Doctorsrcrap: can't cry and frustrated

[Dahlia50]

@Doctorsrcrap I've wondered about that too. When pain in my body or head, it doesn't help with pain killers as it normally does. Feels like it's a different kind of pain somehow, dont know.

[Doctorsrcrap]

I cant cope and nothing helps 

[Tom2020]

On 5/6/2024 at 2:09 AM, Doctorsrcrap said:

Throughout this my stomach has been a dream. Now for the last 2 months it's been non stop diarreha. ... Does anyone have any good ideas for diahhera? Natural ones.

Psyllium husk is good for both constipation and mild diarrhea. Start with a small amount and increase if needed so your gut has time to adapt. It's widely available as Fybogel (at least in the UK) but that's just psyllium with orange colouring and a much higher price - better to get plain psyllium husk in bulk.

[Doctorsrcrap]

POEM

 

My own private prison is where I reside
Full of pain and torment from which I can't hide
The bars that surround me are made of solid steel
There's no escape from the pain that I feel
I push and I pull but the bars do not bend
Enclosed in a pain that will never end
Chalk on the wall counting down the time served
But this is a life sentence I never deserved
There's a tiny barred window so I can watch others
Getting on with their lives having children becoming mothers.
It tears at my heart to watch life pass me by
Couldn't claw my life back regardless of how I try
I feel like a failure, a disappointment a burden
Causing other people worry when my life is uncertain
No escaping the cage that surrounds my existence
Hope is important but I have none in this instance
It's time to accept that there's no way out of my cell
No way to escape my on going hell
There's no one for company no body but me
It's obvious the jailer has left and thrown away the key

[Ariel]

Dear @Doctorsrcrap

 

I'm so sorry you're suffering. You've been going through so much and dealing with very difficult circumstances. Give yourself credit for your hard work; give yourself grace for the adversity you've been facing. 

 

Thank you for sharing your wonderful poems. It is such a sign of profound resilience that in the midst of these challenges, you manage to make yourself available to such extraordinary creativity and self-expression. I don't know how it feels to you in the moment as you compose; sometimes in WD we experience anhedonia and a variety of negative neuro-emotions that keep us from actively feeling any sort of satisfaction, so I don't want to assume that just because I receive your writing with great pleasure, that it feels good to you to produce it (was it as good for you as it was for me? haha). Nevertheless, however you may consciously be feeling about it in the moment, I promise you that putting together such remarkably astute verse, which may also be regarded as a form of verbal puzzle-solving, is indubitably a sign of healing and your innate profound intelligence of being. It's phenomenal that despite your pain you are able to harness such a spirit of playfulness and artistry. I have complete faith that you are going to be okay, and that healing is happening, whether or not it is consciously felt. This is the practice: to access our deeper knowing, and from this wise place within, trust in healing. And this is what we have each other for, to hold this space for one another when it feels like we ourselves may be blocked from the source of higher wisdom and meaning. Such is the role of community in our lives, and such is the role of art. Sometimes we can connect with truth through a poem (writing or reading it) in a way that is otherwise obscure; and whatever outlet shows up for us at any given moment, it is such a gift to accept that invitation to expression, as you have so valiantly done. Bravo, you!

 

Thank you, DRC. You have brought me joy. I realize that your poems speak of pain, suffering, loneliness, alienation, isolation, and significant difficulty.  I trust you understand that I am not downplaying or diminishing the struggle conveyed by your posts. I feel for you and appreciate the way your words communicate emotion. At the same time, reading your words makes me feel connected to you across our shared humanity. Your poetry unites us in recognition of lived experience and makes me feel less alone, recognizing myself in your words, hearing so clearly that you know what it is to feel as I have felt before. Thank you for this precious gift, for expressing yourself and sharing your self-expression. It is truly more meaningful than I can say and gives me such hope and encouragement for the future! This is the magic of art, it is a transformative power. You are harnessing the force of art, of creativity, of life itself! This is what healing is all about, no matter how it may feel on the surface, it's all about the astonishing, life-affirming changes and shifts occurring beneath us and all around us, continuously. You're brilliant and you're doing an amazing job!

 

With gratitude, in solidarity and support --

I love you, keep going!

A. 

[Tom2020]

On 5/8/2024 at 8:25 AM, Doctorsrcrap said:

Nothing helps and my body doesn't respond to pain killers. 

I don't understand why I get no relief no matter what pain relief I take. What's that about? 

The pain session on my ME/CFS program talked about 3 kinds of pain:

• Peripheral Nociceptive: Primarily due to inflammation or tissue damage in the periphery.
• Peripheral Neuropathic: Damage or dysfunction of peripheral nerves.
• Centralized Pain: Characterized by central disturbances in processing: diffuse hyperalgesia (an amplified pain signal) and allodynia (experiencing pain from a stimulus that normally does not feel painful).

It's possible to have a mix in the same place but it sounds as though yours is (largely) centralised, as that kind does not respond to standard painkillers.

 

Centralisation is behind the pain in fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, tension headaches, migraines, chronic low back pain, myofascial pain and IBS. My impression is many withdrawal symptoms are some kind of centralisation - the nervous system going haywire.

 

From the ME/CFS handout here is a summary of evidence for pain drugs helping centralised pain:

• Strong evidence: dual reuptake inhibitors, tricyclics (amitriptyline, cyclobenzaprine), SNRIs and SRIs (milnacipran, duloxetine, venlafaxine/effexor), anticonvulsants (pregabalin/lyrica, gabapentin).
• Modest evidence: tramadol, gamma hydroxybutyrate, low-dose naltrexone, cannabinoids.
• No evidence: opiods, corticosteroids, NSAIDs, benzodiazepines, guanifenesin.

The person running the pain session I attended is a naturopath so he works with alternatives to the above, in three areas, but they all contribute to pain reduction (eg pain involves inflammation so anti-inflammatories reduce pain indirectly, and similarly the sympathetic response amplifies pain so downregulating it reduces pain).

• Anti-inflammatory and anti-oxidant diet and supplements: take 3,000mg omega 3s (EPA/DHA) a day with food. This can take about 3 months to take full effect. Theracurmin (make sure it has the theracurmin trademark as some brands are no use) 200mg a day. Should take 3-7 days to take effect.
• Sympathetic (fight or flight) response downregulation: pharmaGABA 200mg two times a day. Should take 3-7 days. Works for 8/10 people. Magnesium 300mg morning and 300mg night. Works for 8/10 people. Some forms are more prone to stimulating the guts (tending toward diarrhea in more extreme cases) than others. Note: it also relaxes muscles and is good for sleep.
• Supplements for pain: PEA (Palmitoylethanolamide) 300mg twice a day to start, increasing to 600mg twice a day. Works for 5/10 people. CBD and cannabis: there are many options and we didn't get any specifics.

The "works for X/Y people" is specifically for people with ME/CFS/Fibromyalgia. If I recall, the two supplements Surviving Antidepressants recommends for withdrawal are among the above: magnesium and fish oil (omega 3s). I hope some of them will give you some relief.

[Doctorsrcrap]

@Ariel

Thank you for reaching out and your kind words

[Doctorsrcrap]

@Tom2020

Thank you for this detailed information. 

I do worry however that that means the pain is permenant and can't be reversed?

[Doctorsrcrap]

I honestly feel like I've developed some disease or something. I feel like I've got arthritis mixed with sciatica mixed with fibro. Honestly. 

How on earth do people deal with this constant torture? 

I don't understand whats happening to me. This can't be done 

[Doctorsrcrap]

On another site someone told me I have pain because I need therapy. That's really annoyed me. 

I thought pain was a common withdrawal symptom? I don't go on these forums to be gas lit even more. 

[Jaffa]

@Doctorsrcrap

Im so sorry you feel gaslit. I’ve been thinking of you the last few days because every post I’ve been reading in the withdrawal Facebook pages has talked about unbearable physical pain. 
It’s withdrawal. It’s all to do with withdrawal. The more posts I read the more I’m convinced it’s all withdrawal. 
It’s also temporary. It will not be permanent. People heal from this and you will too. Sending so much strength and healing thoughts your way. 

[Doctorsrcrap]

@Jaffa

Thanks for reaching out. 

I'm so scared, this is by far the worst sumptom I've had to deal with. I can't do anything to get a break from it. It is relentless 

[Ariel]

Love to you @Doctorsrcrap

 

[Doctorsrcrap]

@Ariel

how are you doing these days?

[Ariel]

1 minute ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

@Ariel

how are you doing these days?

 

Hanging in there, DRC, thank you for asking <3

 

[Ariel]

Do you know this thread? 

Would you consider sharing your poems there, or allowing me to re-post them there?

 

 

[Angus]

@Doctorsrcrap I’ve been reading your thread for quite some time and am very sorry for all you’ve experienced in WD. I am also sorry for what you experienced on the other forum. It’s terrible. I myself, have been having chronic back pain from WD so I can somewhat relate. I’ve had an MRI and go to physical therapy but no answers. I just wanted to reach out and send warm thoughts your way. Praying for everyone’s healing. 🙏

Angus

 

[Doctorsrcrap]

15 minutes ago, Ariel said:

Do you know this thread? 

Would you consider sharing your poems there, or allowing me to re-post them there?

 

 

I was not aware but yes you can share them 

[Doctorsrcrap]

@Angus. Thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry you are suffering too. 

[Farm24]

6 hours ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

On another site someone told me I have pain because I need therapy. That's really annoyed me. 

I thought pain was a common withdrawal symptom? I don't go on these forums to be gas lit even more. 

People that haven't experienced it cannot understand.  I never even took these meds for anxiety.  I thought it would help with sleep

[Dahlia50]

@Doctorsrcrap I ache everywhere. Feels like fibromyalgia and nerve pain. I recognize what you said like pain torture. 
Never had this before so it must be WD related. It is not psychosomatic.

Don't know how it gets better but really hope you can get some relief soon 🙏

[Jaffa]

@Doctorsrcrap

The relentless pain must be so hard. Come on nervous system. Repair ! 
It’s the desensitisation to serotonin. That’s what withdrawal is . It like low serotonin syndrome. This is what makes the pain so bad. Those receptors need the time to grow back and they will. Hold on. Baths , swimming pools, saunas. At least by doing activities that create other sensations ( water) it might make the pain more bearable for some of the time. Is it better at night? Do you sleep? 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I wanted to take omega 3 capsules but too scared to as I have a bad reaction to vitamin d I'm worried it will be hidden in the omega 3 capsules 

[Jaffa]

@Doctorsrcrap

If you are scared perhaps it’s not a good idea to take omega 3. Perhaps eat fatty fish and chia seeds as they are both high in omega 3 . 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I've taken them intermittently before but since my major reaction to the D I've been put off 

[Jaffa]

I understand why you would be put off. I reacted to vitamin B some months ago and even though I’m feeling more stable now I’m worried to try b vitamins again

[Doctorsrcrap]

I know it makes you question everything. I found I was OK with B vitamins 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I cant take my pain anymore. No one can explain the pain.

No pain relief works. Massage hasnr helped. Exercise hasnt helped. Stretching hasn't help. Oesteopath hasn't helped. Physio hasn't helped. Chiropractor hasn't helped.

Doctor wants me to take anitriptline.

I'm screwed. 

[Jaffa]

@Doctorsrcrap

Im so sorry . I wish this pain would go away. As it is not , is amiltryptiline such a bad idea. It could be just a tiny dose that offers some relief. Maybe …. This will be ok? What are your thoughts? Is it the baby issue that you are struggling with here or is it that you feel defeated in having to start another low dose of med . 
Sending love

[Doctorsrcrap]

Without knowing the reason of the pain I am against taking meds. Especially an antidepressant. Wouldn't know what dose. What if I have an adverse reaction seeing as I've had kindling in the past. 

I just don't know. 

 

[Ariel]

Dear @Doctorsrcrap

I'm very sorry you're dealing with this pain. It sounds so difficult. 

I don't have any answers or suggestions, I just want to say there's someone here thinking of you and wishing you well. 

 

43 minutes ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

Without knowing the reason of the pain I am against taking meds. Especially an antidepressant. Wouldn't know what dose. What if I have an adverse reaction seeing as I've had kindling in the past. 

I just don't know. 

 

 

It's okay to not know. In fact, I believe it is a very brave, very honest place to hang out -- in the not knowing.

 

If only more people, incl. medical professionals, would have the courage, integrity, humility to say, "I don't know," many of us would probably be better off!

 

On my life/WD journey embracing the I-don't-know-ness of things has become a spiritual practice of sorts. It's a way to align myself with uncertainty rather than resist/fight/fear it (which never works and only ever makes things worse), leaning into acceptance of what is. I also find it liberating to permit myself to not have answers, it really takes a load off! So much tension can come of my monkey mind struggling overtime to solve problems it cannot fix, and it's very relaxing to say, "Hey, we don't know, and we're going to let this lie," as it signals to my mind/body that whatever is going on, we are at least sufficiently safe in this very moment to not have to Do Survival right this second. Safety, even if only one moment at a time, and then the moment after that, and the moment after that, one after another after another, like pearls on a string. 

 

That being said, I hear you that you are suffering. And I want you to know that you don't need anyone's permission to do what feels right, whatever it may be. Nobody else knows what it's like to be you, only you are in your body and have lived what you have lived through. We are here to support you no matter what you decide. You have worked hard to get here, and you are still working hard, and I have so much respect for your efforts. Give yourself so much credit, as well as lovingkindness.

 

And remember: doing nothing is actually also doing something. Often in WD (and not so rarely in life!), doing nothing is really the best thing to do. Everyone on SA is familiar with this one way or another, be it the power of not reinstating, not updosing, not cutting/tapering, not making changes, not taking supplements, etc. On this journey we get really intimate with holding. And to hang out in the not-knowing and the not-doing, that is the hallmark of a spiritual gangster! I trust your core wisdom, and if that's what your gut is telling you, I say listen to that. 

 

My heart goes out to you, DRC. I'm so sorry you're going through this. 

I admire and respect your patience, perseverance, and poetry. 

I believe in you. 

Love,

Ariel

 

[Jaffa]

@Doctorsrcrap

Ariels words above are the highest wisdom. How fortunate to have such strength and profound wisdom amongst this community. I can not add to this other than to say that with all the pain you have been in for an extended period the tiny dose of amiltryptiline might be an option. Angie Peacock’s conversation with a woman who took a teeny tiny dose for her excruciating pain and felt relief is perhaps worth considering. Yes you might have an adverse reaction and it may not be successful for you . We just don’t know. 😮‍💨😮‍💨 Talking with Angie about it might be helpful. 

Here to support you all the way. ❤️

[FindRest]

12 hours ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

Without knowing the reason of the pain I am against taking meds. Especially an antidepressant. Wouldn't know what dose. What if I have an adverse reaction seeing as I've had kindling in the past. 

I think your rationale is very wise. 

[Doctorsrcrap]

I would consider micro dosing anitriptiline if I knew for sure  why it was happening but doc wants me to start at 10mg. No way. Without guidance on how to safely do it really don't want to mess with it. And I know no one is going to be able to tell me how to do it either. 

[KateH]

My heart is touched, there is so much wisdom and support here. @DoctorsrcrapI am so sorry this is happening and I agree with the counsel that it's OK not to know. It is OK to hang out in the unknown. Trust yourself. The way will become clear.

[Jaffa]

5 hours ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

but doc wants me to start at 10mg. No way.

I agree that’s way too high. The woman I was referring to was on 0.5 or less. In any case sounds like you are  clear in your mind that this is not an option for you. It’s good to have that clarity. I hope some better days come soon . 
🧡