ScaredDad: Lexapro Reinstatement Help

[ScaredDad]

Just now, LostInCanada said:

@ScaredDad did I recommend Claire Weekes or did you find her on your own? She is pretty amazing. 

Even though some of our issues are chemically induced, the methods do help. Once off the drugs, I think they will even help more. 💯👍

Honestly I can’t remember I found it somewhere on this site but my brain has been so scattered. 

[LostInCanada]

5 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I found it somewhere on this site

My apologies for making you find it without me mentioning her. I love her so much. 

 

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDad I just want to double check something as well. How much of the drug mix from the manufacturer are you putting in the syringe? And in the bottle, what is the ratio of liquid to drug?

[ScaredDad]

@LostInCanadaif I was to go back to pill form (I’m also convinced of this but maybe not yet) what scale do you use?

 

im telling you guys if I survive this and stabilize I’ll probably be on that dose for a year minimum so don’t feel the absolute need to be on liquid. I don’t think my body likes being hit with all the dose like that

 

im so traumatized 

[Tweed9674]

If you are going to make a change, make only one change for now.

You either change the dosage or you change from liquid to homemade suspension.

If you do both, it's very hard to tell what we are dealing with.

 

One small change at a time. It's insanely frustrating, but I think it's best.

 

I'd lower the dosage on liquid, but that's just me.

 

Take care

[ScaredDad]

36 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@ScaredDad I just want to double check something as well. How much of the drug mix from the manufacturer are you putting in the syringe? And in the bottle, what is the ratio of liquid to drug?

It’s 5mg/5ml and I’m taking 2.5ml

[ScaredDad]

29 minutes ago, Tweed9674 said:

If you are going to make a change, make only one change for now.

You either change the dosage or you change from liquid to homemade suspension.

If you do both, it's very hard to tell what we are dealing with.

 

One small change at a time. It's insanely frustrating, but I think it's best.

 

I'd lower the dosage on liquid, but that's just me.

 

Take care

Is it not fair to assume I do better on my pill as I have taken that forever?

[LostInCanada]

Just now, ScaredDad said:

5mg/5ml and I’m taking 2.5ml

Thanks. Some are 1ml/2mg so just wanted to double check. 

 

We are going to get you through this.

It is very traumatizing. 

 

[ScaredDad]

4 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Thanks. Some are 1ml/2mg so just wanted to double check. 

 

We are going to get you through this.

It is very traumatizing. 

 

This is the first time in a long time (1.5 weeks) where my Brain is saying this is too much. It is not me, but my brain is asking for a way out and I’m so scared. I’m not going to do anything! But what is screaming at me is my body is saying the drug is making me sicker. It’s convinced I should rip the bandaid off, get disability, move in with my mom to give my wife her life back and ride it out. I have a baby due in 7 weeks, while we have support I have to maintain some ability to leave the bed. Right now I am bed ridden with dizziness and headache and sensory overload.

at 1mg I felt like I was withdrawing. Idk what the heck I feel like now. 
 

im going to listen to you guys and go to 2.25 but everything in me wants lower if im being honest

[LostInCanada]

This is the scale I use. It is about $400 US. Many use the Gemini 20 scale on Amazon. The one I use goes a decimal point further.

 

A&D EJ-54D2 Dual Range - 22g x 0.0002g / 52g x 0.001g Compact Balance

7 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Is it not fair to assume I do better on my pill as I have taken that forever?

Yes

 

4 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

im going to listen to you guys and go to 2.25 but everything in me wants lower

Honestly I think you need lower as well. I just don't know what the fall out will be if any. 

[ScaredDad]

17 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

 

Honestly I think you need lower as well. I just don't know what the fall out will be if any. 

As in like new withdrawal? @Emonda@LotusRisingany idea here on lower than 2.25? 
 

we know the answer at least was between 1 and where we are now. I’m going to get advice from my doctor later too but I want something from here to go in on a hard suggestion for. I haven’t slept more than 2 hours total in the last two nights but I’m not sleepy necessarily, I’m exhausted though. This feels way too similar to the 10mg. I’m so lost and losing hope. My wife is starting to break down

 

my beautiful amazing wife is crying over this, and so scared too. It’s Mother’s Day this weekend and I’m bed bound from a prescription drug!!

 

somewhere in my souls says go low enough so you don’t have to decrease again. Like 1.5 but I just don’t know I should’ve given 1.0 more time… it’s insane how this has progressed. That’s why I’ve white knuckled 2.5 and even had decent days Saturday and Monday although the rest feel progressively worse.

[LostInCanada]

7 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

As in like new withdrawal

Or worse symptoms. The CNS is being assaulted and it reacts as it feels necessary which is unpredictable. 

If you were at 1 mg and felt you needed to go up a few times every 7- 10 days that would be acceptable. I am wondering if the opposite direction is doable with the same timetable? @Emonda @LotusRising

[ScaredDad]

11 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Or worse symptoms. The CNS is being assaulted and it reacts as it feels necessary which is unpredictable. 

If you were at 1 mg and felt you needed to go up a few times every 7- 10 days that would be acceptable. I am wondering if the opposite direction is doable with the same timetable? @Emonda @LotusRising

I’m sure everyone feels this way but with how triggered my cns is right now still on the drug I’m convinced I’ll set the record for worst withdrawal or hardest to stabilize in history. I’m just wrecked. Non human level of suffering I have already been through these past 2.5 weeks. Truly unfathomable 

 

the mistakes just add insult to injury (the 10mg reinstatement and too high jump)

 

im in so much pain as I lay here in bed it feels the only thing to do from here is just never dose again and let it take me. Although that is not what I plan to do

[LostInCanada]

1 minute ago, ScaredDad said:

convinced I’ll set the record for worst withdrawal or hardest to stabilize in history.

Trust me you aren't. I could give some members names and their experiences that would rock you to your core. And they have written success stories. Hope is so powerful. Tap into that.

I am sure going back to making your own liquid will be a huge step in the right direction. 

You also need to trust your gut with the dose you take tomorrow. Your doctor upped you way to high. Unfortunately you are suffering the fall out. 

[ScaredDad]

30 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Trust me you aren't. I could give some members names and their experiences that would rock you to your core. And they have written success stories. Hope is so powerful. Tap into that.

I am sure going back to making your own liquid will be a huge step in the right direction. 

You also need to trust your gut with the dose you take tomorrow. Your doctor upped you way to high. Unfortunately you are suffering the fall out. 

It honestly feels like 1-1.5 is where I need to go. Just rip this off? As recommended a few days back before I decided to tough it out. I botched this. I was desperate and ended up on 2.5 when I should’ve either waited 3 more days on 1 or max gone to 1.25 or so. I just need help picking up the pieces team! Thank you so much 

 

 

I have such pure bred fear in my heart I almost want to run through the street screaming. I’ve never wanted a kolonopin more in my entire life, I will not be taking one tho as I got rid of them.

[LostInCanada]

20 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I will not be taking one tho as I got rid of them

I am so glad.

20 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I almost want to run through the street screaming.

I can relate. 

21 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

honestly feels like 1-1.5 is where I need to go. Just rip this off?

You are still in the 7-10 days. Is it ideal ... No but none of this is. I have never been this all over the place in my advice. It's like I am living your emotion and I don't know if that is a good thing. You definitely are not doing great with the updose. Sticking with something that may be causing kindling is not wise. 

If your gut is telling you 1-1.5 mg, this is the time to make a change. 1.5 mg will be easier on you than 1mg at this point.

[LotusRising]

@ScaredDad

 

I want to preface by saying that no matter what you do, you WILL get through all of this. It's scary and unfamiliar and emotions are running high, but it does get better ❤️

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

It honestly feels like 1-1.5 is where I need to go.

If this is what your gut is telling you, then this is probably where you need to go. You were on 1 mg initially for 5 days and then increased to 2.5mg - do you recall how you felt then (1mg) compared to how you feel now at 2.5mg?

Edited May 9 by LotusRising

[ScaredDad]

7 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

@ScaredDad

 

I want to preface by saying that no matter what you do, you WILL get through all of this. It's scary and unfamiliar and emotions are running high, but it does get better ❤️

If this is what your gut is telling you, then this is probably where you need to go. You were on 1 mg initially for 5 days and then increased to 2.5mg - do you recall how you felt then (1mg) compared to how you feel now at 2.5mg?

I had a 6 hour window in day 3 of 1.00mg. I just had an awful night and then bad next day before I got switched the next day to 2.50mg.

 

part of me was like well a window on day 3 after coming off 10 was because there was some of the 10mg in you still. On day 4 of 1.00mg I felt like my legs were wobbly so maybe as I got closer to 1.00mg of steady state it was too little? I’m not sure. But on 1 I felt more like withdrawal at the end and on 2.50mg I feel more charged up.

 

im just so scared, like what if I’m just completely wrong. Surely with the headaches and teeth ache within 2 hours of dosing it must be too high righ?

[LostInCanada]

4 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

headaches and teeth ache within 2 hours of dosing it must be too high righ?

It seems so especially if this is consistent. The charged up feeling as well does not seem good. 

[LotusRising]

5 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

as I got closer to 1.00mg of steady state it was too little?

What was happening that you thought it was too little? I just read through your notes and it seems to me your anxiety has been amping up since increasing the dose to 2.5mg. Do you feel this way too?

[LotusRising]

2 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

headaches and teeth ache

Did you have these symptoms when you initially tapered down? Or are these new?

Edited May 9 by LotusRising

[ScaredDad]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

It seems so especially if this is consistent. The charged up feeling as well does not seem good. 

What scares the crap out of me is I wrote this on 1mg

 

 

4/30 

• Awful sleep may have slept 30 mins. So exhausted. just insane anxiety
• 700am took 1mg and then ate a banana 
• So scared about this dosing and that I’m somehow messing up the draw out or something 
• I feel awful rn. Like awful. Just laid in bed at my moms house where I’ll be the entire day until I go home 
• My life is just in complete and utter hold. If I don’t start feeling better by Sunday I’m going to have to consider longer term leave from work.
• I will try and rest a bit 
• 804: not as much of the numbness so far. More mental feeling. Higher anxiety last night with less jerks
• 824: slight teeth tingle - this has always been a thing for me when not stable and so annoying. I think some people call it burning mouth but mines never been bad enough to say burning really 
• 839: typical headache 
• 1021: feels like teeth tingle and anxiety is increasing (what do I do?!? Struggling so bad)

[ScaredDad]

3 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

What was happening that you thought it was too little? I just read through your notes and it seems to me your anxiety has been amping up since increasing the dose to 2.5mg. Do you feel this way too?

I do kind of feel this way yes. I’m not sure, maybe I was just so new to this then that it was scarier? The biggest thing was the neurological legs tremble feeling. I was like this feels like the same thing I had when withdrawing not on the drug so it’s not enough. Could’ve gone away if I waited idk 

 

the night terror thing is brand new on the 2.5

[ScaredDad]

1 hour ago, LotusRising said:

Did you have these symptoms when you initially tapered down? Or are these new?

These are new. Tapering down all I had was anxiety that I thought was just my anxiety. 
 

only other time I had teeth tingling was in 2022 when I was tapering up after tapering to 2.5mg, I was on a beach trip and was super anxious just started 15 mg and drank 5 days in a row. I was a wreck, not as bad as now, but a wreck. I had the teeth pain then. It went away once I acclimated to the dose. 
 

that was the first time I ever had the nerve pain that I have had on and off literally ever since. I got an mri due to it and was told it was all my anxiety. 

[ScaredDad]

@LotusRising

@LostInCanada

is it possible a lot of this is left over withdrawal from the original stop as well as waves from the 10mg? If this drug peaks at 5 hours I will say that all of my windows I’ve had start exactly around then if you look at my history. They never start earlier. Even still. My teeth aching went away today and came back as I was reading this board just now. I think I may need to pull the E brake on myself with research too. 
 

I watch probably 2 hours of withdrawal videos on YouTube a day… 

 

edit: also looking to get my pill manufacturer compounded to liquid. Is there risk there?

 

last thing: anyone think there is risk to a Pulsetto? A vagus nerve stimulator? Mine just got here. I also ordered a grounding sheet being delivered tomorrow that I’m driving the rod straight into the ground for.

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

anyone think there is risk to a Pulsetto? A vagus nerve stimulator? Mine just got here. I also ordered a grounding sheet being delivered tomorrow that I’m driving the rod straight into the ground for

Things that might help can have adverse reactions to someone with a sensitive CNS. It is best not to introduce new things while still figuring this out. It prevents you from knowing what is working or not.

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

I think I may need to pull the E brake on myself with research too. 

Good idea

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

@LotusRising

@LostInCanada

is it possible a lot of this is left over withdrawal from the original stop as well as waves from the 10mg?

All these changes are in the mix.

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

also looking to get my pill manufacturer compounded to liquid. Is there risk there?

I don't know the medium a pharmacy would use.  Please search through the list if topics on here for more insight into this.

[ScaredDad]

@LostInCanadathanks as always. Sticking to my old big sock filled with rice in my neck. Hitting the spot at the moment.

[Emonda]

Sorry for my slow reply, It's been a very long day at work.

 

17 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

can I start lamictal low dose in this sensitized of a state?

 

If it were me, I wouldn't want to add anything new, whilst feeling so sensitised.

 

17 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

I still think that the jump from 1mg to 2.5mg was too much.

 

I'm not a doctor, but I agree.

 

17 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

I'd lower the dose to 2.25mg

 

This is consistent with the maximum 10% approach. When I make changes, I stick to this rule...actually, I go slower at 8% per month (2% per week for 4 weeks). Very small changes are about all I can manage. 

 

16 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

These drugs are just so powerful and it is a risk to jump around. 

The manufactured liquid direct switch also comes into play. 

 

I completely agree with LostinCanada. I know of someone who recently changed the brand of their AD, and within days, they felt dreadful. They reverted to the original brand, and things settled down within a few days.

 

16 hours ago, Tweed9674 said:

If you are going to make a change, make only one change for now.

 

That's my policy, one change at a time so you know the cause of a problem...if there is one.

 

15 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

@Emonda@LotusRisingany idea here on lower than 2.25?

 

That's consistent with the 10% approach.

 

13 hours ago, LotusRising said:

I want to preface by saying that no matter what you do, you WILL get through all of this. It's scary and unfamiliar and emotions are running high, but it does get better ❤️

14 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

It honestly feels like 1-1.5 is where I need to go.

If this is what your gut is telling you, then this is probably where you need to go

 

Great words from LotusRising. You WILL get through this.

 

Reducing sounds logical. Maybe you do need to get to 1.5mg...I have no idea; none of us knows for certain, but why not carefully test the waters at 2.25mg?

 

I hope some of my ramblings are helpful. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ScaredDad]

@Emondathey are very helpful! I managed to calm down last night and am going to take today slow. I still don’t know what to do dose wise and am working out medication brand currently so I may hold a bit longer (today and maybe tomorrow) and see if the stability helps me out. I do wonder if some of the symptom increase is my body just coming online. I’ve had that in the past. Patterns are sort of emerging and I feel I need to watch.

 

last night (even after an awful day where I got myself ampeddddd up) I went for a walk, took a bath, got hungry and ate a lot, and slept a little. I used the restroom maybe 2-3 times vs 10 and didn’t jerk all night or have night terrors. There is something to that, idk what, but that is progress.

[Emonda]

7 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I managed to calm down last night and am going to take today slow.

 

I'm glad to read this.

 

8 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I went for a walk, took a bath, got hungry and ate a lot, and slept a little. I used the restroom maybe 2-3 times vs 10 and didn’t jerk all night or have night terrors.

 

Sounds like a better day.

 

9 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

but that is progress.

 

You've got to celebrate any success on this journey 🎉

[LotusRising]

31 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I went for a walk, took a bath, got hungry and ate a lot, and slept a little. I used the restroom maybe 2-3 times vs 10 and didn’t jerk all night or have night terrors. There is something to that, idk what, but that is progress.

This sounds very positive @ScaredDad!  

 

32 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I may hold a bit longer (today and maybe tomorrow) and see if the stability helps me out.

I think you've got the right idea here, especially if you're considering a manufacturer change. 

 

Please let us know how your day goes.

[ScaredDad]

Last question for a bit hopefully. Do we have more control over this than I let myself believe? What I mean is obviously I can’t fix it but I can give my body the conditions it needs to calm down?

 

I certainly can make it worse with my thinking. 

[Catwoman73]

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

Last question for a bit hopefully. Do we have more control over this than I let myself believe? What I mean is obviously I can’t fix it but I can give my body the conditions it needs to calm down?

 

I certainly can make it worse with my thinking. 

The mind is a very powerful tool.  We can't control the fact that symptoms are going to occur, but there are absolutely tools, like progressive relaxation, deep breathing, yoga/stretching, walking meditation, etc, that we can use to get through the waves in a more Zen way.  The problem is that those tools are really difficult to learn and implement when you're in crisis.  That doesn't mean there isn't benefit in trying- learning these skills is no different than learning anything else- repetition is key.  Keep trying- if you fail, and start to spiral, start over- make these practices your job right now.

 

It may take a while to find what tool helps you break out of spiralling downwards, but keep trying, and eventually something will click.  For me, walking meditation during the day, progressive relaxation at night.  Walking meditation is simply the act of going for a walk, and instead of ruminating in your thoughts, make a conscious effort to notice the things going on around you- the clouds rolling by, kids playing in the park, bird noises, etc.  If your mind wanders, just bring it back.  And progressive relaxation- start at your toes, flex the muscles super tight, then relax them.  Move up to your ankles, calves, knees, etc all the way through your body.  Again- if your mind wanders, bring it back and try again.  It takes practice, but it's super helpful if you can master it.

[ScaredDad]

Thanks @Catwoman73 as always. Mornings tend to be my worst and I’m struggling 

[Catwoman73]

17 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Thanks @Catwoman73 as always. Mornings tend to be my worst and I’m struggling 

Me too- mornings SUCK.  The good news is that mornings end.  And this, too, shall pass. ❤️‍🩹

[ScaredDad]

Team, checking in here for classic reassurance. Today is day 9 at 2.5mg. Day 6 liquid Rx. While I would say days have been not getting any better (since Monday which was a decent window day) and in some cases worse, I will say I had good evening yesterday.
 

I just need to know something that I’ve asked before and I’m sorry!!! Generally, if you hold a dose indefinitely, your brain will adjust to it right? I know ive been sporadic over the years but I was only off 2 weeks. This is the first 6 day period in a month that didn’t either quit lexapro, quit nicotine or alcohol, quit caffeine, reinstate lexapro, or change a dose or something. It should be expected to feel awful still right? And be patient? 

 

I’ve been searching and get scared of the people who never stabilize and give up. I don’t think I can give up. 
 

list of symptoms:

Symptoms that have cleared:

• moving floor / earthquake feeling
• Distressing urge to vomit
• temperature changes and flu symptoms 
• Severe nerve pain
• SI (still creeps around)

 

Present Symptoms

• severe anxiety and sense of doom
• Insomnia 
• Rapid heart from walking
• Aching teeth pain and tongue pain
• Slight nerve pain and numbness around legs and face
• Body jerks and face movements when resting
• Headaches severe 
• Intrusive thoughts
• Dizziness / vertigo 
• Temporary inability to write and even walk normal sometimes when overwhelmed 
• Sound sensitivity
• Photosensitivity this one with my vision is crippling when trying to leave the house. This vision stuff is just awful. I want to lay with closed eyes all day
• Hyper alertness 
• Emotional numbing 
• lately I’ve been having OLD memories flash through that I haven’t thought of in 10+ years and they are vivid!
• Stuck in the house in bed 
• Gut is seized up with strange smelling stool (should I be taking probiotics to build my gut back?) this happened early on in the plummet 
• cognition issues and brain fog 
• Tinnitus 
• Having to pace on the phone.