ScaredDad: Lexapro Reinstatement Help

[ScaredDad]

7 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@ScaredDadread that thread from the beginning...idk why it started a few posts down. Knowledge is power. Many have been able to come through this. Catina7 included.♥️ I would like to know if you feel this describes you. 

I think it does I’ve read it. What did Carina7 do?

[Catwoman73]

I watched that video just a couple of days ago, and I did think of you.  Really, from what Mark Horowitz is saying here, you can fully expect to feel like garbage for a couple of months in situations like yours.  Persistence and holding steady is the way.  That's what I'm hearing.  I know it's scary, and I know you feel you are under a massive time crunch, with a baby arriving soon, but you just can't rush healing.  You can't!  I think we've seen that over and over- we need to trust our bodies to do what they are designed to do.  The fact that you had a few relatively good days is the hope I'm clinging to for you right now.  

[Catina7]

@ScaredDad, we're all here to help you get through this.  Definitely read over the thread on Kindling and Hypersensitivity as @LostInCanada has suggested. 

 

Your poor nervous system has been through a lot of changes.  What it needs more than anything is to hold at dose that you can tolerate for a very long time.  I think I kindled myself when I updosed by too large an amount over two years ago, but the effects have improved over time.  

 

I know you're scared, but you're not alone and there is lots of hope that things will improve in time.  I think the worst thing about this process is the fear it can cause, but over time I've learned to just accept things and not let fear overtake me like I used to.  I've endured some pretty horrific things thus far in my own journey, and you will get through it too.  You'll come out a stronger person because of it.

 

Keep doing your research and watching or reading anything that keeps your hope alive!  

[ScaredDad]

@Catina7thank you so so so much I’m crying reading this! I have had some better days and others, like today, have ended me. I made myself a video the other night (Thursday) when I felt a bit better telling myself to hold and it’ll get better. but since I have regressed 10 fold. No changes since then. No nothing. 
 

At times I thought I was reacting to the dose and at others I’ve questioned that.
 

I guess it is normal? It is generally accepted that you will eventually regulate if you just HOLD right??

[Catina7]

I just read that you're seeing Chris Paige...congrats, he's so wonderful!  I've watched a few interviews of his.  If the consensus from everyone is to hold, then that's what you should do.  Your brain just needs enough time to kind of "re-wire" itself again with whatever dose you're at.  It will eventually, so be patient and compassionate with yourself as best you can.

 

You're in the best of hands here on SA.  It's a lifesaver for sure!

 

Big Hugs...you're going to be okay.  Let me reassure you that you haven't done any permanent damage to yourself.  

 

Catina ❤️

 

 

[ScaredDad]

53 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

I just read that you're seeing Chris Paige...congrats, he's so wonderful!  I've watched a few interviews of his.  If the consensus from everyone is to hold, then that's what you should do.  Your brain just needs enough time to kind of "re-wire" itself again with whatever dose you're at.  It will eventually, so be patient and compassionate with yourself as best you can.

 

You're in the best of hands here on SA.  It's a lifesaver for sure!

 

Big Hugs...you're going to be okay.  Let me reassure you that you haven't done any permanent damage to yourself.  

 

Catina ❤️

 

 

Thanks Catina. It is so easy to lose hope. I think I’m in a big wave and symptoms have reemerged or worsened but I’m keeping faith. It seems there is no other option than to hold. I just hope I can hold it long enough. Maybe once the better days roll back around I’ll find some new confidence. 
 

also thanks @Catwoman73your steady involvement here has been so appreciated.

[ScaredDad]

While in a place of desperation I’ve thought again about adding mag glycinate. Would that be a bad idea right now? I haven’t changed anything in a while but my symptoms still come and go so much idk if I’d be able to tell anything

[LostInCanada]

5 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

adding mag glycinate

To be honest, it takes about 6 weeks to help with anxiety. I don't suggest adding anything more to your body because it is just one more thing your body would have to deal with. ♥️

[ScaredDad]

54 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

To be honest, it takes about 6 weeks to help with anxiety. I don't suggest adding anything more to your body because it is just one more thing your body would have to deal with. ♥️

This is fair. Last question of the day. Do you think it’s possible with a total time to elimination of 6.5 or so days that my uptick in symptoms the past two days were tied to that? My symptoms picked up 8 or so days after the .10 decrease.

[LostInCanada]

44 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

My symptoms picked up 8 or so days after the .10 decrease.

It could be. That is why holding (that dreaded word) and establishing a pattern is so important. It's just so hard when we think doing something is better than doing nothing but doing nothing/no changes is usually the best thing.

[ScaredDad]

I’ve scheduled an appt with Mark Horowitz. I’m telling you guys as I lay here at 4am I  hands down the worst I’ve been since CT and reinstatement. No doubt in my mind. On fire 

[ScaredDad]

Call it a wave idk guy this is insane but I feel I’ve experienced extreme worsening over the past 3 days I’m praying to God every minute. I wish I never reinstated in December of my goodness what to do I do I just know if I pull off it’ll kill me but if I stay on it feels like it will too. I haven’t changed or added anything and things are getting worse. 

[Emonda]

8 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I’ve scheduled an appt with Mark Horowitz.

 

Good to hear, and I look forward to hearing how you go.

 

Do you have to wait long to talk to him?

 

I'm sorry you are struggling. Better days are 100% ahead.

[ScaredDad]

@Emonda it’s Wednesday but idk how I’ll make it! Please Emonda please tell me I can survive even if I have to get off I’m screaming 

[ScaredDad]

If I look back to November of last year how did I not know? I would have HR spikes into the 90s while resting on my my Apple Watch and thought it was just ME? It’ll be 5 times worse than that now.

 

this drug feels like it’s gonna take my life and not a single doctor or drug company cares in the slightest.

[ScaredDad]

@Emonda @LotusRising

guys I am desperate. I am not doing anything until they tell me but if this drug is making me worse and worse PLEASE just tell me know how I can jump off. Please 

[ScaredDad]

Whenever anyone gets here I just have to know. I’m sure someone on this site has seen it before. If the dosing keeps making me exponentially worse and I have to get off there has to be a process. I’ve heard of people’s accounts saying they dropped off but idk what that means. My mom is about to have a stroke from me screaming into pillows. My wife is otw home from a trip and everyone knows the last 4 days have been tragic and getting worse. I’ve developed new muscle spasms and full body numbness out of nowhere. SI has skyrocketed and I’m being choked out by the vicious symptoms. There has to be and emergency protocol there has to be

 

@Emonda

@LotusRising

[agtaylor]

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

If the dosing keeps making me exponentially worse and I have to get off there has to be a process. I’ve heard of people’s accounts saying they dropped off but idk what that means.

I was one of those people who could not stabilize on the drug. I was getting worse and worse with each dose I took. I jumped off from 2.5mg. Did I go through withdrawal? Absolutely, but it was better than how I felt each time I took the Lexapro. I’m not sure what the correct answer is for you, but I knew that I couldn’t keep taking it. I would get activation symptoms at exactly the same time after taking it each day, and my body just couldn’t tolerate it anymore. I actually felt relief and a sense of peace when me and my husband decided to stop it. Like I said, I’ve had my fair share of withdrawal symptoms and I’ve had to fight like hell some days, but I’ve gotten better. When I was on the Lexapro, I wasn’t getting better at all. Just worse and worse. 

[ScaredDad]

@agtaylor I just worry that since I’ve fought it so long back on 5 weeks on it’s even worse now to jump off

[Catwoman73]

5 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

If I look back to November of last year how did I not know?

None of us knew... it's very hard to make those connections when withdrawal is so poorly understood by the physicians prescribing the drugs in the first place.  Looking back on my life, I realize now that I was in protracted withdrawal for seven years after my last rapid taper.  At the time, though, I just thought I was crazy, or at the very least, that there was something fundamentally wrong with me at my core.  Hindsight is always 20/20. 

 

I'm so sorry for your ongoing suffering @ScaredDad.  Maybe you will be like @agtaylor above- I don't think any of us can tell you with certainty what the future holds.  I'm glad you booked with Mark Horowitz- another opinion is always a good thing.  I sincerely hope he has something valuable to add... my fear though, given your current mental state, is that he is going to advise you to keep holding as well.  How would that make you feel?  I only ask because I get the feeling that you desperately want to jump off, and you're waiting for someone to tell you that it's ok.  I just want you to know that, regardless of what you are told from any of us, or any of the professionals, you have my unconditional support with whatever you choose to do.  This has been an incredibly brutal journey for you, and I'm thinking that there are absolutely no certainties here- in the end, you need to trust yourself, and do what you think is best.  

 

Sending lots of love and hugs, my friend.  ❤️‍🩹

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73 thanks. I agree with you whole heartedly. I am looking for someone that I feel hears me that this medicine is making me more sick and to get off. I do find tons of truth to that.  Because I am fighting every single day for my life on it in a manner that was worse than when I was off. I’m quite literally dying. I often feel like my words here don’t describe my suffering enough. The last 3.5 days Ive spent moaining in a dark room while my mom gets me food and water and I convince myself I’m not about to die… thanks for you support cat woman really 

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73 also I’m just not a slight destabilize case that has insomnia and headaches etc from dose change and I’m not minimizing that some people get very bad from that. I have CTd twice in a year and I was already protracted I’m afraid when I did the first one based on symptoms, I thought it was just me. I am so freaking destabilized and still on the med, my body is hating it 

[Catwoman73]

1 minute ago, ScaredDad said:

@Catwoman73 thanks. I agree with you whole heartedly. I am looking for someone that I feel hears me that this medicine is making me more sick and to get off. I do find tons of truth to that.  Because I am fighting every single day for my life on it in a manner that was worse than when I was off. I’m quite literally dying. I often feel like my words here don’t describe my suffering enough. The last 3.5 days Ive spent moaining in a dark room while my mom gets me food and water and I convince myself I’m not about to die… thanks for you support cat woman really 

Yes, I definitely had the feeling that you need that validation.  I really believe that no one here will judge you for jumping off, if that's what you choose to do.  I definitely feel your suffering- it's heartbreaking, especially knowing your baby is coming, and in your current state, you certainly won't be able to appreciate it the way I'm sure you would like to.  Someday when you're feeling better, I'll tell you all about the birth of my daughter... for now, I'll just say that I was out of my mind for her first year, and barely remember anything from that time.   So I deeply understand your fears around being well enough to be mentally ok when your child arrives.  I want to reassure you as well- despite that terrible first year after my daughter was born, all these years later, the memories that do stand out are good ones.  What I'm trying to say is that things will be ok- whether you're on the drugs, off the drugs, whatever- someday, you'll look back on your child's birth and early months, and you'll be able to smile, even if your brain is on fire. 

 

Hang in there... and keep us posted! 

[ScaredDad]

Thanks @Catwoman73 big time. My number one priority is to stay safe. To heal. But not let me get overwhelmed anymore that I keep bad thoughts. It’s why I’m with my mom. I have my whole family here and we will fight. I will be cared for no matter for how long. It’s just up to me to stay strong enough 

[LostInCanada]

6 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

 

this drug feels like it’s gonna take my life and not a single doctor or drug company cares in the slightest

@ScaredDad I care and you are going to win this. 

Are symptoms still spiking when you take the drug or all day now? 

I just keep thinking of what Bailey is going through and how it might be linked to the premade liquid. Others have had issues with that crossover. Was the manufacturer of the pill and the liquid the same? I wonder if not shaking it has given you uneven dosing which will continue if say the initial draws took more or less of the drug then it should have. Can the pharmacy refill it since they never gave appropriate instructions? 

 

 

[Catina7]

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

Thanks @Catwoman73 big time. My number one priority is to stay safe. To heal. But not let me get overwhelmed anymore that I keep bad thoughts. It’s why I’m with my mom. I have my whole family here and we will fight. I will be cared for no matter for how long. It’s just up to me to stay strong enough 

 

Thinking of you @ScaredDad.  I am so thankful you have a wonderful supportive family and that you feel safe and loved.  

 

I don't know if this applies to you or not, but past-moderator Shep mentioned this in the Kindling & Hypersensitivity Section:  

 

"If you're having adverse reactions that are more severe than withdrawal, then holding may not be the best answer.  It's rare this site recommends tapering while unstable, but severe adverse reactions are an exception to this rule."   

 

Any thoughts on this from anyone??  I don't want to give wrong advice.

Edited May 27 by Catina7

[ScaredDad]

16 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@ScaredDad I care and you are going to win this. 

Are symptoms still spiking when you take the drug or all day now? 

I just keep thinking of what Bailey is going through and how it might be linked to the premade liquid. Others have had issues with that crossover. Was the manufacturer of the pill and the liquid the same? I wonder if not shaking it has given you uneven dosing which will continue if say the initial draws took more or less of the drug then it should have. Can the pharmacy refill it since they never gave appropriate instructions? 

 

 

My symptoms generally seem to be worse most of the day. I’m not sure on the dosing anymore I mean I had terror and all that after with increased urination and the whole nine today but I was also in bed losing it at 5am so idk. I can look into it and I know it sounds crazy because this is my life that is suffering but calling them and asking and doing all that just makes me want to die. I know that sounds crazy I’m just so beat down.

 

the manufacturers are different. I’m just saying I have been through so much change over time the last ct in April was the straw that broke the camels back. I now think my body is just in too much shock to handle this drug. 
 

I can ask about a new script but it’ll at least be tomorrow. To be fair I lurked Reddit and they said this solution is fully dissolved so shouldn’t really require shaking.

[ScaredDad]

2 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

If you're having adverse reactions that are more severe than withdrawal, then holding may not be the best answer.  It's rare this site recommends tapering while unstable, but severe adverse reactions are an exception to this rule."   

In the past I had wondered this but what is an adverse reaction is my question? Do I have what seems to be some activation? Yes. And depending on the day I’d say heck yes!! Do I get rashes or other severe reactions physically no. Does my SI appear to spike yes but it does at night too. Also the activation type stuff that I talk about that starts with increased urination, body jerks when eyes closed (I’m laying most of the day so I see this a lot), then anxiety fear doom and SI and full body nerve sensations can also happen at 2am. Far removed from dose. 
 

I mean yesterday my nerve pain and tinnitus ramped as I put it in my mouth.. so not from the actual dose. I don’t believe you have to react just initially tho. My body may just be done with it. 
 

but I’ll keep holding at least until I see mark. If I keep getting worse through the next several weeks though I’ll have no choice…

[Catina7]

3 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

but I’ll keep holding at least until I see mark

 

That sounds like a good plan.  Keep fighting because you WILL survive.  You're never alone, always remember that.  Everyone here at SA is in your corner.  

[LostInCanada]

10 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

calling them and asking and doing all that just makes me want to die. I

Don’t beat yourself up for thinking one more thing to do is just too much. I get it. I have to change my mobile carrier and it’s like climbing Mount Everest atm. If you researched it, don’t worry about it. Just trust your gut on whatever you need to do to resolve this insanity. ❤️

[ScaredDad]

@LostInCanada

@Catina7

 

based on what I’ve said do yall think this is adverse reactions? I’ve gone back and forth a hundred times. Maybe 300.

 

everyone is like yeah idk, just hold. My only Q. When do you stop? I KNOW I haven’t been long enough yet I’m just becoming crazy over this. I’m starting to lose my mind like I typed “do” instead of “due” earlier. Which I know yall are like relax but holy cow I’m not that person. I’m just preparing for a naked WD in my heart..

[agtaylor]

4 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

 

based on what I’ve said do yall think this is adverse reactions?

 
I know you didn’t ask me specifically and I hope you don’t mind me jumping in, but I’ll tell you what made me decide I was having an adverse reaction vs just activation symptoms. I was having symptoms of mild serotonin syndrome- HR/BP spikes and dilated pupils. A lot of the symptoms are the same as withdrawal like insomnia, increased anxiety, restlessness, etc., but the dilated pupils really freaked me out. I mean they were so big I couldn’t see normally anymore. And my blood pressure being high when it normally runs on the low end. I knew my body wasn’t liking what I was doing to it. 

[LostInCanada]

4 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

do yall think this is adverse reactions

I’ve seen some have similar reactions just after doing an immediate change to liquid only to settle after a month. It’s like Mark said on the video…would it have settled after another month, no one knows. These drugs are so dangerous and misunderstood. There is no play book.

I think to myself is your dose too low or too high. In my gut I think too high. Do I believe the formulation has complicated it? Absolutely. 
But which ever way you go, you have to be sure. It is just so hard to make decisions in WD. Some days just deciding what to eat can be colossal. But you have to be sure and then commit to it. Sometimes there is no perfect answer. It is how you work with the decision that makes it successful.  I wish I could give you more.
 

[Catina7]

28 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

based on what I’ve said do yall think this is adverse reactions?

 

I wish there were clear-cut answers.  It could just be kindling.  Have you had a chance to read through the section about Kindling & Hypersensitivity?

[ScaredDad]

38 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

 

I wish there were clear-cut answers.  It could just be kindling.  Have you had a chance to read through the section about Kindling & Hypersensitivity?

Yeah I mean for the most part I have and I still have no freaking clue what to do. Like I’m 100% in this: Later, hyper-reactivity and autonomic instability take over. Often the autonomic instability causes wide hypersensitivity to drugs, supplements, and even foods.

 

What does that mean for me though? I feel like the medicine is making it worse but really can’t say whether or not removing it would make it better. It seems like I’m reacting some what to the medicine but without it I would WD more.  Or does everyone think this is just the hypersensitivity and now I have to let that calm down while staying on the med? My symptoms 100% point to autonomic instability. It feels nothing like my initial withdrawal. Not in the same real to be honest. I think the hypersensitivity occurred due to the 10mg. At times (many times) I’ve been able to say that yes I 100% reacted to the dose. Whether or not it qualifies as an adr is debatable. But significant increase in symptoms. 

[Catina7]

Definitely write down all the questions you have so you can ask Mark Horowitz.  Hopefully he can give you some guidance.  Even though hindsight is 20/20, it doesn't mean that your situation now is hopeless.  

 

We're all here for you when you need us.  Keep us posted on how you're doing, okay?