ScaredDad: Lexapro Reinstatement Help

[ScaredDad]

14 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

You will heal. Just be super accurate in dosing. No changes. No added drugs. Are you still smoking? Nicotine is a stimulant so if you can slowly reduce that would be great. 

No I have not used it since the last time I drank on April 6.

[LostInCanada]

10 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

not used it since the last time I drank on April 6.

That's good... you probably meant weed. All these things affect the CNS. Your body will settle. It's been through a war zone for sure. Just keep those notes coming. Thanks so much.

[ScaredDad]

Guys I don’t know what is going on. All of a sudden my mood is just plummeting and I’m thinking I’m kindled bad and I’m doomed and crazy suicidal thoughts are flashing though. 
 

part of me for whatever reason wonders if I ever should have reinstated.

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDad breathe. Try to relax. This is the drug and withdrawals. 

Try to distract. 

It will take a few days to establish a pattern. Your body is just trying to figure it out. 

This is just temporary. It will pass. You will be okay. ❤️

[ScaredDad]

Todays update. What I’m chanting to myself is patience but it’s so hard. If it wasn’t for you all I’d already be on 2 and understand that today is only my second day on this dose. I just have a baby due at the end of June. Gotta get better I’m basically bed ridden all day. I wouldn’t be able to handle the hospital right now let alone sleep there, I can’t sleep at home.

 

update though 6pm I’ll put the evening in tomorrows.

 

4/29 

• Literally didn’t sleep 
• but got up at 445 in a panic over what is happening to me and drove to my moms to try and settle down and not disturb wife and daughter 
• Took lexapro 1mg at 7am sharp as I did yesterday
• No noticeable side effects from the lexapro itself through 1045 I don’t think. It doesn’t even feel like I’m taking anything if that makes sense. Definitely no activation reaction like with the 10.
• Headache and dizzy but could also be lack of sleep. Typical numb patches.
• 11: Trying to nap and still getting these little hypnic jerks as I’m drifting off that don’t allow me to sleep. It’s like my body going wake up! I had this during my 2022 incident as well btw w hen I got deregulated and tapered back up. All went away in time. But I keep getting so scared like is this TD? Ahh but I don’t know if that’s what TD is. I’ve got to just calm down somehow and get some sleep but my mind won’t cross the line. This is just hyping jerks it has to be and is because my system is charged up still.
• Been in bed at moms since 5 am watching tv. 
• One note in the 2022 incident is I may have been on 2.5mg but idk if it was so much withdrawal as it was just deregulation causing withdrawal like symptoms. I was INSANELY stressed and drinking and smoking a lot when it came to a head. Doing myself no favors.
• Wife is being my dog over to hang with me when she goes on her lunch break and bringing food
• I ate a banana this morning and am getting hungry. I will say that I have had a more consistent appetite the last 36 hours and bowel movements starting back up. 
• 1130 ate a hamburger for lunch. Probably not the best I know but I’m working with what I got sometimes. 
• 1220 just like numbness on knees, forehead, tops of arms and dizzy as all get out when walking around 
• 124: down in the pits of I’ll never get better and you’ll only have one way out 
• 155: just so tired. Time is moving in reverse. 
• 229: feels like the lowest I’ve been yet. maybe overthinking?
• 314: the head pressure just lifted! I’m clearing up mentally out of nowhere. Still tired obviously. Anxiety has been at a 0 through 430pm at this writing.
• 435: could have been psychosomaticly driven but the symptoms are creeping back with tingling and slight headache but I think this is a sign of moving in the right direction
• 521: interesting that now at the exact time as yesterday pretty similar symptoms came rolling in. Tingling alllll over and some dizziness 
• 540: and there was the first feeling of anxiety in quite a bit. Not tied to a single thought of mine though 
• I can’t really tell which day was better between today and yesterday. Tempted to say yesterday but damn that singular hour of clarity today was nice.
• also, very thankful for everyone here. I can guaranty you if you all weren’t here I would’ve already been at 2.0mg but I get I have to be patient. 

[ScaredDad]

7pm update, being absolutely throttled by anxiety and symptoms 

[LostInCanada]

18 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

absolutely throttled by anxiety and symptoms 

Unfortunately I think this will be the normal for the next few days. 

Claire Weekes book Hope and Help for Your Nerves is amazing. Her basic 4 steps are face, accept.float and allow time. Basically don't run from it, don't fight it, try to relax, realize it will get better in time. Her book has some astute observations even though it was written with some outdated stuff. 

Just don't do anything rash, no knee jerk reactions. You will get through this. 

Is it worse, better or the same as 10 mg?

[ScaredDad]

@LostInCanada I would say for sure better than the 10! On the 10 I thought I was gonna have to die some way or another 60%+ of the time. Also way less of the electrical feeling off the 10.

 

at least now these waves occur intraday. Like since I posted that, 3 mins ago I felt the claws let go and like the warmth of my skin came back. Still some tingles but the surge left. So insane!

 

now having a yawing attack which has always been my bodies way of calming down.

[Emonda]

15 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I would say for sure better than the 10!

 

16 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Also way less of the electrical feeling off the 10.

 

This is positive.

 

16 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

3 mins ago I felt the claws let go and like the warmth of my skin came back. Still some tingles but the surge left. So insane!

 

WD is not nice. Windows and waves are a normal part of the process. The waves come less frequently with time in my experience.

 

With time and much patience, you will bounce back.

 

 

[Emonda]

On 4/29/2024 at 7:57 AM, ScaredDad said:

im going to take a warm bath!

 

I find this very helpful, especially with some quite calming music.

[ScaredDad]

Morning update

 

4/30 

• Awful sleep may have slept 30 mins. So exhausted. just insane anxiety- to be fair and for some reason it hurts me to try and be this positive for some reason but this may be the first 30 mins in some time despite the anxiety.
• 700am took 1mg and then ate a banana 
• So scared about this dosing and that I’m somehow messing up the draw out or something 
• I feel awful rn. Like awful. Just laid in bed at my moms house where I’ll be the entire day until I go home 
• My life is just in complete and utter hold. If I don’t start feeling better by Sunday I’m going to have to consider longer term leave from work.
• I will try and rest a bit now I guess. Draw the blinds and pray
• 743 maybe a smidge more optimistic 
• 804: not as much of the numbness so far. More mental feeling. Higher anxiety last night with less jerks. don’t know what to make of it but for sure less jerks

[ScaredDad]

18 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

That's good... you probably meant weed. All these things affect the CNS. Your body will settle. It's been through a war zone for sure. Just keep those notes coming. Thanks so much.

I meant nicotine and to be clear I was vaping or using pouches but saying smoking felt easier. And I was doing it wayyyyyy too much. And drinking 3+ cups of coffee a day. It just makes me so dang upset that I was on the way to stabilizing but was doing all the wrong this because I always thought this was in my head and never thought it was withdrawals of any kind

[ScaredDad]

Also quick q. What does it mean if symptoms DO happen at the same time every day? Seen that question thrown around the site. For example: every night since January when I lay down (only at night, won’t happen laying in the day) I can feel my heart beat in the skin of my legs. Typically if I get a headache, it’s at 10 or so and dissipates later sometimes to return at night (never had these until like 2 weeks ago). Headaches always followed my anxiety tho, even pre withdrawal anxiety. Anxiety spikes at 6 or so usually. 

When I wake up (assuming I slept) numbness is the lowest to only increase across the day. 
 

I ask because while yes, some of these symptoms start in the day after my dose but I do not feel activated by the medicine so don’t necessarily think it’s from the medicine.

[Tweed9674]

Hey @ScaredDad

 

You could try a magnesium supplement to help cope with the anxiety. You can start qui a low dose to make sure that you don't react to it.

It is one of the only supplement that is recommended here, with omega 3.

 

If you can find the energy, walking outside is helpful. Start with a short walk.

Just make sure to not overdo it. Intense physical activity could make things worse.

 

Camomile tea is another thing that I personally use to calm my nerves. Not everyone love the smell and taste. I got use to it.

 

There is no miracle cure, we have to find our ways to cope.

 

You can check here for more information on magnesium.

 

 

[Catwoman73]

3 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

What does it mean if symptoms DO happen at the same time every day?

I'm dealing with this too!  I could literally set my watch by the symptoms I've been having.  Which in itself can be anxiety inducing, when you know it's coming!

My theory is that it's related to the half life of the drug and the time of day that I take it- maybe low blood concentrations or high blood concentrations might be contributing?  Not sure, but it is an interesting observation.

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73could be! I just want to be confident in that the drug will work in stabilizing. What’s my other option? I’m only on day 3 of 1mg so know I have to be patient. But I can’t work right now I’m so dizzy, tired, and anxious. So if it doesn’t work, the only thing I can think is to lop it off and ride the withdrawal on extended medical leave and hope I’m good by the time that’s up. I get so scared about well I don’t want to spend 3 months tapering up to 5 and people go yeah man this just won’t work. What a crappy predicament. 
 

 

[Catwoman73]

2 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

@Catwoman73could be! I just want to be confident in that the drug will work in stabilizing. What’s my other option? I’m only on day 3 of 1mg so know I have to be patient. But I can’t work right now I’m so dizzy, tired, and anxious. So if it doesn’t work, the only thing I can think is to lop it off and ride the withdrawal on extended medical leave and hope I’m good by the time that’s up. I get so scared about well I don’t want to spend 3 months tapering up to 5 and people go yeah man this just won’t work. What a crappy predicament. 
 

 

I feel that.  I'm starting to get the impression that we can't be confident in very much on this journey... except that we will recover!  I'm clinging to that like crazy.  

It is a crappy predicament.  I chose to start tapering now because I am already on long term disability due to long covid.  I've tapered (way too fast) from many antidepressants previously, so knowing exactly what I might be in for, I chose to taper while I'm already off work, even though my long covid makes it more complicated.  I really feel for you, and many others here who are under almost a time crunch to get well.  It's terrible.  I wish I could help more, but all I've got is my ability to send virtual support lol... I hope it helps, even a tiny bit.  

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73it means a lot!! I’m praying for you as well.

[Catwoman73]

Just now, ScaredDad said:

@Catwoman73it means a lot!! I’m praying for you as well.

Thanks @ScaredDad.  I'm doing ok.  I'm not in the thick of it yet- my dose is still high enough that if I am having any symptoms, they are mild.  I am just carefully observing how I am feeling each day, and preparing myself for what is to come.  I'm glad to be able to be there for you and others here while I'm waiting for my own challenges to ramp up.  Concentrate on yourself right now... and hey- consider taking that longer medical leave!  I can say that everything is easier when you only have to concentrate on your own wellness, and you don't have to go to work and pretend you're ok when you're not.  

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73i love that plan you have for yourself. What I’m figuring out in all of this is truly just giving the nervous system time to heal. Moving slow, not overdoing it physically or mentally since the cns doesn’t know the difference. I’m adapting that same plan to myself now. It’s all about being consistent. I do believe we can heal (at least up to like 90%) while still on the medication so long we give ourselves the grace to do so. This has been such a learning journey for me.

[ScaredDad]

Day update 

 

4/30 

• Awful sleep may have slept 30 mins. So exhausted. just insane anxiety
• 700am took 1mg and then ate a banana 
• So scared about this dosing and that I’m somehow messing up the draw out or something 
• I feel awful rn. Like awful. Just laid in bed at my moms house where I’ll be the entire day until I go home 
• My life is just on complete and utter hold. If I don’t start feeling better by Sunday I’m going to have to consider longer term leave from work.
• I will try and rest a bit 
• 804: not as much of the numbness so far. More mental feeling. Higher anxiety last night with less jerks
• 824: slight teeth tingle - this has always been a thing for me when not stable and so annoying. I think some people call it burning mouth but mines never been bad enough to say burning really 
• 839: typical headache 
• 1021: feels like teeth tingle and anxiety is increasing 
• 1201: got out and picked up lunch. Felt weird for a minute but also the first stimulus my brain has had since 7am so who knows. Ate and talked on the phone a bit and feel pretty dang decent. This should be where lexapro peaks in my blood right? Funny it’s lining up at a super calm time
• 102: Still feel pretty calm - teeth tingling 100% gone right now and legs feels good (main numbness area). Heart is beating slowly, consistent. Pretty big change. Obviously the dose change seems to be helping but I also think taking this week off and just RESTING is good. NO headache. Mustered up the energy to pull the laptop out and send some check in emails 
• 140: watched a video just now and laughed pretty good maintaining a smile. Refreshing 
• 254: window still sorta propped open. Therapy in 30 mins 
• 256: I feel the most HERE I have in a long time. Since before my last lexapro prior to restarting 
• 525: post getting home from therapy and picking daughter up. Started her dinner and need to lay a minute. Pretty decent day from noon on but need to ease in and not just go go because I feel ok.

[Catwoman73]

Woo hoo!!!! So glad to hear @ScaredDad!   Now look back on this tomorrow when you're feeling rough in the morning.  Knowing that those bad moments are time limited is such a great motivator!

 

Happy for you!!!

[ScaredDad]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

Woo hoo!!!! So glad to hear @ScaredDad!   Now look back on this tomorrow when you're feeling rough in the morning.  Knowing that those bad moments are time limited is such a great motivator!

 

Happy for you!!!

Legitimately would not be here without you guys so thank you! One day at a time! 

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

in and not just go go because I feel ok.

Absolutely. Gentle. Don't overdo it. Sounds like a relatively good day. I struggle with sleep and last night was brutal. Hopefully tonight will be better for us both. 👍

[ScaredDad]

9 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

 Hopefully tonight will be better for us both. 👍

I think it will! We just control what we can control, I have to keep working on it. It will come with time, always does.

[Tweed9674]

It's a good sign that you had a window today. I'm really glad to hear it!

 

 

[Tweed9674]

Hey @ScaredDad

 

How are you doing today? Any improvements?

[ScaredDad]

37 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

Hey @ScaredDad

 

How are you doing today? Any improvements?

Hey Tweed. Surprisingly today has been like the worst of all…

[Tweed9674]

1 minute ago, ScaredDad said:

Hey Tweed. Surprisingly today has been like the worst of all…

 

Really sorry to hear that. Hang in there!!

 

Are you able to tell what is getting worse? Did you notice any shift in symptoms?

[Farm24]

43 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Hey Tweed. Surprisingly today has been like the worst of all…

 The hypnic jerks for me are awful. I had 83 in 6 hours one night this week.  Fish oil and iron seemed to bring them back on after I tried a dose of each. 

[LostInCanada]

7 minutes ago, Farm24 said:

Fish oil and iron seemed to bring them back on after I tried a dose of each

I know iron is a no-no. Best just to eat red meat and iron rich foods if necessary. Some react to fish oil like you. I am allergic to fish but algae oil seems to be okay for me and apparently it is more pure.

[ScaredDad]

@Tweed9674i really don’t know how to explain it besides that this feels like what full withdrawal must feel like. Like putting my legs in front of each other feels weird. I’m in bed and I’m just BUZZING

[Emonda]

7 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

Surprisingly today has been like the worst of all…

 

Sorry to read this.

 

Here is a helpful comment/reminder from the other day...

 

On 5/1/2024 at 7:43 AM, Catwoman73 said:

Woo hoo!!!! So glad to hear @ScaredDad!   Now look back on this tomorrow when you're feeling rough in the morning.  Knowing that those bad moments are time limited is such a great motivator!

 

Good days and not-so-good days are par for the course.

 

More good days will come.

 

Keep pushing

[Catwoman73]

@ScaredDad- how are things going?  I've been thinking about you.  I'm sorry yesterday was rough... keep holding on to the knowledge that in withdrawal, everything is temporary.  You will heal. 

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73hey so sorry! Been in the depths of this crap and got so fed up with it I decided to go find some help, some pros who deal with this daily so that is what I did. We have ordered liquid lexapro and began dialing in dose today. I will 100% keep coming back here to provide updates. Last 48 hours sucked! But I’ll beat this!

[Catwoman73]

I'm so sorry it's been rough... do keep us posted!  Hoping you get some relief soon.