Sonia009: Citalopram discontinuation/reinstatement

[Sonia009]

Hi all,  I notice there's been an absence of familiar people on here lately, I hope everybody is doing ok.🙏 My echo came back normal, had a hospital appointment yesterday, bloods, ECG ok. I felt horrible there, like I was going to pass out but nobody noticed. Could have been the flight of fight thing.😏 Today I've got a horrible headache, balance off, just a weird head feeling. I'm wondering if my doses are not accurate enough. I've also noticed I get a headache after eating an egg, will monitor that. Probably stress build up too. Just want this to end, just like you all do. Best wishes.🙏🙂

[Sonia009]

Just thought I'd mention this in case it will be of use to anyone, a couple of months ago when I was around five months into withdrawal, my appetite was very poor, lost lots of weight and my bloods showed my iron levels were low. I get my bloods tested annually so I knew this had never happened before. I made an effort to eat properly and had my bloods tested again a couple of weeks ago and my iron levels have returned to normal, no supplements just a normal diet. 😊

[mariamisery]

@Sonia009 seems like you are getting better but for some reason still not completely healed. Need advice. Remind me how you process each day and stay strong? Thank you! 

[mariamisery]

@BaccatePlayerI really miss your advice and help. Wish I could be strong like you. I am better but still not healed. It want be that much longer for you to be completely healed. Your resilience and strength is amazing!

[Sonia009]

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

@Sonia009 seems like you are getting better but for some reason still not completely healed. Need advice. Remind me how you process each day and stay strong? Thank you! 

@mariamiseryHi Maria, how are you? Yeah all my tests came back good but that doesn't reflect the way I feel unfortunately. Headaches, dizziness, tinnitus, aches all over, feeling faint etc etc, more so since taking antibiotics, I think they made my symptoms worse so I'm hoping the worst of these symptoms passes soon.

How I process the day is I just do what needs to be done, I pace myself and don't push too hard. Apart from cooking and housework I knit a lot, do crossword puzzles and listen to programmes on my tablet. I'm eating better now, appetite has picked up, I need to put weight back on. I started walking my dog before I took antibiotics but I can't do that at the moment. I remind myself that this is withdrawal and only temporary just to keep me on track. So how are you, what symptoms do you have, have you improved? Good to hear from you.😊

[mariamisery]

Hi. Still healing.  Thought it would be over  for ne by now. Dealing with mood and exteeme fatique.  Good you are doing things you  love❤️ I am convincing myself  that this is temporary and  I will be completely healed.  We all will get to the other side. 

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

@BaccatePlayerI really miss your advice and help. Wish I could be strong like you. I am better but still not healed. It want be that much longer for you to be completely healed. Your resilience and strength is amazing!

That's because after 4 months I developed protracted withdrawal, meaning my nightmare started all over on an already damaged system. I wasn't healed yet, maybe in early recovery, so my CNS crashed before it was even repaired from the previous reaction. It is this bad on its own since I haven't had any major stressors lately, yet the symptoms were so powerful that I can barely remember what I was doing for the past hours. You don't see me being of any hope now because I'm merely a bit over 2 months of PAWS and still in the acute phase, with zero windows, completely not myself 24/7, and I better not even produce thoughts on my own since the panic literally turns anything into unbearable doom. It's hard to predict how long the healing could take, but with gradual recovery, notice how it doesn't improve too fast: having a 6-day wave and a 2-day window, then a 6-day wave and a 3-day window is already half a month, and I don't even have windows yet, so the prospect of having like 3-week windows is not only very far, but completely not worth considering at the moment. I don't rely on the premise of instant turnovers because that's not how I used to improve in the past. I'm not even counting on it ending within weeks, but rather on the acute phase ending soon. Even without panic attacks, it reaches such peaks that there's really no strength on my side besides just deciding I'll wake up the next day and do whatever I can not to die. I wish I could motivate you, but sometimes too much of that isn't good either. The goal of "DEAL" is to actually fulfill "L", which is "Live as if meds didn't damage you", and even with a positive mindset, if we stay on the topic of our situation, our mind simply can't forget about it. Use any opportunity to experience your life without thinking about whatever is happening with your nervous system.

[Tulip52]

@BaccatePlayer I am in withdrawal from a taper as I type this.  My emotions are all over the place and lately when I am in the midst of panic I walk and count my steps.  I also celebrate any and every accomplishment I make, big or small.  Today I got up and showered, brushed my teeth and put on clean clothes.  At the top of every hour I do one productive thing.  I’ve  taken the trash out, turned on my rumba, let the dog in and out.. I have also loaded the dish washer.  In the next 7 minutes I’m going to do something else.  We can move and do things and then we get to feel proud.  ((Hug)) 

 

 

 

 

[mariamisery]

How you are handling your situation is great.  I think we should all find ways to cope. I still have yet to do that.

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, Tulip52 said:

@BaccatePlayer I am in withdrawal from a taper as I type this.  My emotions are all over the place and lately when I am in the midst of panic I walk and count my steps.  I also celebrate any and every accomplishment I make, big or small.  Today I got up and showered, brushed my teeth and put on clean clothes.  At the top of every hour I do one productive thing.  I’ve  taken the trash out, turned on my rumba, let the dog in and out.. I have also loaded the dish washer.  In the next 7 minutes I’m going to do something else.  We can move and do things and then we get to feel proud.  ((Hug)) 

Hug. While my functioning isn't compromised, I'm still too much in my head to be able to focus on the outside. Scary blackouts. I'm glad you're making an effort to stay positive. I'm always having something to do; it's just usually not enough to distract myself from the symptoms.

[Tulip52]

21 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Hug. While my functioning isn't compromised, I'm still too much in my head to be able to focus on the outside. Scary blackouts. I'm glad you're making an effort to stay positive. I'm always having something to do; it's just usually not enough to distract myself from the symptoms.

@BaccatePlayer can you go for a long brisk walk or jog to get some of that inner energy out? 

[mariamisery]

Thanks @BaccatePlayer I agree with trying to spend moments not thinking about what's going on with nervous system. I know it wasn't easy to write and I appreciate it so much.. We all will get through this!!

 

 

[Sonia009]

3 hours ago, mariamisery said:

Hi. Still healing.  Thought it would be over  for me by now. Dealing with mood and extreme fatigue.  Good you are doing things you  love❤️ I am convincing myself  that this is temporary and  I will be completely healed.  We all will get to the other side. 

@mariamisery Sorry you are still suffering, fatigue is something I went through but it's ok now. You are sounding positive, a step in the right direction. Take care. 😊

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, Tulip52 said:

@BaccatePlayer can you go for a long brisk walk or jog to get some of that inner energy out? 

While jogging may be too taxing, the majority of my day consists of walking.

[Sonia009]

I'm longing for the day when I wake up feeling normal, dressing up, going out and start living again. I shower and wash my hair every night in the hope that the next day will be 'the' day, I put blonde hjghlights in my hair a couple of days ago, it was a struggle but I'm just preparing myself for that special day. Just having a moment, needed to chat, thanks.😊

 

[Tulip52]

2 hours ago, Sonia009 said:

I'm longing for the day when I wake up feeling normal, dressing up, going out and start living again. I shower and wash my hair every night in the hope that the next day will be 'the' day, I put blonde hjghlights in my hair a couple of days ago, it was a struggle but I'm just preparing myself for that special day. Just having a moment, needed to chat, thanks.😊

 

@Sonia009 I can relate to this

[Sonia009]

Reduced to 0.45 mg Citalopram. Bought a more accurate (hopefully) 1 ml syringe and keeping fingers crossed.🙏

[mariamisery]

@Sonia009I too am waiting for the day when I awake feeling normal.  I am doing my best to be patient and strong. How long will you stay on 0.45. I don't understand tapering fully. When you finish your last taper you will be healed? Hope we are all feeling normal soon.

[Sonia009]

1 hour ago, mariamisery said:

@Sonia009I too am waiting for the day when I awake feeling normal.  I am doing my best to be patient and strong. How long will you stay on 0.45. I don't understand tapering fully. When you finish your last taper you will be healed? Hope we are all feeling normal soon.

@mariamisery Hi, you are doing good, I think we just need to persevere and just do whatever we can.

I will stay on this new dose until I feel stabilized, that doesn't mean I will be symptom free but rather, my symptoms will be consistent and tolerable. It could take weeks. Once I am off completely, whenever that may be, I suspect I will still get some symptoms but at least I will know what they are and will deal with them the best I can.

After taking my new dose this morning I almost immediately felt the difference. My head felt like it was in a vice, zombie like state until early evening. I have been busy doing housework all the same and even took my dog for a walk this afternoon. 

I too hope you will feel better soon Maria.😊🙏

[Sonia009]

I had a horrible night last night, woke up around 1.30 am, dizzy, went to bathroom, 10 mins later felt a wave of panic, hot and sweaty, balance off, trembling internally, nausea, headache and thought I was going to pass out. I did some slow breathing, drank water and tried to tell myself that this would pass. I calmed down after around 20 mins but I was back and fore the bathroom all night. I don't know whether the reduction in dose was the cause from a few days ago or just a panic attack but I am stressed too, my daughter told me she got covid yesterday and my hubby is not well. I'm only on 0.45 mg Citalopram but it seems like it's going to take forever to come off for good. This morning still got a headache, neck ache, tinnitus and a bit dizzy which mainly comes on getting up after resting. I would panic even more if I hadn't been checked out recently but body and head scans, echo, ecg, bloods, x ray, bp all good. I suppose I just have to grin and bear it. Best wishes everyone.😊🙏

[BaccatePlayer]

22 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

I had a horrible night last night, woke up around 1.30 am, dizzy, went to bathroom, 10 mins later felt a wave of panic, hot and sweaty, balance off, trembling internally, nausea, headache and thought I was going to pass out. I did some slow breathing, drank water and tried to tell myself that this would pass. I calmed down after around 20 mins but I was back and fore the bathroom all night. I don't know whether the reduction in dose was the cause from a few days ago or just a panic attack but I am stressed too, my daughter told me she got covid yesterday and my hubby is not well. I'm only on 0.45 mg Citalopram but it seems like it's going to take forever to come off for good. This morning still got a headache, neck ache, tinnitus and a bit dizzy which mainly comes on getting up after resting. I would panic even more if I hadn't been checked out recently but body and head scans, echo, ecg, bloods, x ray, bp all good. I suppose I just have to grin and bear it. Best wishes everyone.😊🙏

Looks like we have similar experiences. I'm in a variant of this state for almost the whole day, except neck pain and feelings of my head not belonging to me are replaced by more stomach-related issues. It's good that you are relieved by tests showing you're healthy; I would only drive myself even more with these. I guess we just have to trust that it's from withdrawal and believe that our bodies know the way out. Panic attacks almost never feel like panic attacks for me; it's only an afterward conclusion, so it's probably best to move on since we're still alive and sane here. I admire your optimism; it's really not easy when you can find so many reasons as to what caused your symptoms and put all your faith in staying on the same dose and continuing with life. Hope you're close to stabilization, and much support to your family as well!

[Sonia009]

18 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Looks like we have similar experiences. I'm in a variant of this state for almost the whole day, except neck pain and feelings of my head not belonging to me are replaced by more stomach-related issues. It's good that you are relieved by tests showing you're healthy; I would only drive myself even more with these. I guess we just have to trust that it's from withdrawal and believe that our bodies know the way out. Panic attacks almost never feel like panic attacks for me; it's only an afterward conclusion, so it's probably best to move on since we're still alive and sane here. I admire your optimism; it's really not easy when you can find so many reasons as to what caused your symptoms and put all your faith in staying on the same dose and continuing with life. Hope you're close to stabilization, and much support to your family as well!

@BaccatePlayer Hello, thank you for your kind wishes, so sorry you are still struggling, it must be agony going through that all day and every day. I know what you mean about driving yourself even more by having tests, I was in a state going to each one, almost didn't go to any, but they were arranged for me months ago, anyway I'm glad I did go otherwise I'd be in even more of a panic wondering what if because I am a worrier.  I get stomach issues too, constipation mostly, only since withdrawing but I think Citalopram causes stomach upsets too.

Hasn't anything helped you at all? You were doing so well before all your new symptoms began all of a sudden, I wonder what triggered it, stress?

I don't know if staying on Citalopram is the right thing to do to be honest, I just want t o get off completely but I will follow the advice given to myself and others here and that is to take it slow. I have tried coming off cold turkey but that didn't work for me, that's why I'm in this mess.

I hope you are getting the support you need and find relief from your symptoms soon, take care.🙏😊

[BaccatePlayer]

55 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

@BaccatePlayer Hello, thank you for your kind wishes, so sorry you are still struggling, it must be agony going through that all day and every day. I know what you mean about driving yourself even more by having tests, I was in a state going to each one, almost didn't go to any, but they were arranged for me months ago, anyway I'm glad I did go otherwise I'd be in even more of a panic wondering what if because I am a worrier.  I get stomach issues too, constipation mostly, only since withdrawing but I think Citalopram causes stomach upsets too.

Hasn't anything helped you at all? You were doing so well before all your new symptoms began all of a sudden, I wonder what triggered it, stress?

I don't know if staying on Citalopram is the right thing to do to be honest, I just want t o get off completely but I will follow the advice given to myself and others here and that is to take it slow. I have tried coming off cold turkey but that didn't work for me, that's why I'm in this mess.

I hope you are getting the support you need and find relief from your symptoms soon, take care.🙏😊

I think it's because I was already on the path to recovery from adverse reaction, and suddenly had another CNS crash from late-onset withdrawal, which irritated my already unstable system, compounded by the cold turkey damage. It happens; I know some people who have gone through it, including Dahlia, who has/had similar symptoms. I know something major happened; there's no way to justify it as accumulated stress. It feels like starting over since mid-April, with new, more severe symptoms appearing and lasting longer, without any windows. I'd likely have already healed from the adverse reaction by now if it weren't for PAWS kicking in and sending me back to the acute phase, which may last even longer this time. Instead of saying I'm in my seventh month, it's probably more accurate to say I'm just barely two and a half months in, which would be equivalent to my state in early March. That time was truly terrible, and I'm afraid I'm back there again. Since you've reacted badly to drastic changes, definitely play it safe now. I think there's a reason why posts like "Never skip doses" or "Why taper 10%" exist. I know the end of the taper is the hardest. Thank you, Sonia; you're doing amazingly well and maintaining a great attitude.

[Sonia009]

2 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

I think it's because I was already on the path to recovery from adverse reaction, and suddenly had another CNS crash from late-onset withdrawal, which irritated my already unstable system, compounded by the cold turkey damage. It happens; I know some people who have gone through it, including Dahlia, who has/had similar symptoms. I know something major happened; there's no way to justify it as accumulated stress. It feels like starting over since mid-April, with new, more severe symptoms appearing and lasting longer, without any windows. I'd likely have already healed from the adverse reaction by now if it weren't for PAWS kicking in and sending me back to the acute phase, which may last even longer this time. Instead of saying I'm in my seventh month, it's probably more accurate to say I'm just barely two and a half months in, which would be equivalent to my state in early March. That time was truly terrible, and I'm afraid I'm back there again. Since you've reacted badly to drastic changes, definitely play it safe now. I think there's a reason why posts like "Never skip doses" or "Why taper 10%" exist. I know the end of the taper is the hardest. Thank you, Sonia; you're doing amazingly well and maintaining a great attitude.

@BaccatePlayer You seem to have a clear understanding of what is happening to you, that must be reassuring even though the symptoms you endure are horrendous. At least you know it's temporary and healing will come, that will give you the strength to forge ahead. Looking forward to your positive posts in the near future. Best wishes.🙏😊

[Sonia009]

Hi, this may sound a bit weird but I sometimes get nervous in the shower in case I get dizzy but this evening in the shower I suddenly thought I'd pretend to be someone else, Scarlet Johansson to be precise, probably because I saw her in a movie recently. I do believe it helped me because I was someone else and I actually felt less anxious. I don't know what to make of it, am I going crazy, is it unhealthy to do this? I don't even know why I thought of it.

[Tweed9674]

7 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

Hi, this may sound a bit weird but I sometimes get nervous in the shower in case I get dizzy but this evening in the shower I suddenly thought I'd pretend to be someone else, Scarlet Johansson to be precise, probably because I saw her in a movie recently. I do believe it helped me because I was someone else and I actually felt less anxious. I don't know what to make of it, am I going crazy, is it unhealthy to do this? I don't even know why I thought of it.

Why not?! If it worked, it worked!!

[mstimc]

16 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

Hi, this may sound a bit weird but I sometimes get nervous in the shower in case I get dizzy but this evening in the shower I suddenly thought I'd pretend to be someone else, Scarlet Johansson to be precise, probably because I saw her in a movie recently. I do believe it helped me because I was someone else and I actually felt less anxious. I don't know what to make of it, am I going crazy, is it unhealthy to do this? I don't even know why I thought of it.

Not weird at all.  Its a great use of diverting negative thoughts!  Like @Tweed9674 said, if it works, go for it!  We all respond to different coping tools. 

[Sonia009]

@mstimc@Tweed9674 After I posted this I had a slight panic attack wondering if I would get negative responses, what a relief that you both think it's harmless. I will confine it to the shower in any case. Thanks both.😊

 

[Kat66]

Hi @Sonia009 just checking in, how are you getting on with your citalopram taper? I've noticed you've recently cut....

[Sonia009]

6 hours ago, Kat66 said:

Hi @Sonia009 just checking in, how are you getting on with your citalopram taper? I've noticed you've recently cut....

@Kat66 Hello, thanks for asking. Yes I am now down to 0.4 mg since July 1 st, eleventh day today.  For a few days I had migraine type headaches, worsened dizziness, nausea and feeling faint. Weird dreams and brain zaps returned. Although I feel I have improved the past several days I am still getting weird head feelings, muzziness, headaches, stiff and aching neck, dizziness, tinnitus which is more noticeable and increased noise sensitivity. I've also started getting weird movement sensations for example when standing still I feel movement under my feet, difficult to explain, feel like I am moving when I'm not. I have experienced this before when I first did withdrawal a few years ago. In fact, all the symptoms I experienced this time are similar but probably worse than I experienced before. Maybe that's because it's harder to come off lower doses. On the positive side my appetite has improved a lot, sleep is better although still getting dreams, still getting some digestive issues but not as bad.  I am getting out more walking my dog which is something I couldn't do several weeks ago. I can only manage half hour walks though. I have taken up knitting again and it has helped me a lot.  I think also my attitude towards my symptoms have changed. Before they scared me a lot particularly the dizziness ( still shakes me somewhat if I get a bad one) but I have tried to accept them in the belief that they will eventually go away like they did before when I first dropped from 10 mg to 5 mg a few years ago. Also, reading the advice from others here have reassured me and helped me cope. I am not ready to drive yet, really want to but I think I've a way to go before I can safely do that. What I have noticed is that stress makes my symptoms worse and if I overdo things. I take my dose at 10 am and usually feel at my best ( not great) from 4pm. Between those hours I pace myself.

How are things with you?

[Kat66]

@Sonia009 thanks for the update. Sounds like your symptoms are mainly physical? Do you get emotional/mental symptoms? Seems you're making progress, although like you say, cuts at a much lower dose can have quite marked consequences. Do you think it helps to take your dose at the same time every day? I always forget to do that and don't know if that makes any difference! I'll post an update on my intro thread. x

[Sonia009]

Feeling really horrible today, dizziness, crying spells, feeling really low. My dog hasn't been well for a few days, took him to the vet yesterday, he's got fleas, very quiet, not eating much just a few treats. I've given him his flea treatment and a probiotic the vet prescribed for him. I'm worried about him and I think this has set me back. Saturday morning he was rolling in the long grass in the field near me and Saturday afternoon a larger dog attacked him whilst out walking but I managed to drag him and away. That night he was sick. On top of that my husband has insomnia and all of a sudden I feel terribly alone and scared. 

[Catina7]

I'm so sorry @Sonia009.  You're never alone.  I hope things improve for you and your precious fur baby soon. 

 

Hugs,

Catina 💗

[Sonia009]

33 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

I'm so sorry @Sonia009.  You're never alone.  I hope things improve for you and your precious fur baby soon. 

 

Hugs,

Catina 💗

@Catina7 Thank you, I know, it just feels that way right now. He is my precious boy, just turned three, hate to see him like this.👍

[Kat66]

I'm so sorry @Sonia009 to hear you're having such a bad day and that your dog is unwell and then was attacked. That's awful! I hope he'll be ok. Stress can set off our already fragile CNS. Be gentle with yourself and give him and yourself lots of cuddles.

[Sonia009]

15 minutes ago, Kat66 said:

I'm so sorry @Sonia009 to hear you're having such a bad day and that your dog is unwell and then was attacked. That's awful! I hope he'll be ok. Stress can set off our already fragile CNS. Be gentle with yourself and give him and yourself lots of cuddles.

@Kat66 Thank you Kat, yes stress and worry always sets me off, hopefully he'll be ok in a day or two. We have lots of cuddles, fleas and all lol. I've got the house spray ready just need to feel well enough to do the clean up. Hope you are doing ok.🙏