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Ucfgemini: Off meds for first time in 13 years


Ucfgemini

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Hi everyone. I can't tell you how much just knowing other people experience the same things helps me. I have had anxiety issues since I can remember. When I was little I couldn't be away from my mom or grandmother because I was afraid they would die. This caused extreme anxiety for me. I have never been able to vacation or spend the night at people houses because of it. When I was about ten years old I had my first panic attach with obsessive thinking. I felt like I wanted to kill myself.this created so much anxiety for me because I did not want to have these thoughts or feelings. The thoughts that would associate with the feelings changed frequently from harming myself to loved ones to pets to just fear of snapping and being a lunatic that killed people. This episode lasted for months before it went away. I continued to live my life with my fear of death and separation anxiety from my mother and grandmother. I experienced another episode when I was about 14. Same thing..lasted a few months then went away. No enjoyment in things and they were always so much worse during nighttime. I was paralyzed with fear. I would pace and felt like I needed to sit on my hands to keep myself from acting out the thoughts I had in my head. It was a nightmare. The last severe episode I had was when I was 19 and told my parents I needed help. I really thought I was crazy and this is how people felt before they hurt themselves or other people and that scared the crap out of me. I was put on paxil and had a normal life. The older I got the more I realized the potential problems from ssri's. I would like to have a baby so needed to discontinue meds prior to getting pregnant. I stayed on paxil for quite a few years before starting zoloft then lexapro. I noticed that I didn't seem to be comprehending my past...it was weird. Like I would think of things that happened in the past and it didn't feel like it was really me.

Anyways, last year I started to wean off meds. I went from 2o mg of lexapro to 1o and was fine for about a month or two. I started having health obsessions ...every little thing wrong wipth my body including a red mark made me think I was dying. I also had a fear that I was going to snap. I had a night long episode last February. It scared me enough to cal my doctor who said to start back on 20 mg of lexapro so I did. I went through the depression that usually follows the episode for a few weeks then felt better. I started going for acupuncture a little over a year later to withdrawal properly. I went from 2o mg to 15 to 1o to 5 then 5 every other day. I was doing ok for the first two weeks then I started noticing weird feelings again. The health obsessions started happening and I kept getting anxiety over death. The thought of something happening to my pets or parents caused such intense anxiety. I was up al night frozen with fear. Now I am dealing with e after effects... I am so sensitive. For example, I found a dog in the road and brought him home and I feel what I think are his emotions...fear, abandonment, sadness and then it creates more anxiety because of how I think he feels and it hurts me. Does that make senses? So far Tuesday was the only extreme night but I am dealing with those dreaded feelings when I open my eyes in the morning and the fear that I will never get better and the dread of the suffering in the future from losing my parents and pets. Part of me wants to throw in the towel and say I can't take this and just take meds but e other part of me is fighting. I am so scared that I am not normal and I was destined to hurt myself or something. My therapist made it very clear that people that do things like that do not experience the anxiety from it, but my God is it hard.

 

So here ji am three weeks into withdrawal and so scared but glad to know I'm not alone. I'm supposed to leave on a work trip for three days on Wednesday and I dont know what to do...I know I need to stand up and fight this but I feel like not going would alleviate so much anxiety.

Extreme fear of death since I can remember/ severe anxiety as a child/ first panic at 10 which lasted about two months and reoccurred three years later and again four years later with each episode lasting months/ started paxil in 1997, switched to zoloft around 2002 then to effexor in 2004 for a month then to lexapro which I remained on until three weeks ago. Last dose taken three weeks ago. Just beginning to experience reoccurring anxiety , OCD and depression.P

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Hi Ucfgemini!

 

Regarding the medical and withdrawal issues, I am not that experienced, but there are people in here who are well-informed and be able to advise you and answer your interrogations on this subject.

 

However, you seem to be suffering from obsessions. I don't know which is the proper english denomination, I hope I am clear clear. I have this very bad problem too. Believe me, I know what it is. If you want, we could talk about this, if you feel like it.

 

I hope you'll find here the support you need and that you'll be quickly done with the withdrawal.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Hello, ucfgemini. Thank you for joining us.

 

The way you tapered off Lexapro, alternating doses, often leads to withdrawal symptoms.

 

Do you have any withdrawal symptoms?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I was doing pretty well until last Tuesday night when I had a severe panic episode with obsessive thoughts. Now, I think I'm suffering more from the depression that occurs after an attack than anything else. I'm just scared that I will never get better and have the dark cloud of all the things that I will have to endure in the future (losing my parents and others close to me, etc.)

Extreme fear of death since I can remember/ severe anxiety as a child/ first panic at 10 which lasted about two months and reoccurred three years later and again four years later with each episode lasting months/ started paxil in 1997, switched to zoloft around 2002 then to effexor in 2004 for a month then to lexapro which I remained on until three weeks ago. Last dose taken three weeks ago. Just beginning to experience reoccurring anxiety , OCD and depression.P

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Are you feeling any differently from before you started medication?

 

Did you feel this way on medication?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Yes, these feelings are why I started taking meds back in 1997. The only time I experienced while on meds was about 2 months after I had cut my Lexapro dosage in half. I then increased back up to my original dose and was fine.

Extreme fear of death since I can remember/ severe anxiety as a child/ first panic at 10 which lasted about two months and reoccurred three years later and again four years later with each episode lasting months/ started paxil in 1997, switched to zoloft around 2002 then to effexor in 2004 for a month then to lexapro which I remained on until three weeks ago. Last dose taken three weeks ago. Just beginning to experience reoccurring anxiety , OCD and depression.P

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Welcome... and thank your for your kind words.

 

...

 

I just erased a big long mess I wrote... I'm not making much sense.

 

Just... I send you a big, big hug. I can relate to a lot of what you say, even though what I first went on meds for was depression instead of anxiety... the oversensitivity, the feeling like you can finally have a normal life because of meds, the wanting to get off them go have a baby, etc.

 

One of the things that alerted me that what I was going through was withdrawal and not just another depression was the new anxiety and panic attacks... I guess in your case it would be harder to tell, since you had those before taking meds (though there's probably a lot of variety in the types of withdrawal we experience).

 

Since it's fairly recently you went off of the ADs, I think if you want to go off of them and find other ways of coping with your anxiety and OCD, it probably would be a good idea to reinstate them and then do a looong, slow taper. Other people on here can give you better opinions than me.

 

Whatever you decide, I hope you find some relief. It is a terrible thing to live in fear. My thoughts are with you.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Thank you for the responses. I was on Lexapro but it did not seem to be as effective as it once was. I do have a Rx for Zoloft to start if I need it. I have considered starting it, but I'm hesitant. I have only given this three weeks and I really only started feeling like this last week. I have been taking 5htp every other night (just 50 mg) and it seems to help a little bit. So, even if I did "reinstate" I would use a different med.

Extreme fear of death since I can remember/ severe anxiety as a child/ first panic at 10 which lasted about two months and reoccurred three years later and again four years later with each episode lasting months/ started paxil in 1997, switched to zoloft around 2002 then to effexor in 2004 for a month then to lexapro which I remained on until three weeks ago. Last dose taken three weeks ago. Just beginning to experience reoccurring anxiety , OCD and depression.P

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I just started having pretty severe withdrawal or relapse problems last week. I have a three day/three night business trip that I am supposed to leave for on Wednesday morning, but I am scared to death. It's bad enough to feel like this, but to feel like this away .. I just dont know.

Part of me feels like I should get on that plane and not let this defeat me, but another part of me just wants to be home and deal with this. It's just such a time of uncertainty. I'm scared that my "suite mate" will hear me cry or notice that I'm not sleeping all night and can't sit still. I'm so confused.

Extreme fear of death since I can remember/ severe anxiety as a child/ first panic at 10 which lasted about two months and reoccurred three years later and again four years later with each episode lasting months/ started paxil in 1997, switched to zoloft around 2002 then to effexor in 2004 for a month then to lexapro which I remained on until three weeks ago. Last dose taken three weeks ago. Just beginning to experience reoccurring anxiety , OCD and depression.P

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If you are 3 weeks off I would not hesitate to reinstate and taper slowly. I would give up all my possessions to turn back he clock to end 2007 and taper the right way. I am disabled from work now for 3.5 years and I think I will need onw year or so more. And then I may pray to find a new job after 4 years at home due to a disease that does not exists according to modern medicine...

If your functioning is really affected by WD, I guess the best option is to reinstgate and taper very slowly and smear out the WD over a periode of 2-3 years.

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
after 8.5 years working again on a 90% base and basically functioning normally again!

 

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I am already in to this three weeks. I had one bad episode last week and lingering depression that seems to be slowly lifting so I am VERY hesitant to start taking meds again. I was on Lexapro and that wasn't doing much for me anymore so even if I did reinstate it would be to Zoloft which is what I took before. My main concern right now is whether to get on that plane and go on my business trip or just say I'm sick and can't make it.

Extreme fear of death since I can remember/ severe anxiety as a child/ first panic at 10 which lasted about two months and reoccurred three years later and again four years later with each episode lasting months/ started paxil in 1997, switched to zoloft around 2002 then to effexor in 2004 for a month then to lexapro which I remained on until three weeks ago. Last dose taken three weeks ago. Just beginning to experience reoccurring anxiety , OCD and depression.P

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I think if I were in your shoes I would reinstate to a very, very low dose of Zoloft (say 12.5 mg if possible, if not 25mg), and see if that alleviates the symptoms... going up if well tolerated. Then I would take a year or two to very gradually go off the drugs. It's worth a try... three weeks is not very long. A couple of years ago I reinstated after three or four months and it worked. Then I was dumb enough to quit cold turkey last year! The only reason I did not reinstate and taper this time around was because 8 months had passed before I found out about how important it was to taper gradually and by now it's probably too late (too much risk to try)... I didn't know that I could be fine at first and then get worse.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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I'm sort of in the same dilemma... I'm being offered a job that normally I would jump at, but that involves me rescheduling a vacation and also going out of town for a month. Everyone tells me to take the job, but I feel so unstable now that I'm afraid it will make me worse and destroy the progress I've made in the past couple of weeks. At the same time, I hear for anxiety the worse thing you can do is start making your life smaller and limiting yourself. It's a tough call.

 

Are you able to put off the business trip, at least until you stabilize your situation?

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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In all honesty, I think going is the best thing to do. I spoke with my manager and basically just said I have not been "feeling" well without getting into details and he said it's not a big deal if I decide to stay home so I am. When I got this job I had to leave for three weeks. It is when I was on Lexapro. I had MAJOR anxiety the first night- I took a quarter of a Xanax and was OK by the 2nd day. I flew home on the first weekend and then I knew what to expect when I went back so it wasn't too bad.

 

I grew alot from that experience.

Extreme fear of death since I can remember/ severe anxiety as a child/ first panic at 10 which lasted about two months and reoccurred three years later and again four years later with each episode lasting months/ started paxil in 1997, switched to zoloft around 2002 then to effexor in 2004 for a month then to lexapro which I remained on until three weeks ago. Last dose taken three weeks ago. Just beginning to experience reoccurring anxiety , OCD and depression.P

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Nadia,

 

I am not an advocate for meds, that's why I am here. I do believe that if your life is in danger then it is important to stabilize. The problem with therapy and meds is that the meds take away the feelings and its hard to communicate what you feel when you're masking your feelings. I do not see why reinstating would be a problem regardless of how long it is has been. It is just an issue of finding the right meds. I have been fortunate in that all have worked well for me except Effexor.

Extreme fear of death since I can remember/ severe anxiety as a child/ first panic at 10 which lasted about two months and reoccurred three years later and again four years later with each episode lasting months/ started paxil in 1997, switched to zoloft around 2002 then to effexor in 2004 for a month then to lexapro which I remained on until three weeks ago. Last dose taken three weeks ago. Just beginning to experience reoccurring anxiety , OCD and depression.P

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  • Administrator

Yes, these feelings are why I started taking meds back in 1997. The only time I experienced while on meds was about 2 months after I had cut my Lexapro dosage in half. I then increased back up to my original dose and was fine.

 

Ucf, it's hard to tell if any of your symptoms are due to withdrawal syndrome.

 

If they are exactly the same as you had before treatment with antidepressants, and you do not wish to take antidepressants again, all I can suggest is you work closely with a therapist to learn how to manage them.

 

We don't have any special magic here to deal with psychological problems. We try to apply various coping techniques to withdrawal symptoms, but it sounds to me like you need individual face-to-face therapy.

 

I think if I were in your shoes I would reinstate to a very, very low dose of Zoloft (say 12.5 mg if possible, if not 25mg), and see if that alleviates the symptoms....

 

Reinstatement might be a good idea, Nadia, if ucf was suffering from withdrawal symptoms, but I'm not sure if that's the case.

 

And if withdrawal symptoms are a problem, reinstatement should be of Lexapro, which ucf recently quit, not Zoloft.

 

I went from 2o mg to 15 to 1o to 5 then 5 every other day. I was doing ok for the first two weeks then I started noticing weird feelings again.

Ucf, what was your tapering schedule? How long did you take 5mg every other day?

 

Did you have any withdrawal symptoms while you were decreasing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Administrator

Ucf, I merged the two topics you started in the Introductions forum. Each person has only one topic in this forum.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Sorry... my suggestion for the reinstatement was to prevent FUTURE possible problems with withdrawal by doing a really slow taper. As for the Lexapro vs. Zoloft... in some ways doesn't one "protect" you from the other? At least it seemed to work that way for me when I switched meds. But I guess it really varies person to person and drug to drug.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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  • Administrator

Switching from one antidepressant to another does not always protect one from withdrawal syndrome.

 

Each person is different.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hey Ucfgemini... how is it going? Did you make a decision about what to do?

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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