Wrangles783: Hi all - need help (thanks in advance!)

[Wrangles783]

I'm not sure, but I'm sure as hell hoping it is - I took it again this morning, and it was only after writing the daily list that it occurred to me that it could be the culprit. I did some digging and there does seem to be a link for some people. If it isn't the propranolol then I am at a loss as to what's causing deep, profound depression.

I was prescribed the Propranolol for the physiological effects (stress/anxiety) during restabilisation - I will be ceasing this medication as of now.

[Wrangles783]

Update:

Ceased the Propranolol and the suicidal depression abated as soon as the last pill I took wore off.

I'm now waiting for stabilisation to occur. I really hope there is gradual improvement along this journey, and I've accepted this isn't going to be a two-week turnaround. I've really done a number of my nervous system this time.

For those that have gone through something similar, were there gradual improvements every couple of weeks or so?

I hope to god this isn't a 6-month thing.

W

[Altostrata]

2 hours ago, Wrangles783 said:

Ceased the Propranolol and the suicidal depression abated as soon as the last pill I took wore off.

 

How did you stop propranolol? When was your last dose?

[Wrangles783]

Cold turkey. I was only on it for a few days.

[Altostrata]

Okay, then.

[Wrangles783]

Thanks @Altostrata

 

So I guess I just have to wait until restabilisation, right?

[Altostrata]

On 8/13/2023 at 10:22 PM, Wrangles783 said:

So I guess I just have to wait until restabilisation, right?

 

right

 

What are you taking for magnesium and fish oil?

[Wrangles783]

@Altostrata Just supplements for both. Decent quality from what I can tell.

Things are slightly better, but I'm still not okay. Here's what I'm dealing with:

 

- Frequent negative thoughts: my brain seems to turn literally every situation into a negative perception.

- An inability to feel any joy or happiness (I've had super brief fleeting pockets, but that's it).

- A sensitivity to previous material I would enjoy (violence/horror in movies).

Does this sound similar to the experiences of others? I'm about 5-weeks in since going up to the 10mg for 4 days, and I just need to know if I'm on the right track/going to be okay.

Everyone in my personal life, including my doctor (who's actually quite understanding), is telling me to just give it time, but it's a dismal existence at the moment.

W

[Altostrata]

23 hours ago, Wrangles783 said:

- Frequent negative thoughts: my brain seems to turn literally every situation into a negative perception.

- An inability to feel any joy or happiness (I've had super brief fleeting pockets, but that's it).

- A sensitivity to previous material I would enjoy (violence/horror in movies).

 

This is a typical withdrawal symptom pattern. 

 

What we see is that people who have been taking psychiatric drugs for years often feel emotional blunting from the drug. This can also emerge after going off the drug. 

 

On 7/29/2023 at 7:02 PM, Wrangles783 said:

7:30am - 7.5mg lexapro + magnesium citrate + fish oil.

 

5:00pm - magnesium citrate.

 

Please read 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

We recommend taking magnesium in small amounts throughout the day, and at least 3000mg-4000mg EPA + DHA in fish oil, which is often 6 capsules, taking 2 at each meal. 

[Wrangles783]

How can I be going through withdrawal when I'm still on the drug?

 

[Wrangles783]

I've experienced the mild emotional blunting of being on the 10mg lexapro - that was manageable, and it actually lessened while on 7.5mg previously.

Where I'm confused is that I seem to be experiencing withdrawal (as you say) without tapering off the drug. I went up to 10mg from 7.5mg for 3 days on 10/07/2023, and I'm still recovering from whatever damage that has done. I just don't know what the hell has happened - every time I've become dysregulated due to dosage changes I've straightened out in a matter of weeks...

Will try ramping up the fish oil.

[Altostrata]

Your "nervous system crash" in April was acute withdrawal from gong off Lexapro too fast. You are still recovering from that.

 

On 8/20/2023 at 1:32 AM, Wrangles783 said:

every time I've become dysregulated due to dosage changes I've straightened out in a matter of weeks...

 

When did this happen before?

[Wrangles783]

Thanks @Altostrata

 

Will this honestly ever get any better? Or have I actually ruined my awesome life?

 

I'm absolutely heart broken.

[Altostrata]

On 7/30/2023 at 8:15 AM, LostInCanada said:

@Wrangles783 any improvement shows your body is settling down. It took me a solid 6 months to somewhat stabilize...it wasn't perfect but way better. Kindling happens when you keep changing the dose. Best to just keep that consistent and more healing will come. You are doing great. 👍

 

[Emonda]

Hey @Wrangles783,

 

14 hours ago, Wrangles783 said:

Will this honestly ever get any better?

 

We've all wondered the same thing about our own situations at various times. The reposting by Alto above from LostInCanada was the response that came to mind to try and reassure you. Have a read over her introduction page. It's been a long six months for her, but she has stabilised and is now chipping away at tapering. Like the rest of us, she experiences windows and waves. I've found that sometimes those waves are uncomfortably long.

 

When I dropped from 15mg to <5mg over six weeks before finding this site, I caused myself some serious grief. It was six months after up-dosing before I could taper again...much the same as LostInCanada.

 

14 hours ago, Wrangles783 said:

Or have I actually ruined my awesome life?

 

I still see your sense of humour in some of your posts, Wrangles. I reckon your awesome life will bounce back. Time and patience...I know it's hard.

 

14 hours ago, Wrangles783 said:

I'm absolutely heart broken

 

I feel your pain, mate. Counselling has helped me immensely to work through the heart-breaking pain. I don't recall if you've mentioned this somewhere above. Are you talking with someone regularly?

 

On 8/19/2023 at 4:21 PM, Wrangles783 said:

Frequent negative thoughts: my brain seems to turn literally every situation into a negative perception.

 

I refer to this as catastrophising. I found it beneficial to spend time here:

 

The other thing I found helpful was reading this book, and re-reading it. It challenged by negative thought patterns.

 

 https://www.dymocks.com.au/book/reinventing-your-life-the-breakthrough-program-to-end-negative-behaviour-and-feel-great-again-by-jeffrey-e-young-and-janet-s-klosko-9781925849387

 

 

 

Keep fighting, Wrangels 

 

 

[Wrangles783]

13 hours ago, Emonda said:

I refer to this as catastrophising. I found it beneficial to spend time here:

 

 

Unfortunately it's not catastrophizing, but instead it's the cognitive output of the neurochemical state of my brain. I'm usually very rational and able to swat away negative thoughts - anyhow, this has subsided.

At the moment I'm oscillating between deep depression and a frazzled 'stressed' feeling in my brain, and I cannot connect to anything/anyone. I feel like I'm dead and watching the world, and people, happily engage with their intact nervous systems. I know this is really negative, but I have been fighting with everything I possible have for months now - for the sake of my beautiful family, my loyal friends, and for love for myself. I, and everyone on here, do not deserve this suffering. This is far too much for anyone to have to deal with, and it simply takes too long to heal for what I can handle.

I am inches away from presenting to hospital, but that's the lynch pin that will result in me losing absolutely everything - and I know I won't survive the shame of that.

Contrary to the tone in this message, I will push on - I hope to god there is some lasting respite this week.

With thanks and appreciation,

W

[Altostrata]

Please re-read your topic from the beginning for reassurance. You will need to learn to tell yourself that you will be okay.

[Emonda]

Just dropping in to see how you are doing, @Wrangles783.

 

I hope there has been some improvement for you.