Terry4949: withdrawal help

[joy2730]

Hi

 

How are you now?

[Farm24]

On 12/17/2023 at 2:09 PM, Terry4949 said:

Thank you for your reply unfortunately I cannot tolerate any magnesium even in small doses even if sipped through water just can’t tolerate it other wise I would try it 

I have the same issue. Terry, I wonder if the low mood is because you have a reduction of physical sensations.  I notice I can't feel the breeze on my skin or that energy in my spine when I do something I enjoy.  I have also thought about reinstating a small dose, but i have such awful physical symptoms and have made progress but it makes me nervous to go backwards 

[Terry4949]

On 2/13/2024 at 3:49 PM, joy2730 said:

Hi

 

How are you now?

Hi joy2730 sadly I’m still struggling lots of physical symptoms and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry has been with me for the last 3 months constantly I’m just trying to get through the days but I feel rubbish most of the days 

 

[Terry4949]

Just can’t seem to lift the crippling depression every time I breath in I want to cry I feel total hopelessness and apathetic I feel like I’m loosing the battle 

I have tried everything under the sun to help every suggestion possible yet every morning it’s the same soul destroying feeling it’s now 7 years off all meds and my life feels like it’s over

i walk eat very healthy try to practise mindfulness I try to keep myself active even though I find no enjoyment in anything 

just can’t shift it and I try to be so positive about everything 

I just don’t know what to do next and I’m missing out so much on family and friends and life 

[direstraits]

I feel the same way.. almost 10 years of living like this... I feel like it's never going to end.still can't believe this is happening...a nightmare.

[arbor]

Dear @Terry4949 and @direstraits  I'm so sorry--and for all of us who've got caught in the nightmare of these drugs.

[direstraits]

43 minutes ago, arbor said:

Dear @Terry4949 and @direstraits  I'm so sorry--and for all of us who've got caught in the nightmare of these drugs.

Thank you ❤️

[Terry4949]

7 hours ago, arbor said:

Dear @Terry4949 and @direstraits  I'm so sorry--and for all of us who've got caught in the nightmare of these drugs.

Thank you I’m sorry you are going through this it’s unbearable 

[Terry4949]

8 hours ago, direstraits said:

I feel the same way.. almost 10 years of living like this... I feel like it's never going to end.still can't believe this is happening...a nightmare.

It’s just so awful I have tried literally everything clean living practising good hygiene positive talk acceptance everything but every day it’s the same struggle to just make it through the day I wake at 3 am then just wish I was not hear any more then crawl through the day until bed time and then it starts all over again 

7 long years since I have been off all meds living in hope that I would heal but I feel more lost now than ever and I can’t seem to get out of it 

I have started to have bad dreams at night now when I sleep normally I wouldn’t dream anything and I think waking from these dreams are making me feel worse 

I am sorry you are going through this no one should have to suffer life like this 

[direstraits]

Had to put our other cat down a couple weeks ago, I guess that doesn't help either.

I miss him so much.😢

[direstraits]

I'm sorry you're still suffering so much too @Terry4949... yeah I understand feeling more lost than ever.😔 And these damn Drs don't have a clue how to help 😖 it's just a dreadful situation.

Alto said everyone heals... I pray that she's right.🙏 you're in my thoughts.❤️

[Terry4949]

On 3/19/2024 at 3:49 PM, direstraits said:

Had to put our other cat down a couple weeks ago, I guess that doesn't help either.

I miss him so much.😢

I’m so sorry to hear about you cat I lost 2 of my dogs a few years ago and it broke my heart so I know how you feel 😔

[Terry4949]

13 hours ago, direstraits said:

I'm sorry you're still suffering so much too @Terry4949... yeah I understand feeling more lost than ever.😔 And these damn Drs don't have a clue how to help 😖 it's just a dreadful situation.

Alto said everyone heals... I pray that she's right.🙏 you're in my thoughts.❤️

That’s the awful thing there is no help for us doctors can’t help so we live with this daily suffering 

I have constant neuropathic burning in my feet hands and face which is a daily reminder of how I have been damaged all doctors can do is offer me pills to help it but I can’t take anything as I’m so sensitive and scared that it will do more damage

like you I hope Alto is right on the healing but at 7 years now I think it’s getting harder and the suffering is endless 

I felt slightly better in years 3-4 but then it just went down hill from there 

I hope you see some healing soon 

[direstraits]

I have the neuropathy too...it seems to have gotten worse over the years.

My eyes bother me a lot too.

I'm just so worn down after all these years.😞 I know you must be too. I just turned 69 last week and feel like my life is slipping away from me. It's scary.

Hope you see healing soon too.

[Terry4949]

I’m now 7 1/2 years of all meds unfortunately c/t by a stupid doctor after trying so many medications and I’m still battling depression and anhendonia so badly every day is such a struggle I’m really starting to believe that this is permanent 

I have improved slightly in other symptoms I managed to go back to work but I struggle to motivate or do tasks the day just seems so long as the low mood and anhendonic feelings engulf me all day I also battle such severe fatigue a tiredness that’s crippling the only thing that helps is the thought of bedtime where I can sleep away a few hours from the suffering 

I have a routine I get up at the same I wash have a light breakfast mainly porridge then I leave for work I struggle through the working day as my mind is so focused on the anhendonia and low mood I hardly speak to anyone as I just don’t feel like it 

then I get home and take my dog for a walk daily for a good hour I am lucky as I lived near lots of open fields and countryside so I get my exercise then come home and do my job list for the day I then eat a healthy meal and just think can I go to bed now so I can leave this suffering behind for a few hours then I wake for it all to start again 

at the weekends I go out walking shopping even fishing which I use to be so passionate about but I still feel so emotionally down and anhendonic my body and brain feel like I’m lost in a world of misery 

i try to accept it and not dwell on it and to see it for what it is but I think the mind over matter approach doesn’t really matter when your brain has been hammered by these drugs if it wasn’t for my children I think I would just give up on this life 

I have read so much literature heal and the brain I have tried so much over the years to help but even though I have had spells where it has lessened to a degree which has left me being able to cope better but for every wave they seem to get deeper and last longer not shorter 

I have read the success stories from top to bottom over and over again to try and keep giving me hope but some days I feel so further away from it than ever 

I have also seen people improve drastically at 5 years plus but not many like me 7 1/2 years out 

I hope this isn’t permanent just not sure how much I can endure just really need some hope 

thanks for listening 

[Farm24]

On 1/29/2024 at 12:59 AM, Terry4949 said:

Thank you for your reply 

I don’t suffer from anxiety fortunately it’s just more a physical and mentally depressive state but the nights are truly awful the burning tinging and I feel so hot the Adrenalin dumps are pure torture living of the back of 3 hours toxic sleep

i have always tried to look for facts and evidence but with this being such a complex thing withdrawal and not much information apart from this site it is hard to know what is right and wrong 

I do get over come by fear I know that as after 7 long years I’m afraid to try anything as I have tried things in the past and they have made things so much worse so I try to now just to ride it out but I’m not having much success which then feuls the fear that I will never get better 

I hope that your recovery and withdrawal goes smoothly so sending you a big hug 

I see you are in the uk as well 

 

It sounds like it got better for a while?

[Farm24]

On 2/5/2024 at 10:30 AM, Terry4949 said:

The sinus problem I have had for 3-4 years but at first it was just like a blocked nose but then as time went on I started to get terrible facial pain behind the bridge of the nose my teeth would hurt and so many headaches 

I was sent to the ENT and they said that the nose was clear and no obstruction so the gave me some antibiotics and steroid nose sprays but they didn’t do anything 

now I have a constant cough post nasal drip constant drives me barmy and ( sorry if this seems disgusting ) a thick clear mucus at the back of my throat constant 

 

I  tried to have a break from the site as I thought that maybe reading so much suffering was not helping my depression but in all honesty it’s probably the only place I can come to get reassurance that I’m not going mad 

the only time I want to be on here is to write a success story to be honest 

usually when I’m on here it’s because I suffering 

I hope you are doing much better and full healing is near 

thank you for reaching out to me 

Did you have the antibiotic before this wave?

[arbor]

Dear @Terry4949  Thank you for your update.  It means a lot to me.  Thanks for sharing your routines.  It's nice to picture you with your dog.  I'm very, very sorry that you, too, are having to go through this.  Perhaps the fact that Alto reports 11 years for her recovery (I think I have that right) can be somewhat useful.  

My best to you,

Arbor

[Terry4949]

8 hours ago, Farm24 said:

Did you have the antibiotic before this wave?

No I havnt had any antibiotics I was offered some by my doctor but declined them 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Hi Terry. 

Could you list what you think has improved for you over your journey and what you think has got worse? 

Maybe if we see a list of all symptoms and then you can say whether you still hwve them we can look for improvement?

[Terry4949]

5 hours ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

Hi Terry. 

Could you list what you think has improved for you over your journey and what you think has got worse? 

Maybe if we see a list of all symptoms and then you can say whether you still hwve them we can look for improvement?

The symptoms that have improved I would say over the years have varied my sleep was awful for the first 3 years I lived of probably 2 hours of toxic sleep but now I can sleep 4-5 hours but wake feeling exhausted and like I have not slept at all 

the cortisol mornings seem to have lessened a lot now and I get flare ups every now and then but nothing on the scale that I use to 

Akathisia has gone even after 3-4 years I still had the internal feeling of nervousness I couldn’t really sit still but I do get the odd flare but it doesn’t last long 

being unable to control my body temperature has lessened to a degree I would be very hot and sweaty for long periods of the day I still can’t sit out in the sun 

I can eat most foods now but I avoid high histamine foods I only drink water really no alcohol for over 20 years plus I don’t smoke I eat very little dairy as well and try to eat as clean as possible 

I can walk now as a exercise as in I can take my dog for a long walk but in the early years this would cause me so much physical symptoms as my body ached so bad and my muscles would cramp 

my stomach is back to normal now no gas or bloating or cramping the IBS like symptoms have gone 

the things that have definitely worsened for me 

Depression soul crushing 

Apathy and anhendonia 

the feeling of emptiness sadness due to the fact for all my efforts I just can’t seem to find any light I believe 

neuropathic burning in hands feet and lips has worsened over the years had this for 8 years no real relief 

fatigue definitely has worsened it’s very hard to find any strength to do the basics even though I keep pushing forward 

very emotional I want to cry about 6 times daily for no reason but yet I’m unable to this has been going on for about 5 months now every day I truly hate it

Trouble retaining conversations and information has worsened 

I think this covers most of my symptoms 

I still get a lot of headaches but I think that’s down to the depression I don’t have any anxiety 

thank you for asking after me and replying to my post 

 

 

 

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Terry4949!

 

I'm so very sorry for your ongoing struggles.  I wanted to share with you that I started to see glimmers of recovery at the seven year mark the last time I came off of meds (CT from Escitalopram, Wellbutrin and zopiclone all at once back in 2007).  It can take a VERY long time, but recovery happens!  Unfortunately, not knowing any better, I jumped back on escitalopram after some anxiety popped up when I changed jobs in 2016.  Now I'm tapering again- this time, doing it the right way, and hoping not to suffer for so many years. 

 

It looks to me like most of your physical symptoms have resolved, but the emotional ones remain.  This was the case for me as well- I was a rage gal though- rage was my dominant symptom.  I was so damned angry all the time.  My poor family.  I'm amazed my marriage survived.  But it did start to clear around seven years.  I do hold out hope for you. 

 

I will say that it takes some serious effort to recovery from the emotional impact of these drugs.  I've had to re-train my brain to look at things differently.  It didn't just happen for me.  Every, single negative thought- I had to challenge it by asking, 'is this really true?'  And often, it wasn't.  This was just my brain falling back into old, well-established patterns.  I had to actively focus on reality.  I see you live in a nice area to take walks- this is good!  I love walking meditation- actively focusing on your surroundings as you walk, rather than allowing yourself to ruminate.  I know- it's not that easy... but meditation of any sort is a PRACTICE.  Meaning it takes practice.  If your mind wanders and starts to ruminate, notice it, accept it, and pull it back to focus on your beautiful surroundings again.  You will have to do it thousands of times before it takes hold, but it is life changing.  You CAN retrain your brain!!!  I know you don't believe all that much right now, but I believe in you!❤️‍🩹

[Ariel]

I hear you @Terry4949

WD/PAWS can be so hard and feel truly relentless. 

You have come so far, give yourself so much credit for all your hard work! 

You are so brave and strong and I have nothing but the utmost admiration and respect for your efforts. 

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3

[Ariel]

Hi @Terry4949

Just to say I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. 

Healing vibes,

Ariel

[Terry4949]

I havnt posted for a few months I have tried to give myself a break from forums and groups to try and see less suffering as I find it can get overwhelming 

things for me havnt improved much but somethings have the worst for me is the on going depression it is truly relentless it just doesn’t give me a break I try to keep going I plan my day and carry out my tasks to motivate myself but the grip it has on me is unrelenting I cry most days now 

I am able to get out more and I walk a lot with my dog I try to do activities that are not stimulating and try to do things that I once enjoyed but all the time the feeling of sadness hopelessness and emptiness occupy my mind no matter what I do 

I’m still eating well no alcohol or smoking no drugs my sleep isn’t great I get to sleep at about 10 pm now I have no problems falling a sleep but still wake after 4 hours to the cortisol adrenaline spikes these have been going on for so long now I have tried everything that the self help advices in this group but they just keep coming maybe that’s why the depression is not giving me a break 

I have been practicing mindfulness for a while now but I still find it very hard to concentrate and to let go as the feelings are overwhelming 

I did start to work again for a short period but I have had to give it up as the depression made it so hard for me to concentrate plus just wanting to burst out crying in front of everyone didn’t help 

in March next year it will be 8 years off all meds time has flown I suppose but I never dreamt that I would be like this after so long like many on here how we have endured so much suffering is unbelievable 

things I am thankful that have gone are the akathisia and headaches I am able to tolerate more foods but I still have burning skin and temperature dysfunction which are still bothersome 

I wonder now if my brain has just hardwired it’s self now to a depressed mode even though I use distraction techniques I just wish it would give me a break and let my head up of the floor 

I hope anyone who takes time to read this is finding some light i wish I could heal each and every member 

thanks for letting me ramble 

[Catwoman73]

I'm so sorry for your ongoing struggles @Terry4949.  It sounds like you are doing everything right, and it sounds like you have seen some improvements, which is a good thing.  Keep working on the mindfulness.  I know it seems like a small thing... like pi$$ing in the ocean, so to speak.  You may not feel immediate effects from it for a while.  But I can assure you, if you are approaching every daily task with mindfulness, you are retraining your brain, even if it doesn't feel like it.  It took me two years of very serious self-training in mindfulness to really notice the full impact.  It's worth it to just keep trying. 

 

I wake up with those nasty cortisol surges too.  It's pretty brutal.  The only thing I've found that seems to help get my nervous system to calm back down is putting my headphones on, and listening to yoga Nidra  on YouTube.  I typically put on a 1 or 2hr one, and just lie there calmly, and focus my energy where the guide tells me to...  I can almost always get back to sleep.  Give it a try, if you haven't already.  With Yoga Nidra, you have to create a sankalpa- a short mental statement of intention.  Mine is "I am healing." Feel free to use it!

 

I don't believe at all that you are hardwired for depression.  I really do believe that if you keep making the effort to develop and integrate these coping tools, your brain will eventually catch on.  I know it's hard work at a time when you don't feel like working hard, but it's absolutely worthwhile. 

 

Wishing you some peace, @Terry4949.  8 years is a long time.  Sending hugs! ❤️‍🩹

[member21]

Hello Terry

Although these are said to be neuroemotions still I can tell you what I think help me to some extent. you may try them if it suits you.

1. I practice transcendental meditation, and I think it helps me a lot. For that matter any form of meditation is supposed to help.

2. Also my occasional sleepnessness is also controlled by listening to something interesting (but not stimulating) on youtube. Sometimes it is also guided sleep meditation. Other times a story...biography...anything.

3. I also get relief using EFT/tapping. You may refer to https://www.palaceofpossibilities.com/. There is a lot of free/nearly free stuff.

4. Finally I have heard (and to some extent experienced) that the books Feeling Great/ Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns also help in lifting depression and gloom. I would strongly recommend. They say that about two-third of the patients who followed the book became depression free in a month. So in withdrawal case also...it is supposed to help.

All the best.

 

[Terry4949]

Thank you for your replies the latest bout of depression has bought back the real deep anhendonia which I am truly struggling to live with its a inhuman feeling 

today I have been active I have walked for nearly 2 hours with the dogs then I pottered in the garden then hung some wall paper all the time though the feeling of emptiness consumes me i get no joy I feel so fed up plus fatigue is a big issue 
I have seen a few members who said that the last thing for them to leave was the depression and anxiety I hope this is my case can’t imagine many more years of this 

I keep reading the success stories over and over again just wishing it could be me some of the members on there I Remember speaking to them years ago but they healed after 3-4 years I’m coming up to 8 and I don’t see many healing after so long 

i was 50 when all meds were c/t I’m now on my way to 58 so many wasted years withdrawal depression sucks 

[Terry4949]

I’m not sure if I’m going back into a complete set back I have been really struggling the last 2 weeks to be honest a few of my old symptoms have flared up and over the last 3-4 days my anxiety has started to flare my anxiety stopped after year 3 of withdrawal but to day I have had the worst panic attack my whole body burned especially my face and arms and all the old memories of the years of suffering came flooding back it was so overwhelming I just started to cry

i havnt had a panic attack in 7 years I have forgotten how bad they were I just can’t get my head around how I feel is this a intense wave nearly 8 years out it all started 2 weeks ago when I just lost my appetite then my sleep just went to pot again and I started waking with very intense cortisol spikes 

Now things feel like they did in the first years how can this be 

I was reading last year that some people can store medications in there body like muscles for up to 10 years if they have been on medication for many years 

is it possible that this has anything to do with this horrific turn of events I can’t go through all this again I’m starting to feel like I’m back where I started