Schmeg82 Paxil withdrawal and taper after 21 years

[Schmeg82]

3 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Trust me I know. I haven't driven for 1 year and 10 months. I was raised not to rely on anyone. It really is faulty reasoning because I am more than happy to help someone else so why wouldn't I want others to experience that same joy in giving. I've had to reevaluate alot of things from going through this. It's quite the journey. 

I’m sorry about that for you.  I drive to work when I can and that’s it, it’s only 4 miles away and that seems like forever these days.  I haven’t driven lately since my vision got worse.  I hope you regain some independence also!  Yes, it’s definitely a journey of strength and resilience.

[Schmeg82]

I’m having Akathisia bad tonight, I’m laying in bed just inner vibrating, tremoring and having some mania, trying to find ways to relax and it’s so hard, I also don’t feel well, either allergies or I’m coming down with something I don’t know.  I feel like I keep getting worse and worse even after reinstating, (4 months now) I don’t know if this is normal or if I’m doing this right, this stinks so bad.  I’m trying my best to hang in there, this is so hard.  I want to try and make a reduction so bad to see if it will help but I’m so scared that that’s not the right thing to do.  @Sebas @LostInCanada 

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Schmeg82- it seems like your thoughts are spiralling.  This is not a great time to make any decisions about starting to taper.  Right now you need to calm your nervous system.  This is one of my go-to progressive relaxation meditations... give it a try.  If your mind wanders, just pull it back.  Over and over.  It's hard work when you're feeling this crappy, but the more you practice techniques like this, the more your brain learns that this is the way to respond to these feelings.  Give it a shot- I hope it helps for you! ❤️‍🩹

 

 

[Schmeg82]

10 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

Hi @Schmeg82- it seems like your thoughts are spiralling.  This is not a great time to make any decisions about starting to taper.  Right now you need to calm your nervous system.  This is one of my go-to progressive relaxation meditations... give it a try.  If your mind wanders, just pull it back.  Over and over.  It's hard work when you're feeling this crappy, but the more you practice techniques like this, the more your brain learns that this is the way to respond to these feelings.  Give it a shot- I hope it helps for you! ❤️‍🩹

 

 

Thank you, I will try it, it’s just so difficult right now because I have so many physical symptoms and the mental on top of it is driving me mad.  I’m definitely in a downward spiral right now and trying to cling on.  My head and neck are even tremoring it’s awful.  I appreciate you showing me this 💕

[Catwoman73]

All you can do is try.  And try again.  Over and over until your body responds favourably.  By doing this, you are teaching your nervous system how to cope with physical and emotional stress in a healthy way.  You are creating new pathways in your brain by practicing going to a meditative state when things are rough.  It takes time and practice, but I believe in you!  You can do it! 

[Schmeg82]

21 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

All you can do is try.  And try again.  Over and over until your body responds favourably.  By doing this, you are teaching your nervous system how to cope with physical and emotional stress in a healthy way.  You are creating new pathways in your brain by practicing going to a meditative state when things are rough.  It takes time and practice, but I believe in you!  You can do it! 

I just did that video and it helped tremendously in fact I was just about drooling asleep in the end, thank you so much for your help.  This has been so incredibly hard.  (As you know)

[Catwoman73]

18 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I just did that video and it helped tremendously in fact I was just about drooling asleep in the end, thank you so much for your help.  This has been so incredibly hard.  (As you know)

I'm so glad it helped!  It goes to show that, no matter how crappy you feel, it pays to try SOMETHING, because you just never know!  Get some rest... that's my plan.  Once the fireworks stop lol... It's Canada Day tomorrow, so things are pretty noisy around here!

[LostInCanada]

@Schmeg82 have you kept the same manufacturer for your pill? 

[Schmeg82]

11 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

I'm so glad it helped!  It goes to show that, no matter how crappy you feel, it pays to try SOMETHING, because you just never know!  Get some rest... that's my plan.  Once the fireworks stop lol... It's Canada Day tomorrow, so things are pretty noisy around here!

We have our Independence Day later this week, not looking forward to it.  And thanks again, it did help, will try it again later when I need it!

[Schmeg82]

11 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

@Schmeg82 have you kept the same manufacturer for your pill? 

Yes, same one for a long time that I know of.

[Catwoman73]

54 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

We have our Independence Day later this week, not looking forward to it.  And thanks again, it did help, will try it again later when I need it!

You're welcome!  And do keep at the guided meditation stuff- your brain will learn to go to that peaceful place much more quickly and easily over time if you are consistent with it.  Wishing you a wonderful Monday! ❤️

[Schmeg82]

I’m having another very rough morning.  My symptoms are back full throttle and some.  I have a strange pressure/feeling in my neck still that crawls up into my head, I’ve been extra nauseous and dizzy.  My anxiety has been super high, no ability to focus, zoning out and very overwhelmed easy.  It’s like I’ve hit rock bottom again, all I’ve done the last few days is sit on the couch, and in bed.  I woke up and just cried I don’t know when this will end or how much longer I can do this. 
 

i take my pill at 8:30 am and most of my tremoring and anxiety starts later afternoon and evening again.  Last night I was so uncomfortable until I finally fell asleep.  The physical symptoms are wearing on me because I can’t get out and do anything to distract myself. 

[LostInCanada]

Hopefully it is a wave and will soon pass. It is so hard being at the mercy of this drug and what it does to our bodies. ♥️🙏

[Catwoman73]

6 hours ago, Schmeg82 said:

It’s like I’ve hit rock bottom again

 

But you probably haven't... and it's important to acknowledge that.  It is likely just a wave, meaning another window will be around the corner.  

 

6 hours ago, Schmeg82 said:

I woke up and just cried I don’t know when this will end or how much longer I can do this. 

 

The things we tell ourselves matter.  They really, really do!  If you are telling yourself you can't do this, you are reinforcing a negative thought pattern... and one that isn't even true!  You are strong, and you can do this.... tell yourself that over and over and over until your brain and body start to actually believe it!  Forcing yourself to challenge those negative thoughts, and replace them with more productive ones will create new pathways in your brain.  And if you consciously turn those thoughts around enough times- the more positive pathways in the brain are the ones that get strengthened, and the negative ones die off.  

 

I know how hard this is, and I'm not saying this stuff to dismiss how you are feeling AT ALL.  And no, it's not easy- it's hard work to change your thoughts!!!  This withdrawal stuff is damned HARD, and demoralizing, and frustrating, and a lot of adjectives I probably can't say here.   You WILL heal, whether you feel like you will or not, and whether you put the effort into changing your thought patterns or not.  But I can say, from experience, that doing the work of changing the negative thought patterns makes the process so much more bearable!!!

 

Thinking of you, my dear... we're with you all the way!

[Schmeg82]

1 hour ago, Catwoman73 said:

 

But you probably haven't... and it's important to acknowledge that.  It is likely just a wave, meaning another window will be around the corner.  

 

 

The things we tell ourselves matter.  They really, really do!  If you are telling yourself you can't do this, you are reinforcing a negative thought pattern... and one that isn't even true!  You are strong, and you can do this.... tell yourself that over and over and over until your brain and body start to actually believe it!  Forcing yourself to challenge those negative thoughts, and replace them with more productive ones will create new pathways in your brain.  And if you consciously turn those thoughts around enough times- the more positive pathways in the brain are the ones that get strengthened, and the negative ones die off.  

 

I know how hard this is, and I'm not saying this stuff to dismiss how you are feeling AT ALL.  And no, it's not easy- it's hard work to change your thoughts!!!  This withdrawal stuff is damned HARD, and demoralizing, and frustrating, and a lot of adjectives I probably can't say here.   You WILL heal, whether you feel like you will or not, and whether you put the effort into changing your thought patterns or not.  But I can say, from experience, that doing the work of changing the negative thought patterns makes the process so much more bearable!!!

 

Thinking of you, my dear... we're with you all the way!

Thank you again for your kind and encouraging words, this is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.  I feel like I’m in survival mode every day lately.  I not only have the physical symptoms again but the mental as well so I’m pretty miserable.  I did talk to a withdrawal coach/counselor this morning and it helped a lot.  She gave me a lot of tools and things I can work on to feel better mentally.  I’m doing a group session with Angie peacock tonight as well, I’m trying to utilize all these great resources we have.  I know I’ll get through this, thank you again! I appreciate you all so much for helping me get through this.

[Schmeg82]

My energy levels have plummeted.  I’m so fatigued it’s not even funny, I’ve had strange neck pain and I just feel very unwell lately, not sure if I’m fighting something or if this is part of withdrawal.  I’m trying to find natural ways to get some energy.  I’m very low on B12 and iron, I can’t stomach the iron pill right now and I was told on these forums not to take B12, so I’m not sure what to do as far as this fatigue.  
 

yesterday I spent most of the day in my in-laws pool which felt great.  It was good to be social and hang with family.  Other than feeling very lethargic and shaky I did very well.  No over stimulation, no crazy adrenaline rushes or anxiety attacks, just a nice relaxing day.  I wore sunglasses the whole day so my eyes never got super strained.  We even set off fireworks and the loud noises didn’t bother me.  I did feel very drained by the end of the day and had to lay down a bit.  But I’m so glad I went and got out of my house and bed.  
 

 

[LostInCanada]

There are many ways to naturally get B12. Can you increase some of these types of foods? Also getting folic acid is important and available through foods. I have read iron and paroxetine are contraindicated but can't seem to find the link. Are you able to eat red meat preferably daily. Also I have taken a good children's multi vitamin with minerals when feeling depleted. The dosages are small and therefore gentle.

[Schmeg82]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

There are many ways to naturally get B12. Can you increase some of these types of foods? Also getting folic acid is important and available through foods. I have read iron and paroxetine are contraindicated but can't seem to find the link. Are you able to eat red meat preferably daily. Also I have taken a good children's multi vitamin with minerals when feeling depleted. The dosages are small and therefore gentle.

I eat eggs almost daily at least 2-3 eggs, I try and eat spinach as well.  I’m not a big red meat person I like poultry better but I can try and eat more steak.  I’m just worried I’m not absorbing proper nutrients because my gut is so messed up right now too.  I will try children’s multivitamin.  Vitamin D doesn’t seem to bother me either.  

[Catwoman73]

1 hour ago, Schmeg82 said:

My energy levels have plummeted.  I’m so fatigued it’s not even funny, I’ve had strange neck pain and I just feel very unwell lately, not sure if I’m fighting something or if this is part of withdrawal.  I’m trying to find natural ways to get some energy.  I’m very low on B12 and iron, I can’t stomach the iron pill right now and I was told on these forums not to take B12, so I’m not sure what to do as far as this fatigue.  
 

 

I take B12, because I'm vegan, so I absolutely have to.  It has no effect on me, and I'm on a pretty high dose.  We're all different!  Read up on natural ways to boost your B12 (and iron, for that matter), and if you do need to supplement, start VERY low to see how it affects you.  It's all about baby steps around here. 

 

1 hour ago, Schmeg82 said:

yesterday I spent most of the day in my in-laws pool which felt great.  It was good to be social and hang with family.  Other than feeling very lethargic and shaky I did very well.  No over stimulation, no crazy adrenaline rushes or anxiety attacks, just a nice relaxing day.  I wore sunglasses the whole day so my eyes never got super strained.  We even set off fireworks and the loud noises didn’t bother me.  I did feel very drained by the end of the day and had to lay down a bit.  But I’m so glad I went and got out of my house and bed.  
 

 

I love, love, LOVE being in water.  It takes away all my aches and pains, and brings about a sense of peace that is most definitely lacking a lot of the time. Do more swimming girl!  It seems like it's a good coping method for you as well.

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, Schmeg82 said:

my gut is so messed up right now too

Serotonin is mostly made in the gut. Are you able to take a probiotic or eat prebiotics or postbiotics? Might be worth trying to introduce.

[Schmeg82]

3 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

Serotonin is mostly made in the gut. Are you able to take a probiotic or eat prebiotics or postbiotics? Might be worth trying to introduce.

Definitely need to get some yogurt.  The last couple days my stomach has been a little better.  I can usually stomach yogurt fine.

[LostInCanada]

3 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

Definitely need to get some yogurt

Make sure it's a good one...bio-k is one my mom has used for years. I take a refrigerated capsule.

[Schmeg82]

1 hour ago, LostInCanada said:

Make sure it's a good one...bio-k is one my mom has used for years. I take a refrigerated capsule.

I like the Keifer and the activia, I like Greek yogurt a lot 

[Schmeg82]

Well I’m still SO fatigued and weak.  To the point where my legs are shaky and I’m wobbly sometimes.  Yesterday I felt sick watching my phone or TV again which is discouraging because when i can’t do much physically now I can’t even watch tv comfortably.  I decided to get out of bed and go back to my in-laws 25 mins away for dinner, I didn’t feel well but I thought maybe by getting out that would help.  I wasn’t to bad at my inlaw, I felt sick/dizzy a couple times but I was able to socialize and eat fine.  It wasn’t until 8:30pm I felt really sick feeding the horses last night.  
 

I woke up around 2am with the most horrible abdominal cramps ever (felt like pms cramping) it was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my abdomen and it lasted for 10-15 mins before I could comfortably fall back asleep.  I dreamt very vividly last night and I sleep until 11am which is crazy for me!  I’m up by 8am every morning.  Even at 11am I could have slept more but I knew I needed to eat something.  I still feel weak and lethargic today, sick and tight feeling in my chest that always seems to get worse as the day goes.  
 

I’m praying so hard for some relief, the physical symptoms have been awful lately, I feel like I have  a terminal disease or something and I keep getting worse.  7 months into withdrawals.

[LostInCanada]

How are your bowels? Are you getting enough calories and electrolytes?

[AAOffZ]

@Schmeg82 just popping in to show some support and know you’re not alone. I’m waiting to stabilize also. 3 months in from a too fast taper and lots of bouncing around on doses. 
 

I made a list in my phone of what symptoms have gotten better and I read it often. I also have a bunch of screen shots of encouraging notes from @Ariel and @Erimus that help me so much during those tough waves. 
 

The up and down is maddening, I hear you. Many of us are in the same boat having things improve only for them to come barreling back again a week later. 
 

I’m here to talk if you need me. Send me a pm, if you feel so inclined 🩷

[Schmeg82]

1 hour ago, LostInCanada said:

How are your bowels? Are you getting enough calories and electrolytes?

Bowels are actually a bit better the last few days no diarrhea (sorry if tmi) no running to the bathroom immediately after I eat either.  I’m eating as much as I can right now, still not super hungry.  

[Schmeg82]

4 minutes ago, AAOffZ said:

@Schmeg82 just popping in to show some support and know you’re not alone. I’m waiting to stabilize also. 3 months in from a too fast taper and lots of bouncing around on doses. 
 

I made a list in my phone of what symptoms have gotten better and I read it often. I also have a bunch of screen shots of encouraging notes from @Ariel and @Erimus that help me so much during those tough waves. 
 

The up and down is maddening, I hear you. Many of us are in the same boat having things improve only for them to come barreling back again a week later. 
 

I’m here to talk if you need me. Send me a pm, if you feel so inclined 🩷

Thank you, that means a lot, I was doing so well for a couple months then from June until now I’ve been down with so many symptoms again.  Some far worse than others.  I wish I could stabilize some that would be great.  I will message you! Thanks for checking in.

[Schmeg82]

Another day of relentless fatigue, lethargy, exhaustion, shaking I’m so tired.  I even slept until 10:20am, it’s crazy what this does to your body.  I struggled to dust, sweep and mop my house today, everything felt so heavy and like a struggle but it needed to get done.  My menstrual cycle is starting this week so not sure if that’s related to this lethargy but it’s awful.  
 

In other news my stomach is still better, I can eat without immediately running to the bathroom.  

 

yesterday I had more energy, I went to the barn and did some grounding in the pasture, did some light barn chores and took the dogs for a walk.  I notice if I wear my non prescription polarized sunglasses my eyes don’t get so strained as easily which makes me not feel sick as fast.  
 

I’m laying down again, as I wore myself out doing house chores.  I hate this.  

[Schmeg82]

7/7/24

 

slept very well again last night, didn’t sleep until 10-11 like I have been, up at my usual 8am.  No morning anxiety or shakes and I’m not as weak as I’ve been the last few days, less tremors too.  Still have an odd pain/pressure sensation in my neck and when I get up it goes away or comes up into my head like a dizziness sort of sensation.  Comes and goes throughout the day.  
 

made eggs and avocados for breakfast, had collard greens for lunch.  My stomach is SO much better thankfully.  Had pork chops & baked beans last night.  Water all day long.  
 

i had to give my horse a medicated bath yesterday evening, it was hot, I wasn’t feeling my best but she needed it as she has heat hives and develops a painful skin issue from it, so I have to stay on top of it to help her feel better.  I did well until about 8pm realized I hadn’t eaten in hours and felt very sick and run down.

 

vision is still very bad; super bad light sensitivity and everything is flashing/shaking/moving.  Patterns are the worst, but when I wear my sunglasses and can’t see it all as well I feel better.

 

this too shall pass.

[LostInCanada]

24 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I did well until about 8pm realized I hadn’t eaten in hours and felt very sick and run down.

Good to figure this out. Make sure you keep your blood sugars level. Smaller regular meals. Also protein always makes me feel better. Can you do hummus on raw veggies as a snack, apple slices with peanut butter or a handful of nuts? 

 

27 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

this too shall pass.

Absolutely ♥️

[Schmeg82]

6 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

Good to figure this out. Make sure you keep your blood sugars level. Smaller regular meals. Also protein always makes me feel better. Can you do hummus on raw veggies as a snack, apple slices with peanut butter or a handful of nuts? 

 

Absolutely ♥️

I can, I’ll have to make a list for my husband since he’s the grocery getter now!  I definitely let myself go way too long yesterday!  

[Catwoman73]

21 hours ago, Schmeg82 said:

 I did well until about 8pm realized I hadn’t eaten in hours and felt very sick and run down.

 

vision is still very bad; super bad light sensitivity and everything is flashing/shaking/moving.  Patterns are the worst, but when I wear my sunglasses and can’t see it all as well I feel better.

 

this too shall pass.

Great attitude!  You're right- this too shall pass! ❤️

 

I struggle with blood sugar issues as well, and a crash can make every other symptom so much worse.  My brain fog often has me forgetting to eat, so on bad days, I set a timer to remind myself.

 

I had my first episode of double vision the other day- such an odd experience.  I feel for you, dealing with visual problems all the time- it's very disorienting.  Good that you've found some relief with the sunglasses though!  😎  You can be that mysterious person who wears shades all the time... or become a competitive poker player! 🤣

[Schmeg82]

22 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

Great attitude!  You're right- this too shall pass! ❤️

 

I struggle with blood sugar issues as well, and a crash can make every other symptom so much worse.  My brain fog often has me forgetting to eat, so on bad days, I set a timer to remind myself.

 

I had my first episode of double vision the other day- such an odd experience.  I feel for you, dealing with visual problems all the time- it's very disorienting.  Good that you've found some relief with the sunglasses though!  😎  You can be that mysterious person who wears shades all the time... or become a competitive poker player! 🤣

I literally have to eat every 2-3 hours sometimes or I crash bad it’s crazy.  I even ordered a blood sugar monitor from Amazon last night lol.  
 

I thought about that with my sunglasses, being the creepy person wearing them inside stores and such 😂 I have a new appreciation for those people now.  Unfortunately I need prescription ones because I can’t see much.  Which for me is fine right now. 
 

I’m still having bad neck pain, went back to sleep this am from 8:30-10 and had a horrible nightmare again.  
 

my days feel like they’re all running together, I’ve had no relief in symptoms lately, if anything I’ve been worse this is so discouraging.  I really want to start tapering so I can just get off these meds and be done with it but I don’t want to make myself even worse then I already am.  This is pure torture.

[LostInCanada]

6 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I really want to start tapering so I can just get off these meds and be done with it

Just get a plan and equipment ready so you will prepared. 

It's so hard to be patient. 

[Schmeg82]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

Just get a plan and equipment ready so you will prepared. 

It's so hard to be patient. 

I have one sort of, I’m working with someone to help me, they want me to wait a bit before tapering.