3BBsGurkPog: Great success!!

[3BBsGurkPog]

On 6/28/2024 at 4:33 PM, Whatheheckhappened said:

Did you ever have windows of when your emotions felt like they were coming back? Or was it constant for the 3-4 years??

Hi there. To be totally honest it's difficult to remember every moment and detail in a years long process like this, but I'd say it was pretty much constant. There may have been the odd fleeting moment of emotion coming back, but not strong emotions and not long lasting. So i guess you could technically call this a window, but as it was so fleeting im not sure if it really counts. So i'd say it was pretty much constant with the occasional flicker of emotion here and there. This is definitely a symptom which takes a very long time to improve, but it did improve eventually.

[Farm24]

On 5/13/2024 at 5:26 PM, 3BBsGurkPog said:

Hi all, I'm just checking back in here after a long time away from this site to share my good news. In the last year and a half to two years I would say I have experienced a very very good and stable recovery from the horrific ssri withdrawal that I'm sure all here are all too familiar with.

 

Edit by staff: You can read @3BBsGurkPog's introduction thread here:

 

I'll try and give a little bit of background about my story. I am 30 years old and I've been off the drugs for 5 and a half years now. I took citalopram (an ssri) for 3 years and around 9 months. I very gradually cut the dose over a 9 month period. I went from 20 milligrams a day down to 10. It took about 3 months for me to stabilise on that. Then I would gradually cut that dose down by breaking off parts of the tablets. I would reduce the dose roughly every 6 weeks but only by very small amounts. Difficult to measure the doses at this point but I kept going down until I was taking only very small fragments of the 10 milligram pills.

 

I don't want to list symptoms but I really did have all the bad ones. Luckily I never experienced the brain zaps but apart from that I really did have everything, including really bad PSSD. The withdrawal symptoms lasted around 4 years with a pattern of windows and waves. I know everyone's experience is unique to them but I want to make it very clear that this was not a mild set of symptoms for me. It was really bad, and for a long time I was literally bed bound and unable to work. Such bad fatigue, brain fog, all that awful stuff. Again I won't list all but I just want to make it clear how bad it was.

 

Probably about a year ago I first started to notice what felt like a significant and stable recovery. Something that is steady and lasting and not just a window.

 

So how am I feeling now? For the last year I have been feeling really happy and healthy. I can feel my emotions again and experience joy. I can listen to music and really feel it again. 90% of the time I sleep really well and get great restorative sleep. I still get the occasional night of poor sleep, but that's a normal part of life I'd say.

 

My sex life has improved massively. I had severe PSSD but now that has improved a lot. I have a great sex drive now, with strong orgasms and I have sex regularly and it's great. I still get the occasional times where I'm not feeling it, but only very rarely these days and the vast majority of the time I'm feeling good.

 

 

I can't even remember all of the details of the withdrawal but life now is great. I really feel like I am through the other side and have found the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like my recovery is here. I guess there is probably still the very occasional lingering effect, where my emotions might feel a little bit flat for a while. But it's only very brief and a couple of weeks later I'll be back to my usual happy self. I guess this proves that recovery really does happen. There were times where I was 100% convinced that I was never going to recover, so to be sat here now feeling great truly is amazing.

 

I would say I had about 4 years of really bad withdrawal. The worst of which were actually later in the process. I remember when I was about 3 years off the drugs I was having terrible terrible symptoms and I couldn't believe it was so bad after such a long time off the drugs. I guess the darkest hour is followed by dawn. What I later realised though was that the worse the symptoms were, the greater the recovery was when it finally did come. If I can offer a little bit of comfort it's that if you are experiencing awful symptoms, it means your brain and body are in the process of recovery and that recovery will come for you eventually.

 

I feel like I'm not great at writing and expressing myself here but the summary is that I've experienced a really really good recovery and I've got my life back. All the symptoms have gone now and I'm getting on with life. Really enjoying it and I'm living a life that I never thought was possible a couple of years ago.

 

Recovery really does happen, so always remember that.

 

I love you all and you will get your life back too. If anyone has any questions do ask me im happy to help out.

 

Lots of love from 3BBs

Did you ever have head pressure or muscle issues?

[3BBsGurkPog]

1 hour ago, Farm24 said:

Did you ever have head pressure or muscle issues?

Yes I had both of those. And they, like all the other symptoms, have gone now. The muscle problems were particularly concerning to me so I'm pleased to say that it does get better. I have no issues with them anymore

[DutchMaddy]

Thank you so so

much!! I am 4 years of and lately the depression and anxiety got much worse and it scares me so much. But you give me hope!  It’s really so nice of you to come back and share you’re happiness. I wish you a very very happy life!!❤️

[Farm24]

19 minutes ago, 3BBsGurkPog said:

Yes I had both of those. And they, like all the other symptoms, have gone now. The muscle problems were particularly concerning to me so I'm pleased to say that it does get better. I have no issues with them anymore

Thank you.  So much. 

[Celeste1990]

22 minutes ago, 3BBsGurkPog said:

Yes I had both of those. And they, like all the other symptoms, have gone now. The muscle problems were particularly concerning to me so I'm pleased to say that it does get better. I have no issues with them anymore

I’m also experiencing these issues so it’s great to hear that yours got better. With your head pressure did you also have dizziness? It’s so hard to explain but it really just feels like my brain is swollen or damaged. And I’m really sensitive to movement and feel off balanced. I’m struggling to find others that have had these symptoms so I’m curious if you had them. 

[Farm24]

12 minutes ago, Celeste1990 said:

I’m also experiencing these issues so it’s great to hear that yours got better. With your head pressure did you also have dizziness? It’s so hard to explain but it really just feels like my brain is swollen or damaged. And I’m really sensitive to movement and feel off balanced. I’m struggling to find others that have had these symptoms so I’m curious if you had them. 

I get that. It is better today. But I recently started getting windows and I'm 8 months out. 

[Celeste1990]

So happy to hear that, @Farm24! I’m 3.5 months out so I’m hoping I start getting windows soon. I keep telling myself, if only I get one of these elusive “windows” everyone else gets I’ll be so much more hopeful. 

[3BBsGurkPog]

3 minutes ago, Celeste1990 said:

I’m also experiencing these issues so it’s great to hear that yours got better. With your head pressure did you also have dizziness? It’s so hard to explain but it really just feels like my brain is swollen or damaged. And I’m really sensitive to movement and feel off balanced. I’m struggling to find others that have had these symptoms so I’m curious if you had them. 

Oh I absolutely had both of these. Had terrible balance issues. Found it very hard to get out of bed and stand up straight and actually be able to stay on my feet. Awful dizziness and balance issues. Had awful head pressure where it felt like my brain was trying burst out of my head. I was so worried about this, and the head pressure made it difficult to sleep at night. It genuinely felt like permanent brain damage. But it's resolved fully now for me. It took a long time (around 4 years) but those issues have completely gone now. My head feels totally comfortable and settled and I have perfect balance. So yes this is another symptom which I had that has also fully resolved. I'm afraid to say it does take a long time to improve but there is definitely hope because it fully resolved for me, so I'm certain it will for you too eventually 🙂

[Celeste1990]

@3BBsGurkPog you have no idea how hopeful this just made me. THANK YOU. I’m so sorry you struggled for so long but it must have felt so amazing coming out the other side. Wishing you and everyone else a future of happiness and health. 

[keogh08]

@3BBsGurkPog Did you experience sleep problems and disturbances? 
 

I am coming up to five years out from an instant adverse reaction. I have not had quality sleep in those five years. 
 

I have not yet recovered or turned the corner likely because of the sleep issues. 

[Farm24]

51 minutes ago, Celeste1990 said:

@3BBsGurkPog you have no idea how hopeful this just made me. THANK YOU. I’m so sorry you struggled for so long but it must have felt so amazing coming out the other side. Wishing you and everyone else a future of happiness and health. 

What kind of sleep issues?  Unable to fall asleep? Waking early? 

[keogh08]

1 minute ago, Farm24 said:

What kind of sleep issues?  Unable to fall asleep? Waking early? 

Did you mean to send this to me? 
 

If so sleep disturbances, taking hours to fall asleep, waking at random points in the night, Nocturia, parasomnia attacks when extremely exhausted, sleep apnea, no deep sleep and I am sure there are more. 

[3BBsGurkPog]

1 hour ago, Celeste1990 said:

@3BBsGurkPog you have no idea how hopeful this just made me. THANK YOU. I’m so sorry you struggled for so long but it must have felt so amazing coming out the other side. Wishing you and everyone else a future of happiness and health. 

Thank you so much for this response. What I will say is that a lot of these symptoms truly felt like they were permanent but they turned out not to be. So even though there's no quick fix, just because it's lasting a long time that doesn't mean it's permanent. Knowing that it's not permanent really helps you to deal with them. It's so important to have hope and I do believe these success stories show that it really does get better.

[3BBsGurkPog]

18 hours ago, keogh08 said:

@3BBsGurkPog Did you experience sleep problems and disturbances? 
 

I am coming up to five years out from an instant adverse reaction. I have not had quality sleep in those five years. 
 

I have not yet recovered or turned the corner likely because of the sleep issues. 

Hi there. Yes I had really bad sleep issues. The worst of which was probably severe insomnia and poor sleep quality. Just laying awake for hours every night. Only being able to sleep for an hour or two before waking up. Only being able to be in a very lite sleep so even the smallest sound would wake me up. And probably the worst of all the lack of quality restorative sleep. Even if I was able to sleep for a longer period of time I would still wake up feeling awful as the sleep I was getting wasn't restorative. I'd wake up after sleeping and feel like I hadn't slept at all. Was so bad.

 

But now I'm pleased to say that this has resolved. These days I get great restorative sleep almost every night. I still get the occasional night of poor sleep, but only very rarely and I'd say that's a normal part of life anyway. Nobody sleeps well 100% of the time.

 

Unfortunately this was one of the symptoms that took a very long time to improve, but it did improve and now I'm fully over those sleep issues.

 

I understand how frustrating it is, this is probably one of the worst symptoms as a lack of sleep makes everything else worse. But what I will say is that despite the fact I didn't sleep properly for around 4 years, I still healed. Don't think that just because you aren't sleeping, you won't recover, or that healing won't happen, because that isn't the case. The symptoms are a sign that your body and brain are doing what they need to do to recover. As awful as it is (trust me I know, I've been there) it is a sign that you are on the right track to recovery.

 

But yes, even the sleep issues that I had have fully resolved. They lasted a very long time and felt like they were never going to get better, but I'm pleased to say they did.

[Whatheheckhappened]

On 5/13/2024 at 4:26 PM, 3BBsGurkPog said:

 

So how am I feeling now? For the last year I have been feeling really happy and healthy. I can feel my emotions again and experience joy. I can listen to music and really feel it again. 90% of the time I sleep really well and get great restorative sleep. I still get the occasional night of poor sleep, but that's a normal part of life I'd say.

Hi, I was wondering what your thoughts were on the lack of emotions part of recovery. Would you say to continue to try and hold on to the feelings/thoughts I had prior to this or just not try to think about them and just move on with life and they return as they were before??

[3BBsGurkPog]

16 hours ago, Whatheheckhappened said:

Hi, I was wondering what your thoughts were on the lack of emotions part of recovery. Would you say to continue to try and hold on to the feelings/thoughts I had prior to this or just not try to think about them and just move on with life and they return as they were before??

Hi there. I would definitely recommend the latter. What you've said is spot on, try not to think about it (not easy I know, but there's nothing to be gained from dwelling on it) and try to move on with life. Try and just focus on what you are doing today. Keeping busy can help with this. Later on in my recovery process I was working and I also started playing sports. I found after a while I was so busy doing things that I stopped focusing on the symptoms.

 

With the emotional blunting, I don't think there is anything you can really do to speed up the recovery or move things along. Having a healthy lifestyle helps with all aspects of recovery, so maybe try and do what you can in that regard. But I don't think that holding on to thoughts or feelings will make any difference.

 

I'd say just keep reminding yourself that the loss of emotions isn't permanent and they will come back eventually. That's what happened for me. I was totally emotionless for many years but they have come back for me now. It was going on for years so it really felt like they were gone forever but they came back for me. So keep reminding yourself that they will come back. In the meantime, just try to get on with the other things you are doing in your life and try to take care of yourself as best you can.

 

I feel I have got back the person I was before I started taking the SSRIs. So I believe the same will happen for you. The emotions aren't gone forever, it's just a temporary period and people really do recover from this.

 

All the best and take care

[Whatheheckhappened]

On 7/25/2024 at 10:13 AM, 3BBsGurkPog said:

Hi there. I would definitely recommend the latter. What you've said is spot on, try not to think about it (not easy I know, but there's nothing to be gained from dwelling on it) and try to move on with life. Try and just focus on what you are doing today. Keeping busy can help with this. Later on in my recovery process I was working and I also started playing sports. I found after a while I was so busy doing things that I stopped focusing on the symptoms.

 

With the emotional blunting, I don't think there is anything you can really do to speed up the recovery or move things along. Having a healthy lifestyle helps with all aspects of recovery, so maybe try and do what you can in that regard. But I don't think that holding on to thoughts or feelings will make any difference.

 

I'd say just keep reminding yourself that the loss of emotions isn't permanent and they will come back eventually. That's what happened for me. I was totally emotionless for many years but they have come back for me now. It was going on for years so it really felt like they were gone forever but they came back for me. So keep reminding yourself that they will come back. In the meantime, just try to get on with the other things you are doing in your life and try to take care of yourself as best you can.

 

I feel I have got back the person I was before I started taking the SSRIs. So I believe the same will happen for you. The emotions aren't gone forever, it's just a temporary period and people really do recover from this.

 

All the best and take care

Thank you so much for your reply and encouragement! I had a couple follow up questions if you don’t mind.

1. Did you have a family to take care of during your recovery and if so, how did you navigate with the lack of emotions (mainly love)

2. When your emotions started to return, did one emotion come back at a time? Did mutiple emotions return dulled and they just kept getting stronger with each window? Thank you, I have days where I can cry and feel sad (or maybe my body just remembers that I’m suppose to cry in this situation) or even feel a little more caring than other days.

[3BBsGurkPog]

53 minutes ago, Whatheheckhappened said:

Thank you so much for your reply and encouragement! I had a couple follow up questions if you don’t mind.

1. Did you have a family to take care of during your recovery and if so, how did you navigate with the lack of emotions (mainly love)

2. When your emotions started to return, did one emotion come back at a time? Did mutiple emotions return dulled and they just kept getting stronger with each window? Thank you, I have days where I can cry and feel sad (or maybe my body just remembers that I’m suppose to cry in this situation) or even feel a little more caring than other days.

Okay so for the first question, I didn't. I was relatively young when I came off the ssris and started the awful withdrawal process, so it was well before anything like settling down and having a family would have been on my radar.

 

I can only imagine how hard that is, because the lack of emotions includes a big lack of motivation. So not only can you not feel the love which can motivate you to do everything, but you also feel unmotivated in general. It's very hard and I do get it, but as I haven't been in that situation myself I don't really know how best to give advice on that. Only that as I've said before it's a temporary period, all be it long lasting. If you can keep going, and make it through to the light at the end of the tunnel when you recover from this, you will be so glad you did because the healing is so worth it. You will get to enjoy many years of strong love for your family in the years ahead. But in order to do that you need to keep going through the very difficult times that are here now. I suppose it's like long term gratification. Make the sacrifices now which lead to a brighter future. I'm sorry I can't give better advice on this, but what I can say is that this does get better in the long term.

 

So with the second question, throughout the process I would have the occasional fleeting window where I would feel a flicker of emotion. The windows eventually got better and lasted a little longer. But then in the last year or so I noticed that it was no longer windows, but actually a sustained recovery. It was fairly subtle at first. I didn't just notice the emotions hit me all at once in one big go, but just gradually fading back in, and then when I reflected on the last year I realised that it had been stable.

 

I would say that the full range came back at once, not one emotion at a time. But it was gradual and then got stronger and stronger over a longer period. It's difficult to describe it exactly, but you will notice it when it happens as you will be able to feel yourself responding emotionally to situations. But it also conincided with the other symptoms improving as well. So yeah, it's difficult to describe exactly what it's like but you will know when it happens.

 

Hopefully this helps a bit. It does take a long time but if you stick with it you will get there.

[Whatheheckhappened]

21 hours ago, 3BBsGurkPog said:

Okay so for the first question, I didn't. I was relatively young when I came off the ssris and started the awful withdrawal process, so it was well before anything like settling down and having a family would have been on my radar.

 

I can only imagine how hard that is, because the lack of emotions includes a big lack of motivation. So not only can you not feel the love which can motivate you to do everything, but you also feel unmotivated in general. It's very hard and I do get it, but as I haven't been in that situation myself I don't really know how best to give advice on that. Only that as I've said before it's a temporary period, all be it long lasting. If you can keep going, and make it through to the light at the end of the tunnel when you recover from this, you will be so glad you did because the healing is so worth it. You will get to enjoy many years of strong love for your family in the years ahead. But in order to do that you need to keep going through the very difficult times that are here now. I suppose it's like long term gratification. Make the sacrifices now which lead to a brighter future. I'm sorry I can't give better advice on this, but what I can say is that this does get better in the long term.

 

So with the second question, throughout the process I would have the occasional fleeting window where I would feel a flicker of emotion. The windows eventually got better and lasted a little longer. But then in the last year or so I noticed that it was no longer windows, but actually a sustained recovery. It was fairly subtle at first. I didn't just notice the emotions hit me all at once in one big go, but just gradually fading back in, and then when I reflected on the last year I realised that it had been stable.

 

I would say that the full range came back at once, not one emotion at a time. But it was gradual and then got stronger and stronger over a longer period. It's difficult to describe it exactly, but you will notice it when it happens as you will be able to feel yourself responding emotionally to situations. But it also conincided with the other symptoms improving as well. So yeah, it's difficult to describe exactly what it's like but you will know when it happens.

 

Hopefully this helps a bit. It does take a long time but if you stick with it you will get there.

Thank you so so much for all that info!! It means so much to get responses and information as you know, this is a very scary time! I am so sorry, but one last question if you don’t mind. When do you lose your emotions? Was it sudden, gradual? And was it after completely stopping the SSRI completely or during your taper? Mine was sudden!  Woke up one morning, it as gone. Just from stopping Zoloft and immediately starting lexapro (as my Dr suggested ugh)

[3BBsGurkPog]

2 hours ago, Whatheheckhappened said:

Thank you so so much for all that info!! It means so much to get responses and information as you know, this is a very scary time! I am so sorry, but one last question if you don’t mind. When do you lose your emotions? Was it sudden, gradual? And was it after completely stopping the SSRI completely or during your taper? Mine was sudden!  Woke up one morning, it as gone. Just from stopping Zoloft and immediately starting lexapro (as my Dr suggested ugh)

It's okay, no need to apologise for asking questions. Feel free to ask as many as you like. I can only share my own personal experiences, and things can be different for different people (particularly with time lines and how long it takes to heal). But I am always happy to share my own experiences for SSRI use, withdrawal and healing from that withdrawal.

 

So before I got on the medication I was experiencing depression (which is what led to me ending up on the awful medication in the first place). So while depressed I was just in a pretty constant state of low mood. Then once I got on the medication, my mood did see to improve, but my emotions still felt blunted, and very weak and not intense at all (so now how they should be). It felt very artificial. But as it was better than being depressed I didn't think too much of it. Once I got fully off the medication (so completed my taper) that was when my emotions went completely. So basically the emotions went completely when I first got fully off the medication. That then lasted for many years while in withdrawal and experiencing all the other symptoms. After that it only really improved right at the end.

 

So I would say that despite a few difficulties with emotions while depressed and while on the ssris, it was really a sudden loss of emotions at the point where I got fully off the medication.

[Whatheheckhappened]

On 7/31/2024 at 11:28 AM, 3BBsGurkPog said:

It's okay, no need to apologise for asking questions. Feel free to ask as many as you like. I can only share my own personal experiences, and things can be different for different people (particularly with time lines and how long it takes to heal). But I am always happy to share my own experiences for SSRI use, withdrawal and healing from that withdrawal.

 

So before I got on the medication I was experiencing depression (which is what led to me ending up on the awful medication in the first place). So while depressed I was just in a pretty constant state of low mood. Then once I got on the medication, my mood did see to improve, but my emotions still felt blunted, and very weak and not intense at all (so now how they should be). It felt very artificial. But as it was better than being depressed I didn't think too much of it. Once I got fully off the medication (so completed my taper) that was when my emotions went completely. So basically the emotions went completely when I first got fully off the medication. That then lasted for many years while in withdrawal and experiencing all the other symptoms. After that it only really improved right at the end.

 

So I would say that despite a few difficulties with emotions while depressed and while on the ssris, it was really a sudden loss of emotions at the point where I got fully off the medication.

You are so kind! Thank you so much ❤️ today is a down day for me. Having thoughts that this is permanent or that I can’t live like this for years. But rereading your messages does help. Thank you so much for always replying.

[3BBsGurkPog]

45 minutes ago, Whatheheckhappened said:

You are so kind! Thank you so much ❤️ today is a down day for me. Having thoughts that this is permanent or that I can’t live like this for years. But rereading your messages does help. Thank you so much for always replying.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a down day but I really do know what it's like. I had loads of those. I had honestly convinced myself that this was 100% permanent. So to be that certain that it would never improve, it was unbelievable when it did. Even now I still can't believe that I have recovered from it.

 

So if you are feeling like it's permanent, all I'll say is that's EXACTLY how I felt, but yet I recovered. That's the beauty of this community, that we all know exactly what it feels like to be going through this. But I really was in the exact same boat and I recovered, so I really do believe that you will too. It just takes time. Maybe just say to yourself that today is a bad day, but in the long run the good days are ahead of you. Just as they were for me. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness in order to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

All that pain and suffering that I went through was so worth it to have got to where I am now, free from symptoms and free from taking any medications. You are on the right path. Try your very best. Keep going as best you can. I'm rooting for you and I'm 100% convinced you'll make it eventually.

 

All the best, 3BBs xx

[Whatheheckhappened]

17 hours ago, 3BBsGurkPog said:

I'm sorry to hear you're having a down day but I really do know what it's like. I had loads of those. I had honestly convinced myself that this was 100% permanent. So to be that certain that it would never improve, it was unbelievable when it did. Even now I still can't believe that I have recovered from it.

 

So if you are feeling like it's permanent, all I'll say is that's EXACTLY how I felt, but yet I recovered. That's the beauty of this community, that we all know exactly what it feels like to be going through this. But I really was in the exact same boat and I recovered, so I really do believe that you will too. It just takes time. Maybe just say to yourself that today is a bad day, but in the long run the good days are ahead of you. Just as they were for me. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness in order to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

All that pain and suffering that I went through was so worth it to have got to where I am now, free from symptoms and free from taking any medications. You are on the right path. Try your very best. Keep going as best you can. I'm rooting for you and I'm 100% convinced you'll make it eventually.

 

All the best, 3BBs xx

❤️❤️ Can’t wait to find the light at the end of this tunnel!! I will never take the like things/feelings for granted again. Today woke up with some anxiety about it again, and the scary part is I am not down with my taper yet so hoping once I stop completely this numbness doesn’t get worse or I keep having “flickers” cause that’s what’s helping me keep going. That and my family, they need me and I so badly want to enjoy my life with them.

[3BBsGurkPog]

2 hours ago, Whatheheckhappened said:

❤️❤️ Can’t wait to find the light at the end of this tunnel!! I will never take the like things/feelings for granted again. Today woke up with some anxiety about it again, and the scary part is I am not down with my taper yet so hoping once I stop completely this numbness doesn’t get worse or I keep having “flickers” cause that’s what’s helping me keep going. That and my family, they need me and I so badly want to enjoy my life with them.

You will get there. Focus on your family in the mean time. Make them the priority. Focusing on them will keep you busy and your mind and body will be healing itself in the background. Eventually you will find that light at the end of the tunnel.

[Whatheheckhappened]

5 hours ago, 3BBsGurkPog said:

You will get there. Focus on your family in the mean time. Make them the priority. Focusing on them will keep you busy and your mind and body will be healing itself in the background. Eventually you will find that light at the end of the tunnel.

Do you believe the body is healing during the taper process?? Also, were you able to cry when you felt no emotions? I can still cry, mostly because of the unknown and the missing my old life

[3BBsGurkPog]

On 8/2/2024 at 11:15 PM, Whatheheckhappened said:

Do you believe the body is healing during the taper process?? Also, were you able to cry when you felt no emotions? I can still cry, mostly because of the unknown and the missing my old life

Yes I definitely do believe that. I think the healing starts right from the first dosage reduction. But it's probably once you're fully off the medication that allows the space for your body and mind to readjust.

 

And there were definitely times where I would still cry, but it would be a lot lot harder to cry. No doubt about that. But I did have some life events that still hit me pretty hard (such as losing a family member). So even though my emotions were numbed I was still able to cry.

[peaceandlove]

Did you remember having screen sensitivity, sound, smell or light? And if those ramped up your symptoms. Like you couldn’t be on the phone scrolling that much?? @3BBsGurkPog

[Danny89]

On 5/13/2024 at 10:26 PM, 3BBsGurkPog said:

Hi all, I'm just checking back in here after a long time away from this site to share my good news. In the last year and a half to two years I would say I have experienced a very very good and stable recovery from the horrific ssri withdrawal that I'm sure all here are all too familiar with.

 

Edit by staff: You can read @3BBsGurkPog's introduction thread here:

 

I'll try and give a little bit of background about my story. I am 30 years old and I've been off the drugs for 5 and a half years now. I took citalopram (an ssri) for 3 years and around 9 months. I very gradually cut the dose over a 9 month period. I went from 20 milligrams a day down to 10. It took about 3 months for me to stabilise on that. Then I would gradually cut that dose down by breaking off parts of the tablets. I would reduce the dose roughly every 6 weeks but only by very small amounts. Difficult to measure the doses at this point but I kept going down until I was taking only very small fragments of the 10 milligram pills.

 

I don't want to list symptoms but I really did have all the bad ones. Luckily I never experienced the brain zaps but apart from that I really did have everything, including really bad PSSD. The withdrawal symptoms lasted around 4 years with a pattern of windows and waves. I know everyone's experience is unique to them but I want to make it very clear that this was not a mild set of symptoms for me. It was really bad, and for a long time I was literally bed bound and unable to work. Such bad fatigue, brain fog, all that awful stuff. Again I won't list all but I just want to make it clear how bad it was.

 

Probably about a year ago I first started to notice what felt like a significant and stable recovery. Something that is steady and lasting and not just a window.

 

So how am I feeling now? For the last year I have been feeling really happy and healthy. I can feel my emotions again and experience joy. I can listen to music and really feel it again. 90% of the time I sleep really well and get great restorative sleep. I still get the occasional night of poor sleep, but that's a normal part of life I'd say.

 

My sex life has improved massively. I had severe PSSD but now that has improved a lot. I have a great sex drive now, with strong orgasms and I have sex regularly and it's great. I still get the occasional times where I'm not feeling it, but only very rarely these days and the vast majority of the time I'm feeling good.

 

 

I can't even remember all of the details of the withdrawal but life now is great. I really feel like I am through the other side and have found the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like my recovery is here. I guess there is probably still the very occasional lingering effect, where my emotions might feel a little bit flat for a while. But it's only very brief and a couple of weeks later I'll be back to my usual happy self. I guess this proves that recovery really does happen. There were times where I was 100% convinced that I was never going to recover, so to be sat here now feeling great truly is amazing.

 

I would say I had about 4 years of really bad withdrawal. The worst of which were actually later in the process. I remember when I was about 3 years off the drugs I was having terrible terrible symptoms and I couldn't believe it was so bad after such a long time off the drugs. I guess the darkest hour is followed by dawn. What I later realised though was that the worse the symptoms were, the greater the recovery was when it finally did come. If I can offer a little bit of comfort it's that if you are experiencing awful symptoms, it means your brain and body are in the process of recovery and that recovery will come for you eventually.

 

I feel like I'm not great at writing and expressing myself here but the summary is that I've experienced a really really good recovery and I've got my life back. All the symptoms have gone now and I'm getting on with life. Really enjoying it and I'm living a life that I never thought was possible a couple of years ago.

 

Recovery really does happen, so always remember that.

 

I love you all and you will get your life back too. If anyone has any questions do ask me im happy to help out.

 

Lots of love from 3BBs

Did you have any cognitive issues? Memory? Thinking abilities? Blank mind all those symptoms?

[3BBsGurkPog]

5 hours ago, peaceandlove said:

Did you remember having screen sensitivity, sound, smell or light? And if those ramped up your symptoms. Like you couldn’t be on the phone scrolling that much?? @3BBsGurkPog

Hi, yes I definitely had all of those. Particularly sound a light. The issues with smell weren't too bad for me but screen sensitivity, sound and light wee major issues. Yet another thing that made working very difficult.

 

I had loads of problems with my eyesight and vision too. All of which have resolved now. Honestly can't believe it but all of my senses have returned to how they should be. I think it's a symptom of your nervous system being out of balance. This process seems to affect almost every part of you including the sense. But yes, I certainly did have those issues and they're fully resolved for me now. So I really do think it gets better.

[3BBsGurkPog]

4 hours ago, Danny89 said:

Did you have any cognitive issues? Memory? Thinking abilities? Blank mind all those symptoms?

Oh absolutely and these were so bad. I had really bad brain fog. Couldn't remember anything and it was so difficult to learn things. Focusing on task was basically impossible. Was basically just left feeling dumb and useless. Again like everything I have recovered from that now and i no longer have any lingering cognitive issues. People absolutely do recover from this. The brain fog and related issues did get better for me a bit quicker than some or the other symptoms. So there's every reason to have hope. I understand how frustrating it is though, as it makes it so much harder to work and function. But yes, I did have all of those issues and they have fully resolved for me now

[DutchMaddy]

It is so very sweet of you to answer all these questions 3BB.❤️

[Danny89]

3 hours ago, DutchMaddy said:

It is so very sweet of you to answer all these questions 3BB.❤️

I know must be draining for them. Thanks 3bb

[peaceandlove]

4 hours ago, 3BBsGurkPog said:

Oh absolutely and these were so bad. I had really bad brain fog. Couldn't remember anything and it was so difficult to learn things. Focusing on task was basically impossible. Was basically just left feeling dumb and useless. Again like everything I have recovered from that now and i no longer have any lingering cognitive issues. People absolutely do recover from this. The brain fog and related issues did get better for me a bit quicker than some or the other symptoms. So there's every reason to have hope. I understand how frustrating it is though, as it makes it so much harder to work and function. But yes, I did have all of those issues and they have fully resolved for me now

thank you so much for the reply & reassurance. One last question, did you have POTS symptoms? @3BBsGurkPog

[3BBsGurkPog]

4 hours ago, DutchMaddy said:

It is so very sweet of you to answer all these questions 3BB.❤️

Aw thank you Maddy. To be honest I feel like it's the least I can do to stick around and share my experiences. This was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and probably always will be. I know how hopeless it feels to be in the middle of all of this, so now that I have my own good news, I feel a duty to share it with others.

 

They say that once people have recovered, they stop using websites like this and move on with their lives. That's what I was doing for the past year, but I feel like we need more people who have success stories to stick around and share their good news. If everyone did, I think people would be more hopeful. The true number of sucess stories is probably far higher than what it seems because of this.

 

We need more people who have success stories to actually talk about it, so I'm trying to be one of those people.

[3BBsGurkPog]

57 minutes ago, Danny89 said:

I know must be draining for them. Thanks 3bb

Honestly it's no trouble at all. Being in withdrawal and suffering with all those symptoms is much more draining so answering some questions and offering some hope is the least I can do ❤️