Schmeg82 Paxil withdrawal and taper after 21 years

[Schmeg82]

Just now, LostInCanada said:

Lolol...so many things annoy me now....I love silence...so weird 

Same! (Sort of) Weird, in the beginning of withdrawal I didn’t want to be alone at all I was so scared all the time, now I just want solitude and no annoyances. 

[LostInCanada]

I have to embrace that I am just a mess. 😂😜😂

[ShantyO7]

3 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

I have to embrace that I am just a mess. 😂😜😂

"I'm a mess, but I'm a beautiful mess. I'm his masterpiece and that is enough." This is one of my favorite quotes from the movie Mom's Night Out. 💜

[Schmeg82]

1 hour ago, LostInCanada said:

I have to embrace that I am just a mess. 😂😜😂

I was a hot mess before withdrawal, I’m even worse now 😂

[Schmeg82]

So evening update:  severe mania tonight, it seems like clockwork 4/5pm rolls around and I’m a hot mess.  I’m over stimulated, feeling manic, can’t concentrate.  I had to go to my barn and just walk my 10 acres, I still felt strange but it definitely helped to get in nature and walk.  I tried talking to someone there and I just couldn’t focus on him it was awful.  The positive thing was my legs weren’t as wobbly as they were this morning.  I don’t know what’s going on but this wave is hitting me so hard and I’m mentally fried.  I’m loosing my wits end.  

[LostInCanada]

14 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

this wave is hitting me so hard and I’m mentally fried.

I unfortunately can relate. It will get better. This wave will end. This isn’t you but the drug and it is temporary. Sending hugs.❤️

[Schmeg82]

Just now, LostInCanada said:

I unfortunately can relate. It will get better. This wave will end. This isn’t you but the drug and it is temporary. Sending hugs.❤️

I keep telling myself it will end as well and better days will come but it’s so scary when it happens and it’s like clockwork lately.  I feel I’m going mad but can’t tell anyone because I don’t want to get locked up & polydrugged. I will pray our waves pass sooner than later.  

[LostInCanada]

1 minute ago, Schmeg82 said:

when it happens and it’s like clockwork lately

Hopefully that is your body working toward stabilizing. Sounds like it. 

 

2 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

don’t want to get locked up & polydrugged

I absolutely understand. You have us here. 

 

3 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I will pray our waves pass sooner than later.

Me too.  Minute by minute. This too will pass. ❤️

[ShantyO7]

6 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

I feel I’m going mad but can’t tell anyone because I don’t want to get locked up & polydrugged.

Same

[Schmeg82]

So I have stayed off of Facebook and S.A. a couple days because I needed to for my mental health, I’ve been having a realllllllly hard time this past wave, yesterday and the day before were absolutely awful.  24-7 symptoms and today I FINALLY had a decent day.  I’m not sure I would call it a window but for the first time in a while that 4-9pm Akathisia (or whatever it is) didn’t hit, I felt like it started to or I anticipated it to but it didn’t fully engulf me like it has been every evening.  So from late morning to now 8pm I’ve been feeling rather decent (aside from a few dizzy spells and my eyes still flashing) No over stimulation, more relaxed, not super lethargic.  I don’t want to celebrate and jinx myself but today was a good day, I can only pray for more.   

the only different thing I did different today was drink my electrolytes that go in my water and have a good amount of magnesium in them.  I’m going to continue these every day.  
 

oh and my mom and husband are conspiring against me, they think I’m terminally ill 😑 I just sent them more withdrawal YouTube videos.  I’m done trying.

[Catwoman73]

I'm so glad to hear you found yourself a window (that's definitely what it is)!  But dear god... I would totally want to murder your husband and mother lol!  That is soooo not helpful!  I think being 'done' is a very good way to be.  Being angry, frustrated, etc isn't going to do anything for you right now.  Keep sending them those videos, with a message saying that until they can accept that this is what you are going through, they would be well advised to keep their opinions to themselves!  Tell them that sharing their unfounded opinions only serves to cause you more stress right now, and you are in no position to handle that stress.  If they care at all, they'll get on board, or back off!!!

 

Take it easy this evening- I have a tendency to push myself too hard on the good days, and I am starting to think that is the reason why I don't have more good days!  I sincerely hope this stretches into a nice, LONG window for you! ❤️

[Schmeg82]

1 minute ago, Catwoman73 said:

I'm so glad to hear you found yourself a window (that's definitely what it is)!  But dear god... I would totally want to murder your husband and mother lol!  That is soooo not helpful!  I think being 'done' is a very good way to be.  Being angry, frustrated, etc isn't going to do anything for you right now.  Keep sending them those videos, with a message saying that until they can accept that this is what you are going through, they would be well advised to keep their opinions to themselves!  Tell them that sharing their unfounded opinions only serves to cause you more stress right now, and you are in no position to handle that stress.  If they care at all, they'll get on board, or back off!!!

 

Take it easy this evening- I have a tendency to push myself too hard on the good days, and I am starting to think that is the reason why I don't have more good days!  I sincerely hope this stretches into a nice, LONG window for you! ❤️

Thank you! 💕 I love them dearly but my mom is a retired infectious disease nurse on a lot of antidepressants and medications, she’s always pushed for meds, when I had panic attacks in high school that was the first thing they did, Prozac, cylert, kava kava, the list goes on, then this stupid Paxil.  She wants me to see her doctor (so she can be in control I’m sure) and I refuse.  I tell her I have an online doctor whom I speak to on the phone, which isn’t that far from the truth (my withdrawal coaches).  I understand they care for me but yes that makes me feel worse.

 

i should go get more bloodwork to check my vitamin levels because i have so many deficiencies and feel worse lately but im so tired of going.  I had a $125,000 hospital bill because of this withdrawal mess, trying to figure out what was wrong and not one doctor suggested it could be from my to fast taper.  Thankfully we only had to pay 19k of it but that’s still a ton of money.  I just want a break from doctors gaslighting me right now.  I’m trying to be patient and heal.

[Catwoman73]

Haha- as a former respiratory therapist, I used to be just like your mom!!!  A medication for everything!!!  I have only had an epiphany about pharmaceutical companies in the last couple of years. 

 

In my opinion, these drugs should never be used on developing brains- like yours in high school!  I know your mom was making the best decision she could at the time with the information she had, but we know so much more now.  It does make me wonder, in your case, if early exposure might not be making it harder for you to come off these medications now.  We don't really understand how exactly they affect developing brains.  

 

I wouldn't worry much about bloodwork to check vitamin levels right now.  Seriously.  Just eat a balanced diet, with an emphasis on what you know you are deficient in, spend time in sunshine.  Take care of yourself in the ways that you know help... there's time for rechecking those vitamin levels down the road. 

 

I forgot to ask- and forgive me if you've answered this, but you have had an eye exam, right.  Your visual symptoms remind me so much of people with detached retinas, so I thought I would just make sure!  You're a smart cookie- I'm sure you've already been down that road!  And yes, continue to be patient, and avoid being gaslit.  That's very stressful. 

 

Wow- $125000... that's insane.  Even the $19k you had to pay sounds nuts to me.  I am very grateful to be Canadian right now lol.  Our system isn't perfect, but at least I don't have to worry about that!

[Schmeg82]

1 minute ago, Catwoman73 said:

Haha- as a former respiratory therapist, I used to be just like your mom!!!  A medication for everything!!!  I have only had an epiphany about pharmaceutical companies in the last couple of years. 

 

In my opinion, these drugs should never be used on developing brains- like yours in high school!  I know your mom was making the best decision she could at the time with the information she had, but we know so much more now.  It does make me wonder, in your case, if early exposure might not be making it harder for you to come off these medications now.  We don't really understand how exactly they affect developing brains.  

 

I wouldn't worry much about bloodwork to check vitamin levels right now.  Seriously.  Just eat a balanced diet, with an emphasis on what you know you are deficient in, spend time in sunshine.  Take care of yourself in the ways that you know help... there's time for rechecking those vitamin levels down the road. 

 

I forgot to ask- and forgive me if you've answered this, but you have had an eye exam, right.  Your visual symptoms remind me so much of people with detached retinas, so I thought I would just make sure!  You're a smart cookie- I'm sure you've already been down that road!  And yes, continue to be patient, and avoid being gaslit.  That's very stressful. 

 

Wow- $125000... that's insane.  Even the $19k you had to pay sounds nuts to me.  I am very grateful to be Canadian right now lol.  Our system isn't perfect, but at least I don't have to worry about that!

Thank fully in high school I wasn’t on the Prozac long at all, I don’t think I reacted well to it and the pulled me off.  But still, I agree with the developing brains.

 

i have been to 3 different eye doctors in the beginning and one again within the last 3 months.  The only change I’ve had was optic nerve swelling, but they concluded it was just drusen and does not affect my vision at all, the eye doctor said this is definitely a processing (brain) issue not an eye issue.  

[Sebas]

6 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

wouldn't worry much about bloodwork to check vitamin levels right now.  Seriously.  Just eat a balanced diet, with an emphasis on what you know you are deficient in, spend time in sunshine.  Take care of yourself in the ways that you know help... there's time for rechecking those vitamin levels down the road. 

My thoughts exactly ⬆️

[Schmeg82]

So I had another good window yesterday evening where I felt 75% better then I have been in the evenings.  I ended up walking all 3 dogs just down the street and back, and I decided to try my exercise bike for the first time, I did 10 minutes on it and did some of the arm band thingys on it, you pull on them like doing curls and stuff.  I had a lot of good energy last night.

 

this morning I had no morning anxiety, not drenched in sweat and much more energy, not shaky for once.  I cleaned the barn before 8am (thankfully because it’s still 500 degrees out here) and didn’t get to dizzy to fatigued at all so I’m taking this as a big win!  I hope more good days come my way!  (And the rest of today as well)

[Catwoman73]

So glad to hear, Schemg!!!  Now just be super careful not to overdo it!  Try to enjoy some quiet time just listening to nature today, and just appreciate the fact that you're feeling good.  Too much activity can lead to a nasty crash.  Sadly, I know this from VAST experience lol... 

[Schmeg82]

46 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

So glad to hear, Schemg!!!  Now just be super careful not to overdo it!  Try to enjoy some quiet time just listening to nature today, and just appreciate the fact that you're feeling good.  Too much activity can lead to a nasty crash.  Sadly, I know this from VAST experience lol... 

I’m still trying to be careful, I did have to clean my whole barn this morning but it was much easier than usual!  And now it’s all done so I don’t have to do anything in the evening when it’s hotter.  I’m going to rest a lot today, I’m finishing up the final season of game of thrones lol I’ve been binge watching it.  Im actually sitting in my yard now watching dogs chase squirrels and lizards! (Until it gets to hot)

[Catwoman73]

Just now, Schmeg82 said:

I’m still trying to be careful, I did have to clean my whole barn this morning but it was much easier than usual!  And now it’s all done so I don’t have to do anything in the evening when it’s hotter.  I’m going to rest a lot today, I’m finishing up the final season of game of thrones lol I’ve been binge watching it.  Im actually sitting in my yard now watching dogs chase squirrels and lizards! (Until it gets to hot)

 

That sounds like an absolutely perfect day.  Except for game of thrones lol... I've just not been able to get into it!  Maybe I need to give it another go.

[Schmeg82]

36 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

 

That sounds like an absolutely perfect day.  Except for game of thrones lol... I've just not been able to get into it!  Maybe I need to give it another go.

So I like the mid evil times type of stuff, I read a lot of books that are similar like: A court of thorns and roses series and Throne of glass series and Fourth Wing, but OMG the detailed killing in Game Of thrones is a little much sometimes.  However, now I’m sucked into the plot and characters and want to finish it.  I’ll be devestated at the end trying to find a new series to binge watch.  (It’s like trying to pick what you want for dinner with your husband) 😂 

[Catwoman73]

43 minutes ago, Schmeg82 said:

So I like the mid evil times type of stuff, I read a lot of books that are similar like: A court of thorns and roses series and Throne of glass series and Fourth Wing, but OMG the detailed killing in Game Of thrones is a little much sometimes.  However, now I’m sucked into the plot and characters and want to finish it.  I’ll be devestated at the end trying to find a new series to binge watch.  (It’s like trying to pick what you want for dinner with your husband) 😂 

 

I watched The Walking Dead right to the bitter end lol... even though it really started to suck... violent killing is right up my alley!  I'm a massive horror movie fan too.  It sounds like I will have to give Game of Thrones another shot!

[Schmeg82]

9 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

 

I watched The Walking Dead right to the bitter end lol... even though it really started to suck... violent killing is right up my alley!  I'm a massive horror movie fan too.  It sounds like I will have to give Game of Thrones another shot!

Oh yes!!! It starts out a bit slow but it gets SO much better!!!!! Definitely give it another go!  

[Schmeg82]

Weekend update:  Sunday July 28th

 

the last few days haven’t been nearly as bad as last week or the weeks before but I’ve had some symptoms pop up still that stressed me.  I’ve been much better in the evenings still, last night was a little rough, my body didn’t like the pulled pork I ate apparently, I had some chest and throat tightness when I laid down.  I was a little dizzy and my eyes were flashing bad at the barn last night feeding horses, but I managed still.  I’ve been walking the dogs more in the evening and riding my exercise bike in the mornings.  Today I felt sick after eating a ham sandwich which I’m usually fine with, I pushed on and cleaned my house, cooked some squash and zucchini for later also.  I’ve been sitting outside a lot in the sun.  I took a 2 hour nap Friday and today lol.  Over all feeling slightly better, just wish the vision issues would subside, they are relentless.  

[LostInCanada]

@Schmeg82 ham and bacon have sodium nitrates which case some people to react. I remember previously you had issues with pork chops. That might be a meat you should avoid and see if that helps at all. 

Glad overall you are feeling better. 👍

[Willy]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s absolutely horrific. I am also having severe Paxil wd symptoms from what I believe was a poop out. Over the years the psych would just increase dose to cover it up. I’m starting to taper tomorrow morning from 40mg. I’m terrified to begin tapering because I’m already very sick but I have no choice at this point. Best wishes and praying for our recovery.

—from a fellow Floridian 

 

 

[Schmeg82]

Just now, Willy said:

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s absolutely horrific. I am also having severe Paxil wd symptoms from what I believe was a poop out. Over the years the psych would just increase dose to cover it up. I’m starting to taper tomorrow morning from 40mg. I’m terrified to begin tapering because I’m already very sick but I have no choice at this point. Best wishes and praying for our recovery.

—from a fellow Floridian 

 

 

I’m also in poop out, but poop out symptoms were nothing compared to this lol, I’m glad I’m at least down to 10 mg now. I’m anxious to start tapering the rest soon. As long as you go slow, you should be fine, may I ask what your symptoms are from poop out? 

[Schmeg82]

2 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

@Schmeg82 ham and bacon have sodium nitrates which case some people to react. I remember previously you had issues with pork chops. That might be a meat you should avoid and see if that helps at all. 

Glad overall you are feeling better. 👍

I seem to be okay with unseasoned pork shops, I believe the sweet bbq sauce on the pulled pork is what did it for me.  (It was already mixed in) I have so much pork at home to cook still, my husband loves pork but I just made a ton of grilled chicken for the week.  I had grilled chicken, squash & zucchini tonight and feel great now.  

[Willy]

1 minute ago, Schmeg82 said:

I’m also in poop out, but poop out symptoms were nothing compared to this lol, I’m glad I’m at least down to 10 mg now. I’m anxious to start tapering the rest soon. As long as you go slow, you should be fine, may I ask what your symptoms are from poop out? 

Severe depression, nausea, fast hr, heat intolerance, fear, panic, adrenaline surges, severe tinnitus, hyperacusis, along with many more. It has completely crippled me. I can barely function around the house.

[Schmeg82]

32 minutes ago, Willy said:

Severe depression, nausea, fast hr, heat intolerance, fear, panic, adrenaline surges, severe tinnitus, hyperacusis, along with many more. It has completely crippled me. I can barely function around the house.

Did you develope worse symptoms going up on your doses?  My poop out symptoms were just bad bad headaches, heart palpitations, gi issues, and weird pressure in my ears and face, most of those subsided when I went down but some came back in withdrawal, not the headaches thankfully, but my vision problems are the wort and started when I got to 5mg, now I wish I had stayed there instead of gone up to 10.  I have tinnitus also, it was constant in the beginning of withdrawal now it comes and goes thankfully.  That doesn’t bother me though.  I think you’ll definitely find relief going down like I did.  I had HR issues in the beginning also, that subsided first.  My BP actually runs low now.  HR is back to normal and I can exercise more now.  Not super intense but better.  Doctors just don’t know anything it’s crazy.  What part of FL are you in?

[Catwoman73]

@Schmeg82- stick with whole foods.  If I've learned anything from my journey with long covid (in which the symptoms are exactly like withdrawal!), it's that processed stuff, like BBQ sauce and lunch meats cause massive amounts of inflammation, especially in our sensitive bodies.  I started a whole foods plant based diet 19 months ago, and it has literally been the only thing that has made any difference in my symptoms.  I'm not saying you have to go vegan lol, but stick with the more natural foods.  When I made the switch, it took about 3 weeks to feel the full effects, but once I did, I swore I'd never go back.  

[Schmeg82]

1 minute ago, Catwoman73 said:

@Schmeg82- stick with whole foods.  If I've learned anything from my journey with long covid (in which the symptoms are exactly like withdrawal!), it's that processed stuff, like BBQ sauce and lunch meats cause massive amounts of inflammation, especially in our sensitive bodies.  I started a whole foods plant based diet 19 months ago, and it has literally been the only thing that has made any difference in my symptoms.  I'm not saying you have to go vegan lol, but stick with the more natural foods.  When I made the switch, it took about 3 weeks to feel the full effects, but once I did, I swore I'd never go back.  

That’s normally what I cook and eat but the husband and step son are out of town and didn’t leave myself with much for this weekend but the pulled pork and sandwich meat 😂 

 
I just made chicken for the week so I just need to get some sides delivered or have someone go to the grocery store for me.  
 

I’ve been heavily addicted to snacking on carrots lately too, (and sharing with the horses)

[Catwoman73]

1 minute ago, Schmeg82 said:

I’ve been heavily addicted to snacking on carrots lately too, (and sharing with the horses)

 

I love that lol!  I share my food with my dog.  She's a hound- they eat EVERYTHING!!!

[Schmeg82]

23 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

 

I love that lol!  I share my food with my dog.  She's a hound- they eat EVERYTHING!!!

I have 3 French bulldogs who also eat everything but they’re gassy so I don’t give them table scraps all the time 😂 

[Sebas]

8 hours ago, Willy said:

Severe depression, nausea, fast hr, heat intolerance, fear, panic, adrenaline surges, severe tinnitus, hyperacusis, along with many more. It has completely crippled me. I can barely function around the house.

 

Both of you are not only in poop out but also dealing with CNS destabilisation from drug interactions and/or too fast taper.

 

@Willy once our body gets in tolerance from a certain drug, is is destabilised (confused) and it will be more receptive for interactions from other drugs/sources. Thats what you are dealing with. If you find a 10% drop too hard, you can always adjust to 5%. All of us have to evaluate and adjust.

 

Bye Sebas

[Willy]

13 hours ago, Schmeg82 said:

Did you develope worse symptoms going up on your doses?  My poop out symptoms were just bad bad headaches, heart palpitations, gi issues, and weird pressure in my ears and face, most of those subsided when I went down but some came back in withdrawal, not the headaches thankfully, but my vision problems are the wort and started when I got to 5mg, now I wish I had stayed there instead of gone up to 10.  I have tinnitus also, it was constant in the beginning of withdrawal now it comes and goes thankfully.  That doesn’t bother me though.  I think you’ll definitely find relief going down like I did.  I had HR issues in the beginning also, that subsided first.  My BP actually runs low now.  HR is back to normal and I can exercise more now.  Not super intense but better.  Doctors just don’t know anything it’s crazy.  What part of FL are you in?

Yes my symptoms seem to increase with each dose. My doc just continued raising the dose until now because each dose is causing the symptoms. I was originally polydrugged after a severe CT benzo withdrawal. At the time I had no clue it was a wd so the docs convinced me I needed meds. Big mistake. I’ve been getter sicker each year on the drugs. It’s hard to believe this is my life now. I’m from Vero Beach

[Schmeg82]

26 minutes ago, Willy said:

Yes my symptoms seem to increase with each dose. My doc just continued raising the dose until now because each dose is causing the symptoms. I was originally polydrugged after a severe CT benzo withdrawal. At the time I had no clue it was a wd so the docs convinced me I needed meds. Big mistake. I’ve been getter sicker each year on the drugs. It’s hard to believe this is my life now. I’m from Vero Beach

I’m so sorry they did that to you! I hope with the help of this page you can get off the Paxil safely!  I plan on starting a taper soon as well, I feel like my vision issues are from my updose and not a withdrawal symptom but who knows, it’s hard to tell because I’ve had so many symptoms come and go except that one stays constant.  I plan on doing the brass monkey slide to taper mine, I’m waiting another month or so to see if my symptoms calm down a bit before I start to taper again.  
 

I’m not far from you, I’m up in Cocoa.