ScaredDad: Lexapro Reinstatement Help

[LostInCanada]

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

if you hold a dose indefinitely, your brain will adjust to it right?

Overall yes. For me I have never got back to before cold turkey. That being said I think my drug was pooping out and so until I am off I won't be. 

But yes the brain is adjusting trying to reach homeostasis.

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

It should be expected to feel awful still right? And be patient? 

Absolutely. You have put your CNS through the ringer. Be kind to it.

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

Photosensitivity this one with my vision is crippling when trying to leave the house. This vision stuff is just awful. I want to lay with closed eyes all day

I am still struggling with this. It has flared up terribly after doing tests at the optometrist and opthalmologist. Not impressed.

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

Having to pace on the phone

I still do this, though less. I think it may be the body trying to expend anxious energy.

 

2 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

taking probiotics to build my gut back?)

I did. Is there any food that has the ability to always loosen your stool? High fat, dairy, etc. 

 

I still have many symptoms you list but they have went from 10 to 2 thankfully.

[ScaredDad]

19 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

I did. Is there any food that has the ability to always loosen your stool? High fat, dairy, etc. 

not really sure tbh, was always coffee. I’m taking probiotics now but it is just so strange. It’s like my body squeezes the food for all it’s got but just takes so long. I guess everyone’s guts shut down? It’s such a weird thing.

[LostInCanada]

1 minute ago, ScaredDad said:

guess everyone’s guts shut down

The gut is where serotonin is made mostly. It is so important to get that working.

[ScaredDad]

41 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

The gut is where serotonin is made mostly. It is so important to get that working.

100% thanks @LostInCanadayou dont understand how much you have helped me

[LostInCanada]

Just now, ScaredDad said:

100% thanks

You are so welcome. I so hate these drugs. 

[Catwoman73]

13 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

You are so welcome. I so hate these drugs. 

I hear you.  The more I learn, the more upsetting it is to think that there was never true, informed consent when started them.  If someone told me what I was in for, I never, in a million years, would have started them.  Trying hard to not look back, but when 30 years of my life has been impacted by that one decision, it's really hard not to lol!

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73@LostInCanada

hopefully in 5 years all across the tv is: have you been prescribed an ssri, snri, antipsychotic, or benzo? You may be entitled to financial compensation 

[LotusRising]

5 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

Generally, if you hold a dose indefinitely, your brain will adjust to it right?

Yes, this is the goal you're after.

 

5 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

And be patient? 

Absolutely, be patient! This is key during all of this. 

 

5 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

I’ve been searching and get scared of the people who never stabilize and give up. I don’t think I can give up.

Being scared is NORMAL. It's a scary situation. But keep trusting that it will get better because it will! I've had all the symptoms on your list and while I still have some of them, the intensity is so much less. And never give up. It's just not an option ❤️

[ScaredDad]

1 hour ago, LotusRising said:

Being scared is NORMAL. It's a scary situation. But keep trusting that it will get better because it will! I've had all the symptoms on your list and while I still have some of them, the intensity is so much less. And never give up. It's just not an option ❤️

Amen to that! Thanks guys everyone have a great night 

[ScaredDad]

I took a melatonin (0.5mg) last night to give it a shot after a decent little window and it wrecked my world. I will never again. Within 50 mins my heart was coming out of my chest. How long is this set back going to be?

[Catwoman73]

3 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

I took a melatonin (0.5mg) last night to give it a shot after a decent little window and it wrecked my world. I will never again. Within 50 mins my heart was coming out of my chest. How long is this set back going to be?

Oh no!  Such a tiny dose!  Crazy, isn't it?

I had a crazy reaction to magnesium last week, and I was off for a few days.  But I suppose it's hard to say- we're all different, and you are very much more in a crisis state than I am right now.  Rest, don't take anything else, and give yourself a chance to stabilize.  Don't forget, mornings are your worst time, so look forward to a better afternoon, even if you don't return to baseline right away.  Hang in there!

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73i don’t know what to make of it. It makes me think I way too unstable for anything including the lexapro. 

[Catwoman73]

1 minute ago, ScaredDad said:

@Catwoman73i don’t know what to make of it. It makes me think I way too unstable for anything including the lexapro. 

You definitely don't want to miss your lex dose, or stop taking it altogether.  That would further destabilize you.  I know it's tempting to try things when you're feeling good, but I think you've made the case for yourself that for now, adding nothing and taking away nothing is the best course.  Live and learn- no more melatonin!  You WILL improve.  I know it's hard to believe, but you will.  I wish I could do more to help.  I remember feeling like you do now when I CT'd off of Paxil.  It's not easy to stay the course when you feel so desperate.  But that's what we're here for- to remind you of what is safe and rational.  You can do this!

[Catwoman73]

I was thinking of something you said the other day about watching YouTube videos... I know unhelpful that can be!  But I'm going to give you a couple of links here- these two videos are nothing but compilations of survivors' messages to those in the thick of it right now.  The messages are powerful and way more positive.  If you want to watch something, try these...

 

 

 

Thinking of you!

[LostInCanada]

4 hours ago, ScaredDad said:

How long is this set back going to be?

It should be very temporary. Are you already feeling better?

1 hour ago, ScaredDad said:

It makes me think I way too unstable for anything including the lexapro. 

This is the wrong assumption. The reinstatement of the lexapro has settled alot of the wd symptoms you have been having. I just read about someone who didn't reinstate the drug I am on, and it took them years to overcome the symptoms that reinstatement got rid of for me within weeks. 

Definitely don't add any supplements at this time or lamictal. Say NO to drugs lol. No more drugs okay?

[Catwoman73]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

It should be very temporary. Are you already feeling better?

This is the wrong assumption. The reinstatement of the lexapro has settled alot of the wd symptoms you have been having. I just read about someone who didn't reinstate the drug I am on, and it took them years to overcome the symptoms that reinstatement got rid of for me within weeks. 

Definitely don't add any supplements at this time or lamictal. Say NO to drugs lol. No more drugs okay?

Or supplements!!!  Your nervous system is so touchy... stable is the way!!!

[ScaredDad]

33 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

It should be very temporary. Are you already feeling better?

This is the wrong assumption. The reinstatement of the lexapro has settled alot of the wd symptoms you have been having. I just read about someone who didn't reinstate the drug I am on, and it took them years to overcome the symptoms that reinstatement got rid of for me within weeks. 

Definitely don't add any supplements at this time or lamictal. Say NO to drugs lol. No more drugs okay?

I mean maybe a tiny bit but my jerks are bad today. Ive been in bed all day. I had a window from 3-8 yesterday where I could do everything I needed. Went to gym to use steam room for 5 mins to shave face and clean up (didn’t want to overdo heat on body), went to grocery alone, picked up dinner later, kept daughter with parents over. Laughed some. And now I feel like I’m behind square 1. I was laughing at The Office in bed at 930. Now I’m back to wanting to go down in dose. This is such a roller coaster. I am so insanely sensitive 

 

yesterdays notes: 

 

feed back appreciated. 
 

5/9

• head tightness and anxiety. Numbness in knees and legs 653
• Photosensitivity just so bad 

 

7- taking dose. Feel like crap. This is day 8. I’m hoping for some stability from here. 

730 - increased urge to pee and twitching 

8 - crap. Laying in bed jerking and teeth tingle starting 

830 - constant urination. Big Burst of tinnitus. Sunday marks two weeks in bed ******* someone please save me 

9 - head tightening. Idk why SI is back. Hopeless despair setting in. I’ve been in withdrawal since July 2022. Could I be a worst case scenario?

930 - severe anxiety involuntary hand movements 

10 - rapid heart anxiety. Feel like I’m losing neurological control. 

12 - so bad, at end of rope it feels like 

252 - feel like **** but maybe some clarity

917: day turned around at like 6 once I truly tried to calm down  

 

5/10

6 - better night that usual, cuddled my wife when I woke up and felt optimistic 

630 - maybe some anxiety creeping in with symptoms but just seems to be cns turning on. So disheartening 

7 - 2.5mg dose with instant increase in anxiety which is clearly not tied to dose

725 - laying back down for a bit 

8 I’m a wreck neurologically rn in bed. I also can’t stop like imagining things. As I closed my eyes within 5 mins in my head I was in a movie on an alien planet. Like just weird. Sleep deprivation? 

950 - got a little relief out of nowhere 

1020 - able to get out bed 

1039 - tried to go on a walk and was so overwhelmed I had to hurry home and get back In bed. Vision just feels incredibly impacted outside. I can feel electric current in my leg calf constantly for past 3 mins just humming. 

11 - yawning, tired, uncertain, tinnitus. Is going down to 2.25 the move here?

1113 - weird deep memories of growing up I haven’t thought of in 10 years 

1145 - haven’t really had the headache. Getting hungry 

Ate a full lunch 

126 - tinnitus 

2 - meeting with coach 

3-5 window

5 everything rolled back in starting with face and mouth numbness and then took over 

Update. This kinda stopped. 10 mins later: Not sure if I’d say the window stayed open as I’ve seen some attempts by my cns to make me feel bad but still getting stuff done through 8 -> anxiety creep. Weird stuff so annoying. Still ok 9

[LostInCanada]

Did I give you the video about waves and windows? To me it is so encouraging to know the body is constantly recalibrating like the Rubik's cube.

 

 

[ScaredDad]

14 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Did I give you the video about waves and windows? To me it is so encouraging to know the body is constantly recalibrating like the Rubik's cube.

 

 

You did and I SO appreciate you sending it again because I will watch again now. 
 

biggest fear is constantly thinking I’m too high on dose. But I still get windows!!! I’m bringing up a small reduction with my team but part of me like ahhhhhhh just FIGHT in 2.50. Then the other 50% of me is like get to 2!!!!!! The sleep deprivation is just fuel on the fire

 

im just ready to get enough relief to get out of bed. It doesn’t feel like the reinstatement has done much for me… but I guess I haven’t been in consistent dose all that long 

[LotusRising]

22 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

I had a window from 3-8 yesterday where I could do everything I needed. Went to gym to use steam room for 5 mins to shave face and clean up (didn’t want to overdo heat on body), went to grocery alone, picked up dinner later, kept daughter with parents over. Laughed some. And now I feel like I’m behind square 1. I was laughing at The Office in bed at 930. Now I’m back to wanting to go down in dose. This is such a roller coaster. I am so insanely sensitive

This is the nature of waves and windows unfortunately. Try to remember that the waves always end and the good is just around the corner. I know it's frustrating, but it sounds like you had a great windows! So, this is good  

[ScaredDad]

1 hour ago, LotusRising said:

This is the nature of waves and windows unfortunately. Try to remember that the waves always end and the good is just around the corner. I know it's frustrating, but it sounds like you had a great windows! So, this is good  

This holds true when on the drug to though right? Like if I’m having windows on 2.5mg it’s a good sign? I’m just so scared I need lower but am too scared to move and my team doesn’t want me to yet since today is day 10. The main symptoms of withdrawal initially were severe instances where I felt like I couldn’t walk and my skin was changing temp along with like 100bpm all the time. Since reinstating to 2.50 I feel like all that’s gone but now I have a different set of symptoms that feel more like issues with being overly stimulated or something. Like I can’t sleep and my mind is playing wild games with me and my teeth hurt and nothing feels real unless I’m in a window that seems to be more and more fleeting. Also the like being tired but not thing is really weird. Is that a withdrawal thing or an SSRI thing?

[LostInCanada]

49 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

This holds true when on the drug to though right? Like if I’m having windows on 2.5mg it’s a good sign

Yes, waves and windows are with reinstatement. It's all part of the healing.

 

50 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Is that a withdrawal thing or an SSRI thing?

Anything you never experienced before that is totally weird can pretty well always be chalked up to WD. 

 

52 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

Since reinstating to 2.50 I feel like all that’s gone but now I have a different set of symptoms

You can always drop to 2.25 mg. I thought you were going to.

[ScaredDad]

Just now, LostInCanada said:

Yes, waves and windows are with reinstatement. It's all part of the healing.

 

Anything you never experienced before that is totally weird can pretty well always be chalked up to WD. 

 

You can always drop to 2.25 mg. I thought you were going to.

I’m thinking I will 

[ScaredDad]

@LostInCanadaim even considering 2.1 to be a about a 5% SERT occupancy drop. Don’t know everyone’s thoughts on that?

it won’t let me put the chart in but 2.7mg is 60% and 2.1 is 55%

 

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDad I think 2.25 mg is a careful good option.

[Tweed9674]

19 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@ScaredDad I think 2.25 mg is a careful good option.

I 100% agree. IF you're going to make a move, I think this is your best bet.

[ScaredDad]

@Emonda

@LotusRising

@LostInCanada

@Catwoman73

@Tweed9674

 

Lotus rising. I read you story and something was screaming out at me from Allos responses. I wish she would read this and advise but curious what you all think. This is not that short but I mean not the longest story in the world. But it’s my whole story. And I think where the anxiety spawned from may be pretty obvious. let me know what y’all think. 
 

from allo’s point: iatrogenic nervous system destabilization vs withdrawal - I think I have withdrawal sure but I’ve been on the edge of unstable quite a while.

I’ll add that this whole time I was a high performing “young professional” that continuously got high marks even through March of this year.

 

Mistake

I took Xanax (street) a few years (a little more than just a little to be honest) from 2014-2017. The whole time drinking super hard as we were in college. Childhood friend passes in early 2017 from an overdose and I quit cold turkey. I thought I had some anxiety for a bit but it subsided. Move forward to stress in September 2018 with a job change and I start getting arm pains and can’t sleep, eventually subsides but was prescribed klonopin from Dr when I got an mri because of the brain fog and headaches. I took this intermittently through July of 2018 all while drinking a ton and had a snap in July where I couldn’t sleep for 2 weeks coming off a bender. I was eventually put on lexapro and somewhat stabilized for a period. All across this time from 2018-2022 I would get crippling anxiety when I drank too much (like pure crippling for days) that would sometimes end in 2-3 days of me not being able to sleep again and more klonopin use. In 2022 when I tried to taper down lexapro I started again (with a stress event) getting arm pain and nerve shock with loads of anxiety around the 2.5mg mark. I got down to 2.5mg in April and symptoms started in June. I ended up tapering back up to 15mg beginning in August under Dr orders and it was 2 months of unadulterated hell but I eventually stabilized. Come around to a trip to the BVIs in February 2023 and I destabilize again. Arm pain and hand twitches were the markers along with anxiety. I felt generally bad all of 2023 with ups and downs but after the trip to Germany I said the heck with this it has to be the lexapro. So I tapered in a month and said bye to it mid September. I removed alcohol nicotine and lexapro all around the same time and started sleeping the best in my life. 

 

Felt amazinggggg for a few weeks but the wedding run we went on in October eventually destabilized me in the early November time frame where I started having electric shock at the Missouri UGA game. I took time off drinking but eventually shattered it at thanksgiving. This all added up to me reinstating lexapro on December 24th if I remember correctly. Under the idea I was just too anxious of a person. That it was all psychosomatic. This whole time I had headaches, brain fog, and nerve pain. It sucked but I tapered up to 10mg in late January and got “stable” enough to live a pretty normal life minus numbness and waking up at 4 am every day. I eventually get sick and tired of this and again blame the lexapro with NO knowledge of withdrawals and taper off from February 15th or so through April 8 or so when I had my last dose. I just forgot about it and was like well I wanted off anyway and just had some beers. What was so hard is a felt better and more clear I thought the further down I went. I would get random nerve pain and numb patches (autonomic dysfunction) but always chalked everything up to my psychosomatic anxiety disorder I was told I had. Specifically post my 2022 mri since I thought I had MS. They were all like dude it is in your head. This would end up being a rather fatal move. If I knew I could’ve stabilized and held. 

Fast forward three weeks and I was having waves of cold and heat flushing through skin. Serious nervous system dysfunction like cold toes, cold individual fingers, water drops in skin, red patches, any thing you think of. All made worse by nicotine and caffeine as in like instantly. Then the bottom falls out and I had to reinstate to save my life (as it felt, and I’m still not sure if it will). Here I am trying to stabilize on 2.5mg in May after being put back on 10mg by doctor and being hit so hard I could see flashing lights at night when we slept upstairs. I was having vicious spin cycle mood changes each day, one down and one up. After dropping to 1.0mg it sort of reeled in but I still felt like I was in free fall. Now at 10 days on 2.5mg and the tinnitus is so loud I can’t think over it. Anxiety, panic, fear, nerve pain, distorted cognition and derealization, everything screaming from the rooftops. Praying I can stabilize. But wondering if this is just the culmination of years of mistakes here to take me out at the highest point of a happy young man’s life.

 

no caffeine, nicotine, or alcohol in weeks. Couldn’t even handle a melatonin last night. Scared for my life.

[Catwoman73]

4 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

@Emonda

@LotusRising

@LostInCanada

@Catwoman73

@Tweed9674

 

Lotus rising. I read you story and something was screaming out at me from Allos responses. I wish she would read this and advise but curious what you all think. This is not that short but I mean not the longest story in the world. But it’s my whole story. And I think where the anxiety spawned from may be pretty obvious. let me know what y’all think. 
 

from allow point: iatrogenic nervous system destabilization vs withdrawal

 

Trex’s Mistake

I took Xanax (street) a few years (a little more than just a little to be honest) from 2014-2017. The whole time drinking super hard as we were in college. Childhood friend passes in early 2017 from an overdose and I quit cold turkey. I thought I had some anxiety for a bit but it subsided. Move forward to stress in September 2018 with a job change and I start getting arm pains and can’t sleep, eventually subsides but was prescribed klonopin from Dr when I got an mri because of the brain fog and headaches. I took this intermittently through July of 2018 all while drinking a ton and had a snap in July where I couldn’t sleep for 2 weeks coming off a bender. I was eventually put on lexapro and somewhat stabilized for a period. All across this time from 2018-2022 I would get crippling anxiety when I drank too much (like pure crippling for days) that would sometimes end in 2-3 days of me not being able to sleep again and more klonopin use. In 2022 when I tried to taper down lexapro I started again (with a stress event) getting arm pain and nerve shock with loads of anxiety around the 2.5mg mark. I got down to 2.5mg in April and symptoms started in June. I ended up tapering back up to 15mg beginning in August under Dr orders and it was 2 months of unadulterated hell but I eventually stabilized. Come around to a trip to the BVIs in February 2023 and I destabilize again. Arm pain and hand twitches were the markers along with anxiety. I felt generally bad all of 2023 with ups and downs but after the trip to Germany I said the heck with this it has to be the lexapro. So I tapered in a month and said bye to it mid September. Felt amazinggggg for a few weeks but the wedding run we went on in October eventually destabilized me in the early November time frame where I started having electric shock at the Missouri UGA game. I took time off drinking but eventually shattered it at thanksgiving. This all added up to me reinstating lexapro on December 24th if I remember correctly. Under the idea I was just too anxious of a person. That it was all psychosomatic. This whole time I had headaches, brain fog, and nerve pain. It sucked but I tapered up to 10mg in late January and got “stable” enough to live a pretty normal life minus numbness and waking up at 4 am every day. I eventually get sick and tired of this and again blame the lexapro with NO knowledge of withdrawals and taper off from February 15th or so through April 8 or so when I had my last dose. I just forgot about it and was like well I wanted off anyway and just had some beers. What was so hard is a felt better and more clear I thought the further down I went. I would get random nerve pain and numb patches (autonomic dysfunction) but always chalked everything up to my psychosomatic anxiety disorder I was told I had. Specifically post my 2022 mri since I thought I had MS. They were all like dude it is in your head. This would end up being a rather fatal move. If I knew I could’ve stabilized and held. 

Fast forward three weeks and I was having waves of cold and heat flushing through skin. Serious nervous system dysfunction. Then the bottom falls out and I had to reinstate to save my life (as it felt). Here I am trying to stabilize on 2.5mg in May after being put back on 10mg by doctor and being hit so hard I could see flashing lights at night when we slept upstairs. I was having vicious spin cycle mood changes each day, one down and one up. After dropping to 1.0mg it sort of reeled in but I still felt like I was in free fall. Now at 10 days on 2.5mg and the tinnitus is so loud I can’t think over it. Anxiety, panic, fear, nerve pain, distorted cognition and dereliction, everything screaming from the rooftops. Praying I can stabilize. But wondering if this is just the culmination of years of mistakes here to take me out at the highest point of a happy young man’s life.

 

Oh man, @ScaredDad, you and I could write a book!!!!!

 

I have taken to analyzing my life in great detail since the whole long covid debacle hit me two years ago.  I fully admit that this has become my midlife awakening (a much better word than crisis lol).  I've come to realize, that yes, everything that has ever happened to me that has been out of my control, and everything decision that I have ever made- good or bad- has led me to this moment.  I can see it all so damned clearly now.  It's like all the puzzle pieces have just fallen in to place, and I now GET IT.  I understand how I ended up here. 

 

I prefer not to call what I have been through as 'mistakes' though.  I see each and every event in my life as stepping stones, that were preceded by other stepping stones, going all the way back to my childhood.  If you looked back even further than what you wrote here, I'll bet you could even connect more of the dots that got you to that point where you tried recreational Xanax.  Something brought you there- something led you to make that decision.  I just don't believe in calling things mistakes- I truly believe that we make decisions based on how our experiences have shaped our mindset over the long term.  We're all just doing the best we can at any given moment... and sometimes our best is a royal f*ck up... excuse my language. 

 

On that note- I think your highest point is yet to come.  I don't think you have been taken out by this- certainly not permanently.  This is going to be an extremely rough time, but it is also your opportunity to show yourself what you're really made of.  You are strong, and you are going to prove that you can get off these damned pills, and you can face life's challenges without leaning on substances of any sort.  It's going to be hard work, but I truly believe that you- and everyone here- will come out of this better than before!

 

Sending you lots of support, my friend... healing vibes coming your way, always!

[ScaredDad]

@Catwoman73amen!!! Thank you so much for your response. I just love the way you look at things!
you’re right, I can go to childhood and point at even more things. We are a sum of our prior experiences. I love the way you write these!

 

Also, I doxed myself in there so I edited it out of my comment but idk if your quote still has my name. lol oh well honestly this team is like family to me now. I’m gonna fight, I feel like crap and I’m questioning everything with this reinstatement but I’ll tell you I’m doing better than the direction I was going without it. I was free falling. 
 

my body has to get used to this dose, I still have windows and I know I can get there. I’m so scared someone would say stop reinstatement but I’m telling you idk if that’s an option. I’ve had a hard “reinstatement” via increase 2 years ago, it got better. 
 

also, all my nerve pain related stuff happened in 2022 4 months after I got rocked with covid. I know it’s tied to lexapro too though but working on the same pathways so who knows.

[Catwoman73]

2 minutes ago, ScaredDad said:

@Catwoman73amen!!! Thank you so much for your response. I just love the way you look at things! Also, I doxed myself in there so I edited it out of my comment but idk if your quote still has my name. lol oh well honestly this team is like family to me now. I’m gonna fight, I feel like crap and I’m questioning everything with this reinstatement but I’ll tell you I’m doing better than the direction I was going without it. I was free falling. 
 

my body has to get used to this dose, I still have windows and I know I can get there. I’m so scared someone would say stop reinstatement but I’m telling you idk if that’s an option. I’ve had a hard “reinstatement” via increase 2 years ago, it got better. 
 

also, all my nerve pain related stuff happened in 2022 4 months after I got rocked with covid.

That's interesting.  Nerve pain is one of my symptoms of long covid- I get random shocks in my hands, elbows and feet.  And I got them before I started tapering, so I know it's just the LC.  I do wonder if you may have a small component of long covid in there too, making it that much harder to tease out what the best course of action is.  With all the crazy ups and downs you've experienced during the time since you had covid, it would be hard to say for sure, but it's a possibility. 

 

My view on life is hard-earned... it really is.  I hated myself up until about two years ago.  But journaling and writing out my whole life story made me see things very differently.  I can finally see that I really am a survivor- I somehow got through things that would have made others buckle.  I made terrible decisions but they were all in an effort to quell loneliness, fear, and self-loathing... all of which stemmed from events that came before.  Every bad decision served a purpose.  This whole exercise has taught me tremendous self compassion.  

 

You sound determined, and I love to see that!  It's ok to question everything- I think we've all learned the hard way that NOT questioning things can get us into trouble.  But we're lucky to have this forum to air our concerns, and to have access to people who have walked the path before us to keep us in check.  I'm very glad you're here, asking questions, and airing the good, the bad and the ugly of how you're feeling.  The way I see it, that's a great sign that you will get through this.

[ScaredDad]

20 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

 I'm very glad you're here, asking questions, and airing the good, the bad and the ugly of how you're feeling.  The way I see it, that's a great sign that you will get through this.

Well thanks I hope. Weird electrical sensation night but I’ll take these words and try and sleep. Have a good night catwoman 

[ScaredDad]

Please someone tell me you heard of a person have to go this route. Tomorrow I will decrease to 2.25 in search of relief. Has anyone ever heard of someone going down to stabilize? I’m convinced with how sensitized I am and having come off twice in a year I will be the worst withdrawal in all of history. I’m telling you though this reinstatement has been so tough lately idk what other option I have. This is killing me.

 

here is my very short morning so far I eluding yesterday which was diabolical. Yesterday was bad enough I didn’t take notes much. Please read my Story a few posts back if you haven’t!

 

5/11

• Sleep was awful I’ll never try the melatonin again. Bad night
• 7am dose
• 10 just so down and out today 
• SI is so bad
• 6pm Awful day just spinning anxiety numbness fog can’t breathe not here 
• Worst I’ve felt in a long long time maybe ever. Just purified terror with nerve pain through face and body 

 

5/12

• 345am I am living in a horror movie 
• I will say that while that note is true, I apparently snored a very tiny bit and think I may have slept an hour. I surprisingly didn’t jerk a ton or have to get up to urinate despite anxiety,
• 620 having some yawns laying with hot rice filled sock 
• 650; periods feeling decent, numbness increasing in legs 
• 7 dose
• Actually went and got breakfast and sat with wife and daughter at the table to tough it out for Mother’s Day 
• 8 I’m telling you I can already feel this dose
• 9 twitching hard in bed with eyes closed (eyes have to be closed for this don’t know why but don’t have to be close to asleep)
• 905 urination increasing and teeth pain 
• SI is just out of bounds right now. Just intrusives
• 930 racing mind with weird vision type things with eyes closed and just freaking out
• 945 tinnitus increasing, desperate and bed bound.
• 950 I’m yawning a lot and eyes tearing up but no crying related
• I can’t cry anymore I’ve tried lots 

also, this is the most I’ve wanted to live through this entire thing. Please!!!! I have so much life ahead and my girls!

 

Whenever I have a window it happens at 12 or later. So I’m thinking after my body is like woah ok we survived the dose then it enters window? This has to be telling me we’re too high. I can’t take this. I know my cns has to gear yo and symptoms get worse. Even in the last when I had numbness it would start 30 mins after waking and abate in the day to return a little at night. I know my body takes this kind of rhythm but this is way too intense. I can’t leave the bed from 8-1 usually. Akathesia is pretty apparent now if not in bed. I can’t like sit on the couch or in a chair. I have to stand and walk and look out window in gaze of thought.

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDad there are many examples of ones on here that as they lessened dosages felt better. But all that come to mind were just regularly tapering. 

2.25 mg is like a regular taper reduction so it should be safe enough and yet helpful.

I just know when reinstating I went from 10 mg to 5 mg and so thankful I did. I wish I would have went lower but I was not able to join the site at that point due to them not accepting members then.

 

 

[ScaredDad]

Thanks for the support everyone. Tomorrow I move down. BUT! Should I drop say by day from 2.50 -> 2.40 -> 2.35 -> 2.30 -> 2.25. Is that a safer call? Or because of how out of control everything is do I pop it off to 2.25? I’d love to be on 2.25 today but don’t want to rock the boat too hard. I’m sure the answer is like well slower is always better so I get it. This dose is too much and I gotta get down a little.

[LostInCanada]

@ScaredDad I think doing the full jump is better at this point to lessen dependency on the 2.5 mg.

[Catwoman73]

Hey there @ScaredDad- how are things?  I'm hoping your silence is a good sign, but I do worry when you go quiet!

 

I suspect your windows occurring in the afternoon might have something to do with the timing of your dosing- peak plasma concentration of Lex occurs around the four hour mark after taking a dose, so you are likely hitting a good spot in the early afternoon.