checco: Severe wave in the 18th month

[LukeUK]

On 2/17/2024 at 9:20 PM, checco said:

Gonzo I thought they would help me in a difficult moment, but instead it was my downfall.

 

You did not have informed consent. It is not your fault.

[checco]

Gonzo I can't read your comment and the notification arrived but it doesn't appear In my introduction. Today it didn't go badly in general what worries me is the lack of energy and the after-effects of any physical effort perhaps also due to poor physical shape but I believe that the greatest responsibility for this is attributable to psychotropic drugs. Tomorrow I will strive to finish the work I have started if the weather allows it. I did all kinds of checks doctor regarding this physical state nothing noteworthy has ever emerged no problems with the thyroid, heart, blood pressure, blood sugar nothing at all in some moments it seems that this disappear and the same feeling as when I reinstated mirtazepine after stopping it for 3 months was as if someone had lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.

[Gonzo]

I made no comment but glad you're doing better today.

[Gonzo]

checco would you say that loneliness was/is a problem in your life?

[checco]

Gonzo Loneliness is now a necessity for me. I tend to lose patience very quickly. All it takes is a misunderstood word. Many people report this problem so I try to avoid situations that make me angry now and very difficult for the gossip of a slimy being now it seems that everyone wants to provoke me, I try to avoid as much as possible but I don't know how long I will be able to hold on now I don't need any more stress.

[checco]

Today a day with a little more energy I still have brain fog I think many of these symptoms are due to many years of inactivity I have to try to get back into shape to improve also my cognitive abilities.

 

[checco]

It didn't go very well, I didn't sleep much, I noticed that when I use the lamictal solution for more than two days it loses effectiveness and problems occur, disturbed sleep, anxiety or paranoia tired and I tend to put off everything I have to do for a few days I can't eat I just make an effort not to feel worse perhaps the great heat of these days. I returned at , old habits I'm not proud of but they manage to make me escape from my always pessimistic and fearful thoughts both for the future and also the regrets or humiliations of the past, I can say that it is not nothing compared to what I've been through on this journey, I've now lost count of how many times I've been so down that I'm like a vegetable and others, so many years have passed that I comes to hug that young suffering boy that no one understood and even I didn't know what was happening and I blamed myself I really don't know how he managed to resist I really don't I know.

[Gonzo]

So your stress levels keep being high.

[checco]

18 hours ago, Gonzo said:

So your stress levels keep being high.

Today went better at least in the first part of the morning it comes and goes there are no fixed points the problem and this .

[checco]

I am convinced that my main problem is physical and above all mental tiredness the physical one which has repercussions on my mental state I am eating less to lose weight and also makes me less apathetic perhaps the toxins contained in food when I fast or eat less symptoms seem to ease, including anxiety, devaluation, frustration, brain fog, apathy, tiredness, clarity. Now I take a testosterone supplement not one it is very powerful and the effects are minimal I take it because it is rich in zinc and other beneficial substances I did not have to spend and a purchase made previously after having had problems with it in the past I stopped it but now it doesn't seem to cause any problems I hate throwing away something that costs a lot of money I put it aside because I know that as time goes by I can tolerate supplements that in the past they made me feel bad.

[checco]

Today much better than yesterday, less mentally agitated, even today I was immersed in my old vices, all of a sudden I saw the uselessness of what I was doing and I returned home without relapsing. Today I repurchased ashwagandha, it helped me a lot in this period and I paid half of what I had to buy last week, it is the only supplement that convinced me along with the potassium and magnesium even though magnesium gives me gastritis even severe I had to go to the emergency room 3 times I thought I was about to explode I couldn't even breathe I'm after several infusions and 5 hours I managed to recover I was taking maybe triple the recommended dose of magnesium to feel some relief from the symptoms but it backfired on me I didn't understand it on right away it was the magnesium the first time I thought it was the diet the second it was the coffee the third I took the magnesium off and it never happened again at least 2/3 years have passed and now I'm fine who knows maybe even a side effect of withdrawal. Even now my stomach doesn't feel very good due to dental surgery I can't chew food so I have to swallow it as best I can and this complicates digestion a lot and this has been going on for months when it is said that it rains on wet surfaces 😓 I believe that this problem will go on for months, it adds to more frustration frustration I couldn't postpone the surgery now or never 🤕 there is something inside me' and each of us Jung (father of psychoanalysis) called him the demon who guides us in crucial moments and It's true that important things happen to me with a fairly similar approach path like a snowball that creates an avalanche but unlike an avalanche it always produces positive results.  pattern has been repeating itself since I was a child I didn't have a very peaceful childhood but this and another story I'm working on it the more I understand those traumas/events more forgiveness taken from me (this is an excellent starting point for GONZO). Loneliness is becoming a good and caring companion, before I fought against it tooth and nail but I only hurt myself now I talk to her with the accent she consoles me she doesn't treat me badly she has no ulterior motives she just wants to be accepted and it happens now even I talk to her with solitude. Another phrase from Jung who looks outside dreams who looks inside wakes up to live a fulfilling life you have to aim for your individuality as character how you move how you think how you love how you have sex only in this way can you live a  full and fulfilling life and you will no longer feel the sensation of something unfinished in your life it seems almost mysticism in reality and the thought of Jung, father of psychoanalysis and also of Hillman which compares the individual to an acorn inside the acorn there is already the tree that will be I also have his book the code of the soul and it is enlightening.There is also the theory of the unconscious, the more you repress something a bad character, the more aggression this will recur with greater force and this too is the pure truth so in summary it doesn't everything is abstinence from drugs but abstinence tends to make things much more complicated when it is not the acute phase with the acute phase you survive the little energy is concentrated in a few needs don't waste away, wash the minimum wage and vegetate in bed without being able to watch TV, music or YouTube, just remembering it gives me shivers down my spine 🤕😓😥  already thinking about then I've made some progress😁 I'm not at my best but not at my lowest as in the past either.

[checco]

What bothers me the most is not having the physical and mental strength to get out of this situation, it's frustrating, the more I try, the more it brings me down, I know that this is probably a wave, and it's been a long time since I am experiencing a window of at least 2/3 months. I would need a bit of calm at least to recharge my batteries.I thought that by now I could be out of this situation but I was wrong, almost 2 years have passed after improvements, now I'm stuck in a a limbo and this weighs on the motivation to do anything I don't see either the urgency or the usefulness of doing something then with my physical shape it makes everything worse.

[checco]

It continues to wake me up with total panic and as if when I'm not conscious and as if something very traumatic was happening to me when I return to consciousness after a while it also disappears I'm shaken for a couple of hours. This happens with cortisol peaks nothing seems to work today I'll try again with Omega-3 who knows.

[checco]

This morning the panic when I woke up didn't appear yesterday I reduced the lamictal and took Omega-3 now I don't know which of the two gave the benefit but I will continue on this path it's been a while time that I woke up as if I were fighting for my life I began to think that it was something psychological, a trauma or something else but I think it is always a drug-induced imbalance that has been present or past, how powerful they are I take 0,04 ml of lamictal now and it gives me this effect I would say is simply terrifying and I have a considerable body mass and I don't have any disease that weakens me physically. My cognitive functions, even if they have improved this year, are not the best and like having something holding you back I can neither read nor write fluently I get confused with writing letters and I have to reread them to understand the meaning of what I read and embarrassing, it doesn't appear when I'm in a window I can read and write correctly🤔😥🤕.I try to think of my best moments when things go bad telling myself that this will pass and my normal state is the one when I'm in a window and it saved me in really dark times.

[checco]

Today was a bad day, it hadn't happened in a while, the panic when I woke up didn't appear today either, let's hope for the best. I don't know if it's due to the Omega-3s or the reduction of the drug, I'd be curious to know but if the experience has taught me something and that's fine, don't play with the doses.

[checco]

While I was chatting in another forum I was recommended a PEA supplement and an anti-inflammatory it is also produced by the human body and is produced in the brain in the greatest quantity, it has been years since I suffer from constant and chronic pain after taking it for two days I no longer feel pain and my quality of life is much improved. Now this substance is produced largely by the brain It is possible that psychotropic drugs have played a role in avoiding its production. At certain times I am worse off than an eighty-year-old in terms of pain of all kinds. In my opinion, things are they are perhaps related to a side effect that has yet to be discovered. Tiredness is still a problem apart from some drinks and ergetics not p I'm taking something else, I intend to try NAC, nor have I heard of it on this site, I think I'll try it, I need something to cheer me up, now I can tolerate Omega-3 too, so It is the right time to try, from many members of this forum many who have used mirtazepine have developed chronic fatigue and my case is no different and this tiredness is they also added pain in every part of the body. 

[checco]

I also added NAC to PEA and I must say that the pain has almost disappeared completely, I know that the production of glutathione has something to do with it which also has many benefits in the psychiatric field, it calms anxiety Since I've been taking it I've been feeling better, even my chronic fatigue seems to be improving. 

[checco]

PEA and NAC have made a lot of the chronic pain I was suffering from disappear and that's a good thing, but physical endurance is a problem I can't find an effective supplement for that and I've tried all ginseng, Rhodiola, Energy drink even if they work they always give problems of insomnia or anxiety or mental ataxia ashagwanda does not give much energy but it manages to lower anxiety or malaise mental perhaps combined with ginseng or similar can work. I had to do some urgent work at home from August 15th to 22nd and it was hard I get very tired and sweat a lot and I leave you to imagine what it means not having the strength, patience, mental clarity to do anything and also sweating so much that you are blinded and soaked I would like to leave everything and pay others to do it but my finances do not allow it. These years of abstinence and crisis and inactivity have left me with a flaccid and weak body. It doesn't take much for it to suffer from even the slightest excess, even if it has improved.Since the beginning of this journey this tiredness, both mental and physical, has always accompanied me so much that I'm thinking that perhaps Cocaine could give me such a strong stimulus to make it stop and just a thought I know that stuff would just give me the final blow it would be the final nail in my coffin.