Erimus: my introduction and journal

[Emonda]

Dear @Erimus

I went away for a short break over the past week and had the opportunity to read your introduction.

 

I just wanted to say I admire your strength, tenacity, and willingness to help others as you deal with WD yourself.

 

Best wishes, Emonda

[AAOffZ]

@Erimus hi. Thought of you today. Wondering how your taper is going.  I know you recently restarted. 

[PattyCatty]

Hey @Erimus

 

Hope you're doing better-ish

 

Wondering if you've considered any non drug therapies such as reiki or acupuncture for soothing physical challenges?

 

I have heard both can be very good for things like this esp when nervous system related. 

 

I haven't tried either yet but may do if necessary. 

 

Wishing you all the very best ♥️

[Erimus]

I've hit a wall and seemed to have crashed quite hard. I guess I was pushing to get back to 50mg too quickly. I've learnt the hard way that my boundaries appear to be no more than 2.5% per month, which is quite demoralising.

 

In the ~4 months I've been tapering I've made it from 60mg (0.191gpw) to 52.43mg (0.167gpw). Going to hold for 10 days or so, then see how I feel. Ideally I reach 50mg (0.160gpw) by October 23rd which would put me back on track with the 2.5%/month schedule. Even in my current state shifting 0.007gpw in 2 months seems feasible.

Edited August 15 by Erimus

[BaccatePlayer]

Good luck Erimus! Your journey is already impressive and only better times are ahead.

[zma1]

I think I’m also on the 2% reduction rate. I think 5% is too much for me. I may also wait 6 weeks btw reductions. Right now Ive reached stability and then 2 days in a row I forgot/couldn’t take my meds and now 2 days back on, I’m feeling it. Some of us are just very sensitive to the changes. It’s not how quickly you go even though we really just want to be free of it. You’re not alone. The bright side is that now you know what your ideal pace will be. That in itself is a big win 😊❤️❤️

[Emonda]

6 hours ago, Erimus said:

I've hit a wall and seemed to have crashed quite hard.

 

I had been wondering how you were doing, Erimus. I'm sorry to read this.

 

6 hours ago, Erimus said:

I've learnt the hard way that my boundaries appear to be no more than 2.5% per month,

 

It's good to know what the boundaries are, so that you can stay within them.

 

6 hours ago, Erimus said:

which is quite demoralising.

 

Small reductions over longer periods add up! I think I stole that comment from littlebird.

 

6 hours ago, Erimus said:

n the ~4 months I've been tapering I've made it from 60mg (0.191gpw) to 52.43mg (0.167gpw).

 

Celebrate how far you've come, rather than focusing on how far you have to go.

 

6 hours ago, Erimus said:

Going to hold for 10 days or so, then see how I feel.

 

Any reason for a strategic hold is a good reason. Enjoy the tapering rest.

 

6 hours ago, Erimus said:

Ideally I reach 50mg (0.160gpw) by October 23rd which would put me back on track with the 2.5%/month schedule.

 

Yeah, I have these timelines in my head and a strong desire to keep pushing at times towards the finish line.

 

At times I have to remind myself of the Horowitz quotes in the deprescribing book: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. And, the tortoise beats the hare with tapering....but I know you know this. Sometimes it helps to be reminded by a third party.

[OnTheMend]

I hear you 

I’ve been reassured by your posts here many times and I think that it’s vital to know (& share) the times of struggle and success. 
I am 5 months in to a 5% per month taper after 25+ years on SSRI or SNRI. Every month I think about going to 10% because the ‘finish’ line is so far away. I’m scared of causing withdrawal that will set me back further - would it be tolerable - would it shift the finish line even further away? It’s REALLY hard sitting with these unanswerable questions. I guess, as others have said here - knowing your own limits is a very good thing. 
Keep sharing your experiences- we’re all piecing together something like an answer from other people’s story.

x

[Erimus]

In my mind the chronic muscle contraction and pain is an adverse effect of the sertraline. The problem I have now is I’m experiencing withdrawal symptoms from tapering too quick. My average reduction since April has been 3.3% of my current dose which is evidently far too high.

 

I’m holding for the next 1-2 months and then I will have to reassess. Eventually there will reach a point where I have to taper regardless. There is no future for me on this drug due to the numerous health problems it has caused. I just hoped the journey off would be more manageable.

[Erimus]

On 8/18/2024 at 10:03 PM, OnTheMend said:

I hear you 

I’ve been reassured by your posts here many times and I think that it’s vital to know (& share) the times of struggle and success. 
I am 5 months in to a 5% per month taper after 25+ years on SSRI or SNRI. Every month I think about going to 10% because the ‘finish’ line is so far away. I’m scared of causing withdrawal that will set me back further - would it be tolerable - would it shift the finish line even further away? It’s REALLY hard sitting with these unanswerable questions. I guess, as others have said here - knowing your own limits is a very good thing. 
Keep sharing your experiences- we’re all piecing together something like an answer from other people’s story.

x

In my experience it’s best not to find out if going quicker is a possibility. If you’ve found a rate that works stick to it indefinitely. Crashing and burning is miserable.

[sandman79]

3 minutes ago, Erimus said:

In my experience it’s best not to find out if going quicker is a possibility. If you’ve found a rate that works stick to it indefinitely. Crashing and burning is miserable.

I hope you get through this tough time man.. I am praying and hoping it will smooth over quickly

[OnTheMend]

On 8/21/2024 at 3:22 AM, Erimus said:

In my experience it’s best not to find out if going quicker is a possibility. If you’ve found a rate that works stick to it indefinitely. Crashing and burning is miserable.

You are quite right. I have tried to do this twice before and yes, crashing, burning, miserable - all good descriptions of the experience. 

[Farm24]

How are you doing Erimus?

[Erimus]

I seemed to have entered the depths of hell since the crash a few weeks ago. Two weeks ago akathisia came back with a vengeance, I couldn’t stop pacing and couldn’t be left alone. I felt sick all the time and could hardly eat. I was violently shaking with chills, was profusely sweating, and my legs felt weak and wobbly.
 

The next day I reinstated back up to 58mg from 52.5. The akathisia eased off a little but didn’t cease. Today I woke up around 4am and slowly entered the depths of hell again with severe akathisia. I don’t know how to describe it and I don’t know how to live with it. It’s so much worse than when I had it from May-Nov 2022.

 

The brain zaps have got out of control as well. Some days I’ve had 50-100 of them. I feel like I’ve broke my very sensitive brain all over again like I did 3 years ago.
 

I keep punishing myself for being so stupid as to think I could taper at 3%/month given my history. I can’t believe I didn’t pay attention to the warning signs of my withdrawal symptoms. I’ve chucked away all the hard work I did with my 2.5 year hold for the sake of trying to drop a few mg.

[Catwoman73]

I'm so, so sorry Erimus!  I think we all fall victim once in a while to pushing ourselves faster and harder than we likely should, with the hope we can get this poison out of our bodies quicker.  Please don't beat yourself up- it's a lesson learned.  That's all.  And you know as well as anyone that you WILL come through this.  Just keep breathing.  We're here for you! 

 

Sending lots of love and hugs! ❤️

[Franco12]

 

I'm sorry you find yourself in troubled waters, Erimus. I hope that the situation can improve soon. All the best.

 

Hugs ❤️

[Farm24]

1 hour ago, Erimus said:

I seemed to have entered the depths of hell since the crash a few weeks ago. Two weeks ago akathisia came back with a vengeance, I couldn’t stop pacing and couldn’t be left alone. I felt sick all the time and could hardly eat. I was violently shaking with chills, was profusely sweating, and my legs felt weak and wobbly.
 

The next day I reinstated back up to 58mg from 52.5. The akathisia eased off a little but didn’t cease. Today I woke up around 4am and slowly entered the depths of hell again with severe akathisia. I don’t know how to describe it and I don’t know how to live with it. It’s so much worse than when I had it from May-Nov 2022.

 

The brain zaps have got out of control as well. Some days I’ve had 50-100 of them. I feel like I’ve broke my very sensitive brain all over again like I did 3 years ago.
 

I keep punishing myself for being so stupid as to think I could taper at 3%/month given my history. I can’t believe I didn’t pay attention to the warning signs of my withdrawal symptoms. I’ve chucked away all the hard work I did with my 2.5 year hold for the sake of trying to drop a few mg.

I'm so sorry.  I know this won't make you feel any better but Dr Healy had a video and he said some people have these withdrawls no matter how slow they taper.  I actually ended up with akathisia a few nights ago.  I wish I had more encouraging words, but you are in the thick of it with so many of us. I wish you weren't 

[zma1]

@Erimus you didn’t Chuck it all away and don’t beat yourself up. This is you learning how to proceed. Remember that there’s no right and wrong here it’s just trial and error. We want to be rid of this stupid process in which we feel totally trapped, so if you tested the waters again to see if you can speed the process along, no one would blame you so you shouldn’t blame you. If you didn’t have a bad reaction you you’ve maybe pushed more to find the pace. I know that’s how I do it. And when I find a safe pace and stick to it I always start to test the limit a bit to just get it all over with. 
 

 Remember that you didn’t break anything, you will heal. That’s for sure. And now you have a better understanding of how to proceed. It just really sucks that you have to feel terrible in the mean time. I’m so sorry you’re suffering. It will lessen over time even if it doesn’t seem like it. A the accompanying anxiety about it being permanent will try to convince you and scare you into thinking you’ll never feel better again— that’s a lie. You will feel better again. The fact that you’re reacting at all is a sign that your body is doing its healthy process of finding homeostasis again. So that pain and akathesia and dizziness and etc is actually a sign of good health. It sucks that it’s so hellish and scary tho.
 

ok virtual hugs over the internet to you. You got this! You really do💪💪❤️