ScaredDad: Lexapro Reinstatement Help

[ScaredDad]

Will someone please help me with a little motivation I’m so scared. Idk why this is changing on me again. My eyes are so dry and I had a melt down in bed last night

[Catwoman73]

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

Will someone please help me with a little motivation I’m so scared. Idk why this is changing on me again. My eyes are so dry and I had a melt down in bed last night

Oh crap.... that completely sucks.  But it's a wave.  That's all it is.  You've gotten through them before, and you'll get through them again.  You were feeling less awful yesterday, keep your focus on that- you will get back to that place.  I think the fact that you have had some fairly lengthy windows is a great sign.  It's one hell of a ride, but you've proven just how strong you are already.  You can do this!!! 

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDad I am sorry that I am not much support at the moment. Just having a hard go myself due to a drop. This too shall pass. Don't fight it. Try to accept it and relax as best you can. It will get better. ❤️🙏👍

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73

@LostInCanada

thanks guys I’m trying hard to keep my head up

[Emonda]

...several hours later, how are things?

 

We all experience wild surges in emotion at times on this journey.

 

5 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

This too shall pass. Don't fight it. Try to accept it and relax as best you can. It will get better.

 

I often remind myself of this truth, as does my wife. A helpful reminder does wonders, and sometimes we need those reminders more frequently at the start of this process.

 

Reflecting on how you felt when you first posted some weeks back, I'm sensing improvement. It's still traumatic, but there's been improvement, right?

[Tweed9674]

1 minute ago, Emonda said:

Reflecting on how you felt when you first posted some weeks back, I'm sensing improvement. It's still traumatic, but there's been improvement, right?

I read every single post.... and ultimately only @ScaredDad can answer.... but my gut feeling:

 

I feel like he's seeing improvements from the 10mg reinstatement.

From CT WD, it's way harder to tell if things are better or not.

 

[ScaredDad]

@Tweed9674

@Emonda I felt awful when I posted everything and then took my dose and ate breakfast at the same time. I started to feel a bit better through 4 hours post dose. Idk what happened, had a phone call with my wife who is at the beach with her family while I stayed at my moms and a broke down bad. So today has been a suck except between 8am and 1pm. I maintain I am being activated less. But I still can't sleep and feel wired but tired at night. With that being 15 hours post dose that can't be dose related right? 

 

I had 3 better days (all nights suck) in the past 4. Better being relative obviously. The CT WD I was starting to feel like I could not walk, spinning about to fall down, world moving away type stuff. That cleared up sorta and I am left with what I have now. To be honest I don't know what is worse b/t CT and this because I reinstated right when the cliff came. I'll paste in symtpom list with the changed ones after I post this since it is on my phone.

[ScaredDad]

@Emonda

@Tweed9674 last few days and symptom tracker

 

Symptoms that have cleared:

• moving floor / earthquake feeling
• Distressing urge to vomit
• temperature changes and flu symptoms 
• Severe nerve pain

 

Clearing in Process

• World looking fake outside this has gotten better but scared to put in cleared list 
• Inability to write and walk normal
• Gut not seized anymore but still weird stool

 

 

Present Symptoms

• severe anxiety and sense of doom
• Insomnia 
• SI
• Rapid heart from walking
• Aching teeth pain and tongue pain
• Slight nerve pain and numbness around legs and face
• Body jerks and face movements when resting
• Headaches severe 
• Intrusive thoughts
• Dizziness / vertigo 
• Sound sensitivity
• Photosensitivity
• Loss of smell and taste 
• Hyper alertness 
• Emotional numbing 
• Stuck in the house in bed 
• Gut is seized up
• cognition issues and brain fog 
• Tinnitus 
• Having to pace on the phone. This is apparently a really thing 
• Dry eyes

 

 

5/21 - dose move to like 8 or later (this was over 3 days should’ve mentioned it but better aligned with meals)

• 644 I felt the old headache rocking around and can feel leg nerves starting to dance 
• 703 I feel pretty good 
• Through 9 there has been zero increased urination. Slight headache but nothing bad
• Feel better than I have everything through this time
• 850 took dose 
• 940 increased urination and nerve pain going up
• 1036 headache and teeth tingle increasing 
• 1212 face numb teeth tingle tinnitus going up
• 1235 ate lunch and system calming down
• 140 just kind of general headache (well general for my state) this would send others to the ER
• Went home and lots of stress around baby girl and going to ultrasound at 8am
• 910p severe symptom flair tight face skin and electric feeling with tinnitus let go some at 934. I’m going to name this “the soul grip” for tracking purposes

 

5/22 

• day got better post dose
• 238 I was peaking clarity and then had a bad tinnitus attack 
• 246 I think I’m in a symptom wave - this would be 6 hours after dose. This one was random - kept that off me decently with redirection 
• this went away 
• 914 close to the best I’ve felt in a minute. A long minute 

 

5/23

• better night: no real sleep but symptom flairs able to be calmed down a bit
• 740 feeling slightly ok - clearly like **** still but you get it 
• Dose at 830 with breakfast 
• I Believe I Can Heal
• 927 anxiety increasing 
• I thought urination was increasing at like 945 but I think I’ve only urinated once so doesn’t seem like it
• 1148 I have had some teeth tingle, no real increased urination. Anxiety intermittent.
• Seems like teeth tingle is increasing through 1240
• didnt take notes here because I got out and about a little 
• Clearing a bit 
• 401 anxiety trying to show itself but trying to kept it bottled down 
• Did ok through 8 and even made a self talk video to my future wave self but family stuff stressed me out.

 

5/24

 

• hard night 
• 830 breakfast and dose
• 951 feeling better than before
• Been feeling better steadily but teeth tingle hit at 1220 with marginal head pressure 
• Melt down at 140 post phone call
• Pain in arm 220
• 532 calming down after talking 

Edited May 24 by ScaredDad
clarifications

[Emonda]

32 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

and ultimately only @ScaredDad can answer

 

100% agreed 👍

 

The point I was trying to make, perhaps not so clearly, is one that ChessieCat would say: We need to reflect on how far we've come.

 

6 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I had 3 better days (all nights suck) in the past 4

 

I know you're still in a world of pain, and I feel for you. When I read things like this and see you interacting on other member's threads, I see steps in the right direction. I hope my point has come across with the goodwill and encouragement that was intended 🙂

 

 

[ScaredDad]

1 minute ago, Emonda said:

I know you're still in a world of pain, and I feel for you. When I read things like this and see you interacting on other member's threads, I see steps in the right direction. I hope my point has come across with the goodwill and encouragement that was intended 🙂

I feel the same. Idk what to make of it Emonda but randomly lately I've had the energy / will / want to go to other threads and pitch in. It ususally happens when I am felling better. This should be a sign right? I AM BEING LESS ACTIVATED WITH MEAL AT DOSE. Idk if it is just the meal but something is happening with it. My mornings used to be DIABOLICAL. They have improved marginally

[Emonda]

7 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

randomly lately I've had the energy / will / want to go to other threads and pitch in. It ususally happens when I am felling better. This should be a sign right?

 

100% 👍

 

7 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

My mornings used to be DIABOLICAL. They have improved marginally

 

Celebrate even the slightest improvement 👍

[ScaredDad]

@EmondaI think at this point my only option is just hold indefinitely right? I am too scared to make a move. I've watched some people talking about this on youtube and it sounds like my body will figure this out, right? I am day 9 from dose change.

[Tweed9674]

5 minutes ago, Emonda said:

100% agreed 👍

 

The point I was trying to make, perhaps not so clearly, is one that ChessieCat would say: We need to reflect on how far we've come.

Haha, it was clear. It was my post that was uncessary and didn't bring anything useful.  Sorry about that.

 

------

 

From your symptoms list @ScaredDad, I experienced most of these too... But not as intense and for not as long as you did as far as I can tell.... I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. It really suck. But I believe that it will slowly get better. It has to.

[Emonda]

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

symptoms that have cleared:

• moving floor / earthquake feeling
• Distressing urge to vomit
• temperature changes and flu symptoms 
• Severe nerve pain

 

Clearing in Process

• World looking fake outside this has gotten better but scared to put in cleared list 
• Inability to write and walk normal
• Gut not seized anymore but still weird stool

 

All very encouraging.

 

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

Present Symptoms

• severe anxiety and sense of doom
• Insomnia 

 

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

• Intrusive thoughts
• Dizziness / vertigo 
• Sound sensitivity

 

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

Tinnitus 

 

I still experience these from time to time, although they are less intense than they originally were.

 

They are all typical WD symptoms...as are the other ones you mentioned...they just don't cause me any grief at this stage.

 

As you progress on this journey, you'll become more accepting (can I say comfortable 🤔) with these symptoms.

 

You're making progress 👍

 

 

[agtaylor]

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

I think at this point my only option is just hold indefinitely right?

I’ve read through all your posts and even if you can’t see it, I believe you’re improving, even if ever so slightly. I think holding is your best bet for now. 

[ScaredDad]

16 minutes ago, agtaylor said:

I’ve read through all your posts and even if you can’t see it, I believe you’re improving, even if ever so slightly. I think holding is your best bet for now. 

Thanks a ton. I really hope but there’s no doubt I’ve shaken my snow globe so hard it’ll be a while for the flakes to settle. Just trying to stay strong.

[ScaredDad]

Stopping in to say I’m struggling bad but fighting thanks guys 

[AAOffZ]

@ScaredDad are your symptoms still the worse in the am after your dose? 

[ScaredDad]

@AAOffZto be honest idk. They weren’t the last two days but are today. I was wreck before during and after dosing tho.

 

@Emonda

@LotusRisingjust want to check with mods. Is the overall recommendation to hold forever? I’m meeting with Chris Paige at noon for another opinion. I need all hands on deck. I haven’t held long enough I know.m but when do you know? And how would getting off the drug look? I am suffering harder than most people I see I full wd not on the drug. And I’m stuck on it. Any evidence that the body eventually figures it out a settles even if you react a little? Understanding I’ve had some better days I haven’t lost site of that

 

I cannot survive like this for a year taper. I just can’t it’s minute to minute 

[LotusRising]

My personal feeling would be that you need to continue holding. Have you seen the thread on stability? It’s not about holding forever, but instead, to a point where there are no major shifts in symptoms. 

 

Many of us have been where you are, so try not to feel like you’re alone in your experience. 
 

I’m glad you’re meeting with Chris Paige. I believe he’s a proponent of holding. Please let us know how your appointment goes. When do you meet?

[ScaredDad]

5 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

My personal feeling would be that you need to continue holding. Have you seen the thread on stability? It’s not about holding forever, but instead, to a point where there are no major shifts in symptoms. 

 

Many of us have been where you are, so try not to feel like you’re alone in your experience. 
 

I’m glad you’re meeting with Chris Paige. I believe he’s a proponent of holding. Please let us know how your appointment goes. When do you meet?

I agree and he is that is why I sought him out. I meet in 37 minutes. 
 

im watching a Horowitz video with Angie on holding too. I’m trying to convince myself that holding will work. I get so nervous I’m being activated but I think it’s getting better. I must hold I’m just so scared.

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDad if you want to make an appointment with Mark Horowitz, I have his email which I will give you if you request in a pm. 

❤️

[ScaredDad]

@LostInCanadai actually have contacted him and have his calendar but it was like 20 days until we could meet so I haven’t done it. Also like $375 for the call and the urgent call is $500 for a like a week and a half faster,

[LostInCanada]

15 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Also like $375 for the call and the urgent call is $500 for a like a week and a half faster,

Ouch. I heard less. I think it may depend which country you are in. 

[Catwoman73]

Just catching up here... so sorry to hear the morning was rough, @ScaredDad.

 

I tend to agree with the others- I think holding is likely your best course of action.  The evidence is in those few days you had that weren't so bad.  If you hold, I would think you would slowly start seeing more and more of that.  It'll be interesting to get another take from Chris Paige.  In the end, only you can make decisions about where to go from here- just know that whatever you end up doing, we're here for you! 

 

Sending lots of support and hugs your way, my friend!!!  

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73

@LotusRising

@LostInCanada

it is all hold hold hold. I had some good days in early May that felt like better days than my recent better days but I’ve made changes since then. I did have “better” periods Monday Wednesday and Thursday with a peak period at 9 something on Wednesday. That’s what I’m hanging my hat on. I get so caught up in the should I have changed this do I go back to that what do I do. I guess I just have to hold. 
 

Is it really this normal? To feel like I was improving and then get slammed to what feels like the lowest low yet? 
 

I went from the pit of hell (Saturday I thought it was the end of my life) then better days through yesterday at lunch and then I plummeted. 

[Catwoman73]

10 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

@Catwoman73

@LotusRising

@LostInCanada

it is all hold hold hold. I had some good days in early May that felt like better days than my recent better days but I’ve made changes since then. I did have “better” periods Monday Wednesday and Thursday with a peak period at 9 something on Wednesday. That’s what I’m hanging my hat on. I get so caught up in the should I have changed this do I go back to that what do I do. I guess I just have to hold. 
 

Is it really this normal? To feel like I was improving and then get slammed to what feels like the lowest low yet? 

You ARE improving- even when you get slammed with those terrible waves, you have to remember that those waves were preceded by relatively good windows.  The windows are such a good sign.  

 

I am not in crisis like you are at the moment, but given the similarities between long covid and withdrawal, and my past experience with severe withdrawal symptoms, I can say with absolute certainty that getting slammed, seemingly out of nowhere, is absolutely normal.  I used to get so upset when I would show signs of improvement, just to be put right back down again. These days, I've really learned to roll with it- when I feel like I am going downhill, I just say to myself, 'ok, here it comes!'  And I do what I need to do to get through it.  I swear to God, just learning to accept, and not second guess every single thing I do, has really helped me feel better in general.  So, relax, HOLD, and develop deep faith that our bodies know what they are doing!!!  Healing is always happening, and it is much easier for our bodies to heal if we just mentally take a back seat, and let the body do its job!

[ScaredDad]

Here is my symptom tracker. I’m trying so hard to convince myself this is an ok thing. That it could just be a wave

 

this is the last 12 days. Day 3 is when I got to 2.30mv and stayed there. It is somewhat fair to say I’ve had increase psychological stressor last two days.

 

10
10
10
10
10
8
10
8
8
8
9
10

[AAOffZ]

4 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Here is my symptom tracker. I’m trying so hard to convince myself this is an ok thing. That it could just be a wave

 

this is the last 12 days. Day 3 is when I got to 2.30mv and stayed there. It is somewhat fair to say I’ve had increase psychological stressor last two days.

 

10
10
10
10
10
8
10
8
8
8
9
10

Looks like a wave to me. Those first waves after a change are hard because you think you’re getting worse not better. But from my experience, (just had a gnarly wave), the best days yet can pop up after a particularly awful wave. Hang in there, friend. I’m just a message away! 

[ScaredDad]

Hey guys just looking for reassurance. My SI has been drastically tamed down since its peak 8 days ago. I’m am so so bad off right now I don’t know what to do. SI came back with vengeance last two days and symptoms through the roof. Return of symptoms I thought were gone like arm numbness, SI, and deep nerve pain. The insomnia is unwaivered and doom is just prolific. Im in physical pain all day and want to scream at the top of my lungs. Has anyone heard of someone like me holding and stabilizing when this bad off 24/7 misery.
 

the only thing I can hang my hat on is 36:04 of this video. please guys do you think this is windows and waves but since my wd has been so bad that it’s just the normal progression?
 

 

[ScaredDad]

Im so desperate and scared my baby girl is coming.

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDad I understand the terror. Breathe. This is temporary. You don't have to ever act on a thought. Thoughts aren't facts. 

 

I still am concerned that the formulation of the liquid is problematic for you. I just know how I reacted with a different brand of drug.

Since May 4 and the switch would you agree that was for the worse? Or was May 2 with the increase?

 

 

[LostInCanada]

Have you read this link. I've been wondering if you have become intolerant to lexapro or have kindled. It seems Benzo use and alcohol may have a role to play as well. 

 

I know with poop out intolerance, usually the person feels great after a drop only to have the body stabilize and start feeling worse till the next drop.

@Catina7could you please read his history and thread? I know you experienced kindling, does this sound the same? Thanks.

[ScaredDad]

33 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@ScaredDad I understand the terror. Breathe. This is temporary. You don't have to ever act on a thought. Thoughts aren't facts. 

 

I still am concerned that the formulation of the liquid is problematic for you. I just know how I reacted with a different brand of drug.

Since May 4 and the switch would you agree that was for the worse? Or was May 2 with the increase?

 

 

To be honest with you I have NO idea. I’m sort of convinced the dose increase was more of it. I mean three doses this week I got “better” after taking it. I’ve still had good days since being in this dose. If I was going to do anything I’d want to be on the pill again weighing doses on a scale but I’ve been on this liquid a while and I’d hope it could calm down on it. 

[ScaredDad]

5 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Have you read this link. I've been wondering if you have become intolerant to lexapro or have kindled. It seems Benzo use and alcohol may have a role to play as well. 

 

I know with poop out intolerance, usually the person feels great after a drop only to have the body stabilize and start feeling worse till the next drop.

@Catina7could you please read his history and thread? I know you experienced kindling, does this sound the same? Thanks.

This scares the living crap out of me. I mean what are you supposed to do? My team is saying I need to hold and my system will stabilize. @LostInCanada

@Catina7

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDadread that thread from the beginning...idk why it started a few posts down. Knowledge is power. Many have been able to come through this. Catina7 included.♥️ I would like to know if you feel this describes you.