Jump to content
Support our work - please give today

LouiseL: escitalopram and benzodiazepine withdrawal that keeps on going - help

LouiseL

By LouiseL
in Introductions and updates

Recommended Posts

Mirtazapine20mg Contributor

Mirtazapine20mg

Posted
Posted

I have made a memoji, sort of grumpy - inspired by you 🙂

2004: (apr): Citalopram 20 mg, June 60 mg., dec 20 mg

2004 (dec): Mirtazapine 15 mg.

2014 (Jun): Citalopram stop cold turkey. Began 10 mg Vortioxetine

2017: (dec): Mirtazapine 15 mg ->30 mg (after three day stint on psych ward)

2020: (aug): Vortioxetine 10 mg stopped cold turkey. 

2020 (dec): Mirtazapine 30 mg -> 15 mg (GPs instructions)

2021 (feb): Mirtazapine reinstatement 26,25 mg

2022 (Jan): Mirtazapine (5% taper): 14. Jan 24,9 mg, 6. feb 23,7 mg, 1. marts 22,5 mg, 15. marts 21,3 mg, 2. april 20 mg, 26. april 19. mg, 25. may 18.1 mg, 26 jun 17 mg.

 

Have always taken fish oil capsules. Do not drink alcohol when tapering. 1 multivitamin pill a day. Try to eat healthy, but impossible on mirtazapine.

Link to comment
  • Replies 135
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • LouiseL

    63

  • Ariel

    21

  • Mirtazapine20mg

    11

  • Barry2954

    9

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

LouiseL
LouiseL
LouiseL
LouiseL

Thank you 😊🙏 I’m trying to tell myself the same thing (about this absurd experience maybe being helpful in the long run).   We are being adviced and treated by doctors and psychiatrists who SHO

LouiseL
LouiseL

Dear @Ariel Thank you SO so much for your post 🩷… totally did NOT make me tear up (ok, yes it did, hehe). Thank you. 😊🥹   Tbh, I am finding it hard to talk about aaall of this. It’s been c

LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted
6 minutes ago, Mirtazapine20mg said:

I have made a memoji, sort of grumpy - inspired by you 🙂

Aaw it’s very nice 😁👍 Glad to inspire hehe. 
 

How are you? 
 

I tried taking the tiniest dose of Mirtazapine twice about two months ago and it made everything so much worse… and reminded me of when I came off Mirtazapine. It is tough. I hope you are holding up okay 😊😔
 

EDIT: I just changed mine back to pissed off “I will beat this crap” woman because I actually thought it reflects my situation better anyway. Lot of thought going into this haha 😋

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Mirtazapine20mg Contributor

Mirtazapine20mg

Posted
Posted

This is fun. I am holding up ok L. I am getting used to withdrawal and slowly getting some fighting spirit back. You sort of learn the withdrawal game, and those f*ckers are not going to win. Some time ago I read your secret crime novel fantasy about spicing the morning coffee with SSRis or Mirtazapine of some famous psychiatrist and slowly watch him go insane. If you need a sidekick I am in :-D.

2004: (apr): Citalopram 20 mg, June 60 mg., dec 20 mg

2004 (dec): Mirtazapine 15 mg.

2014 (Jun): Citalopram stop cold turkey. Began 10 mg Vortioxetine

2017: (dec): Mirtazapine 15 mg ->30 mg (after three day stint on psych ward)

2020: (aug): Vortioxetine 10 mg stopped cold turkey. 

2020 (dec): Mirtazapine 30 mg -> 15 mg (GPs instructions)

2021 (feb): Mirtazapine reinstatement 26,25 mg

2022 (Jan): Mirtazapine (5% taper): 14. Jan 24,9 mg, 6. feb 23,7 mg, 1. marts 22,5 mg, 15. marts 21,3 mg, 2. april 20 mg, 26. april 19. mg, 25. may 18.1 mg, 26 jun 17 mg.

 

Have always taken fish oil capsules. Do not drink alcohol when tapering. 1 multivitamin pill a day. Try to eat healthy, but impossible on mirtazapine.

Link to comment
Freja Contributor

Freja

Posted
Posted

Heeej Louise~
 

I’ve been reading your thread here and just really connecting with what you’ve been through with all these different meds as well as horrible doctors and psychiatrists 😞 I know the feeling of wanting to do absolutely everything you can to just feel normal again.

I hope you’re treating yourself with kindness when your body is reacting ways it shouldnt. It’s just doing everything it can to reach homoeostasis! Even if we have to endure these horrible withdrawals 🥲

 

I jumped off too fast at 6,25mg of quetiapine back in April this and my body is still trying it’s best to stabilize. And I too feel like it will never end sometimes.. but i’m holding out strong! 

I have a lot of friends and coworkers who got of antidepressants/psych meds so easily and I feel so alone when I speak to them sometimes 😅They don’t really get it you know? So I really felt at ease when I saw a fellow dane in here!

 

hope you dont mind me following you!

Freja

2018 (citalopram 75mg for social anxiety + 75mg Seroquel for sleep)

2021 Jan - tapering down to 50mg citalopram (no reaction)

2021 Feb - tapering down to 25mg citalopram (withdrawal symptoms for weeks and slowly got better)

2021 May - tapered down to 12mg and had HORRIBLE withdrawal

2021 June - went up 3mg and felt slightly better and staying on a 15mg dose until this day

2021 Aug - 2022 Apr - tapered down Seroquel from August 2021 till last dose of 6.25 mg in April 2022. Horrible withdrawal, but slightly improving everyday

Supplements: none

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted
20 hours ago, Mirtazapine20mg said:

This is fun. I am holding up ok L. I am getting used to withdrawal and slowly getting some fighting spirit back. You sort of learn the withdrawal game, and those f*ckers are not going to win. Some time ago I read your secret crime novel fantasy about spicing the morning coffee with SSRis or Mirtazapine of some famous psychiatrist and slowly watch him go insane. If you need a sidekick I am in :-D.


Haha ehm, yay! (About the secret crime novel fantasy. Edit: The position of sidekick is yours 👍 Although maybe we should just be equal partners in crime 😋 I actually thought maybe it was a bit much after I wrote it and that people might slowly back away from my thread, thinking I was a psyyychooo.. 😊😋. Again, it’s obviously just a joke / catharsis. I’d never actually do it……………. *whistles and puts drops of Lexapro back in pocket* )
 

But seriously I’m sure (I hope!) most of the doctors/psychiatrists are just completely clueless about withdrawal. Otherwise they would be actual evil people and I think (hope!) doctors usually get into the profession to help others. The problem it seems is that a lot of them just won’t listen… and are weirdly arrogant (?!) 😔

 

I have been thinking about writing an email to the three psychiatrists who “treated” me, telling them my story and maybe attaching several studies shedding light on SSRI withdrawal. But if I do, maybe I just seem like some crazy former patient. My boyfriend and I also have been thinking about writing an official complaint (I don’t know why we haven’t done it years ago actually!). But I just still don’t have the energy for all that right now. I just get so sad thinking that right now someone else could be starting the exact same horrible “journey” we are on because their doctors don’t know any better 😞
 

Sorry about the long rant, I’m glad you’re holding up okay! 😊 Learning the withdrawal game I think is a great way to put it. How is your sleep (I know from experience this is one of the really difficult things with Mirtazapine withdrawal).
 

Let’s just keep at it until we are back to normal 😊💪

 

2 hours ago, Freja said:

Heeej Louise~
 

I’ve been reading your thread here and just really connecting with what you’ve been through with all these different meds as well as horrible doctors and psychiatrists 😞 I know the feeling of wanting to do absolutely everything you can to just feel normal again.

I hope you’re treating yourself with kindness when your body is reacting ways it shouldnt. It’s just doing everything it can to reach homoeostasis! Even if we have to endure these horrible withdrawals 🥲

 

I jumped off too fast at 6,25mg of quetiapine back in April this and my body is still trying it’s best to stabilize. And I too feel like it will never end sometimes.. but i’m holding out strong! 

I have a lot of friends and coworkers who got of antidepressants/psych meds so easily and I feel so alone when I speak to them sometimes 😅They don’t really get it you know? So I really felt at ease when I saw a fellow dane in here!

 

hope you dont mind me following you!

Freja


Hej Freja 😊 Yay another Dane! We are actually quite a few Danes in here it would seem. ☺️ Which obviously is kind of sad as it just highlights that the Danish psychiatric system really sucks. 😞 I am so sorry you’re going through something similar. I actually tried quetiapine once in 2019 (a brilliant attempt at treating what I now know were withdrawal symptoms from Xanax, thanks again IDIOT DOCTORS 🤦‍♀️…. Ehem). I just remember it was horrible when I tried it. Has it worked well for you though?
 

Are you going to try to get completely off Citalopram as well? / I understand that you might want to maybe wait with that until you’re not feeling horrible from quetiapine withdrawal.

 

I honestly also have felt so insanely alone with these symptoms. It really helps talking to others going through the same thing. I also have a friend who just got off antidepressants like it was no big deal. But I’m hearing more and more stories about other people who had it awful as well coming off these drugs. 
 

… I’m still honestly kiiiind of frightened that I will never fully recover… buuut I think it is “just” anxiety because all sources point to the opposite. So I’m trying to hold onto that. Also I am basically recovering from what, 6-7 drugs in less than 3 years. No wonder my entire body is completely 😵‍💫. 

 

It sounds like you are able to somewhat have a normal life?😊 I hope you’re doing alright today!

 

All the best! ❤️

1
Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Mirtazapine20mg Contributor

Mirtazapine20mg

Posted
Posted

I know it is a joke L - I get you. Mine is too. And you are not the least psycho. I have the same exact anger in me as you. I have actually thought about writing a crime novel about the cover up of SSRI side effects. You know some Jussi Alder Olsen type of book. Unfortunately, I don't have the talent. 

 

These f*ckers do not know what they are doing, and it is a scandal. I have thought alot about why doctors are prescribing these drugs so carelessly. And I honestly have no good explanation. The best I can come up with is that they think they work like medicine for bodily ailments. if you take some heart medicine for example, you usually do not get disabling psychological side effects when you stop them. I know.. it is a lousy explanation. 

 

My sleep is crap… and everyday I wake with anxiety, and it takes half a day to kill it. But it is getting better :-).

 

So nice to hear from you, by the way.

2004: (apr): Citalopram 20 mg, June 60 mg., dec 20 mg

2004 (dec): Mirtazapine 15 mg.

2014 (Jun): Citalopram stop cold turkey. Began 10 mg Vortioxetine

2017: (dec): Mirtazapine 15 mg ->30 mg (after three day stint on psych ward)

2020: (aug): Vortioxetine 10 mg stopped cold turkey. 

2020 (dec): Mirtazapine 30 mg -> 15 mg (GPs instructions)

2021 (feb): Mirtazapine reinstatement 26,25 mg

2022 (Jan): Mirtazapine (5% taper): 14. Jan 24,9 mg, 6. feb 23,7 mg, 1. marts 22,5 mg, 15. marts 21,3 mg, 2. april 20 mg, 26. april 19. mg, 25. may 18.1 mg, 26 jun 17 mg.

 

Have always taken fish oil capsules. Do not drink alcohol when tapering. 1 multivitamin pill a day. Try to eat healthy, but impossible on mirtazapine.

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@Mirtazapine20mg It boggles the mind 😔 

 

… Here are some of my rough / utopian ideas (…) of what the future within the psychiatric system could look like, maybe:

 

1) Doctors 100% know about withdrawal and are able to help patients taper safely. (… duh?)

 

2) Free mental health clinics / facilities  where people can go and stay and get treated for as long as they need to. This way maybe less people would need drugs? Maybe?


3) Mental health as a subject taught in schools for children, teaching actual hands-on skills such as Mindfulness and generally familiarizing children with concepts such as anxiety and depression (but without totally bumming them out 😋). I would have benefited so much from being more aware of mental health issues and what healthy vs. non healthy relationships to other people look like during my teens and twenties. I don’t know if this is already a reality in some schools. I hope / think so actually. 🙂


Thank you @Mirtazapine20mg, it’s great to hear from you as well! 😊 It sucks that your sleep sucks and you battle with anxiety so much. If it’s not too personal - what does your anxiety look like? Just a general feeling of unease or is more like a feeling of deep terror or racing thoughts? I’m really glad it's slowly getting better though 👍


___
 

I actually wanted to ask anybody about something - eh. Sleep 😔 

 

I don’t know what is going on, but for the past week (?) my sleep is suddenly completely messed up. My sleep rhythm is totally off. I can’t fall asleep before 4-6 AM and then sleep 6-7 hours at most and feel so AWFUL that I am bedridden during the day, even though I really try to be active. I feel like I have the flu, honestly not sure if I do… most of the time it feels like I have a high fever, but I don’t. 
 

Just now I’ve slept from 10 in the evening to midnight and now I can’t sleep. 
 

I’m kind of desperate to get back to a normal rhythm… Anyone experienced something similar? Could this just be a wave? 😕

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Freja Contributor

Freja

Posted
Posted
On 10/6/2022 at 1:12 PM, LouiseL said:

Hej Freja 😊 Yay another Dane! We are actually quite a few Danes in here it would seem. ☺️ Which obviously is kind of sad as it just highlights that the Danish psychiatric system really sucks. 😞 I am so sorry you’re going through something similar. I actually tried quetiapine once in 2019 (a brilliant attempt at treating what I now know were withdrawal symptoms from Xanax, thanks again IDIOT DOCTORS 🤦‍♀️…. Ehem). I just remember it was horrible when I tried it. Has it worked well for you though?
 

Are you going to try to get completely off Citalopram as well? / I understand that you might want to maybe wait with that until you’re not feeling horrible from quetiapine withdrawal.

 

I honestly also have felt so insanely alone with these symptoms. It really helps talking to others going through the same thing. I also have a friend who just got off antidepressants like it was no big deal. But I’m hearing more and more stories about other people who had it awful as well coming off these drugs. 
 

… I’m still honestly kiiiind of frightened that I will never fully recover… buuut I think it is “just” anxiety because all sources point to the opposite. So I’m trying to hold onto that. Also I am basically recovering from what, 6-7 drugs in less than 3 years. No wonder my entire body is completely 😵‍💫. 

 

It sounds like you are able to somewhat have a normal life?😊 I hope you’re doing alright today!

 

All the best! ❤️

Sweet sweet Louise, thanks for replying! And yes it is horrible that more and more people are suffering from these long painful withdrawals, and doctors doing absolutely nothing to help.. and believe me, i’m definitely trying to find my peace, as I have a lot of resentment towards the psychiatry 🥲 rly rly rly crossing fingers for the 10 year plan…!!

 

quetiapine did for me at first, but after a couple months I just slept ALOT and I actually just got worse from there:/ practically a living zombie 😅

and yes i’ll becoming off the citalopram again in the future. Still holding om to hope to stabilize. It’s mostly important to have that homeostasis in place first I feel like:) But i’m also worried about staying on medicine too long too..

 

I can definitely tell you that you will recover, and your body WILL find its true peace. Even though i’m not still over the withdrawal, I can say i’m still better than I was 4 months ago. Every month a new symptom comes and then fades again. Its scary but it does go away again after a long long while. I have to find patience in this 😅

 

 

also your question about sleep!

A few months ago I started having sleeping problems as well. It was either full blown insomnia, or just a couple hours of sleep. And when I woke up(which was awfully early) It would feel like I just closes my eyes for a few seconds.. no feeling of being tired what so ever. And these sleeping problems just come and go.. sometimes I sleep alot and sometimes I just don’t 🤔 and yes, for me this was a wave symptom 🥲 i’m sure it’s a wave for you too~

 

my advice to you would be that you try to get a normal sleep rythym back. As much as you can of course ☺️ I just found that I got very depressed after I had slept most of the day:/ it might be different for you! To distract myself and keeping my normal sleep cycle, without wearing myself out, is to do my hobbies! Drawing, crocheting, baking, watching cozy autumn movies and cuddle up in a big blanket!🥰 maybe even do my makeup.. just for fun! What we’re going through is just so hard on our bodies.. so anthing fun I can do at home I will!

Hang in there~ 🤎🤎🤎

2018 (citalopram 75mg for social anxiety + 75mg Seroquel for sleep)

2021 Jan - tapering down to 50mg citalopram (no reaction)

2021 Feb - tapering down to 25mg citalopram (withdrawal symptoms for weeks and slowly got better)

2021 May - tapered down to 12mg and had HORRIBLE withdrawal

2021 June - went up 3mg and felt slightly better and staying on a 15mg dose until this day

2021 Aug - 2022 Apr - tapered down Seroquel from August 2021 till last dose of 6.25 mg in April 2022. Horrible withdrawal, but slightly improving everyday

Supplements: none

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi @Freja🙂 Aaw thank you so much for your message. I read it two days ago actually but have been too .. knackered (smadret?) to answer. But really, thanks. Generally I’m just so grateful for all the support from all you awesome people on this forum. ❤️ It really really helps me so so much. 🙂


I actually haven’t (but probably should) looked much into the new psychiatric plan in DK. But yes let’s hope it helps. Haha, sigh, just now I actually dreamed I was talking to a psychiatrist who didn’t “believe” in withdrawal symptoms and I was so angry.

 

I just had to Google homeostasis 😋 It means like, that the brain is back to normal? Oh and I don’t think you need to worry about being on medication for too long? I think it’s all about how slowly you taper. I stopped citalopram (or cipralex? Same ish?) from 10 mg. to 0 within what 1.5 months … over a year ago. I don’t recommend doing that 😋 It’s only hell on earth 🤯😞 But with very slow tapering I imagine it’ll be much much easier 😊 


Thank you (!) for saying I’ll recover. I can’t tell how much it helps when people tell me. Like I need a fresh reminder once in a while or I’ll go crazy.. and it was weirdly a relief that you also have periods of amnesia (but also really sorry you struggle with it too 😔). 
 

It’s like my body currently refuses to sleep before 3. And after midnight I suddenly get bouts of good mood and extreme creativity, like my brain just has aaall the creative ideas and they are so difficult to stop. I actually read an article about it. But it seems like… the EXTREME VERSION of that. So pretty sure it’s got to do with withdrawal still. And then I wake up after 12 and feel not rested at all, entire body aching, and just in a horribly bad mood. Bleh.


Yeah I really try to keep busy with hobbies too, but my withdrawal symptoms often won’t let me 😠. I draw too, yay! 😁 And sometimes play a little on my tiny ukulele. 😋🎶 What kind of stuff do you draw (always a slightly strange question that I never know how to answer myself hehe). I’m currently watching a lot of Marvel - and I recently watched Breakfast At Tiffany (ultimate romantic autumn movie much? 😁🥹💖). 


How goes? Hang in there! To everyone reading this! 💚

 

(Here’s that article if anyone is interested) 

https://creativesomething.net/post/54997033332/why-youre-more-creative-at-night-and-how-to

1
Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Freja Contributor

Freja

Posted
Posted

@LouiseL

Hahaha, its okay really! I think people in here understand that more than most people ;) I mean it just takes a lot of work to use that darn brain of ours sometimes, I would know too!

Well, I feel like I have a window of some sort, but my anxiety it just very high. I have a plan to go to a pop up store tomorrow with a friend, but i'm more nervous than excited about it 😕 sure if its the neuro emotions, or just me being actually worried about fainting, but I try not to focus too much on it. But i'm holding on :)) Hope you're too!

 

I actually learned the word homeostasis from this website! But yes, just means it working normally again~
Thanks, I hope I don't have to experience WD to such an extent that I have the past year.. My future plan is to switch to citalopram liquid and then dose down 1 mg, as slowly as I can!

I really wanna be off these meds to bad, I'll have to be patient 😪


Yeah the insomnia is the worst. And you just tend to dwell on it alot when you can't sleep either.. :(( I woke up twice tonight, got a bit frustrated, but decided that I would just do something else until I got tired again and that kind of helped! It made me think of your post, that you got very creative at night, so I wanted to just listen to my body and then go do something else 😇

I didn't do it before because I was afraid that I might not get tired again after? But then, I thought about it and I think just listening to our bodies at the moment it what helps the most. It's doing everything it can to make our body function again, even if that means we have to feel like hell! And if I end up sleeping most of the day then.. Whatever, my body needs it at that moment maybe. I'll listen to it 😇
Do you do anything for the aches? Waking up was always the worst part of the day for me :( WD was worst at that time

 

Oh nice! I love that you play ukulele! 😄 

I mostly just paint surrealistic portraits, and animals! What about you? ❤️

Oooh, my boyfriend really likes the marvel movies as well! I'm trying to watch them all (with big breaks in between, theres so many 😅) but I think the one i'm most excited for is Wanda Vision!

 

2018 (citalopram 75mg for social anxiety + 75mg Seroquel for sleep)

2021 Jan - tapering down to 50mg citalopram (no reaction)

2021 Feb - tapering down to 25mg citalopram (withdrawal symptoms for weeks and slowly got better)

2021 May - tapered down to 12mg and had HORRIBLE withdrawal

2021 June - went up 3mg and felt slightly better and staying on a 15mg dose until this day

2021 Aug - 2022 Apr - tapered down Seroquel from August 2021 till last dose of 6.25 mg in April 2022. Horrible withdrawal, but slightly improving everyday

Supplements: none

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

Hi fellow withdrawal-sufferers 😔

 
Sigh… I’m currently having the most INSANE sleeping problems and I really don’t know what to do. Maybe there isn’t much to do except wait but… yeah. I just thought maybe I’d try writing in here. 
 
Basically during the day I feel like I am sedated constantly / like every muscle in my body is being suppressed (does that make any sense?). I try to be just kind of active but it’s barely possible. In a nutshell: During the day I feel like I have to sleep or at least lie down. And during the night as a result I just cannot fall asleep.
 
Currently my circadian rhythm is, on a good day, sleeping from 4:30 to 12:30. Most days it’s more like from 6:00 in the morning to 02:00 in the afternoon. On bad days I just don’t fall asleep at all and then maybe sleep three to four hours on the following day.
 
Also, at night I often find myself able to be more active like go for walks - just very small 50-100 meter walks, or do the dishes or some light cleaning.
 
I feel like I already know all the theoretical tricks, like: Try to be more active (the cruel irony 😔), avoid foods and drinks that might affect sleep negatively, don’t to use the phone an hour before sleep (granted, I find it very difficult not reaching for my phone constantly as a distraction), don’t lie down during the day (which is so hard because my body really needs to lie down a lot during the day or it will feel much worse) … soo. Yeah. Honestly not sure what to do. 
 
Anyone who can relate and/or has found a good way to cope? 
 
I hope it’s okay I post this in my own thread. I’ll try to look at your advices about sleep around the forum in the morning. I think maybe I just needed to vent right now. At 5 AM. 🤬
 
All the best,
A slightly desperate sleep deprived person who wishes she had never ever taken antidepressants ever. 😡😔🙄
 
PS: @Freja I’m so sorry I never replied to you. Will do that in the morning as well 🙂
Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi fellow withdrawal-sufferers 😔

 

Sigh… I’m currently having the most INSANE sleeping problems and I really don’t know what to do. Maybe there isn’t much to do except wait but… yeah. I just thought maybe I’d try writing in here. 

 

Basically during the day I feel like I am sedated constantly / like every muscle in my body is being suppressed (does that make any sense?). I try to be just kind of active but it’s barely possible. In a nutshell: During the day I feel like I have to sleep or at least lie down. And during the night as a result I just cannot fall asleep.

 

Currently my circadian rhythm is, on a good day, sleeping from 4:30 to 12:30. Most days it’s more like from 6:00 in the morning to 02:00 in the afternoon. On bad days I just don’t fall asleep at all and then maybe sleep three to four hours on the following day.

 

Also, at night I often find myself able to be more active like go for walks - just very small 50-100 meter walks, or do the dishes or some light cleaning.

 

I feel like I already know all the theoretical tricks, like: Try to be more active (the cruel irony 😔), avoid foods and drinks that might affect sleep negatively, don’t to use the phone an hour before sleep (granted, I find it very difficult not reaching for my phone constantly as a distraction), don’t lie down during the day (which is so hard because my body really needs to lie down a lot during the day or it will feel much worse) … soo. Yeah. Honestly not sure what to do. 

 

Anyone who can relate and/or has found a good way to cope? 

 

I’ll try to look at your advices about sleep around the forum in the morning. I think maybe I just needed to vent right now. At 5 AM. 🤬

 

All the best,

A slightly desperate sleep deprived person who wishes she had never ever taken antidepressants ever. 😡😔🙄

 

PS: @Freja I’m so sorry I never replied to you. Will do that in the morning as well 🙂 

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
ChessieCat Grand Master

ChessieCat

Posted
  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

 

https://getselfhelp.co.uk/sleep-insomnia-self-help/

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you so much @ChessieCat😊 I really appreciate it. 🙏 Also I see I somehow managed to post my message twice. Well done, Louise’s poor, confused WD-brain. 

 

@Freja Sorry I once again didn’t reply. My brain has been all over the place. 😔 And currently my tinnitus is driving me insane too. Bleh.
 

Anyway! How did the pop up store go? Was it okay? What is a pop up store? 😁🤷‍♀️
 

I’m glad doing something semi-active when you can’t sleep helps 😊👍 I find that taking a shower helps too, both with the insomnia and with the aches. So yeah… whatever works 😊🤷‍♀️ 

 

Hehe thanks! I don’t really play much at the moment though because it’s too physically exhausting 🙄. But once in a while. 
 

What kind of animals do you draw? 🤷‍♀️😊 I mostly people and faces and poses and (hopefully without sounding too pretentious) emotions and situations? If that makes sense hehe. Like… probably very much inspired by Disney style drawings. I draw digitally mostly, but also pen and pencil doodles once in a while. 
 

Hehe yeah there is a LOT of Marvel stuff to go through 😋 I actually watched WandaVision recently - I’d just forgotten how heart-breakingly sad it is 🥺. I think my personal Marvel favorites aaaare… probably the Thor-movies and the Avengers movies and Moon Knight and the Loki series. 
 

Hope you’re doing okay. 
 

Bedste hilsner

Louise :)

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hello all. 
 

SIGH 😔 A few days ago I suddenly got a new horrible tinnitus tone in my right ear. And of course I have spent almost every waking moment, which has been a lot of moments, in deep sadness and panic over it. 
 

There haven’t been any loud noises that could’ve enduced it. And I’ve talked to two doctors, an ear specialist and read a few scientific articles that all state that it’s likely due to stress (I had a pretty big sort of melt down last Monday because of WD). It even reminds me of a similar experience I had with tinnitus in 2019 which was the one that led to me starting antidepressants. 
 

I don’t know— does anyone have experience with tinnitus as part of withdrawal or just… I don’t know. Part of stress and then maybe some success stories or some hope that it will go away?Because I’m in a pretty bad place. Things were tough enough as they were and now my ears are keeping me up at night. 
 

All the best

Louise

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Freja Contributor

Freja

Posted
Posted

@LouiseL No worries at all~ I'm not always on here just to not hyperfixate on my symptoms too much!
I just know it'll be a while before I notice improvement (which I already have a bit but not much!), so I wanna forget about it just for a while and focus on things that I actually can do ❤️
Makes me feel a little better!

Teehee, I ended up not going but thats okay too! A pop up store is just a temporary small store that opens for a small period of time selling all sorts of different things:) They have lots of kpop and anime stuff so I was sad I didn't get to go. But maybe next year~
I draw mostly fantasy like animals, but right now i'm just having fun learning shading techniques on the ipad! It's so much easier to draw digitally right? 😮 No mess to clean up after hahaha ;) 

 

About the tinnitus thing that you mentioned, did you hear anything back from your doctors? And what does your everyday schedule look like?
I did have tinnitus for a while a few months back but it disappeared again after a few weeks 😕 I also get meltdowns bc of my WD and my bf is always there to comfort me.
When I feel like this I try and bring my stress down as much as possible. Do you have any self help methods?

Lots of love from Freja~
 

2018 (citalopram 75mg for social anxiety + 75mg Seroquel for sleep)

2021 Jan - tapering down to 50mg citalopram (no reaction)

2021 Feb - tapering down to 25mg citalopram (withdrawal symptoms for weeks and slowly got better)

2021 May - tapered down to 12mg and had HORRIBLE withdrawal

2021 June - went up 3mg and felt slightly better and staying on a 15mg dose until this day

2021 Aug - 2022 Apr - tapered down Seroquel from August 2021 till last dose of 6.25 mg in April 2022. Horrible withdrawal, but slightly improving everyday

Supplements: none

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi everyone. I haven’t posted anything in awhile. I think I’m maybe not super good at reaching out. I just, and it’s quite sad, but I don’t know who else to write to right now, to be honest. 😔

 

… First of all, I was wondering if anyone has any experience dealing with long lasting COVID symptoms while going through antidepressant withdrawal? I had COVID in December (although at the time I thought it was just another round of withdrawal symptoms - how messed up is that I couldnt tell the difference between those two :-/). Since having COVID, something has just changed. I’m pretty sure and my doctor seems to agree that I have long COVID symptoms; I feel CRIPPLED by tiredness, I’m so weirdly warm (but no never), have headaches, burning muscles (?!), no appetite, varying sense of taste, to mention a few. I can’t differentiate between what is Covid and what is withdrawal though. I just can barely function, physically, mentally and emotionally. 😞
 

And … Two months ago my boyfriend through 14.5 years and I split - very lovingly and peacefully I might add. We moved to different places two years ago and had slowly become more friends than a couple so it’s been sort of gradually getting to this point. We still speak almost daily and I’m actually not totally heart broken about this. But — he has been battling cancer for one and a half year. And a recent scan showed he has to start chemo all over again. And that is … hitting me hard. On top of withdrawal. And corona. And extreme loneliness and isolation because of WD. I think I’ve REAAALLY tried to be strong but these past days it feels like I’m just breaking. 😔 And I really feel like I don’t have anyone who I can just call and they would be able to comfort me and listen and calm me down.
 

I don’t know what the point of this long rant is. Maybe 1) COVID + Withdrawal — Anyone else experienced this? 2) I have never been SO alone and (Argh I’m so bad at reaching out 😞) I don’t really know … how to handle that kind of. I have tried Discord a little because I really like chatting in real time (feels like I’m less alone Wuhuu!), but I honestly feel like a bit of a loser somehow when people talk about their normal lives and I’m just this weird sad “recovering drug addict” who is forever-alone and struggling to take down the trash… Understandably, it’s difficult for people to relate 😛 I used to be a “normal person” too and would never be able to relate to the situation I’m in now. 
 

Okay that’s enough venting for now … I feel anxious to post this but I’m just gonna. Yeah. Thanks to anyone who might read this :)

All the best,

Louise 

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Freja Contributor

Freja

Posted
Posted

@LouiseL

 

hi Louise! I’m so sorry to hear you’re hit with the long covid.. thats what happened to me to. While I was tapering seroquel back in december 2021 I think? I got covid from one of my coworkers. She just got testes yesterday and got her results in the morning..

It was horrible and I was suffering from long covid as well. I was more tired than before, more dizziness, headaches and nausea, but the tiredness was the worst.. gosh, I could sleep for hours but if I did I would wake up worse than before!  It took 4 months till I got better I think? But then again I was still feeling like crap bc I still was in WD. so I only noticed a slight difference 😕

 

If you ever wanna talk to somebody, I’ll gladly talk or chat. I even have discord myself and if you ever wanna reach out u can ☺️ and if not, then thats okay too:) 

I’m in another wave and can’t seem to get out of my head and nobody really understands it. I really know how it feels. I hate that this is completly out of my control, but I know I won’t feel like this forever

 

sending u lots of hugs, freja

2018 (citalopram 75mg for social anxiety + 75mg Seroquel for sleep)

2021 Jan - tapering down to 50mg citalopram (no reaction)

2021 Feb - tapering down to 25mg citalopram (withdrawal symptoms for weeks and slowly got better)

2021 May - tapered down to 12mg and had HORRIBLE withdrawal

2021 June - went up 3mg and felt slightly better and staying on a 15mg dose until this day

2021 Aug - 2022 Apr - tapered down Seroquel from August 2021 till last dose of 6.25 mg in April 2022. Horrible withdrawal, but slightly improving everyday

Supplements: none

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hej Freja :) Thank you for your message and sorry I never responded to your last one ❤️ I’m sorry you had long COVID too … But I do find it a little reassuring that you describe some of the same symptoms and that you also had it for along time. Hehe that might sound mean 😋 But it’s a little nice that you can relate to the symptoms I’m feeling. Ugh I just cannot do anything at the moment. I feel like it’s a little disconcerting. I’m actually even too exhausted physically and mentally to even write right now. 😕 I just wrote my doctor again. And now I may just need to nap some more. Yup. 😑😓
 

Anyway just wanted to write back and thank you for your message :) I’d love to talk to you a bit more when I hopefully have a bit more energy. :)

 

All the best

Louise

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Antecedent Rookie

Antecedent

Posted
Posted
On 3/28/2023 at 10:35 PM, LouiseL said:

1) COVID + Withdrawal — Anyone else experienced this?

Hello. I have this too, just in reverse order - I got Long Covid in 2021, was prescribed Paxil for loss of appetite and nausea. Tapered too quickly. Since stopping in June 2022 I feel like I have both now, post viral syndrome which is worse than ever, and SSRI WD (I think so because of many new mental, emotional and physical symptoms). So sorry that you got Covid😥

January - May 2022 Paroxetine 20mg

June 2022 - fast taper during 3 weeks to 0mg 

September 2022 - Hidazepam for ten days for anxiety and lump in the throat (set off terrible WD and health decline)

December 16.2022 - Jan 07, 2023 mianserin - 5-10-5-2,5-1,25mg, then stopped

January 20, 2023 - escitalopram 2,5mg (reinstated instead of Paxil)

January 25, 2023 - now  - escitalopram 5mg

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi everyone (again),

 

A little bit of a panicky message from me 😔So, since … Saturday / these past two nights I haven’t been able to sleep. I think I slept (on/off) from 8-2 in the morning / afternoon yesterday  and then tonight (as I write this it’s 7:28 in the morning) I haven’t slept at all. Maybe a few weird half sleeps that have lasted max 15 minutes. 
 

Three days ago I was told that my best friend (aka ex boyfriend)’s chemo wasn’t working and they are trying something new. So I kind of think that’s at least partially why my brain is keeping me awake, although I’ve had trouble sleeping before as well, especially this past week. I feel like I do everything I’ve learned to not indulge in anxiety but .. well. No sleep. It feels like a nightmare 😔

 

So my question: I think I’m gonna call my doctor this morning. Part of me just wants to try some sleep medication BUT a very large part of me is SCREAMING “NO!!” because it could make my WD so much worse. 
 

I’ve tried melatonin last year and that really made everything worse. And I won’t go anywhere near benzos or Phernagan. But **** I don’t know what to do, if I just don’t sleep. 
 

It may be a redundant question but … are there any sleep aids that we … “know” won’t worsen WD? Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do? In terms of sleep hygiene I think I’m doing it all “right”. 
 

PS: I also have long COVID and I know insomnia can be part of that. I just … I have no idea if these sleepless nights are because of WD, COVID or my own anxiety. 

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
  • Mentor
littlebird Veteran

littlebird

Posted
  • Mentor
Posted
28 minutes ago, LouiseL said:

I also have long COVID and I know insomnia can be part of that. I just … I have no idea if these sleepless nights are because of WD, COVID or my own anxiety. 

 

Ooh, I'm sorry you're experiencing insomnia. Can't speak to your question about sleep aids, just popping in as someone who has experienced it with some empathy. It's so hard to function with not enough sleep!

 

Could be all of the above causing it, but the good news is that there's signs that long covid symptoms reduce with time. I'm so sorry to hear about your anxiety, that would keep anyone awake. I hope you find some relief and sleep soon!

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg -> May 2024: 41mg -> June 2024: 35mg -> July 2024: 31mg -> August 2024: 28mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day, a mistake, don't replicate) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 25mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you @littlebirdfor your empathy :) Have you also had long Covid and WD at the same time?

 

/ Sigh!! Here I go again writing a late night panicky message. I had really hoped I was done writing these. 😞
 

I just cannot SLEEP. I don’t understand what is the root cause. I lie down, I try to sleep and then my body starts to feel akathisia like? AWFUL anxiety and sort of tickling under the skin and inner restlessness, and the more I relax the warmer my body gets. Like extremely warm, heat rushes and .. buckets of sweat. If I do nod off for two seconds I’m jerked back awake. And then my mind keeps reminding me of my ex boyfriend’s cancer diagnosis and how I can’t even really be with him because I’m busy with WD and Long Covid. 😔😡
 

… Is there ANYONE who knows of some sleep aid that maybe could help me? But that wouldn’t rekindle my symptoms? I know it’s totally individual so I guess it’s a pointless question but yeah, I’m feeling desperate 😕 Or perhaps do you know a WD savy psychiatrist I could talk to ?

 

I have a doctors phone appointment tomorrow but I’m .. not convinced she will be able to help. 
 

Thanks and all the best to anyone reading this! ❤️. Your comments and messages truly help me SO much, if anything just to not feel so alone in this — I’m sorry I’m not always great at answering.
 

If anyone feels like sending me a PM (because I seem like SUCH a calm and chill person to talk to :p) you’re also always welcome to do so (although I may not answer right away, usually because of … WD 🤦‍♀️). ❤️

 

/Louise 
 

PS: Somehow today I actually managed to draw a bit (sometimes that’s the only thing that can distract me from WD etc.). I don’t know if this is super weird but … I just maybe thought I might share it? Kind of what my insomnia / WD / Long Covid feels like these days 😓:

 

EF01944D-AE12-4008-A28D-9E3CB3E451B1.thumb.png.43f80884262557e90019b3cf50c1b912.png
 

(I don’t have unicorn bed sheets though 😋)

1
Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
  • Mentor
littlebird Veteran

littlebird

Posted
  • Mentor
Posted
1 hour ago, LouiseL said:

Have you also had long Covid and WD at the same time?

 

I'm pretty religious about masking, and have been lucky enough to avoid covid. Really struggling not to add "so far" to that, since it feels inevitable, but trying to stay positive. I only know 2 other people in my life who haven't had it, one of them being my partner. Feels like I'm one of the last people in a game of dodgeball.

 

Knowing people who have struggled with long covid, can't imagine how hard it would be to have WD at the same time. I hope you're finding ways to soothe your nervous system!

 

Your art is absolutely amazing!!! Wow, this is so cool. I wish I could draw like you! Thank you so much for sharing this with us, I hope you make more! Would love to see more art too, I love this so much.

 

1 hour ago, LouiseL said:

… Is there ANYONE who knows of some sleep aid that maybe could help me? But that wouldn’t rekindle my symptoms?

 

I know some people who swear by herbal things like California Poppy or Hops tinctures or supplements, but not sure how those would play with meds. Maybe someone more well-read than I can comment on that.

 

I also know some folks who rely on cannabis edibles for sleep, but again, not sure how that interacts! I'm about to try a herbal sleep patch to see if it'll help get me through the night, will report back on if that helps at all. It was an impulse buy, I don't think I'll make this a regular thing! 🤣

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg -> May 2024: 41mg -> June 2024: 35mg -> July 2024: 31mg -> August 2024: 28mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day, a mistake, don't replicate) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 25mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hello … Sadly another slightly desperate-ish update from me. 😕 Thank you (anyone) for reading 🙂🧡
 

My sleep had returned to normal after those two awful days (normal, meaning I probably sleep too much. I feel overly depressed in the morning and just want to keep sleeping). But yesterday I woke up feeling .. AWFUL. Can’t even explain. Maybe some temporary nerve damage from overdoing it the days before (cleaning, small walk, doing dishes, flitting about in my apartment). At 1 PM I took a Magnesium pill, hoping it might help. I’ve been taking them for sleep for a long time but have had a gap for some weeks due to running out. And it hit me like a sleeping pill! And I slept even more, basically in bed all day yesterday — which of course meant that last night I didn’t sleep at all. Have just now managed to sleep from 1:30 PM to 2:30. 
 

I’m not sure if this is WD or my own extreme anxiety because I’m so sad and scared of my ex boyfriend’s cancer diagnosis. He’s been “my rock” since I was 19 (probably sometimes too much) and suddenly within these past months we’re not a couple and he can’t be my rock (and of course shouldn’t, if anything I should be his). I am just not coping super well with all this. 🙇‍♀️
 

I tried calling my mom this morning and was .. crying and kinda panicking ( 😣 ) and hoping she could somehow magically say something that would make me feel better. But she’s sick herself (a cold / slight fever / also she’s 72) and her response was “Louise, I just can’t.” and then she hung up…… (this is kind of … not something she’s done before). So, I absolutely felt like I was being WAY too much of a burden. 😞 Then I somehow fell asleep for an hour and had an insane nightmare. 🤦‍♀️
 

So ….. I just don’t know what to do right now? I feel like it’s insane I, or anyone, should be all alone with all this, both physically and emotionally kind of. But being admitted to the Danish psychiatry again will just be extra hellish. 

 

My mom has just sent me a long list of support groups for all kinds of things (which is nice of her) but these days I can barely leave my apartment.
 

Does anyone know if there maybe are some group chat (Discord? WhatsApp?) or something where you could instantly write and someone would be there to instantly write back who KNEW about Withdrawal. Does that exist? Right now I feel like … writing in here calms me down but the moment I close the browser I get awful anxiety again. SIGH. 

 

PS: In other ridiculous news, I spoke with my doctor and … apparently I haven’t had Covid after all (?!). I never got tested but had blood samples taken and asked my doctor if I’d had it and she said “Yes, you have a lot of Covid antibodies now!”. But then a different doctor wanted to refer me to a long Covid clinic and looked at my blood samples and said “Oh you haven’t actually had Covid, it’s the vaccine.” So @littlebirdturns out I too have dodged that. 😋 For now. *shifty eyes*.
 

Ok that’s my update. Hope anyone reading this is feeling better 🙂🧡💪


All the best

Louise

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Insomnia - again

 

Hi … Sigh. I’ve just had another sleepless night. It’s 7:30 in the morning and I haven’t slept since 11:50 in the morning yesterday. I’m just a little bit broken and feeling really hopeless right now. I feel a bit weird writing this into the big internet void, I just feel so desperate. 

 

I have noticed a pattern - either I accidentally eat something that causes insomnia (I’ve begun thinking immensely a lot about what I eat when, and googling things like “can avocado cause insomnia?” because I craved avocado one evening - that alone is really stressful and makes me feel a little crazy), OR I overdo it physically, especially carrying heavy things, like a heavy trash bag or cleaning too much or taking “too long walks” (not at all long!). The night after a day of having overdone it, I sleep like a log BUT the day after I have so many kindled WD symptoms that I need to rest all day and then of course, I can’t sleep at night. And then I start thinking about my ex-boyfriend’s cancer diagnosis and it just makes me end up in a very dark place. 😕 
 

I really feel trapped, it’s so awful. I hope there is hope. Curse those drugs😔. 
 

Sorry for the depressing message. 
 

all the best 💖

Louise

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi 🙂 

 

I know I’m kind of spamming my own thread here, but I have a question I was wondering if someone could help with 🙂 

 

I was wondering if I might have some kind of Magnesium withdrawal, on top of everything? So … I had been taking magnesium for almost a year, but ran out in .. December or January. Then was without it for a month maybe two? And was IMMENSELY tired and fatigued but at that point thought it was long COVID (because my doctor had made me think I had long COVID. Until she took a closer look at my blood samples and said “Oh you haven’t actually even HAD Covid”. ) Anyway… 

 

I bought magnesium again and tried taking it but now when I take it, it’s like taking a new psychiatric drug (?!). It’s so weird … it has the same effect - I get as sleepy (but also instantly relaxed and happy-ish) as if I took a Benzo but also horribly spacy and the world feels “far away”. And then later a MASSIVE headache. This has happened several times now so I don’t really wanna take magnesium, at least that type, again now. 
 

Anyone got any experience or knowledge of Magnesium withdrawal? I know it sounds so crazy but this is truly what I’ve experienced. 😕

 

I’m also gonna ask my doctor if I may have magnesium deficiency. Basically I am just tired and fatigued ALL THE TIME. I can hardly walk around my apartment some days 😕 I’m really trying to not get too depressed about what these types of medications have put me through and still are 😔

 

All the best

a confused and so-tired-of-withdrawal Louise

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
  • 11 months later...
Ariel Grand Master

Ariel

Posted
Posted

Hi @LouiseL

How are you doing? 

Thinking of you <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp cod liver oil blend (incl. vit. A+D+E) w/ breakfast; calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi @Ariel

Sorry about the delay and thank you so much for asking about me 😊🥹

 

It’s not going super well. Well- my PAWS symptoms ARE sloooowly getting better. When I first wrote in here, I was totally drugged / withdrawn out of my mind and I was basically just spending all the time in my apartment (it’s so weird to think about actually)… now, I am able to go grocery shopping, take the bus and train and I’ve been to family things (smaller birthday parties). But I still do struggle with crappy crappy symptoms everyday 😕 

 

But also- in November last year I lost my (ex) boyfriend to cancer 😔 He’d been sick for one and a half year. So.. yeah, that’s been pretty tough 😕 
 

But yeah, I’m pressing forward the best I can. Again thank you for asking about me 😊

 

How are you? 
 

all the best

Louise

Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Barry2954 Contributor

Barry2954

Posted
Posted

I don't know whether you are aware but researchers seem to have changed the name from PAWS to BIND (benzodiazepine induced neurological dysfunction) because a lot of us weren't associating our conditions with the benzodiazepine medications. Last year they published this article on the long term consequences of BIND. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10309976/ I was only able to work out what the cause of my condition is after finding the article, ten years after my withdrawal started.

Prior medications;

sertraline 50mg April

sertraline 100mg May to July 2014 (ceased medication immediately upon occurrence of first thunderclap headache)

lorazepam April 2014 and November 2014 to January 2015 (each time suppressing symptoms of illness until two weeks after cessation of medication)

seroquel November 2014 to January 2015 50mg prior to being raised to 100mg for one day (medication ceased immediately upon occurrence of convulsive seizure)

warfarin 1990 to June 2023

Was instructed to 'cease doing anything healthy' by treating psychiatrist in June 2014 (the psychiatrist stating that belief in disease is the cause of disease and that dietary supplementation encourages people to think there's something wrong with us) so only commenced taking supplements again in June 2023 upon contrary instructions from GP.

 

Current medications;

eliquis since June 2023

Supplements; multivitamin/mineral, zinc, magnesium, calcium/magnesium, vitamin c, vitamin d, spirulina, resveratrol, iron.

Link to comment
Ariel Grand Master

Ariel

Posted
Posted
On 5/16/2024 at 12:12 PM, LouiseL said:

Hi @Ariel

Sorry about the delay and thank you so much for asking about me 😊🥹

 

It’s not going super well. Well- my PAWS symptoms ARE sloooowly getting better. When I first wrote in here, I was totally drugged / withdrawn out of my mind and I was basically just spending all the time in my apartment (it’s so weird to think about actually)… now, I am able to go grocery shopping, take the bus and train and I’ve been to family things (smaller birthday parties). But I still do struggle with crappy crappy symptoms everyday 😕 

 

But also- in November last year I lost my (ex) boyfriend to cancer 😔 He’d been sick for one and a half year. So.. yeah, that’s been pretty tough 😕 
 

But yeah, I’m pressing forward the best I can. Again thank you for asking about me 😊

 

How are you? 
 

all the best

Louise

 

Hi @LouiseL

Good to hear from you. 

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard witnessing the suffering of someone we love. It sounds like you were there for the whole process, all while dealing with WD yourself. I'm so sorry <3

Do you have anyone with whom to share your grief? Are you still seeing the same therapist?

I hope you are being gentle with yourself. 

 

I'm glad to hear you're experiencing some improvements. It really is just so gradual and slow, isn't it? Still, healing is happening, and it's so important for us to notice that. 

I remember how it was, how you were, a few years back when we were here together then. I can tell just from reading your post that so much healing has taken place, you sound quite different. Grocery shopping, public transportation, family gatherings -- despite crappy symptoms -- that's a big deal! Well done, you, for having come thus far. You're doing it, you're making it through!! 

 

Sending big hugs <3

A.

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp cod liver oil blend (incl. vit. A+D+E) w/ breakfast; calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment
Ariel Grand Master

Ariel

Posted
Posted

Hope you don't mind my sharing this help topic, I find the first post so very lovely: 

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp cod liver oil blend (incl. vit. A+D+E) w/ breakfast; calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Dear @Ariel

Thank you SO so much for your post 🩷… totally did NOT make me tear up (ok, yes it did, hehe). Thank you. 😊🥹
 

Tbh, I am finding it hard to talk about aaall of this. It’s been completely unreal, going through losing my ex boyfriend whilst dealing with WD. We were together for 14 years and then in January 2023 we, lovingly, decided to “just” be best friends. I think the decision was 60% his and partly because he wanted me to move on / he didn’t feel, he could be my “husband” anymore as he had terminal cancer. I don’t think, in my WD brain, I actually understood how ill he was. They had told us it was terminal, but that if the treatment worked, he could live for many years, so I naively clung onto that. 😔)

 

I think … yeah- I think it’s difficult to celebrate my feeling better because I should have never felt this way in the first place kind of? I know, that kind of thinking isn’t helpful. Some days I’m good at radically accepting it all, other days, especially when I “see” friends and family move on with their lives and I feel stuck, because of WD, I just become a very bitter 35 year old “widow” 😛😔

 

I do talk to my shrink yeah, and try to also talk to friends and family. But my WD symptoms often sort of get in the way of social stuff? 
 

… I have found that if I get adequate sleep (8-9 hours), don’t eat sugar and fastfood / eat healthy (Mediterranean diet ish), that tends to pick me up and make me less angry and bitter and bleh :) 
 

Anyway- thank you for your post. Really meant a lot 🙏

 

All the best

Louise 🇩🇰

2
Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
Ariel Grand Master

Ariel

Posted
Posted

Hi @LouiseL

Thinking of you. 

How are you going? 

 

On 5/18/2024 at 10:18 AM, LouiseL said:

Tbh, I am finding it hard to talk about aaall of this. It’s been completely unreal, going through losing my ex boyfriend whilst dealing with WD.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Going through your partner's illness and losing him while also dealing with WD, that sounds incredibly difficult. 

I'm so, so sorry. 

 

On 5/18/2024 at 10:18 AM, LouiseL said:

I think … yeah- I think it’s difficult to celebrate my feeling better because I should have never felt this way in the first place kind of?

 

I wonder whether what you're getting at is the grief...?

 

If "celebrate" is too intense/triggering a word, perhaps we could call it "noticing positive change" or something more neutral like that.

It is actually important to healing to acknowledge improvements along the way, because the way our brains are wired, they respond well to reinforcement. So we can work with our remarkable neuroplasticity to affirm healing by taking a moment to say, "Wow, yes, I am able to do ____ today and that is a welcome development! A while ago I couldn't do ____ and now I can. Awesome!" (or whatever the experience may be) This sends a message to our brain to consolidate that particular action/behavior/habit/biochemical mechanism and facilitates growth and regeneration. Same goes for learning, which has a lot in common with the healing process -- we want to thank our brains for the amazing job they're doing and support them to keep going. The other benefit is that in those moments of celebration ;-) a.k.a. acknowledging that something sucks a little less, we are aligned with the here and now. It helps us be present at least for a little while, and that is also very healing. Being with what is and practicing gratitude (ew! ;-)), even if only for a minute. 

 

Now for the grief part. WD is horrible, and it shouldn't happen to anyone. The vast majority of us got here by trusting medical professionals and subsequently experiencing neglect/betrayal/malpractice/incompetence (etc.) -- in short, our trust was not rewarded, and we've sustained iatrogenic injury. There can be significant trauma associated with that (different from person to person), and at the very least a profound, complex experience of loss. Loss (to varying degrees) of health, function, relationships, safety/security, work, money, stability, etc. -- loss of life as we knew it.

 

Going through WD and PAWS changes us. And as with any major change and massive, life-changing loss, we are met with grief, and there is a grieving process to go through. It is part of healing and integral to getting out on the other side and moving on with life. Grief is not linear and it has many faces, it can show up in many different ways, it can come and go and reappear when we least expect it, in surprising constellations. One of which might be a reluctance/resistance to celebrate because F*ck everything, this should never have happened in the first place!!

 

When these kinds of thoughts and feelings flare up for me -- and they do -- I say, Oh hello grief, there you are. Come on in, you are welcome here. And I invite it to talk to me and  try to listen, maybe it's anger or sadness or loneliness or something else, I try to receive the message it's giving me; and I try to make lots of space for it within so that it can move through, and when everything hurts I try to treat myself gently and with lovingkindness, the way I would receive a loved one who's grieving; and eventually it passes and I rest and afterwards I feel like some little piece of healing has taken place.

 

Don't know whether that resonates with you or is helpful at all, feel free to take what you can use (if anything) and discard the rest.

(And I don't mean to be advice-y or lecture-y, sorry if it comes off that way or is annoying.)

 

On 5/18/2024 at 10:18 AM, LouiseL said:

I do talk to my shrink yeah, and try to also talk to friends and family. But my WD symptoms often sort of get in the way of social stuff? 

 

I'm glad to hear you have some people to talk to.

One day social stuff will get in the way of WD -- and you'll be like, Whoops, totes neglected WD today!

And when that happens, I dare you not to celebrate!! ;-) 

 

On 5/18/2024 at 10:18 AM, LouiseL said:

… I have found that if I get adequate sleep (8-9 hours)

 

This is phenomenal, I must say. 8-9 hours for most of us going through WD/PAWS is a distant fantasy, a dream we hardly dare to dream. (It has been many years since I've had anything close to that amount of sleep.)

I'm not going to tell you to celebrate or put this on your gratitude list; I'm just going to say that I am sincerely, wholeheartedly happy for you that you are, at least on occasion if not regularly, sleeping so well. I love this for you. Healing is happening <3

 

By the way, Louise, we have a new member here from Denmark in case you haven't found each other yet and would like to connect @Kathrine 

No pressure on either of you, of course. Just FYI. 

 

You're doing a great job, Louise! Give yourself so much credit for all your hard work, and so much tenderness for the difficulties you've had to face to get this far. You are amazing, and you are doing it! 

 

Sending hugs and healing vibes,

Ariel

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp cod liver oil blend (incl. vit. A+D+E) w/ breakfast; calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment
LouiseL Contributor

LouiseL

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@Ariel I just read your post — and I’m just so … beyond words touched by your words 🥹🥲🩷🙏 (<— in case it doesn’t show, those are two happy crying emojis, a heart, and a thanking pair of hands hehe :)). 
 

I want to write so many things, but right now I’m just exhausted (I just spent the afternoon installing a robot vacuum cleaner — something I would NOT be able to do all by myself last year or even just 6 months ago, I think :)🥳). 
 

I just want you to know that your post meant so much to me. I read it at a time where I felt particular alone, tbh. Thank you 🙏 Thank you thank you thank you hehe 🥹🥹🥹😊😊😊. 
 

I’ll reply a little more soon, when my brain is a little more .. eeh not exhausted, hehe :) Sometimes I almost “forget” there is a whole forum with resources on here 🩷 
 

Will reply soon! 
 

Knus (hugs in Danish),

Louise 

1
Benzodiazepines: . Feb - March 2019, 7.5-15mg
Zoloft: March - Nov 2019, max dose 125 mg.
Mirtazapine: Dec 2019, 7.5 mg. ; Jan 2020 varying doses 7.5 mg / 3.25mg. ; Stopped March 2020.
Phernagan: April 2020, 6-25 mg daily until may. 
Duloxetine: April 15 2020, 30 mg. ; April 25, 60 mg. ; Aug 18, 30 mg. ; Sep 10, 30/0 mg. every second day ; stopped Sep 18 2020.
Benzodiazepines: Sep - Dec, 7.5-15 mg. a week. 
Phernagan: Sep - Dec 2020, 25-50 mg. a week.
Zoloft: Jan 12 2021, 25 mg. ; stopped Jan 15 2021.
Pregabalin: Jan 27 2021, 25 mg., max dose 150 mg. Stopped with one month taper May 4 2021.
Lexapro: March 6 2021, 10 mg. ; June 5, 5 mg. ; June 18, 5/0 every second day. July 5, 0 mg. ; Sep 6, 1 mg ; Sep 7, 2 mg. ; Sep 9, 1.25 mg. Stopped completely Sep 10 2021 .
 
(The following have been attempts to soothe WD symptoms.. I don’t recommend)
Phernagan: Nov 15 2021, 25 mg. nothing since.,
Benzodiazepines: Nov 17 2021, 3.25 mg. (just one day) ; Dec 24 2021, 7.5 mg. ; nothing since.
Melatonin: March 30, 1.5 mg. ; March 31, 3 mg. ; nothing since.
Mirtazapine: May 16, 0.03 mg. ;  nothing since.
Escitalopram: May 31, <0.001 mg. ; nothing since.
 
Link to comment
Ariel Grand Master

Ariel

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, LouiseL said:

right now I’m just exhausted (I just spent the afternoon installing a robot vacuum cleaner

 

Installing a robot vacuum cleaner could destabilize, dysregulate, and exhaust even a non-WD-person and cause them to spontaneously combust into a flaming ball of WD-like symptoms!!!!

 

You are a rock star <3  

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp cod liver oil blend (incl. vit. A+D+E) w/ breakfast; calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy

  I accept