Gonzo: Sertraline 50mg chaos and withdrawal

[Gonzo]

I'm now dealing with my core trauma, which is my ancient abandonment trauma, mostly due to emotional neglect in my narcissistic, dysfuntional and abusive family environment, but also reinforced because of bullying, psychiatry and failed relationships, romantic and friendships (the last one less than 3 weeks ago). Because of these reasons and lack of moral support, emotional validation and understanding, it became a disabling monster inside of me. I have no help in my physical space to deal with all this and obviously I don't trust the MH system/industry to help me either. I'm alone to heal. I trust no one, actually. This is what I was trying to understand and overcome when I was 19-20, before psychiatry messed even more with my mind and brain chemistry just to stop me from keep disturbing others and to make me go back to "normal" by hook or by crook. This has nothing to do with withdrawal, it's just complex trauma, aggravated by the MH system/industry. Psychiatry rejected my suffering, pain and trauma, abandoned me with all that, violated, revictimized and drugged me, then my narcissistic and dysfuntional family did the same, emotionally neglecting me, as it always did, and abusing me. It never stopped being like that, that's why psychiatry left me defenseless against my family. It's hearthbreaking.

[Gonzo]

I have a large amount of entangled traumas (complex trauma, C-PTS"D"), and under all of them it's the same theme: my abandonment trauma, always the same disabling feelings, emotions, sensations, beliefs, thoughts. Chronic shame and guilt, self-blaming, low self-steem and self-confidence, feeling unloveable, vulnerable, alone, unloved, defective, abnormal, immoral, useless, inhuman, abandoned, rejected, defenseless, powerless, terrified, hopeless, angry, sorrow, paranoia, grief, pure psych pain.

 

I need to overcome my abandonment trauma to take back control over my mind and my life, to stop being a passive actor in my own life and do what I want and need to do, to recover, which is and always has been a moral recovery.

 

 

Psychiatric drugs create addiction, and are "dysfuntional" coping strategies, reason why withdrawal and what MH "experts" call "rebound effect" happen, no healing occurs.

[Gonzo]

I always felt inferior, even if I wasn't. Betrayed too. Abandonment trauma makes you feel all that that I've been describing. I wasn't able to understand my painful inner experiences and psychosocial "issues", my "dysfunctionality", where it was all coming from. When I was 19 I became aware that something deeper was going on behind all these "symptoms" and postraumatic reactions, and I tried to comprehend and solve it the best I could, but I was sabotaged. Now I can see that lack of moral support, emotional validation and understanding from others together with this unresolved ancient abandonment trauma (which is an adverse childhood experience, ACE, pure terror) is what caused all these problems, that ultimately led to my catastrophic psychiatric intervention and more suffering and trauma, as it's usually the case with people suffering from complex trauma sadly, endless pain and trauma in this soulless, oppresive and alienating psychopath society.

[Gonzo]

Even if I don't like it and it's somewhat unnatural and I avoided it desperately, I need to learn how to be alone, with myself. I'll keep being in big trouble if I don't do it. If I'm not confortable being just with me I'll never get out of this situation and I'll keep searching infinitely for support, understanding and validation where there is none to be found in this dehumanized individualistic society and I'll keep being punished, rejected, abandoned, revictimized, over and over again. There is simply no human connection.

[Gonzo]

I think I'm finally achieving closure for this 8+ years long postraumatic and moral crisis, that psychiatry prolongued 7 years and 4 months unnecessary because of its malpractice. I'm connecting all my symptoms and long-life issues with my ancient abandonment trauma and everything is making sense and I'm becoming increasingly capable of managing my overwhelming feelings and emotions, better equiped to tolerate my difficult and painful inner experiences.

 

Abandonment trauma is likely the most painful trauma and what grief is basically about when losing a loved one. And psychiatry made me reexperience it at the hospital and trapped me with it because of Sertraline, just when I was trying to understand and heal it because I realized that it was causing me great suffering and many troubles, that it was what was making me "dysfuntional" and that in fact it had been for most of my life so I needed to overcome it to live my best life.

 

When I quit Sertraline that was my "rebound effect": to reconnect with all my unprocessed abandonment trauma and childhood terror. It was a pure retraumatization. Plus withdrawal, which means I was an addict. This emotional hell and unnecessary suffering is all psychiatry fault, it had the power to do good, but it did the worst possible thing to me when I was extremely vulnerable, in crisis, and desperately searching for its support. I'm lucky to have escaped the MH system/industry and be on the road to recovery. Many don't, specially if have been locked down.

 

Mental and emotional stabilization is my next step.

 

Now I now that my abandonment trauma is my vulnerability, it always has been, it's what hurt me the most, why it happened, why it keeps hurting, and no one will stop me ever again. I'm not nor was crazy, I was and am hurt. Abandonment trauma, that's my "insanity", what my abusers used to hurt me and manipulate me, included psychiatry, specially psychiatry with its inhumanity.

 

One day psychiatry will have to pay for what it's doing to people worldwide, all these brainless and psycho indoctrinated psychiatrists, and therapists.

[Gonzo]

I came to a bitter conclusion, and I don't think I'll gain more insight than this. When I was 19 I stopped accepting and tolerating my abandonment trauma and until very recently I wanted others to see, validate and normalize my moral suffering and pain, my abandonment trauma, to overcome it and become fully "functional", being a huge obstacle to do so due to my severe postraumatic reactions, because I wanted something better than a life of emotional reppression, social disconnection and pure distress, but no one could and no one did, because everyone suffers the same trauma in one degree or another, because they never received that help either, they're disconnected from their own abandonment trauma and pain, this society abandons everyone, sooner or later, even if you had an awesome childhood and teenager years (not me), so everyone has the same abandonment injury, and very, very few people manage to identify and overcome/heal it, the whole Western culture is built upon this abandonment trauma, reason why is so individualistic and dettached from it. So I've been trying to obtain moral support, emotional validation and understanding where there is none to be found. This is why people become spiritual, they feel alone, they suffer abandonment, by society, they lose loved ones, etc, and they connect with something bigger than them, that makes them feel less alone. That's what I wanted and desperately needed, to stop feeling so alone and miserable, i.e. abandoned. But I lost my spirituality because of Sertraline and psychiatry and I wasn't able to find help in others to heal my trauma. So what do I have left? Compartimentalization and acceptance of my suffering, pain and trauma, and hope, that one day I'll find the human connection I need to heal, eventually. Hard pill to swallow. Society is morally corrupted, defective and psycho, truth is we live in a fallen world, and it's not changing anytime soon. It's a dead end. It is what it is. I think only acceptance, compartimentalization (while being insightful of my own suffering, pain and complex abandonment trauma), spirituality (if I can recover it) and hope that one day I'll find the help I need to heal can bring me inner peace, stability and prosperity. This is the tragedy of our society. And I need to accept, above everything else, that abandonment is part of life, no matter how painful it is.

[Gonzo]

I tried my best to heal but I can't fight reality. Truth is we are all hurt by the same abandonment trauma and yet we are so disconnected from it, from our own pain and each other. We could understand each other's suffering and be friends, we are all perfectly equiped to do so, but we become enemies, betray each other, keep abandoning each other and the cycle of trauma and violence goes on and on because hurt people hurt people and nothing can be done about it, it's the nature of our sh*tty society, not in the short term at least. So, just being open, having awareness, acceptance, and hope, that one day things can be better, more humane, can bring some inner peace. Bleak reality. But I know I gave everything I had to heal. I couldn't have avoided being abandoned, revictimized, rejected, too many external factors that I didn't control.

 

It wasn't my fault. This is overcoming the individualistic mindset. To overcome the cycle of abandonment trauma. And forgive myself and what others did to you. If you can.

 

The human condition is suffering, abandonment, being aware of death, and asking yourself what's its meaning.

[Gonzo]

Mental crises and "psychotic episodes" like the one I had when I was 19-20 yo, critical points where you reconnect with all the reppressed trauma, specially early childhood/abandonment trauma, are extremely dangerous in this society because it discriminates, oppress, seclude and force you to take drugs, it violates you, if you get into that mental and emotional state, you become extremely vulnerable, because this society is emotionally neglectful and stupid, it has no idea about how to deal with emotional distress, all it knows is how to label and stigmatize people as abnormal, insane and immoral for being in distress and drug them. It's a bad scenario and it happened to me. They made me feel bad, immoral, for seeking moral support, understanding and external emotional validation for my early abandonment trauma in this toxic individualistic society, for breaking the rules of its immoral, dehumanized and corrupted moral system, for being disruptive and annoying to others, people who never faced, identified and overcame their abandonment trauma, stuck/indoctrinated in this toxic individualistic mindset.

 

I need to understand and manage these overwhelming feelings, emotions and sensations of my complex abandonment trauma (C-PTS), on my own, because no one can help me to do so and no one ever helped me to do it. These feelings are core to what means to be human. So I can't avoid them, other than drugging myself, and I don't want to do that, I never wanted to, I want to heal.

[Gonzo]

I'm working now on my core trauma which is complex abandonment trauma (C-PTS). My psychiatric trauma is mainly a revictimization of this same trauma, it aggravated it during its intervention, at the hospital, then Sertraline made me disconnect from the moral damage that I suffered during the revictimization of my psychiatric trauma and from my original and already complex abandonment trauma, and when I quit I reconnected with all this being totally unprepared to do so, it was a retraumatization or "rebound effect" as the MH "experts" call it, plus withdrawal. I was made to go through the same excruciating pain over and over again until it became absolutely overwhelming and disabling.

[Gonzo]

The important thing is to maintain hope that I will find the moral support, emotional validation, understanding, and human connection that I need to overcome my complex abandonment trauma, recover my true and authentic self and live a better life free of this horrible angst, to not give up, even if it is a very remote possibility, that's the human spirit, the inner flame and passion that keep us going.

[Gonzo]

I realized that to mature and be an adult is this ***** up society means to accept abandonment, no matter how much you act-out, how loud is your cry for help or how desperate is your search for moral support, understanding and emotional validation. And I always had difficulty to do that, because of the way I was raised in my narcissistic, dysfuntional, abusive and enmeshmed family, but also because of my early and complex abandonment trauma (related to my family anyway). It's a deshumanized society/culture based on pure individualism full of divided, fragile, hurt people. That's how it is, there is no way around. We are forced to do accept abandonment to become independent, "functional" and survive, to become individualistic, to depend only on our own, to reject deep human connections with other people. It's psycho, and it's the way it is, just horrible. This is why everyone suffers the same abandonment trauma. Abandonment means being alone and I never accepted that. This individualistic society forces us to be alone and to compete and fight against each other instead of cooperating, so everyone is hurt by the same wound. Everyone is alone, dettached.

 

When I stopped taking Sertraline I reconnected with my unprocessed, early and complex abandonment trauma, with all these very painful and overwhelming feelings and emotions, but I didn't have the coping skills anymore to cope with it, I lacked the distress tolerance and knowledge to do so, I had become mentally and emotionally immature, stupid and weak. It was devastating, a horrible retraumatization. I felt again abandoned, like I did all my life, and the worst thing is that I was actually being abandoned by that abusive narcissistic woman that had scammed me so badly. So it was a retraumatization and a revictimization at once. Sertraline had scammed me for years as well. I forgot everything, the emotional and social reality of my life, which was living trapped in my abandonment trauma and loneliness, and when I was 19-20 I was tired of living like that, of feeling "like that", alone, abandoned, rejected, I wanted better. Still it's impossible to find what I needed because of the nature of this individualistic, screwed society. I need to accept it again, to find some peace.

[Gonzo]

With Sertraline I forgot why things were the way they were in my life and what I really wanted and needed and why, I let my guard down in this individualistic society, tricked by the drug, and it was a horrible mistake that I made while I was chemically deceived, and I suffered severely for it, because I was drugged against my will anyway. Because there was no moral support even if I desperately needed it and searched for and I still need it, neither for myself nor for anyone. I am not alone with my suffering, pain and trauma, they're normal, unfortunately.

 

No one is gonna validate and normalize my (early and complex) abandonment trauma in this society because even if everyone suffers to one degree or another the same trauma and pain most people have not acknowledged it, don't have the moral support to heal it either and need to reppress all of it, chemically and/or psychologically (insert your preferred "dysfuntional" coping strategy, included psychiatric drugs), to survive, to be competitive, productive, "functional". They're dettached from it, it's too painful for them as it is for me, overwhelming, paralizing, disabling, crazy-making even in some cases. I suffer and I am "dysfuntional" because I am connected to my own abandonment trauma and pain but I still lack the moral support I need to overcome it, for this reason I've been in this dead end for the past 8+ years, even if my intentions are good, meaningful and logical.

 

I want to heal my abandonment trauma, to get rid of its "symptoms" and become fully "functional", but for that I need others and they don't help me, they don't let me to recover, they sabotage me, they oppress and alienate me.

 

This individualistic, narcissistic and dehumanized society is not changing anytime soon and it's not my fault. The sooner I accept reality, all this, the better will be for me.

 

I didn't fail, I'm not a failure, I was failed, and sabotaged. Because even if I am not perfect by any means I did nothing wrong and didn't deserve this punishment, and I was punished severely, and morally damaged, again, and again, and again, for being human. And I did my best. My only crime was not fitting in this toxic society and culture.

[Gonzo]

I was failed. And sabotaged. I know it now for certain. It's not my ******* fault. They ***** me up. Insane and unfair. I had the key to heal my complex abandonment trauma and recover when I was 19-20 and they took it away from me because it didn't fit in their sh*tty moral system. Damnit.

[Gonzo]

Sometimes I'm in so much distress that I feel I can't breathe, but I always have great insights after these moments of despair and great suffering, they help me to understand my inner world and past life events better, to recover control and knowledge over my complex cognitive processes (overwhelming moral feelings and emotions, inner-external moral conflicts that I always had and still have, etc, stuff that happens in the frontal lobe), control and knowledge that I lost with psychiatry and Sertraline. I'm going to recover from all this hell. I know.

[Gonzo]

I wondered when I was 19 why I felt "like that", and I couldn't even name those feelings, and they were basically feelings of abandonment and emptiness, inner void, lack of affection, i.e. my abandonment trauma.

[Gonzo]

I keep trying to accept reality, past and present. I have a huge problem with feeling and being alone, because of the deepness and complexity of my abandonment trauma. All my fears lead to being rejected and abandoned, to suffer alone, unsupported, and death. I've been running away from this fear for the past 8+ years. All this wouldn't be an issue in a healthy non individualistic society, I would had healed long time ago and become a fully "functional" adult. But it isn't the case. The foundation of this toxic society is abandonment trauma and denial of it, that's why it can't acknowledge mine, morally support me and help me to heal it, that's why it sees me as a morally defective and inferior, broken, insane person, because it denies my social context and story, which is abandonment trauma, it can't validate mine if it can't even identify its own, it lacks self-awareness and empathy. I'm not individualistic. I don't want to. I became aware of my own abandonment trauma and this society's true dehumanized nature when I was 19 years old, maybe even earlier, and there is no turning back from that, I can't unsee what I already saw. And that's why I suffered and suffer greatly. Why I feel so alone, so abandoned. There is nothing that can be done about it. It's in the roots of the whole Western culture. The only thing I can do is to accept the state of the world, which is a fallen world, and try to heal on my own the best I can, to accept reality, i.e. rejection, abandonment and solitude. Harsh reality and cruel world.

[Gonzo]

Yesterday I had a very bad night, but I had more insights, it's usually the case after I feel extremely sh*tty. I recovered what could be the last piece of this lost story of mine. That I became aware that I was stuck in the cycle of abuse and violence, I realized that when I was 19, and I wanted and tried to escape from it, I gave everything I had to achieve that, to live a better life, less violent, more humane, to be my best self. I realized all this because I understood that my postraumatic reactions were coming from something deeper than I thought at first (more than just PTSD symptoms of the bullying that I suffered at highschool). It was coming from very early abandonment trauma, which is something that happens in concrete social and family settings, and I understood that those settings, society and my family were toxic, unhealthy, the cause of my "symptoms", that I was not defective nor inferior just reacting to this sh*tty relational environment and that I needed a new approach/mindset/perspective to escape from it and feel better about myself, to be at peace. But I guess my fear of abandonment won at the end, because I became desperate, very overwhelmed by my feelings and emotions, by my terror of being alone, unsupported, reason why I forced the psychiatric intervention. 

[Gonzo]

I keep trying to order my feelings and emotions. The worst are coming from this very early abandonment trauma that got reinforced all over my life, until it became a monster inside of me, extremely powerful, possessed me, the core of my tyrannical moral identity that actually tried to protect me from reexperiencing it. I can't describe the terror and chaos, hellish confusion, that I experienced since I stopped taking Sertraline in August 2020. I can make sense of most of it now, like 90% of it or more. I haven't recovered my strenght nonetheless. I'm working on that. Slowly getting there, accepting the ugly reality that I tried to escape from for so many years. I don't wish this pain not even to my worst enemy. Just excruciating. I understand now that when I was 19-20 years old I was trying to reintegrate it, trying to explain on my own way to people that I was feeling the terror and anger of a little child that feels abandoned (like I felt when I was 3-4 years old, when my abandonment trauma happened) but trapped in the body of an adult, to be validated, comforted, to feel safe, less alone and abnormal, and come back to "normal", to recover my moral integrity, to get out of that crisis mental and emotional state, to heal my horrible abandonment trauma. That was my "insanity", my "psychosis", this disturbing and extremely regression triggered by stressful life events. I needed to heal all this trauma to meet social and moral expectations, to move foward in my life. My mind has been very busy since I was 19, only interrupted by those 3+ years of Sertraline intake. Lost so many years for nothing. But I got wiser, I can't deny that. I'm much more emotionally mature now than I ever was. Everyone tries to avoid and protect themselves from abandonment, to be and feel accepted, loved, safe, to have their suffering, pain and trauma seen, understood and validated, everyone's seeking for human connection.

[Gonzo]

I had a few moments during this day where I felt like my old self again. I realized I've been running away from the emotions and feelings of my abandonment trauma, postraumatic reactions, which are mostly terror but also anger, because I linked (due to my experience in life and upbringing) them with being rejected, abandoned, revictimized, which is what I feared the most, so I never could reprocess them and when I tried I was sabotaged by psychiatry and others, i.e. rejected and abandoned, revictimized. Everything lead to the same road, to the same fear: to the fear of being abandoned, terror. This very early abandonment trauma and its associated emotional distress have been with me my whole life, and I always have been terrified of them, due to lack of support, understanding and validation. It's always the same. This very deep fear of being suffering alone, feeling like a 3-4 years old child that feels abandoned. This is what I was trying to understand and overcome when I was 19, but it ended up possessing me, because it really was powerful, overwhelming, and I lacked the support system I needed to reintegrate it, and when I tried to find it I was put down. I also have been experiencing again this feeling of things that I know well but are unifamiliar at the same time, like if they were unknown. I don't know how I'm gonna overcome this abandonment trauma but it's my paralisis, it always has been. They're not alien anymore to me. But of course neither pleasant. They're very painful but they tell an old and true story that I wasn't able to understand or couldn't, or didn't want to hear, not me nor anyone around me. Most people around me if not all also experienced emotional neglect and abuse like I did which is abandonment but not physically, and they have all it reppressed, how the hell could they help me to heal? They're in denial or don't even remember. I can remember and I understand and I'm not in denial like them. I'm connected. And I don't want to disconnect. They're deep into the blame-game or/and self-blaming because accepting abandonment is too ******* terrifying and painful, and they don't have people supporting them regarding those things, same as me. I just became aware of all this, because I had to, because I'm smart, because the pain was too overwhelming and disabling, or whatever. I just did. I'm aware, awakened. I don't blame myself, but I feel abandoned because no one understands and I'm alone with this knowledge, and because I've been rejected too many times and labelled crazy for talking about this. But it's something that I need to accept and learn to cope with, alone, that I have a superior level of awareness than most people around me and that it's a good thing just problematic specially if I don't try to avoid troubles and are too open sharing it. Stuff that I need to learn. Again. Maybe I see a way out. Maybe this perspective is all the closure I'm gonna have. Maybe one that I'll see someone that gets all this and that is not a toxic person, someone that has engaged into the self-healing and self-discovery journey, someone that has realized that self-blame means abandonment trauma and denial. I must remain that I will. Meanwhile, **** psychiatry for what it did to me, it forced me to reggressionate for way too many years, to survive, to avoid further victimization.

[Gonzo]

I got this. I know it.

[Gonzo]

I feel like I'm reconnecting with my old self, accepting all my painful feelings and emotions, understanding my inner world like I haven't been able in a long time, and managing my suffering better. Getting closer to the other side.

[Gonzo]

I keep reconnecting with my old self, sorting out difficult and painful feelings and emotions, longtime buried and misunderstood. I couldn't make sense until now. I definitely have deep abandonment issues that come from my childhood, very early in my life, they have been the core of my tyrannical moral identity, controlling me like a puppet with this terror of being abandoned and reviving my oldest and most painful trauma: being left alone, suffering, without familiar faces, without support. All my fears lead to this terror. I've been living to avoid it, in autopilot mode. When I was 19 I became aware of all this, I wanted to take back control over my mind and life but I couldn't because my family and psychiatry sabotaged me. I wanted to be free. And I made the mistake, being possesed by this terror and desperate, of searching for moral support, emotional validation and understanding in others. Society lives in denial of its own abandonment trauma, no one can help me to overcome mine. I must accept that I became aware of it just to walk this lonely road and maybe help others along the way, but I won't have help to deal with all this. I tried to heal with other people but people are unhealed and they brought me down so many times. I reject self-blame, that is, I reject individualism, became I KNOW that beyond it awaits a better life but no one understands me because everyone is stuck in survival mode and aboard the self-blame wagon. I understood that we need to self-blame to feel in control and survive when no one supports us, if not we can get paralized by fear, by this primitive terror I mentioned earlier basically. And no one helps no one in this individualistic society. So when I rejected self-blame to heal my abandonment trauma and achieve my full potential, to be fully "functional" and live fully and got out of the individualistic mindset I became abnormal and counterculture and an enemy, and I was suppressed as a result, chemically and psychologically, told I was insane and needed to be fixed. But I wasn't. My mistake was to not accept that this is a solitary road, but again, I couldn't because I was desperate, overwhelmed by my postraumatic feelings and emotions, and while and after I took Sertraline I became extremely confused. So it's in some ways a dead end. Because the help I needed and need to heal it's not there, it doesn't exist, due to the nature of this toxic society and culture. I became paralized by fear of abandonment when I reconnected with my abandonment trauma, with all its postraumatic feelings and emotions, with my deepest and oldest terror and wound, when I became self-aware and realized that self-blame is a traumatic coping mechanism to survive when you have no help and are alone, so that free will stuff that comes with self-blame is pure BS, we are not in control, we simply react to what happen to us for the most part if not all, so we need to improve our relational environments to live better lives because then it's not all about the individual actions, and if you accept all this your locus of control changes from internal due to self-blame to external once you stop being an eggocentric individualistic bastard, also you become counterculture and are rejected and punished and abandoned by the individualistic society. But I refuse to give up hope. Hope keeps me alive and dreaming for a better life. I won't submiss.

[Gonzo]

The more I get back on track, the closer I get to my old self, and the more I understand what happened to me, I needed and was trying to achieve, the more I realize how much this damn Sertraline drug made me emotionally stupid, I completely couldn't understand myself anymore, nor my inner world. I became emotionally retarded, weaker, without even realizing it, and I could no longer face reality, suffering and power structures in my life.

[Gonzo]

I became such an emotionally retarded person on Sertraline, it's just unbeliaveable how immature I became. Damn.

[Gonzo]

Things have been very productive lately regarding insights and recovery, still bumpy tho, but going in the right direction.

[Gonzo]

I made huge amount of progress this week.

[Gonzo]

Lots of complex insights these past days, means cognition returning to the way it used to be before psychiatry, complex cognitive processes happening, so very good news, more mental and emotional stability as well. I don't want to explain things here anymore, it's too complex and exhausting and mostly about trauma so equally painful and triggering, if I do it's when asked or in my own success recovery topic.

[Tweed9674]

I'm happy to hear that thing arr improving for you @Gonzo!! This is great news!

[Gonzo]

Yeah, thanks. It's very difficult to explain things, @KaiLee knows what I'm talking about.

[checco]

Bizzarro You are doing very well, if you feel good mental clarity and very encouraging you deserve it after what you have been through.

[Gonzo]

Yeah thx checco. I don't feel good that's another story but my mind is clearer and sharper and that's a win.

[checco]

Gonzo It doesn't work for me either, plus I'm not very clear-headed, today I bought an item but I misread the specifications and I had to take it back, it doesn't work at all, it's something that comes and goes. 

[Gonzo]

Yeah I have huge amounts of ups and downs during the day, most of the time I'm alone which is the issue, I don't even bother trying to tell people anymore, I use that energy on myself, people are too dettached and cold to make sense of my suffering and validate it.

 

This is why society has such a "MH crisis", everyone is so emotionally immature and careless.

 

Until I find inner balance I will keep being unstable. All my coping skills blew up with my hospitalization many years ago and Sertraline, specially WD. 

 

Now I understand that WD destroyed what remained of my inner stability, which was chemically altered anyway and fake in big part, so I got emotionally hijacked by my postraumatic emotions and feelings that I never resolved due to not being allowed to do so but labelled insane and drugged.

 

This is what I've been talking about for close to a year now. WD brings back reppressed emotions and feelings that are of traumatic nature because it destroys our inner balance and as a result we get emotionally hijacked unable to contain them anymore and stuck in a fight-flight trauma response.

 

The problem is that they were reppressed for good reasons, to SURVIVE, because this society does NOT want to deal with them, it rejects them, it punishes because of them, it's in denial about its own traumas, so it can not offer moral support and emotional validation for them, because it is emotionally retarded and underveloped.

 

WD is NOT just WD for a huge amount of people and pretending it is is just gaslighting like the rest of society does. I would believe that it is just WD when there isn't a trauma story behind but lots of people involved with these drugs and the MH system DO have a story of unresolved trauma due to lack of support and validation, reason why everything is reppressed chemically and/or psyhologically until WD or adverse reactions happen and then all the **** comes back and hell let loose and we panic because we know what happens when we externalize our postraumatic reactions... we are oppressed, alienated, rejected, abandoned, and we suffer in solitude.

 

Reppressing feelings and emotions chemically and/or psychologically like we all did here means NOT dealing with them so lacking the understanding, support system and/or coping skills to do so, for this reason when WD happens and the hellish emotional chaos unwraps we are caught with our guards down and get overwhelmed, great suffering always follows (I'm talking about the emotional/psyhological aspecct of WD).

[Gonzo]

I keep recovering my inner progress that was lost many years ago because psychiatry, like I said they're very complex emotions and cognitive processes.

[checco]

Bizzarro I understand very well what you are feeling and it is the experience of many on this site, what keeps me going are the windows I have had in the past that have shown me how mine can be future, now and for a long time that I don't have a window but I go forward in memory, even traumas are a problem being altered by w.d and are chemically inflated by our altered mind when I have had a window all the problems and traumas were not resolved but they lost intensity and were much more manageable I can tell you to resist and not give too much weight to negative thoughts many are chemically inflated. I am also convinced that I am in this situation due to the drugs I have been taking for a long time.

[Gonzo]

Yeah, it's different for different ppl of course. Hope it goes well for you checco.