Schmeg82 Paxil withdrawal and taper after 21 years

[brassmonkey]

Might I suggest that instead of shaving individual tablets that you grind several into powder and use that as a "stock pile" from which you measure out the required dose and put it in gel caps. It is a lot easier to work with the powder then to try and shave to an exact weight.

[Schmeg82]

2 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

Might I suggest that instead of shaving individual tablets that you grind several into powder and use that as a "stock pile" from which you measure out the required dose and put it in gel caps. It is a lot easier to work with the powder then to try and shave to an exact weight.

It took me 4 weeks just to figure out how to shave a pill and now you’re telling me this 😂 I am a blonde already and add withdrawal brain to that lol 

 

but yes, this is a good idea!  My question is, how would I measure the powder? I’m not sure my scale would measure powder correctly, I have a pretty cheap one unfortunately.  And I didn’t know you can buy gel caps?  
 

thank you again 

[LostInCanada]

4 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

took me 4 weeks just to figure out how to shave a pill and now you’re telling me this 😂 I am a blonde already and add withdrawal brain to that lol 

I tried to grind and put in capsules. For me it was harder than shaving. I found it was difficult getting an accurate measurement. That was my experience. Definitely work out what works for you. You would have to purchase capsules (Amazon) and weigh them,  then add the .125g to the capsule weight.

[LostInCanada]

This is the scale I use but it's like $500

https://www.amazon.com/EJ-54D2-Portable-Balance-0-0002-0-001mg/dp/B08S3WQTBG

It goes to 4 decimal places and is pretty accurate.

When using any scale, always recalibrate before a weighing session, make sure it is on a stable surface, try to avoid being near a fan or a/c etc

[Schmeg82]

21 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

This is the scale I use but it's like $500

https://www.amazon.com/EJ-54D2-Portable-Balance-0-0002-0-001mg/dp/B08S3WQTBG

It goes to 4 decimal places and is pretty accurate.

When using any scale, always recalibrate before a weighing session, make sure it is on a stable surface, try to avoid being near a fan or a/c etc

Thank you for giving me peace of mind because I thought my AC was making it change weights and I was correct!  It blows right on my dinning room table 

[Schmeg82]

Another question for anyone following…. The last few weeks my TEETH have been pulsating, it’s super weird, it doesn’t bother me to much unless it gets really bad but I’ve never had this before, is this typically a WD symptom? I’m assuming so since I’ve never had it before 

[LostInCanada]

It is WD... the gift that keeps on giving 

[Schmeg82]

9 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

It is WD... the gift that keeps on giving 

Of course. 🙁 crazy how after 8 months I’m getting new fun symptoms.  I have ataxia really bad again too, where I feel like I’m floating when I lay down. 

[Schmeg82]

Today is Saturday and my 4th day back at work, I’m really glad I made the decision to come back, it’s been 50/50 some days I feel good, some days I am pushing through feeling horrible but still working.  I think this is good for me rather than sitting at home and ruminating.  I’m able to only work early morning until afternoon a few days a week if I want so this won’t stress me to much.  
 

this morning had been rough, I am tremoring realllllllly bad and twitching terribly again (like I did in the beginning of my WD) and I’ve had the racing uncomfortable anxiety with it but thankfully it comes and goes.  My teeth are still pulsating bad too.  I hope these symptoms subside a bit soon.  (I’m sure these symptoms have been exacerbated by my recent cut) 
 

it’s starting to get a bit “cooler” in Florida, I sat outside for hours yesterday and it was beautiful in the shade of my oak trees.  I’m hoping this weather allows me to spend more time outside, it definitely lifts my mood.

 

I'm praying the rest of my day goes well, and weekend.  

[BaccatePlayer]

Good luck! I hope you can spend these days in peace.

[LostInCanada]

36 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

like I did in the beginning of my WD)

Did you take a .125 g pill today? Hopefully after a few days of consistently weighed pills your body will settle.

Could you please correct your signature? Thanks 👍 ♥️

[Schmeg82]

19 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Did you take a .125 g pill today? Hopefully after a few days of consistently weighed pills your body will settle.

Could you please correct your signature? Thanks 👍 ♥️

Yes ma’am, and yes I will!

[Schmeg82]

1 hour ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Good luck! I hope you can spend these days in peace.

Thank you! I actually enjoy working again, I’ve missed it, I can talk to people now without getting overstimulated which is a huge improvement and relief!  And the distraction is really helping me with my mental health.  

[Schmeg82]

Seems like I’m back to a standard withdrawal pattern, the good news is I’m having HUGE windows during the day from 10/11am - 5pm ish I normally feel pretty great, then the crash comes in the evenings, I start tremoring and getting racy feelings and anxiety on and off.  Very agitated too.  Mornings are the same, but it fades away.  How strange.  When I feel awesome during the day it gives me hope that I could potentially feel like this all day one day!

 

 

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, Schmeg82 said:

gives me hope

Hang on to that feeling because it will happen!🫶

[Catwoman73]

How goes the battle, @Schmeg82? 

 

Thinking of you...

[Schmeg82]

52 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

How goes the battle, @Schmeg82? 

 

Thinking of you...

Thanks for checking on me.  I’ve been struggling again.  My eyes are super wonky, been really shaky (internal vibrations) and anxious, yesterday racing anxiety all day.  Just feel out of it today, head keeps playing a song over and over, it’s annoying, trying to distract.

 

I’ve been working a few days a week part time, just a few hours in the mornings and early afternoon, it has helped me distract, but it’s still a big struggle.

 

seems like my blood sugar issues have started up again, if I don’t eat every few hours I feel horrible.  
 

I'm so over this.  Don’t know what to do anymore.  Been very depressed lately.

[LostInCanada]

8 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

Don’t know what to do anymore.  Been very depressed lately.

Sorry to hear. All you can do is let your body do its thing. It will settle. It is hard to stay positive at times which is a totally normal reaction. You will stabilize and hopefully sooner than later. ♥️🙏

[Schmeg82]

1 hour ago, LostInCanada said:

Sorry to hear. All you can do is let your body do its thing. It will settle. It is hard to stay positive at times which is a totally normal reaction. You will stabilize and hopefully sooner than later. ♥️🙏

I hope so.  I pray every day.  This is so hard.  I just feel absolutely sick today.  

[Catwoman73]

I'm so sorry, @Schmeg82.  I don't know why I continue to be amazed at the power of these damned drugs, but somehow, I'm still shocked by them.  The last time you posted, you seemed to be in a nice window- try to remember that, because it will happen again.  I understand feeling really down, though- the fact that this is such a grind is bound to wear you down.  Sending hugs!  And keep us posted- here's hoping that hurricane fades away. ❤️‍🩹

[Schmeg82]

6 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

I'm so sorry, @Schmeg82.  I don't know why I continue to be amazed at the power of these damned drugs, but somehow, I'm still shocked by them.  The last time you posted, you seemed to be in a nice window- try to remember that, because it will happen again.  I understand feeling really down, though- the fact that this is such a grind is bound to wear you down.  Sending hugs!  And keep us posted- here's hoping that hurricane fades away. ❤️‍🩹

Thank you.  It’s crazy I’m in month 10 of feeling like this and some things have even worsened.  But… some have improved.  I need some relief before I drive myself mad.  I just want to be able to continue tapering safely and somewhat start enjoying my life again.  

[AAOffZ]

@Schmeg82 I’m in a wave, too. Microtapered too soon and then had a root canal. Sent me into a wave. It’s not as bad as acute, thank heavens. But I’m struggling right along with you 🩵 

[Schmeg82]

8 hours ago, AAOffZ said:

@Schmeg82 I’m in a wave, too. Microtapered too soon and then had a root canal. Sent me into a wave. It’s not as bad as acute, thank heavens. But I’m struggling right along with you 🩵 

Ugh I’m so sorry.  I’m still trying to hold mine and get some stabilization.  I hope yours passes soon as well.  

[Schmeg82]

My vision is reallllly bothering me lately, seems to be worse again, I can’t focus on anything especially far away, my eyes tend to cross a lot, especially when I’m zoning out, which is all the time lately.  The light sensitivity is insane, everything is SO bright, even pretty sunsets I can’t look at.  Life is so much brighter, I hate it.  I can actually feel my vision shaking sometimes it’s horrible, and this is hard to ignore.  I really wish this symptom would subside.  This never started until I tried to taper so I hope this is a WD symptom and passes one day.  

 

I worked again today, it wasn’t to bad, I felt a bit off but I got through it fine. I went to lunch after with my mom which I was a little apprehensive about but I didn’t feel to bad inside, the lighting was low and it was quiet inside.  I felt a little off and I just wanted to rush and be home to my safe place but it wasn’t an awful experience so im happy with that, but stepping outside into that natural sunlight made me feel worse again.  I cried on my drive home because I tried to talk to my mom about how I was feeling and she didn’t want to hear it,  almost like she doesn’t believe me.  
 

I don’t know if I should keep making reductions or keep holding for a while longer.  I seem to be in this bad wave still.

[LostInCanada]

7 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

don’t know if I should keep making reductions or keep holding for a while longer.  

I personally think you should hold till you stabilize a bit more. It seems that small taper destabilized you. That makes me think you weren't quite ready. What do you think?

[LostInCanada]

9 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I cried on my drive home because I tried to talk to my mom about how I was feeling and she didn’t want to hear it,  almost like she doesn’t believe me.  

I was sad to hear this. Our struggle is so real but I think alot of people are not emotionally equipped to handle the reality of what we are dealing with. 

Like I always say...who would make this stuff up! Sending hugs ❤️

[Schmeg82]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

I personally think you should hold till you stabilize a bit more. It seems that small taper destabilized you. That makes me think you weren't quite ready. What do you think?

I agree with this, plus the first couple weeks of inconsistency maybe threw my body off also.  One thing that’s just holding steady and not improving at all is my vision, every other symptom seems to come and go but that one, I don’t get it.  

[Schmeg82]

Just now, LostInCanada said:

I was sad to hear this. Our struggle is so real but I think alot of people are not emotionally equipped to handle the reality of what we are dealing with. 

Like I always say...who would make this stuff up! Sending hugs ❤️

Thank you, it’s disheartening because that’s who I want to understand how I’m feeling the most, besides my husband.  I have cried several days in a row now, it’s just starting to really wear on me, and I’m trying so hard to live a somewhat normal life.  

[Schmeg82]

I am really struggling again, the last few days have been horrific.  I have the internal tremors and racy/mabic feeling throughout my body so often now, I just don’t feel comfortable, I never feel relaxed.  I’m trying so hard but this is defeating me.  I’ve cried 3 times already today, I’m mourning the life I once had.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I don’t know if I can go on like this.

[AAOffZ]

3 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I am really struggling again, the last few days have been horrific.  I have the internal tremors and racy/mabic feeling throughout my body so often now, I just don’t feel comfortable, I never feel relaxed.  I’m trying so hard but this is defeating me.  I’ve cried 3 times already today, I’m mourning the life I once had.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I don’t know if I can go on like this.

I’ve been in those shoes. In fact I’m in a really bad wave right now from microtapering too soon. You won’t feel this way forever. The bodily discomfort and restlessness for sure not. You’ll get breaks and it’ll eventually subside. Are evenings better? They were/are better for me now in this wave. 

[Schmeg82]

Just now, AAOffZ said:

I’ve been in those shoes. In fact I’m in a really bad wave right now from microtapering too soon. You won’t feel this way forever. The bodily discomfort and restlessness for sure not. You’ll get breaks and it’ll eventually subside. Are evenings better? They were/are better for me now in this wave. 

My evenings are worse, they always have been, last night was awful, I felt so racy and just buzzing all night, then into the morning, usually I get a little break but I’m not today, nor the last few days.  I take my pill at 8:30am everyday I don’t know why evenings are worse for me.  This suffering is so awful.  I’m trying to work and live a normal life but is so hard. 

[LostInCanada]

12 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

just don’t know what to do anymore

This is a temporary blip in the stream of time. It will get better. It will pass. Try to accept that this is no different than any other illness. It will get better. You have had some really good moments in the past year. They will return. Be kind to yourself and respect your limitations. ♥️🙏

[Schmeg82]

2 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

This is a temporary blip in the stream of time. It will get better. It will pass. Try to accept that this is no different than any other illness. It will get better. You have had some really good moments in the past year. They will return. Be kind to yourself and respect your limitations. ♥️🙏

I’m really trying SO hard, I’m just starting to get very depressed as well, I’m trying to do things to keep my moral up, going back to work was actually a the best thing I could have done because it’s a good distraction even on the bad days and I feel like I’m contributing again to the bills which makes me feel good.  It’s definitely been hard but staying at home and ruminating isn’t working for me.  I just really thought by now I’d have some more relief not actually get worse, my symptoms are getting more intense and more often some days.  This is month 10 now, I know I’ve put a lot of healing time behind me I have to keep reminding myself of that but this is so hard still.  I just know my taper is going to take years and I just can’t fathom feeling like this for years to come.  

[LostInCanada]

6 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

just know my taper is going to take years and I just can’t fathom feeling like this for years to come.  

Really try to push this from your mind. If we look to far ahead it just seems impossible. Many feel better in time with each cut. I am hoping that will be out reality. I try to concentrate on the fact I have less of this poison in my system. Took it for so many years so it will take some time to undo the damage. We will get there. Minute by minute some days. ♥️

[Schmeg82]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

Really try to push this from your mind. If we look to far ahead it just seems impossible. Many feel better in time with each cut. I am hoping that will be out reality. I try to concentrate on the fact I have less of this poison in my system. Took it for so many years so it will take some time to undo the damage. We will get there. Minute by minute some days. ♥️

I’m trying to be positive but when I feel so terrible it’s so hard, I know I’m not the only one but it’s just really hit me hard lately, if I could see some major improvements I’d be so much more optimistic.  I know I’ll get through it, just really down right now.  Thank you for being there for me again.

[direstraits]

49 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I am really struggling again, the last few days have been horrific.  I have the internal tremors and racy/mabic feeling throughout my body so often now, I just don’t feel comfortable, I never feel relaxed.  I’m trying so hard but this is defeating me.  I’ve cried 3 times already today, I’m mourning the life I once had.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I don’t know if I can go on like this.

You're not alone...I'm the same..it's hell