Schmeg82 Paxil withdrawal and taper after 21 years

[Dee12h]

I take it in the morning bc I find it energizing. Side effects- some light-headedness & high heart rate at first, minor GI upset/pain/gas, feel warmer

 

[Schmeg82]

28 minutes ago, Dee12h said:

I take it in the morning bc I find it energizing. Side effects- some light-headedness & high heart rate at first, minor GI upset/pain/gas, feel warmer

 

Good to know, thanks.  I know having low iron can also cause anxiety so keeping it up is good as well.  I eat a ton of iron rich feed but apparently not enough, not sure if I have absorbing issues or what.  I’m always vitamin D deficient also and I’m outside all the time so who knows.  I may cut the pill in half to start and see how my stomach does.  

[Schmeg82]

So today I did a lot (and it’s only 1pm) I’ve been feeling bad lately, my vision is extra bad again I’m sure because of my cut, but I had to clean the barn still this morning.  I had to make the 30 min drive to go get hay for the horses, my best friend ended up taking me in her truck (guess she doesn’t trust my driving that far yet lol). We made a few stops along the way, I was a little motion sick but it was bearable.  After we got hay we decided to eat at the local bakery, I was very dizzy and overstimulated standing in line but I needed to eat, we went upstairs where it was nice and quiet and ate and I felt much better.  I saw a friend and stoped to talk to him, sometimes when I talk to people I get the chills it’s weird.  Got back in the truck, the ride home was better, got home, unloaded hay and went for a walk in the horses pasture to check on them.  Still a little dizzy/off but not the worst I’ve been.  Now I’m finally home and relaxing.  I’m glad I’ve been pushing myself to get out and do things and go places so I can force myself to see it’s not that bad and I’ll survive it!  
 

the last few days have been pretty bad.  I’m still holding my 2% taper it’s been a little over 2 weeks.  

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, Schmeg82 said:

when I talk to people I get the chills it’s weird.

I get the shakes. It must be some type of activation.

Glad you can relax now and give your body time to process it all. ♥️🙏

[Schmeg82]

48 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

I get the shakes. It must be some type of activation.

Glad you can relax now and give your body time to process it all. ♥️🙏

Yes, it’s been nice to get out and go do things again, it definitely takes a lot out of me though.  I love driving along the intercostal it’s very calming. Now I’m back sitting in the backyard in my chair getting some vitamin D.  

[Willy]

I’m glad you’re able to get out and do things even though you don’t feel good. Hope you find relief soon!

[Schmeg82]

4 minutes ago, Willy said:

I’m glad you’re able to get out and do things even though you don’t feel good. Hope you find relief soon!

Thank you, how have you been doing? I’m on week 3 of my taper now.  

[Willy]

1 hour ago, Schmeg82 said:

Thank you, how have you been doing? I’m on week 3 of my taper now.  

That’s great. Can’t believe you’re already on week 3. I’m back to cutting tomorrow after a 3 week hold

[Schmeg82]

Week 3 of my taper and I believe I’m feeling it worse now.  My eyes are extra bad this morning, bad vivid dreams, weird ear pressure and ringing, was very shaky and over stimulated last night but super tired, fell asleep by 8:45pm.  
 

I'm discouraged and now wondering if I set myself back even further from stabilizing since tapering again.  I’m depressed, I cried this morning realizing how bad my eyes were again when I went to get water from the store.  And the off balance, sick feeling is back.  All I did was make my wave worse 🙁

 

 

[Willy]

20 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

Week 3 of my taper and I believe I’m feeling it worse now.  My eyes are extra bad this morning, bad vivid dreams, weird ear pressure and ringing, was very shaky and over stimulated last night but super tired, fell asleep by 8:45pm.  
 

I'm discouraged and now wondering if I set myself back even further from stabilizing since tapering again.  I’m depressed, I cried this morning realizing how bad my eyes were again when I went to get water from the store.  And the off balance, sick feeling is back.  All I did was make my wave worse 🙁

 

 

I’m sorry things are really rough and hoping you get some relief soon. Try to stay strong and keep battling and remember the only way out of this is what you’re doing. My ear pressure and ringing is severe and never lets up it’s one of my most debilitating symptoms. I just keep trying to accept this as my new temporary normal. One day we will beat this. 

[AAOffZ]

@Schmeg82 hi friend. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I am praying for you. You will have more good days. They have come when you’ve least expected it and they will come again. Time is the biggest healer. 
 

Sounds like you’re sleeping well, I am always thankful for a good night’s sleep, even when the dreams are weird. 

[Schmeg82]

20 minutes ago, Willy said:

I’m sorry things are really rough and hoping you get some relief soon. Try to stay strong and keep battling and remember the only way out of this is what you’re doing. My ear pressure and ringing is severe and never lets up it’s one of my most debilitating symptoms. I just keep trying to accept this as my new temporary normal. One day we will beat this. 

Yes we will.  Just discouraging to have such a big set back, but I know it’s also moving forward so trying to keep that in mind.  I just started going out and doing things again and don’t want this to set me back from that.  I’ve had the ear ringing forever but the weird pressure and head sensations are new.  Thankfully it didn’t last long.  

[Schmeg82]

14 minutes ago, AAOffZ said:

@Schmeg82 hi friend. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I am praying for you. You will have more good days. They have come when you’ve least expected it and they will come again. Time is the biggest healer. 
 

Sounds like you’re sleeping well, I am always thankful for a good night’s sleep, even when the dreams are weird. 

Yes ma’am, I’m trying to be optimistic but hard during a setback.  I am sleeping well, in fact I’m falling asleep super early and wanting to sleep in later, so at least giving my body time to rest and reset.   Thank you for the prayers always!!!! 💕

[BaccatePlayer]

55 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

Week 3 of my taper and I believe I’m feeling it worse now.  My eyes are extra bad this morning, bad vivid dreams, weird ear pressure and ringing, was very shaky and over stimulated last night but super tired, fell asleep by 8:45pm.  
 

I'm discouraged and now wondering if I set myself back even further from stabilizing since tapering again.  I’m depressed, I cried this morning realizing how bad my eyes were again when I went to get water from the store.  And the off balance, sick feeling is back.  All I did was make my wave worse 🙁

 

 

Seems like no journey is perfect. We're humans and we can't eliminate obstacles from our lives completely. Please forgive yourself, so that you're not making it even harder for yourself. Feelings and symptoms are temporary, but your precious life is more than that.

[Schmeg82]

1 minute ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Seems like no journey is perfect. We're humans and we can't eliminate obstacles from our lives completely. Please forgive yourself, so that you're not making it even harder for yourself. Feelings and symptoms are temporary, but your precious life is more than that.

Thank you 🙏🏼 I love my life and the people and my animals I have a big will to live I'm just very depressed.  I know I’ll get through this, it’s just mentally exhausting.

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, Schmeg82 said:

it’s just mentally exhausting

Definitely.

Just let the amped up symptom settle before any more tapering. You don't want to stack symptoms. It's okay to take more time to stabilize. Tapering before your body is ready is like running a marathon with a broken leg. 

I honestly believe if I would have waited longer I wouldn't be so sensitive. We all just want off so holding is torture but so necessary. ♥️

[Schmeg82]

3 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Definitely.

Just let the amped up symptom settle before any more tapering. You don't want to stack symptoms. It's okay to take more time to stabilize. Tapering before your body is ready is like running a marathon with a broken leg. 

I honestly believe if I would have waited longer I wouldn't be so sensitive. We all just want off so holding is torture but so necessary. ♥️

I concur! I’m definitely going to wait until I feel a little bit better again, I’m definitely thinking that I’m still just suffering from original withdraws still since I actually got worse tapering, but there was no way to know unless I tried and I’m not mad about it at all, once I feel better I’ll do another 2% taper!  

[LostInCanada]

12 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I’m definitely thinking that I’m still just suffering from original withdraws still since I actually got worse tapering, but there was no way to know unless I tried

I was thinking the same. You never know till you try.  Good for you. Now just concentrate on stability. 💯♥️🙏

[Schmeg82]

Just now, LostInCanada said:

I was thinking the same. You never know till you try.  Good for you. Now just concentrate on stability. 💯♥️🙏

Yes ma’am.  I will probably keep doing small tapers when I feel better just to have some progress as well.  I hope you’re doing better also! And the hubby 

[LostInCanada]

13 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

hope you’re doing better also! And the hubby 

Grrrr....lol. He still isn't great. I am feeling much better, just super dizzy. Thanks for asking. ♥️

[Schmeg82]

12 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Grrrr....lol. He still isn't great. I am feeling much better, just super dizzy. Thanks for asking. ♥️

I hate that for you!  I have more if a fuzzy head/vertigo sensation.  I get dizzy spells but not often thank goodness.  I am fine driving usually but don’t drive long distances at all just in case.  I’m good walking as long as I don’t move my head around too much.  Some days are better than others. I pray all of us feel better soon as well as your husband.

[Catwoman73]

4 hours ago, Schmeg82 said:

 I just started going out and doing things again and don’t want this to set me back from that.  I’ve had the ear ringing forever but the weird pressure and head sensations are new.  

 

You might be overdoing it, @Schmeg82.  Head/chest pressure is a sign of post exertional malaise- one that I have a great deal of experience with.  If you are feeling worse as you add more activities, then maybe adding more isn't the answer for you right now.  Trust me, if anyone knows how hard it is to accept that, it's me lol... I've spent the last two years sitting on my couch more often than not.  Healing requires sacrifice for many of us, and you may have to give up many things, maybe for quite a long time, in order to get yourself in better shape.  

 

My best advice for this is to rest a LOT, lie down before you actually start to feel worse.  When I say rest, I mean lie down and listen to quiet music.  No electronics.  Give your body and brain a break.  For me, what seems to work best is do an activity for 30 minutes max, then lie down for as long as needed, but a minimum of 30 minutes.  You may need something different, but that's what seems to work best for me. 

 

I know how hard this is- I actually had a fall today when I went out for a walk and got dizzy.  It just sucks.   But pushing ourselves too hard can create a new lower baseline, which is not something you want, I'm sure.  

 

Hang in there, sweetie.  Sending lots of love and support!❤️‍🩹

[Schmeg82]

20 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

 

You might be overdoing it, @Schmeg82.  Head/chest pressure is a sign of post exertional malaise- one that I have a great deal of experience with.  If you are feeling worse as you add more activities, then maybe adding more isn't the answer for you right now.  Trust me, if anyone knows how hard it is to accept that, it's me lol... I've spent the last two years sitting on my couch more often than not.  Healing requires sacrifice for many of us, and you may have to give up many things, maybe for quite a long time, in order to get yourself in better shape.  

 

My best advice for this is to rest a LOT, lie down before you actually start to feel worse.  When I say rest, I mean lie down and listen to quiet music.  No electronics.  Give your body and brain a break.  For me, what seems to work best is do an activity for 30 minutes max, then lie down for as long as needed, but a minimum of 30 minutes.  You may need something different, but that's what seems to work best for me. 

 

I know how hard this is- I actually had a fall today when I went out for a walk and got dizzy.  It just sucks.   But pushing ourselves too hard can create a new lower baseline, which is not something you want, I'm sure.  

 

Hang in there, sweetie.  Sending lots of love and support!❤️‍🩹

Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it, my problem is I’m going stir crazy, and when I lay around all I can feel is my symptoms (I have the internal vibrations bad) when I’m up doing things I cannot feel them as much.  When I do lay down I read a lot, sometimes, especially lately I’ve had a hard time concentrating on reading and have to re read pages again and again but I still do it.  
 

I don’t want to become agoraphobic again, I have before where I was terrified to leave the house so I’m trying to get out as much as I can no matter how I feel.  Also, if this could potentially be years for me I don’t want to be trapped in my house, I have to learn to fight through my symptoms and go out, no matter how hard it is.  

 

Im not really working so I have lots of time to rest when I can.  Once it cools down I think things will get better I’ll be able to walk more during the day and be outside more, it’s still super miserable and hot down here right now.  
 

I was such an active person, a go go go person, so this is extremely hard for me to deal with.  

[LostInCanada]

26 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

don’t want to become agoraphobic again,

Don't overthink this part. It is a symptom of WD and it lifts. There are many on here that have had it to an extreme and then it just disappear. 

It is okay to say I just can't do that today.

That being said if you feel you can do it, by all means do. Just take the needed time to recoup if it catches up with you. 

It is a hard balancing act.

[Catwoman73]

I understand how hard it is.  I, too,  used to be on the go non-stop from dawn until my head hit the pillow.   For me, it has just been a matter of changing HOW I get out there.  I'm no longer able to run marathons (Oh, how I miss running!), but I can take a slow, mindful walk for about 30 minutes.  I can no longer attend concerts due to overstimulation, but I can have a few friends over to listen to an artist's new album.  It now takes me all day to do prep to host some friends for dinner, because I need to do some of the work, then rest with my eyes closed, then more of the work.  I can no longer attend a massive party, but can hang out with a few friends.  I can no longer engage in any activity that involves serious concentration all day long, but I can do it for 30 minutes, then take a break.  I need to wear noise reducing earplugs if I go to the movies, and site with my head resting on the back of the seat.  I'm not at all a shut in- I've just had to reign in how I approach things.

 

This is what pacing is!  I know it's not easy to adjust your expectations of yourself, and feel like you're failing yourself and everyone else if you don't keep up with what you once could do.  I'm only suggesting you pay close attention to the signals your body is sending you, rather than paying attention to your thoughts in this situation.  If your symptoms are ramping up with the way you are approaching getting out and about now, I see that as a sign that you may benefit from changing your approach. 

 

I agree- cooler weather will make things much easier.  It's definitely been more tolerable here lately, and I did get out for that walk yesterday, which was awesome.  And I learned a hard lesson about looking at my phone while walking too! 🤣 

 

Sending hugs... thinking of you! ❤️

[Schmeg82]

30 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

I understand how hard it is.  I, too,  used to be on the go non-stop from dawn until my head hit the pillow.   For me, it has just been a matter of changing HOW I get out there.  I'm no longer able to run marathons (Oh, how I miss running!), but I can take a slow, mindful walk for about 30 minutes.  I can no longer attend concerts due to overstimulation, but I can have a few friends over to listen to an artist's new album.  It now takes me all day to do prep to host some friends for dinner, because I need to do some of the work, then rest with my eyes closed, then more of the work.  I can no longer attend a massive party, but can hang out with a few friends.  I can no longer engage in any activity that involves serious concentration all day long, but I can do it for 30 minutes, then take a break.  I need to wear noise reducing earplugs if I go to the movies, and site with my head resting on the back of the seat.  I'm not at all a shut in- I've just had to reign in how I approach things.

 

This is what pacing is!  I know it's not easy to adjust your expectations of yourself, and feel like you're failing yourself and everyone else if you don't keep up with what you once could do.  I'm only suggesting you pay close attention to the signals your body is sending you, rather than paying attention to your thoughts in this situation.  If your symptoms are ramping up with the way you are approaching getting out and about now, I see that as a sign that you may benefit from changing your approach. 

 

I agree- cooler weather will make things much easier.  It's definitely been more tolerable here lately, and I did get out for that walk yesterday, which was awesome.  And I learned a hard lesson about looking at my phone while walking too! 🤣 

 

Sending hugs... thinking of you! ❤️

Thank you, and I know this is my new reality I’m just having a hard time with acceptance still.  Each day is so different for me also, and heck, each hour can be different so I still want to try and do more things.  If I’m not doing things I’m in my thoughts and as we know right now those can be scary.  This whole process is so hard to figure out and balance but I’m doing the best I can. 😔

[Schmeg82]

33 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Don't overthink this part. It is a symptom of WD and it lifts. There are many on here that have had it to an extreme and then it just disappear. 

It is okay to say I just can't do that today.

That being said if you feel you can do it, by all means do. Just take the needed time to recoup if it catches up with you. 

It is a hard balancing act.

Yes this is what I’m trying to do, find balance, which has been hard because each day to day and hour to hour can be so different!  

[Catwoman73]

3 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

Thank you, and I know this is my new reality I’m just having a hard time with acceptance still.  Each day is so different for me also, and heck, each hour can be different so I still want to try and do more things.  If I’m not doing things I’m in my thoughts and as we know right now those can be scary.  This whole process is so hard to figure out and balance but I’m doing the best I can. 😔

 

Regarding having a hard time with acceptance, all I can say is.... Me too!!!  Don't forget- I'm the one still signed up to do four dance classes per week plus an art class!!! 🤣  I know in my heart that this is absolutely unreaslistic for me.  But I'm one of those people who need to learn the hard way, it seems.  You would think I would have learned my lesson after how brutal this schedule was on me last year, but nope, here I am, trying the same thing all over again.  Of course, I am modifying the way I approach other aspects of my life in order to try to be able to pull it all off (the weekend cooking blitz that I just finished was part of my new approach), but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to drop at least 1-2 classes.  I've figured out through all of this that acceptance is a journey, not a destination.  You'll figure it all out, but there will still be times where you ruminate on how unfair it all is.  I know I still have those moments!

 

Thank goodness we all have each other.  It helps to know that there are others struggling with the same issues.  Hang in there @Schmeg82... sending you love and hugs! ❤️‍🩹

[Schmeg82]

1 hour ago, Catwoman73 said:

 

Regarding having a hard time with acceptance, all I can say is.... Me too!!!  Don't forget- I'm the one still signed up to do four dance classes per week plus an art class!!! 🤣  I know in my heart that this is absolutely unreaslistic for me.  But I'm one of those people who need to learn the hard way, it seems.  You would think I would have learned my lesson after how brutal this schedule was on me last year, but nope, here I am, trying the same thing all over again.  Of course, I am modifying the way I approach other aspects of my life in order to try to be able to pull it all off (the weekend cooking blitz that I just finished was part of my new approach), but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to drop at least 1-2 classes.  I've figured out through all of this that acceptance is a journey, not a destination.  You'll figure it all out, but there will still be times where you ruminate on how unfair it all is.  I know I still have those moments!

 

Thank goodness we all have each other.  It helps to know that there are others struggling with the same issues.  Hang in there @Schmeg82... sending you love and hugs! ❤️‍🩹

Every time I have attempted to do anything physical it doesn’t turn out well for me and then I get myself into a deeper hole again.  I miss my sports and riding so much:  early in June I was able to ride 2 days and then in August all heck broke loose again and have been down ever since.  Those are my stress releases, my softball and riding so it’s been extremely difficult to give them up.  I know it’s only momentarily but 8.5 months is a long time with no physical activity for me and it’s really bringing me down.  I haven’t even been able to walk in my pasture again or the dogs because I’ve been dizzy and off balance again.  I feel like I’ve had a set back and it’s just making me more depressed.  I’m trying to focus on the things I can do for now, just have to get myself out of this mental hole.

[Catwoman73]

1 hour ago, Schmeg82 said:

Every time I have attempted to do anything physical it doesn’t turn out well for me and then I get myself into a deeper hole again.  I miss my sports and riding so much:  early in June I was able to ride 2 days and then in August all heck broke loose again and have been down ever since.  Those are my stress releases, my softball and riding so it’s been extremely difficult to give them up.  I know it’s only momentarily but 8.5 months is a long time with no physical activity for me and it’s really bringing me down.  I haven’t even been able to walk in my pasture again or the dogs because I’ve been dizzy and off balance again.  I feel like I’ve had a set back and it’s just making me more depressed.  I’m trying to focus on the things I can do for now, just have to get myself out of this mental hole.

 

I understand completely!!  This is what lead me to sign up for the drawing class- I need to experiment with some new activities to keep some excitement in my life.  It's distracting me from the fact that I've lost so much.  I've JUST made the firm decision to drop my hip hop class.  I'm dropping it tonight before I change my mind lol.  That's a start for me- I'm heartbroken, but working hard to focus on how excited I am about learning to draw instead.  I think I'm going to sign up for an acrylic painting class on udemy as well, once I'm finished my two paint by numbers.  And I'm purchasing some audiobooks to learn more about a few subjects I've always been interested in.  I'm also re-learning French on Duolingo.  

 

My point is- this journey absolutely sucks and we lose so damned much along the way.  But it's full of possibilities too.  Who knows- maybe you'll discover something new that you are super good at!  I'm hoping that I can turn something I'm learning into a way of making some extra money, or a total career change maybe.  Life is so full of possibilities.  I know it's hard to see it when you're in such a funk, but maybe take a single step towards trying something or learning something new, and that might help you pull yourself out of it.  ❤️

[Schmeg82]

I hate coming here to only write negative things but I’m struggling bad again.  I really hope I didn’t just set my body and healing back months and months again.  It’s been 3 weeks since I did my taper and I am back to feeling my symptoms I felt in my early WD, I’m twitching and tremoring bad, I’m racing/anxious.  I feel extra sick in stores and at work (yes I’ve been trying to go back to work) I just feel so uncomfortable in my body a lot of the time.  I really hope these will pass and I’ll get some relief soon.  There’s no way I can deal with my whole taper like this.  The racing feeling/mania feeling is the worst.  My vision has bad shadows flickering again too.  My cognitive ability has plummeted too.

i cried all night and all morning, I just want some normalcy.
 

positive things:  

- more energy again, not wobbly or lethargic the last two weeks.  (A little to much energy in my brain and body though)

- have been able to walk more at night (walked a mile wed night)

- not as easily over stimulated talking to people unless I haven’t eaten

- still sleeping well (with very vivid dreams though)

- getting out of the house more still (forcing myself out) 

 

 

[LostInCanada]

1 minute ago, Schmeg82 said:

There’s no way I can deal with my whole taper like this.  

You will normalize again. It was just too soon to taper. Lessen all the stressors. It's okay. You don't have to do anything but heal. You are safe. Try to relax your muscles. I know I am always so tense and unaware of it. 

This will pass. You just need to hold longer and I know that sucks but in the end it will be much smoother. 

You are going to be okay. ♥️

[Schmeg82]

2 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

You will normalize again. It was just too soon to taper. Lessen all the stressors. It's okay. You don't have to do anything but heal. You are safe. Try to relax your muscles. I know I am always so tense and unaware of it. 

This will pass. You just need to hold longer and I know that sucks but in the end it will be much smoother. 

You are going to be okay. ♥️

I hope so, this is awful.  I felt like I was just starting to make small improvements but then again I’ve been really bad since August for some reason.  It’s like I relapsed hard.  Hopefully THIS is the worst before I start getting better 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 I can’t handle the racing/mania and anxiety, it’s so awful but I refuse to take any other meds to “help” it.

[LostInCanada]

19 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

racing/mania and anxiety

It's been bad for me all summer but has settled down alot. When you are in it, it feels like forever and it will never stop but it does. Just give your body time to work through it. I know we spend so much time seemingly doing nothing but doing nothing is doing exactly what we need to do. Kindness, acceptance, patience. ♥️

[Willy]

@Schmeg82 sorry you’re dealing with all this madness. I have a lot of the same symptoms and they never go away I just get fluctuations in the intensity of them. Like you, I started to taper while my body was already destabilized from wd. I’m still holding out hope that we feel better as we reduce the dosage. The body needs time to reorganize and get used to lower doses of the meds. We will make it to the other side I promise you!

[Schmeg82]

2 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

It's been bad for me all summer but has settled down alot. When you are in it, it feels like forever and it will never stop but it does. Just give your body time to work through it. I know we spend so much time seemingly doing nothing but doing nothing is doing exactly what we need to do. Kindness, acceptance, patience. ♥️

It’s strange bc some things are improving but then the really scary symptoms pop up again.  I truly don’t think I’m in tolerance to the drug now that this happened.  I don’t think it was as strong maybe and I had some side effects but this taper shows me it’s all withdrawal which is some what settling for my mind.  That means I should feel better eventually and then can taper again.