catmama: Introduction

[catmama]

Thank you for checking in, friends. I haven't logged in on here in a while. It's been really hard. I feel ok most days, but never good. And other days, I feel downright terrible. I know that the advice is to go slow, towards the end, but it's not working. Holding, doing micro-drops, etc. The results are the same: I feel like ****. So I am pressing on. I dropped 10% six weeks ago and did another 10% drop yesterday. So my current dose is now 0.73mg. It's truly insane to me that this tiny of an amount could have this much affect on my body. (I will read the links you sent Ariel, thank you.) My WD symptoms are 95% physical, pretty much always have been. It's so depressing to be essentially disabled like this at 34. Yes, I will get better. But when? That's what exhausting - physically and emotionally - to be enduring this for so long while life just passes me by. 

[catmama]

Also wanted to add that I’ve been having flu-like symptoms including body aches, exhaustion, and low-grade fever. Is this something related to WD, or more likely unrelated illness/virus? 
 

For context, I had a cold that lasted about 10-12 days, mostly just a lot of sinus congestion. It mostly cleared up and was feeling back to normal, then two days later I did my dose drop, then less than 24 hours later I got hit with body aches and a low grade fever. 

[Emonda]

Hi @catmama

 

9 hours ago, catmama said:

I’ve been having flu-like symptoms including body aches, exhaustion, and low-grade fever. Is this something related to WD, or more likely unrelated illness/virus? 

 

Those symptoms are certainly on the WD checklist: Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF). Have a look at items 29-34.

 

If you were sick recently, it could also just be a hangover from that, but the proximity of the symptoms to your dose reduction points towards WD.

 

I hope things pick up for you soon.

[Catina7]

9 hours ago, catmama said:

Also wanted to add that I’ve been having flu-like symptoms including body aches, exhaustion, and low-grade fever. Is this something related to WD, or more likely unrelated illness/virus? 
 

For context, I had a cold that lasted about 10-12 days, mostly just a lot of sinus congestion. It mostly cleared up and was feeling back to normal, then two days later I did my dose drop, then less than 24 hours later I got hit with body aches and a low grade fever. 

 

Have you been tested for Covid?  Just another thought to throw in the mix.

Edited June 26 by Catina7

[margaretLO]

13 hours ago, catmama said:

Also wanted to add that I’ve been having flu-like symptoms including body aches, exhaustion, and low-grade fever. Is this something related to WD, or more likely unrelated illness/virus? 
 

For context, I had a cold that lasted about 10-12 days, mostly just a lot of sinus congestion. It mostly cleared up and was feeling back to normal, then two days later I did my dose drop, then less than 24 hours later I got hit with body aches and a low grade fever. 

hello. yes i had them all in the beggining, ibelieve

they ll fade away. keep strong ❤️

[choytu]

the body aches, fatigue and overall muscle stiffness are my most persistent symptom until this day

hope it gets better with time

[catmama]

Thank you for the input everyone. Day three now with these symptoms and it’s worse today than yesterday. My fever is higher. So I do think it’s viral. I asked my dad about it, and he’s a PA, and he thinks viral as well. Unfortunately, my health insurance doesn’t start until July 1, so I can’t go to the doctor until next week. If anything gets really bad, I will go to the ER, but I’m hoping it won’t come to that. And hopefully with rest, fluids, and Tylenol it will get better on its own. I feel pretty miserable. Luckily my cat is laying on me now and healing me with her purrs and taking the chills away with her warmth. 

[Catina7]

7 minutes ago, catmama said:

Luckily my cat is laying on me now and healing me with her purrs and taking the chills away with her warmth. 

 

Aww, nothing like a fur baby to help comfort you.  😻  I hope you feel better very soon!  

[catmama]

I’m now on day six of low-grade fever and body aches. Also have broken out in a whole-body rash that looks a bit like chicken pox, but not nearly as itchy. I went to urgent care a couple days ago and the doc was very dismissive. I forgot to show her the rash because on that day, it wasn’t as prominent yet. She prescribed antibiotics. But I haven’t taken them yet because I don’t think I have a bacterial infection. I have no idea what’s wrong, and no idea if it’s withdrawal-related or not. All I know is that I feel terrible and it’s making me even more depressed. I can’t find any answers and I’m scared too. 

[Catina7]

22 minutes ago, catmama said:

I’m now on day six of low-grade fever and body aches. Also have broken out in a whole-body rash that looks a bit like chicken pox, but not nearly as itchy. I went to urgent care a couple days ago and the doc was very dismissive. I forgot to show her the rash because on that day, it wasn’t as prominent yet. She prescribed antibiotics. But I haven’t taken them yet because I don’t think I have a bacterial infection. I have no idea what’s wrong, and no idea if it’s withdrawal-related or not. All I know is that I feel terrible and it’s making me even more depressed. I can’t find any answers and I’m scared too. 

 

Oh no, that sounds terrible...I'm sorry.  A doctor being dismissive?  C'mon now, I find that hard to believe lol.  And don't you just love how they throw an antibiotic at anything before they even know what's going on?  Anyway, you may want to have a look at the thread on skin issues.  Maybe you'll find some answers in there:

 

 

[LostInCanada]

@catmama could it be shingles?

[catmama]

47 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@catmama could it be shingles?

I don’t think so. The rash isn’t painful. It looks like a bunch of mosquito bites and flea bites (size of the dots varies). It’s not any sort of bug bite though, and it’s not really itchy. It first appeared on my chest and neck, then spread out over the past two days from there all the way to my fingertips. I showed pics to my dad and he said it’s viral but didn’t elaborate beyond that. Very mysterious. 

[Ariel]

Hi @catmama

I'm sorry you've been feeling ill. Wishing you get some relief soon. 

Sending love and healing vibes,

Ariel 

 

[Chlo]

On 6/29/2024 at 5:49 PM, catmama said:

I’m now on day six of low-grade fever and body aches. Also have broken out in a whole-body rash that looks a bit like chicken pox, but not nearly as itchy. I went to urgent care a couple days ago and the doc was very dismissive. I forgot to show her the rash because on that day, it wasn’t as prominent yet. She prescribed antibiotics. But I haven’t taken them yet because I don’t think I have a bacterial infection. I have no idea what’s wrong, and no idea if it’s withdrawal-related or not. All I know is that I feel terrible and it’s making me even more depressed. I can’t find any answers and I’m scared too. 

Hello sweetheart, as I mentioned the other day, do you think it's 5th disease? Don't let the name scare you....it's not anything to worry about, just let it run its course. Our elementary school had it going around towards the end of the school year. 

Just checking in on you. Love you and BIG HUGS ❤️

[catmama]

Thank you all for the well wishes. Whatever virus I had, it seems to be better now, thankfully. Fever finally went away on day seven and the rash has cleared up 90%. I feel completely exhausted and drained, but that feels more like WD than anything else. It’s been nine days since my last dose drop, and the previous drop took about two week for symptoms to level out. So I’m expecting a similar pattern with this drop too. Hoping, anyway. 

[catmama]

Checking in.

 

That last drop I wrote about was a serious doozy. I held that dose until after my 35th birthday for the next drop. It's been about two weeks since my drop from 0.73 to 0.66 and it's gone comparatively much better. I still had intensified yucky symptoms for about seven to ten days, but they were tolerable and seem to have subsided.

 

I just continue to feel so frustrated. My emotions are okay for the most part. But mind is not as quick and sharp as it used to be. I find that if I'm fatigued, it's especially hard to focus and think deeply. It makes me scared to one day return to work. I fear I won't be as good of an engineer. 

 

I feel physically disabled as well. The fatigue is just relentless. All I want to do is lie down. I fight through it as much as I can, but it's so exhausting. I don't workout like I used to. I don't socialize. I don't feel able to get a job even though I'm at the point now where I need one. I am also having POTS-like symptoms, which are uncomfortable and just make any type of chore or outing so much more work. And my parents are supportive, but they told me that if I run out of money, I can't move back in with them. So in a few months I may need to find another living situation as well. I am trying to start an online tutoring service but so far have struggled to find clients.

 

I also called a place to inquire about an adult autism assessment. It's something that I've been considering for a long time and finally decided to pursue it now that I have state-provided health insurance. I suspect that being autistic could be both causing some of the symptoms I attribute to WD and also making all actual WD symptoms feel so incredibly heavy and debilitating because of my innate hypersensitivity. 

 

I'm just full of so much anger and sorrow. Of course, not every moment is like this. But it's often. The things I want to do - fall in love, work a fulfilling job, travel, etc - just feel so out of reach.