Patient2022: Fluoxetine taper - Breaking free, building me

[getofflex]

I hope by now you are over the misery caused by your period.  This is very common in WD.  Thankfully, I'm past that, as I'm in my 60's.  

 

Please see this link about supplements.  

 

Supplements

 

On 5/31/2024 at 3:53 PM, Patient2022 said:

It really makes me question if I’ll ever just have normal levels of energy and not be overcome by such life impacting symptoms before my period. :’( it’s horrible and gets in the way of my goals and ambitions. 

I truly believe that someday you will.  WD will tax the patience of a saint.  

[Patient2022]

On 6/9/2024 at 6:14 PM, getofflex said:

I hope by now you are over the misery caused by your period.  This is very common in WD.  Thankfully, I'm past that, as I'm in my 60's.  

 

Please see this link about supplements.  

 

Supplements

 

I truly believe that someday you will.  WD will tax the patience of a saint.  

Oh goodness, when you say it like that! It really feels like something is really wrong. Im getting my bloods done next week and will go buy some supplements..

 

The duration of these horrible symptoms before my period is getting longer now. So I only have a few days of normal energy. It’s scary, especially because it seems to be getting worse!

[LostInCanada]

@Patient2022 hi. I just noticed your signature on another thread that you commented on. You have been tapering at a faster rate than the maximum 10% encouraged on here. You may be experiencing more withdrawal symptoms because of going too fast. At these lower doses it is sometimes prudent to taper by less of a percentage or even use the brassmonkey slide method. It makes the changes easier to handle.

I would suggest sitting at your current dose for a few months. Because of the long half life it can take a solid month for all the symptoms to show up. After a solid hold, make sure not to do more than the 10% taper. You have worked hard to get here. You can always dilute your solution to make smaller cuts. You are doing great. Be patient and kind to yourself. ♥️👍🎉

[Patient2022]

22 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

@Patient2022 hi. I just noticed your signature on another thread that you commented on. You have been tapering at a faster rate than the maximum 10% encouraged on here. You may be experiencing more withdrawal symptoms because of going too fast. At these lower doses it is sometimes prudent to taper by less of a percentage or even use the brassmonkey slide method. It makes the changes easier to handle.

I would suggest sitting at your current dose for a few months. Because of the long half life it can take a solid month for all the symptoms to show up. After a solid hold, make sure not to do more than the 10% taper. You have worked hard to get here. You can always dilute your solution to make smaller cuts. You are doing great. Be patient and kind to yourself. ♥️👍🎉

Thank you, I have been holding recently  hopefully the symptoms lessen.

[Patient2022]

I’ve just had a look at a list of withdrawal symptoms coming off AD. It is so useful to have it in list form. I recently went doctors after a few symptoms, one including a sweet taste in my mouth. And guess what, “abnormal taste” is another symptom on the list.

 

I counted 25 symptoms I’ve had during this taper, out of a possible 58. 
 

The list: http://drglenmullen.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/AS-Appendix-1.pdf

 

[LostInCanada]

8 hours ago, Patient2022 said:

“abnormal taste” is another symptom on the list.

 

I counted 25 symptoms I’ve had during this taper, out of a possible 58. 

Sounds about right. I get bizarre phantom smells. It amazes me how doctors overall are in denial. 

[Patient2022]

Quick update, I’ve been so fatigued it’s ridiculous and it’s so so sooo frustrating. I have to let my feelings out because it’s ruminating in my mind on/off for the last few weeks. 
 

I’m between this disappointment in myself for taking so long to heal and feeling optimistic about achieving my goals. I feel like so many years have been spent recovering from trauma and now from the AD, and as a result I seem to always be set back from my professional aspirations. It’s really demotivating and it becomes a vicious cycle. 
 

I’ve had some challenging thoughts around it all recently. Am I really capable of achieving or has the AD and trauma dictated my life. Is this it for me.
 

I’ve also noticed I’ve become more sensitive to things (what others say/do). And it’s a pattern I’ve noticed in the past when i come off of the AD. I put it down to true feelings rushing to the surface when they’ve been suppressed by AD for so long. I’m very aware of it, so that helps trying to position what to do with those thoughts, ie process, give myself time, set boundaries etc. as I mentioned before I’m also so fatigued, to the point I went the docs & had a blood test. My body only allows me to do one full on task a day. It could be 2 hours out and that is it, I’m shattered as if I’ve ran a marathon. Today I had multiple things on. When i got in, I couldn’t do anything, I slept soo deeply from 4 to 8pm

 

Sometimes I’m so fed up of trying to perfect it all. I’m imperfect. Sometimes I just don’t want to have to think about everything to the deepest level. I don’t want to keep having to fight for normality. I just want some ease, something to be gentle for me. 
 

 

[Patient2022]

On 6/27/2024 at 4:45 PM, LostInCanada said:

Sounds about right. I get bizarre phantom smells. It amazes me how doctors overall are in denial. 

The gaslighting is something else! Have you found that symptom has come with lower doses? 

[LostInCanada]

6 minutes ago, Patient2022 said:

Have you found that symptom has come with lower doses? 

I had it before my cold turkey but didn't know it was related. After reading the symptoms list it made sense that it was paxil related. It comes and goes when it feels like it. No rhyme or reason to it. 

[Patient2022]

11 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

I had it before my cold turkey but didn't know it was related. After reading the symptoms list it made sense that it was paxil related. It comes and goes when it feels like it. No rhyme or reason to it. 

I’m so sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the healing ❤️‍🩹 

[Leyla]

How have you been @Patient2022 How's the fatigue lately? Did the blood tests help find the cause behind it?

[Patient2022]

3 hours ago, Leyla said:

How have you been @Patient2022 How's the fatigue lately? Did the blood tests help find the cause behind it?

Oh I’m just sad at the minute, low energy, so frustrated. The feelings that are probably numbed by the AD (ie the reality) is just hitting. I’m just so lonely in it all. That’s the only way to describe it. I need to speak but I don’t have a safe space. I’m just crying to myself a lot. Life feels crap.

 

i hope it’s going better for you my lovely x

[Leyla]

On 7/19/2024 at 9:07 PM, Patient2022 said:

Oh I’m just sad at the minute, low energy, so frustrated. The feelings that are probably numbed by the AD (ie the reality) is just hitting. I’m just so lonely in it all. That’s the only way to describe it. I need to speak but I don’t have a safe space. I’m just crying to myself a lot. Life feels crap.

 

i hope it’s going better for you my lovely x

I'm so sorry to hear that
It is a lonely journey indeed, but I hope you know that you're not alone in the struggle and that it is temporary.. I know this fact doesn't make things better and I hear you ❤️

I've been considering joining Baylissa's support groups through a monthly membership to share within a community and feel less alone during this experience. I've listened to her on an interview on Youtube and she seems wonderful.. Here is the link if you feel called to join. https://baylissa.com/become-a-member/. I haven't joined yet, but I think I will next month.  

I wish you brighter days to come. Thank you for your kind wishes my dear 

[Patient2022]

On 7/20/2024 at 9:31 PM, Leyla said:

I'm so sorry to hear that
It is a lonely journey indeed, but I hope you know that you're not alone in the struggle and that it is temporary.. I know this fact doesn't make things better and I hear you ❤️

I've been considering joining Baylissa's support groups through a monthly membership to share within a community and feel less alone during this experience. I've listened to her on an interview on Youtube and she seems wonderful.. Here is the link if you feel called to join. https://baylissa.com/become-a-member/. I haven't joined yet, but I think I will next month.  

I wish you brighter days to come. Thank you for your kind wishes my dear 

@Leyla thanks for sharing, is it similar to this forum? 
 

im struggling with lethargy, unhelpful thoughts and more than anything feel soo alone, even though there are family members, im lonely because they dont give me space or take me seriously.
 

I think since less AD, the feelings comes back more in tense. I’m just so very fed up. 
 

im worried ill spiral and I think im pretty close to the feelings of suicide ideation, because it feels there not much for me. And no one care anyway. This is what happens when I have to face the real problems without AD.

 

aaah there’s so much within, it’s so uncomfortable to sit with it all alone. 
 

 

[getofflex]

On 7/24/2024 at 11:23 AM, Patient2022 said:

im worried ill spiral and I think im pretty close to the feelings of suicide ideation, because it feels there not much for me. And no one care anyway. This is what happens when I have to face the real problems without AD.

In all honesty I must say I've face these same thoughts and feelings myself over the past couple of years.  Many of us become isolated when we are sick from WD for years, and the lockdown 4 years ago didn't help. I found that I've had to be proactive and do things to try and get my mind in a more positive way of thinking, as well as make myself get out and be around other people - which is hard, because we never know how we will feel that day, and WD is unpredictable.  I'm currently reading a book called "Healing What you Can't Erase" by Christopher Cook.  It is written from a biblical Christian perspective.  This book is doing wonders for my attitude and my perspective.  Hang in there.  It will get better. 

[Patient2022]

19 hours ago, getofflex said:

In all honesty I must say I've face these same thoughts and feelings myself over the past couple of years.  Many of us become isolated when we are sick from WD for years, and the lockdown 4 years ago didn't help. I found that I've had to be proactive and do things to try and get my mind in a more positive way of thinking, as well as make myself get out and be around other people - which is hard, because we never know how we will feel that day, and WD is unpredictable.  I'm currently reading a book called "Healing What you Can't Erase" by Christopher Cook.  It is written from a biblical Christian perspective.  This book is doing wonders for my attitude and my perspective.  Hang in there.  It will get better. 

Thanks for sharing, I think the worry my thoughts will get to suicide ideation is based on circumstances (and the knowledge of experiencing it in the past), where I don’t feel I’m seen or held by anyone. The lack of consistent good relationships where I can feel seen and belong.
 

I had a convo with a friend recently - we usually speak every so often but one point in life we spoke regularly and were close. Anyhow we spontaneously met up and she shared her issues and she allowed me space to let mine out (she heard me, was empathetic and non judgemental). And that really made a difference. For me it’s very much about having emotional support - I think with it I’m so much better. But that’s not always in our control. And that makes feelings more intense and I almost base my worth on it(when I’m v low).
 

A lot of the feelings are from deep realisations ie I’m putting myself in company that dims me/ being in company with people who are friends with someone who abused me as a child.  I realise I’m disrespecting myself. There are many instances like this (not all to that degree). But I think I’m trying to process and readjust. And that’s tough while not having the emotional support I need. 

 

It almost feels like restructuring my personality. Maybe it’s not entirely due to the AD withdrawal but maybe also age and reflection. Many things that happened in my youth and the past seem to come up after 30 - odd that. So my 30s feel like a time of processing and more deep healing. 
 

I'm feeling much more stable today and last few days. Nature of waves and windows I suppose. 

 

Again thank you everyone for sharing and hearing. @getofflex that book sounds interesting, I’m currently reading “healing your inner child” by Caldwell Ramsey and “Adult & children of emotionally immature parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson. Helps with the deep inner work. 
 

Does anyone also feel like doing nothing? Just being. Is this the nervous system wanting to heal?… annoying that I always end up feeling guilty for doing nothing (and makes my self esteem lower -  like a double edged sword 😩 - I need to do things no to constantly be thinking of terrible things and to feel like I’m capable/work on myself!)

 

I hope it gets easier for us all! Thank you again x

[getofflex]

6 hours ago, Patient2022 said:

A lot of the feelings are from deep realisations ie I’m putting myself in company that dims me/ being in company with people who are friends with someone who abused me as a child.

I can relate to this very much.  I found after I was getting off the drugs, I had to limit my exposure to toxic people, or people who disrespected me.  Some people I had to completely cut off contact with, because they were abusive and very bad for me.  My heart goes out to you that you have few/no people in your life who truly see/hear you.  For what it's worth, I see and hear you, even though I'm a stranger on the internet across the pond.  It's nice that you talked to your previously close friend recently.  I'm glad that helped.  I, too, have had many things from my past come up for me since I got off the drugs that I have had to process.  I attribute that to the fact I was numbed out by the drug all those years.  

 

Have you read the success stories?  That can help, a lot.  Try it.  Go to the home page, and click on "forums", to find them. 

[Patient2022]

On 7/27/2024 at 7:12 PM, getofflex said:

I can relate to this very much.  I found after I was getting off the drugs, I had to limit my exposure to toxic people, or people who disrespected me.  Some people I had to completely cut off contact with, because they were abusive and very bad for me.  My heart goes out to you that you have few/no people in your life who truly see/hear you.  For what it's worth, I see and hear you, even though I'm a stranger on the internet across the pond.  It's nice that you talked to your previously close friend recently.  I'm glad that helped.  I, too, have had many things from my past come up for me since I got off the drugs that I have had to process.  I attribute that to the fact I was numbed out by the drug all those years.  

 

Have you read the success stories?  That can help, a lot.  Try it.  Go to the home page, and click on "forums", to find them. 

Yes I think it’s the fact that we are no longer numb/influenced by the AD, though I wouldn’t say I was too numbed to feeling while on them, but definitely didn’t feel as intensely. These feelings are normal feelings that I hadn’t dealt with over the years but I am much more self aware and knowledgeable which helps for the most part (sometimes when the emotions are high that goes out the window - its momentary, and although it can feel like it won’t pass, it does). 
 

I have been doing better since the last few posts and again I’m noticing it was during the days before my period I felt this way. My period is due in 8 days (it’s usually 10 days prior I have effects) - this time im not yet feeling low or too lethargic, but definitely feeling more irritable (shouldn’t speak too soon, I’ll probably be debilitated in a few days). I  can manage being irritable but the low mood and tiredness 😩 I guess it takes time for the body to readjust. 

 

I’ve also been listening to a great book on audible which I recommend everyone listen to, it’s called “Adult children of emotionally immature parents “ by Lindsay Gibson - you can apply it to any relationships not just parents. I’m almost finished and so much in my life

makes sense. I realise in some relationships there is no emotional connection and because I lacked part of this as a child I realise it’s the reason I’m always searching for connection. But it’s so much more than that. It will help you feel seen, heard and understood. It will help you process and make sense of.

 

Anyhow anyone reading this I hope you have a wonderful day 🤗 

[Leyla]

Hello Dear, 

I'm glad to read you've been doing better in your latest posts. and many congratulations on finishing your taper ❤️ I pray you continue a smooth journey healing and recovering.

 

On 7/24/2024 at 7:23 PM, Patient2022 said:

@Leyla thanks for sharing, is it similar to this forum? 
 

It is kind of similar. It's not very much focused on how to taper, it feels more like a support community for dealing with withdrawal. Baylissa has a lot of webinars saved there and some success stories which I have been enjoying listening to on my commutes to work. She also hosts weekly live mindfulness sessions and there are also saved meditations to access. I like how positive her narrative is, and considering withdrawal symptoms as signs of healing. It was a good reminder that it is our bodies'/brains' ways of healing and eventually we will be completely healed

 

On 7/27/2024 at 2:52 PM, Patient2022 said:

Does anyone also feel like doing nothing? Just being. Is this the nervous system wanting to heal?… annoying that I always end up feeling guilty for doing nothing (and makes my self esteem lower -  like a double edged sword 😩 - I need to do things no to constantly be thinking of terrible things and to feel like I’m capable/work on myself!)

I relate to this very much. Especially on the weekends, I cannot bother to plan doing anything. I just want to lay down and be. It is tough to balance ,but it is needed for healing I believe ❤️ 

[Patient2022]

So I’m currently in a terrible wave. It always coincides with the week before my period (luteal phase of my cycle). Last cycle, I was so much better - had some irritability but my mood/tiredness wasn’t so bad.
 

These last 3/4 days have been horrible and scary. I’ve cried quite a few times, a lot in frustration. There are some changes happening at the moment that I’m adjusting to and trying my best with, but it’s hard. I have a lot on, lot to-dos as a mother to 3 children and I have to  figure it out alone. My family have chosen to be hostile towards me because I brought up some childhood trauma and im at the stage where I’m done. That is another change I’m adjusting to, not having them (even though they made me feel so unwelcome). There are other things with my children being teenagers too. 
 

I’m trying to be good, and be the best mum and have it together. The thing is, there’s no one to step in and say ok mums going through some crap, give her few days and let’s do something together. So I try to explain until I over explain to my children and it’s just not fair on them. My anxiety is through the roof and at the same time there are difficulties with what they as teens are giving, you know the bickering, back chat etc. and I’m feeling so uncomfy in my skin in these few days. 
 

im irritable, I feel extremely tired, lethargic, zoned out, my skin feel extremely sensitive if it’s touched, I can’t think straight, I have zero energy, feel like I have a flu at some moments (I don’t). And just feel so heavy and sad, and overwhelmed. I know some emotion with my situation is normal, as is crying to express these emotions but this feels excessive and I wish I could just snap out. I try every morning and then by midday that’s it - it feels like I’ve climbed many mountains and just feel beaten up.

 

Today I cried deeply 3 times, usually there are 1 or 2 family who I could turn to but I don’t have that space anymore (they all feel I’m a burden or being dramatic) so I’ve been coming to my room and sobbing like a baby. This evening it was the worse, I cried annd silently screamed and just slapped myself mainly on my chest so hard repeatedly - because I feel so incredibly frustrated. I’m trying and trying and aaaahh. 
 

I googled this and I read a website that says this is self harm. I did calm down a few mins after and I don’t feel like this is any harm to others. It’s just at myself for not having things better, for feeling like I’m failing, like everything’s falling, like I have no control and immense self doubt. The emotions I’m feeling are frustration, sadness, shame, overwhelm, fear, anxiety.

 

This is the worse I’ve had of these waves. In my head I’m saying it’ll pass but also feel worried I’ll just crumble. I don’t want to crumble. I’ve put so much work in. 
 

Trying. I think. 

[RachaelWind]

16 hours ago, Patient2022 said:

So I’m currently in a terrible wave. It always coincides with the week before my period (luteal phase of my cycle). Last cycle, I was so much better - had some irritability but my mood/tiredness wasn’t so bad.
 

These last 3/4 days have been horrible and scary. I’ve cried quite a few times, a lot in frustration. There are some changes happening at the moment that I’m adjusting to and trying my best with, but it’s hard. I have a lot on, lot to-dos as a mother to 3 children and I have to  figure it out alone. My family have chosen to be hostile towards me because I brought up some childhood trauma and im at the stage where I’m done. That is another change I’m adjusting to, not having them (even though they made me feel so unwelcome). There are other things with my children being teenagers too. 
 

I’m trying to be good, and be the best mum and have it together. The thing is, there’s no one to step in and say ok mums going through some crap, give her few days and let’s do something together. So I try to explain until I over explain to my children and it’s just not fair on them. My anxiety is through the roof and at the same time there are difficulties with what they as teens are giving, you know the bickering, back chat etc. and I’m feeling so uncomfy in my skin in these few days. 
 

im irritable, I feel extremely tired, lethargic, zoned out, my skin feel extremely sensitive if it’s touched, I can’t think straight, I have zero energy, feel like I have a flu at some moments (I don’t). And just feel so heavy and sad, and overwhelmed. I know some emotion with my situation is normal, as is crying to express these emotions but this feels excessive and I wish I could just snap out. I try every morning and then by midday that’s it - it feels like I’ve climbed many mountains and just feel beaten up.

 

Today I cried deeply 3 times, usually there are 1 or 2 family who I could turn to but I don’t have that space anymore (they all feel I’m a burden or being dramatic) so I’ve been coming to my room and sobbing like a baby. This evening it was the worse, I cried annd silently screamed and just slapped myself mainly on my chest so hard repeatedly - because I feel so incredibly frustrated. I’m trying and trying and aaaahh. 
 

I googled this and I read a website that says this is self harm. I did calm down a few mins after and I don’t feel like this is any harm to others. It’s just at myself for not having things better, for feeling like I’m failing, like everything’s falling, like I have no control and immense self doubt. The emotions I’m feeling are frustration, sadness, shame, overwhelm, fear, anxiety.

 

This is the worse I’ve had of these waves. In my head I’m saying it’ll pass but also feel worried I’ll just crumble. I don’t want to crumble. I’ve put so much work in. 
 

Trying. I think. 

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, but please know you are not alone and this will NOT last forever.  One thing to do right now is find community on this website which has personally helped me so much. 
There are so many going through exactly what we are  going through and even better the success stories of people who have come out of it. 
But Just know..Jesus is for you.

Without Him I literally could not do this. He is so faithful and there EVERYTIME I cry out in desperation for Him.
This has been one of the hardest things I've ever experienced, but the goodness that God has shown me outweighs all the bad...so if you don't know Him, this is the perfect time too..He loves you girl. 

Praying for you sister❤️
 

[Patient2022]

On 9/2/2024 at 3:24 PM, RachaelWind said:

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, but please know you are not alone and this will NOT last forever.  One thing to do right now is find community on this website which has personally helped me so much. 
There are so many going through exactly what we are  going through and even better the success stories of people who have come out of it. 
But Just know..Jesus is for you.

Without Him I literally could not do this. He is so faithful and there EVERYTIME I cry out in desperation for Him.
This has been one of the hardest things I've ever experienced, but the goodness that God has shown me outweighs all the bad...so if you don't know Him, this is the perfect time too..He loves you girl. 

Praying for you sister❤️
 

Thanks for the encouragement - I’m not a Christian but I believe in god, so appreciate the sentiment

 

Today’s still been difficult… I keep hoping it’s lifting but the horrible headache continues and lethargy too! I’m trying to keep going. There are small moments of windows, but god the waves emotionally & physically is really tough at the moment