to make plans about how I'm going to get there. 

 

I get more motivation to do things that I've been putting off for ages. I almost get a sense of enjoyment, almost, but not quite.

 

Another noticeable thing about windows is that my eyesight usually becomes clearer, colours seem much more vivid and I can see more fine details than usual.

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Mjau   
Mjau

This is a great thread topic!

 

My last window was yesterday a couple of hours. I had been really tired that day, zombie like. After resting and after having something to eat I suddenly felt better. The fog literally lifted from my head. It is such a wonderful feeling when that happens! It was truly joyful - like being back in life as an active participant.

Today hasn't been as good a day and especially the last two hours I have been quite depressed.

I am glad I found this thread right now in the middle of a wave. I'm feeling a little bit more hopeful again that the window will come back :-)

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scottly9999   
scottly9999

I'm also feeling like I'm just coming into a window.

Had a rotten wave for last few weeks.

This window feels a bit different too - as I'm stabilizing on a much lower dose, I can feel my mind is much clearer and more "connected".

Feeling more contented as opposed to MEH - or nothing.

Had a good sleep last night too - which has obviously helped.

 

It feels like when you're almost drowning in a wave that it's going to be forever - you can't remember what a normal feeling should feel like.  You also seem to remember ONLY the times you've felt lousy.

It's so hard to remember the good times, but you just need to TRUST it will be ok.

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scottly9999   
scottly9999

Hi Guys

 

Currently in a window now - much needed after horrible wave recently.

But each new window I get, I feel even less medicated.

It's only in those windows that I can see how NUMBED I have been for so long on the SSRI's.

Little glimpses of caring about my surroundings and feeling more connected to my body and environment.

and even little bits of feeling CONTENTED!  It's lovely.

HOpe it lasts!

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tntd   
tntd

I had a wonderful three day window. I actually wanted to do things and found myself randomly cleaning things, and I don't like to clean!! My mind felt so clear which was nice since I have felt like my memory has been about two seconds long recently.

 

I enjoyed spending time outside with my dog. We played with the water hose wich is her favorite thing to do. She was happy and soaking wet. I was even laughing and completly absorbed in the moment. It was wonderful. 

 

I was able to get out of the house and not feel overstimulated which is a first for me. 

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Waiting12   
Waiting12

Bumping a good positive thread. I haven't had any symptom free windows yet but I enjoy reading about them for hope.

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SkyBlue   
SkyBlue

Hi everyone, 

 

tntd that sounds awesome! 

 

I want to share about some improvements I've seen, in the hopes that it will inspire people: 

 

During my windows, which are getting better and better (so if you're out there reading this and feeling despair, hold on!!!!!)

- I feel clearer than I have in years

- I am way more able to focus

- I am much more able to remember things and "hold" things in my brain, which is very exciting because I didn't even realize it was a problem on SSRIs. I think for a long time I had a low-level "confusion," which I wouldn't even say was confusion-- just a feeling like, for example, at Christmas, not really being 100% clear about who I had bought gifts for, what remained to be done, even looking at a list, I would kind of have this "???" feeling. I wouldn't have called it confusion; I wouldn't have even called it anything because it was just the way I felt. 

 

 

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tntd   
tntd

Skyblue,

 

I'm so happy to hear that your windows are getting better and better. I'm so excited for you. I also have that low level confusion you speak of. Mine comes and goes though so I'm aware of it when I have it, well I think I am anyway  :P

 

I had one window in December. It was only part of the day but it was long enough that I was able to get out, I have agoraphobia and am housebound except during windows, and buy a massage for my husband for Christmas. It was so nice to be out with people and not have any anxiety about it. It felt so good to feel like me. 

 

Wishing wonderful windows to everyone.

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SkyBlue   
SkyBlue

Thank you, and hope you continue to get better too!

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