Mushaboom: Venlafaxine for almost 10 years

[Mushaboom]

3 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

 I think, ultimately, we need to do what is best for us.  My only concern is becoming reliant on these medications to ease withdrawal symptoms- if taken sparingly and without worsening of withdrawal symptoms, you are likely ok to use them.  But taken chronically, even Advil and Tylenol can mess with your kidneys and liver, and are not going to help your overall state of health.  Just something to be mindful of.  

Thank you for explaining that and your experience. I will keep that in mind. The hives are mostly on their way out-- I will have a look into low histamine diet I try to make some changes there first. 

 

3 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

This is such hard work, isn't it?  I have both long covid and withdrawal, and I tell you, I feel like I spend every waking hour just working on being OK!  Sadly, it does take work to get well.  It's unfair- none of us asked for this- but it is what it is.  

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling from both long covid and withdrawal. Thank you for sharing how you spend every hour trying to be okay-- I feel that way too. I am curious about your long covid diagnosis. Before learning for about withdrawing from antidepressants, I was speculating about long covid. The symptoms seem to overlap a lot. 

 

3 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

Back when I was working, even before all this withdrawal stuff and the long covid, I found Mondays and Tuesdays VERY difficult.  I've been off work for two years now, and have the benefit of hindsight.  But I recognized that there was a damned good reason why Mondays and Tuesdays were rough- I never liked my career, and the start of a week was like torture for me.  So, when I see this sort of pattern, I do wonder what you do for a living?  Are you happy with your career?

Very interesting you bring this up, as I have been curious about the correlation to work. I don't really enjoy my career, it's easy enough, but it's not fulfilling to me. It also often feels like a lot of pressure when things are especially bad. I'm a contract worker and have a lot of freedom, and most of the time I work from home. That being said, I am also afraid of the flip side of not working. I would have to move back into my parents, I'm unsure about disability, and I don't have a spouse or a partner. I'm afraid of it limiting my personal freedom, my privacy, and making things worse. I am interested in hearing your perspective. I've been trying to take it week by week to see how working part-time impacts me. It's difficult to make life-changing decisions while going through this. 

 

4 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

Have you considered purchasing a jeweller's scale and taking your beads by weight, rather than by number?  Each capsule will contain the same weight of the drug, but the leads will vary in size and number.  You may be able to get more accuracy by using this method.

I have considered this and have heard others discuss this method. There seems to be some unknowns around the coating on each bead, varying from bead to bead and impacting the weight. I've also read about the water method. I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed by either. I will have to go to the psychiatrist whom I always have a very unpleasant experience with in order to change to immediate release. I don't mean to say these things as excuses, just sharing the obstacles I have been trying to overcome while feeling very panicked. I'll try to do some more reading in the venlafaxine tapering forum to see if anyone has had success weighing. 

 

I appreciate all of your help + rambling  

 

 

[Catwoman73]

55 minutes ago, Mushaboom said:

 I am curious about your long covid diagnosis. Before learning for about withdrawing from antidepressants, I was speculating about long covid. The symptoms seem to overlap a lot. 

 

 

 

I was diagnosed with long covid a full 17 months before I started my taper (this time lol... this is not my first rodeo- I've started and stopped these drugs many times over the last 30 years).  There is a LOT of overlap in symptoms, which just tells me that both conditions are related to our nervous system in some way.  My long covid symptoms include extreme fatigue and post exertion malaise, severe body aches, headaches/suspected trigeminal neuralgia, chest pain and pressure, shortness of breath, pre syncope, brain fog, and intermittent bowel issues (mostly solved by a whole foods plant based diet!).  

 

I do get a lot of these symptoms from withdrawal as well, but I get a lot more emotional symptoms with my withdrawal.  Crying spells for no reason, random attacks of anxiety, dp/dr are the big ones.  I also get some physical symptoms- odd muscle fasciculations... lately, they are in my quads on my right leg, but prior to that, they were in my back.  I had terrible stomach pain last November after I first started tapering (too quickly, under my doctor's guidance).  

 

Sometimes I have no idea what is causing what lol.  But the treatment is the same in either case- rest, deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, etc.  You might be wondering why on earth I decided to taper in the midst of dealing with long covid lol... sounds like a dumb idea, right?  Well, it's a long, multifaceted story, but in short- I recognized that I was never really depressed or anxious... I was just a confused kid with a non-ideal upbringing who never learned to cope with life's ups and downs in a healthy way, and absolutely NO support.  I'm not that kid anymore, and I have great support- so I don't think I need them anymore.  I do have some health concerns as well that are likely caused by long term use of the drugs- an arrhythmia, plaques in my coronary arteries (despite being a whole foods vegan!), and elevated liver enzymes.  I don't care to put my health at risk anymore- I'd rather deal with the withdrawal stuff!!!

 

1 hour ago, Mushaboom said:

Very interesting you bring this up, as I have been curious about the correlation to work. I don't really enjoy my career, it's easy enough, but it's not fulfilling to me. It also often feels like a lot of pressure when things are especially bad. I'm a contract worker and have a lot of freedom, and most of the time I work from home. That being said, I am also afraid of the flip side of not working. I would have to move back into my parents, I'm unsure about disability, and I don't have a spouse or a partner. I'm afraid of it limiting my personal freedom, my privacy, and making things worse. I am interested in hearing your perspective. I've been trying to take it week by week to see how working part-time impacts me. It's difficult to make life-changing decisions while going through this. 

 

You certainly have to weigh the pros and cons of any decision you make with respect to work.  It's great that you have some freedom with your work- that certainly helps make it possible to at least do some degree of work while in withdrawal- at least on your better days.  

 

And I completely hear you on the loss of freedom and privacy if you had to move back in with your parents- I could never, EVER live with my parents again (can you tell there's some trauma there lol?).  If you were able to do it in a healthy way, where you could maintain your sanity, I have to say that the best thing I ever did was stop working.  It has given me time to rest, find my new baseline, and learn to live within the confines of what long covid has left me with.  

 

Work is a lot of pressure, even when you love what you do.  If you aren't liking your career that much, I agree that it might not be the best time to turn your life upside down, but it might be a good time to imagine what you would like your life to look like on the other side of this.  Is there a career change you could make that would bring you more joy?  Could you consider a return to school to pursue something you really dream about doing?  Life is full of possibilities!  I'm 51, and I am in absolutely no shape to work right now, but when I am, I will not be returning to my career.  I'm debating what I would like to do, but even at my age, going back to school is not off the table!  Thinking about my unknown future keeps me going on the bad days- it's a bit scary, but very exciting as well.

 

1 hour ago, Mushaboom said:

I have considered this and have heard others discuss this method. There seems to be some unknowns around the coating on each bead, varying from bead to bead and impacting the weight. I've also read about the water method. I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed by either. I will have to go to the psychiatrist whom I always have a very unpleasant experience with in order to change to immediate release. I don't mean to say these things as excuses, just sharing the obstacles I have been trying to overcome while feeling very panicked. I'll try to do some more reading in the venlafaxine tapering forum to see if anyone has had success weighing. 

 

I know these aren't excuses.  I have days where even making a phone call feels like climbing Mount Everest lol, so I totally understand why this would feel so overwhelming.  And dealing with psychiatry is decidedly unpleasant, so I understand your reluctance.  I will say though- there is no perfection when tapering.  Not with venlafaxine or any other drug!  I'm tapering from escitalopram right now.  It's relatively easy to create my own suspension at home, but I guarantee there is some variability in what I am taking from day to day- there are so many steps to creating my own suspension that I guarantee my measurements are a little off at some point.  It doesn't seem to affect me too much yet, but I know it will from past experience, particularly once I get below the dreaded 5mg!  This is a case where we just do our best, because tapering this way, even with small inaccuracies, is better than doing a physician guided taper.  Sadly, I've learned that the hard way MANY times!

 

Just take your time thinking about your options.  We're here to help with anything, anytime along the way!❤️‍🩹

[Mushaboom]

1 hour ago, Catwoman73 said:

Sometimes I have no idea what is causing what lol.  But the treatment is the same in either case- rest, deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, etc.  You might be wondering why on earth I decided to taper in the midst of dealing with long covid lol... sounds like a dumb idea, right?  Well, it's a long, multifaceted story, but in short- I recognized that I was never really depressed or anxious... I was just a confused kid with a non-ideal upbringing who never learned to cope with life's ups and downs in a healthy way, and absolutely NO support.  I'm not that kid anymore, and I have great support- so I don't think I need them anymore.  I do have some health concerns as well that are likely caused by long term use of the drugs- an arrhythmia, plaques in my coronary arteries (despite being a whole foods vegan!), and elevated liver enzymes.  I don't care to put my health at risk anymore- I'd rather deal with the withdrawal stuff!!!

@Catwoman73 Thank you for sharing your experience. I also started tapering at a really.. unhelpful time. I often wonder if there is ever a good time to go through something like this. I had tried to get off effexor CT about five years ago and had two weeks of symptoms before going back on effexor. I knew what it felt like, I thought I was ready, it still totally took me off my feet. I also didn't have all of the information I do now. 
 

 

It's been helpful to read your perspective on work, tapering accuracy etc. I love that you daydream about what your career will be next. I hope to get there and stop feeling so anxious and fearful of every move that I make. I'm still getting used to feeling this way. I'm used to feeling more sure and able to take risks. The self-doubt is rampant and I am grieving a self that I hope comes back one day. I miss being brave and sure.

 

I feel more hope and calm after talking with you. Thank you 

[Catwoman73]

I'm so glad I could help a little bit.  One day at a time, right?

 

And by the way- you ARE brave!  Facing this crap every day is the bravest thing a human being can do!  Don't sell yourself short.  ❤️

[Mushaboom]

Hello,

stopping by with an update and seeking some information about the intersection of withdrawal and neurodivergence. 
 

first, I counted all of the beads in my Effexor capsules and grouped them together by number of beads inside. This has helped me get a more consistent dose.

overall, I don’t think reinstating has been very helpful. I think I will begin a slow taper back down. In order to do this without taking big jumps, I think I need to switch to the immediate release tablet. Dissolving in water, and taking smaller more precise doses twice a day. I’m nervous about the switch, and the impact of tapering completely off Effexor again. My symptoms are right back to where they were before I reinstated. 
I don’t plan to do this immediately, maybe in the next month or two. Any feedback is welcome.

 

Second, I’m wondering if anyone can share links or experience of being neurodivergent and going through withdrawal. I have never been medicated, and I think the Effexor helped keep a lid on the racing thoughts. Now it feels worse than ever, and I feel incredibly overwhelmed with tasks big and small. I am struggling to do anything to help myself— It really feels like it is making my other symptoms even harder.

 

i deal with SI and panic nearly every single day, and every single day I question if I’m going to be alive the next day. Telling myself it is just the withdrawal isn’t helpful in the moment. Im not taking action. But the panic and the other withdrawal symptoms on top of feeling overwhelmed and unable to slow my thoughts down, I genuinely don’t know how to keep doing it. It feels like it grows bigger and bigger. 

 

[KimMk]

Hi! I just came across your thread. I’m tapering effexor too and am on a hold. 
Did you have an immediate worsening of symptoms after you reinstated or did it just not really do anything at all??

Switching from XR to IR can be extremely rough on the nervous system. I see more people successfully getting off just using the beads.