ScaredDad: Lexapro Reinstatement Help

[Tweed9674]

16 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Pill was torrent and liquid is camber. Guys if it was up to me I’d drop to like 1.50mg tomorrow I am so scared I doomed my self I feel like s**t. I have moments. Like 6-9 last night where I was like ok I’m good but this has been bad bad bad. Took 2.30 this morning and for a bit I was like ok not as bad but now I have a screaming migraine and increased dizziness. Idk though because I wasn’t doing amazing in 1.00mg either but I didn’t have all this. At what point does it ever make sense to drop off entirely like what the heck do I do,

2.25 is a good target. You're doing the right thing by taking this slow. Big moves are the enemy. They really are.

 

Get to 2.25 first. Once you get there, you'll have to hold before you can know if it's still too much.

That's because of the drug half life.

 

The end goal, imho, should be to not feel activated by your dose. This would be a good starting point to a long hold.

 

 

My personal experience: Once I stopped being activated, my symptoms started to get better and I entered the wave and window pattern.

[LotusRising]

Excellent advice @Tweed9674

[ScaredDad]

7 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

@ScaredDad if you're not sure whether this is the dose amount or the change to liquid, it might be in your best interest to hold at 2.25mg for a week to see how you're doing. I'm concerned you won't know if decreasing is helping because you're not taking time in between to see if there's a result. We know it takes the body at least 4-7 days to recognize and adjust to a dose change

Agreed. I’ll be at 2.25 tomorrow and will hold. 
 

I mean activation just feels less. A little less headache, a little less teeth tingle, a little less urination, just less. I’ve been able to help with my daughter this morning without exploding. She’s home sick from school. I didn’t feel great but we were laying in the bed changing her dolls “diaper” and I started laughing. Idk like pieces of me trying to break through the fog

[ScaredDad]

4 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

Get to 2.25 first. Once you get there, you'll have to hold before you can know if it's still too much.

That's because of the drug half life.

 

The end goal, imho, should be to not feel activated by your dose. This would be a good starting point to a long hold.

You’re right and this is the plan. I hope you’ve been doing well sir. Kids and family ok? You are a big role model for me doing this while staying active with everything as a dad

[LotusRising]

@ScaredDad

 

This sounds good. I know it's easy to make hasty decisions, all in an effort to feel better. But sometimes less is more. I made a lot of reactive decisions at the beginning of my taper and was having a LOT of symptoms. If I'd known then what I know now, I would have held at the higher dose. It's difficult when we're all so different and feeling very symptomatic. 

[LostInCanada]

5 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I started laughing

This is fantastic really. This past week I have had a few actual belly laughs... it's been a long time. 

You are headed in the right direction.

 

[Tweed9674]

2 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

You’re right and this is the plan. I hope you’ve been doing well sir. Kids and family ok? You are a big role model for me doing this while staying active with everything as a dad

 

Thank you for asking! I'm doing okay. I can function, that's all I can ask for! The little ones are also doing fine! They (almost) didn't notice a thing haha.

 

My oldest kept asking me why I was sleeping on the couch for a few days in April... that's about it. 😂

[ScaredDad]

8 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

My oldest kept asking me why I was sleeping on the couch for a few days in April... that's about it. 😂

I know too well this issue. My daughter is always like why did dada go lay back down! I’m like soon I won’t! I promise I’m fighting harder than I’ve ever fought for anything in my life. Sorry to get deep. I like putting it down sometimes. These drugs are insanely powerful. But they are NOT going to be stronger than me. I can’t let that happen 

[LostInCanada]

9 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

fighting harder than I’ve ever fought for anything in my life.

The silver lining is that it shows us what is really important. Give your daughter and wife a big hug. My appreciation for my hubby has grown exponentially for sure. 

[ScaredDad]

3 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

The silver lining is that it shows us what is really important. Give your daughter and wife a big hug. My appreciation for my hubby has grown exponentially for sure. 

I’ve spent the last year wondering how to move us back to the bigger city in my state so I can continue to pursue bigger and better positions and money. When I get through this I don’t care what on earth I do for work. As long as I have my girls. Everyone have a good rest of your day. I’ll try my best to. 2.25 starting tomorrow for a week.

[Catwoman73]

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

I’ve spent the last year wondering how to move us back to the bigger city in my state so I can continue to pursue bigger and better positions and money. When I get through this I don’t care what on earth I do for work. As long as I have my girls. Everyone have a good rest of your day. I’ll try my best to. 2.25 starting tomorrow for a week.

YES!  I feel this so much.  I've never loved my career, but I always stuck around because the money is good, and I didn't want to let my family down financially.  Being on disability has taught me that we can live on less, and we can actually be HAPPIER, since I'm not stressed out all the time.  I've decided that my ultimate goal now is to be a Walmart greeter lol.  I can smile and say 'hello' and 'thank you!'  I'm not serious, but you get the point- money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure can buy a lot of stress and heartache!

[LotusRising]

5 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

The silver lining is that it shows us what is really important. Give your daughter and wife a big hug. My appreciation for my hubby has grown exponentially for sure. 

@ScaredDad Yes, hold them tight ❤️ This experience has a way of showing us what truly matters. It has changed my life more than I could ever describe to anyone. It will get better, just keep trusting your body, and the process. Our body's are really quite remarkable. 

[ScaredDad]

@LotusRising

@LostInCanada

@Catwoman73

 

you guys will tell me in a few weeks if I need to abandon reinstatement or something right? It’s been just over 3 weeks while I go back and forth at times I do feel worse than I did. I do. 
 

idk what it is, messaging you guys earlier I didn’t feel quite as bad but soon after I literally was lit on fire. Head to toe with screaming tinnitus and despair. All the hole I had just gone. 
 

 

[ScaredDad]

2 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

@ScaredDad Yes, hold them tight ❤️ This experience has a way of showing us what truly matters. It has changed my life more than I could ever describe to anyone. It will get better, just keep trusting your body, and the process. Our body's are really quite remarkable. 

Thanks @LotusRisingi am really scared. I don’t know if I just got super activated today or what but I feel like instead of going 2.30 -> 2.25 tomorrow I’ll hold here at the 2.30. I having spasms in my back as I type this it is out of control.

 

it literally feels like this is going to kill me at the moment. I know every time things they are the worst but I’ve never seen someone this bad on here in reinstatment(a botched one)

[LotusRising]

2 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

i am really scared.

I know, I understand and I remember feeling this way.

 

When you can, do your best to distract - get outside if you can. Anything to take your mind off what's happening in your body. 

[ScaredDad]

3 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

I know, I understand and I remember feeling this way.

 

When you can, do your best to distract - get outside if you can. Anything to take your mind off what's happening in your body. 

Do you think it’s smart to go ahead and pause? I know this dose is super activating but it just feels like I may need to stop maybe I’m destabilizing more. You guys would tell me if I needed to bail on the restatement right? If I’m just too activated? I know I need to give time to stabilize which is why I feel I have to pause it’s my last hope

[LostInCanada]

7 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

i am telling you guys every time I cut my morning gets a little better. Every time

@ScaredDad try to evaluate the whole day collectively. 

I know some moments are totally horrific but others seem better. 

The problem with jumping off cold turkey is generally the worst of it doesn't peak till about 3 months off and then chances of reinstatement helping is less. 

If you feel holding is good that is okay. No decision needs to be made at the moment. Re-evaluate in a day or two or a week. 

My take is the reinstatement has helped but the jump in dose has added a complication. Time will work this out. We are here for you. ❤️

[ScaredDad]

51 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

My take is the reinstatement has helped but the jump in dose has added a complication. Time will work this out. We are here for you. ❤️

Thanks from the bottom of my heart, I am holding here for a long time. It did help considering I was falling off the face of a cliff. But I’m just in the grindhouse now. I will start getting better right? That is what people say. No matter what, if you hold time should help. 

[Emonda]

58 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

My take is the reinstatement has helped but the jump in dose has added a complication. Time will work this out. We are here for you.

 

That's my observation too, LostinCanada. 

 

8 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

I’ll be at 2.25 tomorrow and will hold. 

 

Just to confirm, you are dropping. That's what I'd be trying....then pausing to monitor the response.

 

 

[ScaredDad]

1 minute ago, Emonda said:

 

That's my observation too, LostinCanada. 

 

 

Just to confirm, you are dropping. That's what I'd be trying....then pausing to monitor the response.

 

 

I’m at 2.30 and to be honest I’m kind of scared to drop again and was just gonna use this as my hold line. You’d advise against that? I’m just so dang scared and I feel like I’m making my cns more and more mad. 

[Catwoman73]

5 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Thanks from the bottom of my heart, I am holding here for a long time. I will start getting better right? That is what people say. No matter what, if you hold time should help. 

When I look at your drug signature, I'm struck by how much up and down your nervous system has experienced- not just over a month or two, but over YEARS.  I'm amazed you're doing as well as you are, under the circumstances.  My point is that you didn't get to this state overnight, and it's not going to be fixed overnight.  You are definitely in for a bumpy ride, but I do believe you will stabilize.  And we've already seen evidence of this- you ARE having windows.  You have times where you are functional, laughing, and making comments about feeling a bit better here and there.  The windows aren't going to be periods of complete relief necessarily, but times when you feel like you can breathe just a bit easier.  You are stabilizing- the evidence is in what you're writing day to day.  

 

Time is your friend- continue to be kind and gentle with yourself, remind yourself that these moments of sheer panic about what is happening in your body are just moments!  Neuroemotions.  They're not real- it's just your primordial brain sensing danger that isn't really there.  Breathe, accept and know that every moment that passes is getting you a moment closer to healing.  It will happen.

[LostInCanada]

16 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I will start getting better right?

Yes. It won't be a walk in the park. Waves are brutal but it's just the body realigning. When I am in one I think for sure I will be the exception to the rule and never resurface. But I always do. You will too 

You mentioned each drop felt good. Tomorrow morning you can decide to hold or drop. Only you know. If dropping will cause you anxiety then hold. Whatever you decide your body will work with. 

[Emonda]

9 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

Regret I started it, regret I quit it, regret I reinstated to high, then down then up and just all regret. 

 

Hindsight is wonderful, ScaredDad.

 

We just need to accept the past and focus on the recovery. It'll come with time and patience. 

 

8 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

im sending in another donation because you all. I wish I could put your names in it but know it is solely because of you all

 

That's very generous of you, ScaredDad.

 

This site is 100% reliant on volunteers and donations.

 

No one on this site receives any reward other than the satisfaction of seeing people recover.

 

[Emonda]

22 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I’m at 2.30

 

It'd be very helpful for you to update your signature with dates/doses so we can see at a glance what you've done and when.

[Emonda]

24 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

 was just gonna use this as my hold line.

 

Sounds like a plan to me 👍

[ScaredDad]

52 minutes ago, Emonda said:

 

It'd be very helpful for you to update your signature with dates/doses so we can see at a glance what you've done and when.

This is done!

[LotusRising]

2 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

My take is the reinstatement has helped but the jump in dose has added a complication. Time will work this out.

Yes, agreed. 

 

I wouldn't bail on the reinstatement. Holding sounds like a good option right now and it will give you a chance to get a better idea of where you're at. 

[ScaredDad]

4 hours ago, Emonda said:

 

Sounds like a plan to me 👍

I can feel my body reacting like insane I messed up team so bad. Do I just hold through? I’m on fire. Or do I increase back??? It’s 1 am and I’m just rolling in agony 

[ScaredDad]

7am just took 2.30mg dose. Scared because it feels like my body’s is starting to revolt from drop. Questioning if I should’ve gone back to 2.40 since yesterday was first day at 2.30. But I know this would be another change. Trying to stay strong. My gut feeling on survivability of this is declining. Laying in bed now

[Dahlia50]

@ScaredDad Thinking of you as I struggle in similar ways and know how tough it is.
Did a reinstatement recently which made it worse with adverse reaction in my case. It is so hard to know what is right or wrong and how to improve.
Sending strength 🌿

[LostInCanada]

4 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

7am just took 2.30mg dose.

How did you feel in the 2 hours following this dose?

[LostInCanada]

4 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

7am just took 2.30mg dose.

How did you feel in the 2 hours following this dose?

[Catwoman73]

4 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

7am just took 2.30mg dose. Scared because it feels like my body’s is starting to revolt from drop. Questioning if I should’ve gone back to 2.40 since yesterday was first day at 2.30. But I know this would be another change. Trying to stay strong. My gut feeling on survivability of this is declining. Laying in bed now

Hi @ScaredDad- just popping in to say hi- I hope you've improved in the last few hours.  Deep breathing!!!

 

I won't be around as much today- I seem to have contracted some GI bug, and I'm feeling pretty grim.  But I'm thinking of you!

[ScaredDad]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

How did you feel in the 2 hours following this dose?

I mean my anxiety was on the moon after bad my night was. I didn’t take detailed notes today to try and calm down but I know at least in the 4 hours following it I was anxious and desperate but somewhere around 3.5 hours past I started calming down and felt better than pre dose. But I was a bundle of nerves before. The headache and teeth tingle stuff was less today. But certainly anxious as all get out but I’m mean that’s been building for a while. Who wouldn’t be anxious.

[ScaredDad]

1 minute ago, Catwoman73 said:

Hi @ScaredDad- just popping in to say hi- I hope you've improved in the last few hours.  Deep breathing!!!

 

I won't be around as much today- I seem to have contracted some GI bug, and I'm feeling pretty grim.  But I'm thinking of you!

I’m doing slightly better thanks so much for popping in! I hate to hear that and hope it passes soon! Get some rest. Thinking of you as well

[LostInCanada]

1 minute ago, ScaredDad said:

Who wouldn’t be anxious.

Absolutely. It is hard not to overthink it but when we do we multiply the anxiety. At the beginning of my mess, I bought a treadmill which helps so much. Just 20 minutes in the morning, nothing too strenuous for speed . It helps burn off the anxiety. I find 20 minutes doesn't increase my cortisol so that is my sweet spot. I play some relaxing music and watch the trees, sky, etc out the window.