Lindy01

[lindy01]

0.1mg as directed by catwoman 

[Catwoman73]

Honey is fine!  It just requires a bit more stirring, because it's a bit thicker than maple syrup.  

 

As per your PM- can you describe how you're feeling bit more?  I'm concerned that you might be activated, in which case, you won't be able to proceed with reinstatement.

 

So sorry for the late reply- I've been in bed all morning with my own withdrawal issues lol.  

[lindy01]

Oh I'm sorry I hope you're ok. I think I'm activated too whether its psychological or not I don't know very agitated took dose this afternoon. The depression is relentless n making me very suicidal. But all the horrid body feelings I have are not any different from what I deal with. I'm thinking just to continue without anything as I want to crawl out of my own skin on these bad days but I felt like this on the meds. I realised today that I have had slight improvement as my sleep is a little better. As you know its when the depression lands I just feel I cannot keep going. I think I'm activating myself as im so terrified im doing more harm. Does the depression ever leave whats the best thing to do. Many thanks 

[lindy01]

Just feel like there is no hope all because I did this to myself. You said your physical symptoms dropped off in a few months when you ctd mine are going nowhere I feel its all waves with no respite. I am sorry to moan especially when you are feeling bad. What are you experiencing? Hope you feel better soon luv 

[Catwoman73]

Don't worry about me lol... I'll be ok.  I'm taking good care of myself, waiting patiently to get back to baseline.  I have crippling headaches, chest pain and pressure, near blackouts, sound sensitivity, and brain fog that makes me feel like an idiot sometimes lol.  Just trying to breathe my way through it.  This too shall pass.  

 

It's totally ok for you to complain here.  That's what we're here for!  I'm glad to hear that your sleep is a bit better- that is a very positive sign.  It may feel like it's small, in the face of all your other emotional symptoms, but it is a victory, nonetheless. 

 

If you are just feeling your normal level of agitation, you are likely ok to continue with the reinstatement.  If this is amped up from normal though, you can and should absolutely abandon it.  If you're not sure, maybe taking one more dose tomorrow might help clarify things for you.  But ultimately, you have to do what's best for you.  Trust your gut.  Whatever you want or need to do, we're here for you!

 

3 hours ago, lindy01 said:

Just feel like there is no hope all because I did this to myself. 

 

Self-blame and criticism are so normal in these circles- these are just neuroemotions.  They are not real, they are there solely because of the absence of the drugs.  I find it helpful to keep reminding myself of this.  I use the mantra- this is not me, this is the drugs.  We even have a thread on this:

 

Neuroemotions

 

Also this:

 

Dealing with emotional spirals

 

3 hours ago, lindy01 said:

You said your physical symptoms dropped off in a few months when you ctd mine are going nowhere I feel its all waves with no respite. 

 

This is a good place to bring in the CBT techniques.  Ask yourself if this is true!  I think you'll find that it's not- you have had some windows.  No, they've not been super long, and you haven't felt fully yourself, but you have had windows.  This is a sign of healing.  It is happening, whether you believe it or not!

 

Your biggest symptoms are emotional, with the depression and SI.  For me, these took a LOT longer to pass.  Working through it is not easy, I know.  

 

You may benefit from getting a copy of Claire Weekes' book Hope and Help for your Nerves. She describes a technique for dealing with these emotions that I have found extremely helpful.  There are four steps:

 

Awareness of what is happening- you are in psychiatric drug withdrawal, and this is creating some strong negative emotions.

Acceptance- accept that it takes time for the nervous system to heal, and you are going to be dealing with this for a while.

Float- let the feelings and symptoms come and go- do not fight them or try to reason yourself out of them.  Let them be what they are.

Let time pass- If you are able to just let things be, you will see that the intensity of the negative feelings die down with time, and eventually, you will pass out of this wave. 

 

I also find it very helpful to force myself out of the house when in severe depression.  Even if I am completely derealized, I force myself out for a short walk, and focus on the beauty around me.  Even if I'm weeping and crying the whole time lol.  People might think I'm a bit strange, but I'm cool with that. 

 

Just take it minute by minute.  Accept, float, and you will get through this.  With or without continuing the reinstatement.  There is always hope, Lindy.  When do you meet with Angie and her support group?  That will also be very good for you.  Do speak up, tell her what you are going through in graphic detail.  She's heard it all, and will be there for you, 100%.

[lindy01]

Im sorry to hear of your troubles. I wish I could help and be like you n just get on with it. I'm not going to continue with reinstatement. It seems to have triggered another huge wave but its probably not got anything to do with the drug just me. As you say I find the deep darkness so very hard but right now im being slammed with everything and I wonder if its a relapse. But before I could cry n now no matter how bad I am I cant cry. I cant even describe how I feel its truly horrific I do continue to keep going but as you know its so very hard. I have been using Claire weekes thanks. All I ask is to know im going in the right direction I really thought I'd be feeling a bit better and I find that so hard to accept. The group is on 13th. Ill let you know how it goes. I really don't want to die but this version of me is not the true me just nothing matters but as you say got just keep at it a minute at a time. I've a feeling sleep wint come tonight so activated 

[Catwoman73]

I often find myself in a state of disbelief, wondering how it is remotely possible that I can still feel this bad.  It really does feel so disheartening, I know.  Acceptance is, by far, the hardest of the steps.  But you are absolutely going in the right direction.  The brief windows and the improved sleep are good signs.  

 

Not being able to cry is such a common thing around here.  I know that member Doctorsrcrap's thread is entitled 'can't cry and frustrated.'  And here are a couple of threads where people did indeed learn to cry again as their healing progressed:

 

Farmgirlworks

Ellen81

Bawneen

 

It's good that you recognize that this isn't the real you.  Just keep telling yourself that.  Somehow, I find it comforting to know that the real me is someone I have yet to meet.  It's sad, sure, to be 51, and not have a damned clue who I really am, but it's also exciting.  After 30 years of these drugs, I just can't wait for my next 30 years to be spent finding my authentic self.  All the pain will be worth it in the end. 

 

Yes, if activated, sleep will be hard to come by.  Try listening to and following along with a yoga Nidra video specifically for sleep. I'll link you to one that I enjoy here.  It may not make you sleep (but it might work), but at the very least, it can help to calm your nervous system even a little bit.  When it comes to feeling activated, literally everything you can do to help find a bit of calm is worthwhile!

 

I'm going to be out for a while tonight, so if I don't reply right away, you'll know why.  I sincerely hope that going out isn't a mistake, but I'm gonna give it a shot. 

 

Here's the yoga Nidra I like- this one is an hour, but there are shorter and longer ones out there.  Feel free to look for your own.  I find these very calming.

 

 

 

[sandman79]

Hooe you have a great time 

[lindy01]

Thanks! Banweens story frightened me a little as I think lije that what's the point in doing this when I'm nearly 60 as im too old to heal. Difference being I don't seem to be able to tolerate the drugs if I need proof the last 4 years has taught me that. So despite what my body n mind are doing crazy crazy anxiety and depression I really have no choice but to keep trying. Farmgirls story very inspirational. I'm just worried that it will stay like this hope you had a good night x

[lindy01]

Still in huge wave where head pulsating with pressure and all other wonderful sensations. I've also noticed that whilst in a wave mt breasts are very tender n sore to touch. I'm thinking that this must be cause all the changes in my brain which include hormones. Not sure but thats what I'm thinking.

I hope you had a nice night and are feeling better today luv 

[Ariel]

12 hours ago, lindy01 said:

Banweens story frightened me a little as I think lije that what's the point in doing this when I'm nearly 60 as im too old to heal.

 

Hi @lindy01

 

You're never too old to heal! 

Check out Happy2Heal's success story

 

Love,

Ariel

[lindy01]

Hi thanks I speak to her often I having a very rough time n as you know we all think we won't get better! Hope you're doing ok 

[Ariel]

2 hours ago, lindy01 said:

we all think we won't get better!

 

Haha, so true @lindy01

 

We probably all fear this for ourselves at some point. I call that WD-brain, or the voice of WD talking. It's not our true voice, it's the iatrogenic injury messing with our minds. 

 

There's another true voice that we each have within, our authentic inner voice which sings of resilience and healing. That's the voice we can practice tuning into and trusting. I think in many cases, in various ways, the drugs somehow cut us off from ourselves and it can become difficult to hear our authentic inner voices. As we heal and recover from the drugs, we reconnect to inner resources and can hear our truth once again. It's part of the healing journey. 

 

The wonderful thing about being/healing in community is that even when we fear for ourselves that we won't heal, we have complete confidence in the healing of others. I have no doubt that you can heal and come through this. It's much easier for me to have faith on your behalf than on my own. That's the gift we give each other, and that's one of the things that makes SA so beautiful. We can lean on each other and lend each other faith through hard times. 

 

I believe in you <3

 

Love,

Ariel

[Catwoman73]

16 hours ago, lindy01 said:

Thanks! Banweens story frightened me a little as I think lije that what's the point in doing this when I'm nearly 60 as im too old to heal. Difference being I don't seem to be able to tolerate the drugs if I need proof the last 4 years has taught me that. So despite what my body n mind are doing crazy crazy anxiety and depression I really have no choice but to keep trying. Farmgirls story very inspirational. I'm just worried that it will stay like this hope you had a good night x

 

Banween is doing really well now and has stabilized on a low dose.  Yes, she was lucky she tolerated reinstatement and it worked for her, but the principle is the same- you will stabilize too.  It's just going to take time.

 

4 hours ago, lindy01 said:

I've also noticed that whilst in a wave mt breasts are very tender n sore to touch. I'm thinking that this must be cause all the changes in my brain which include hormones. Not sure but thats what I'm thinking.

 

My hormones have gone insane since I started tapering.  I'm perimenopausal anyway, so I was all over the place to start, but now I have mid-cycle bleeding, severe cramping, awful PMS.  It all got so bad after I started the taper- I think part of the reason that I've been in such a terrible wave is because I got my period for the first time in over 100 days a couple of weeks back.  It really goes to show that everything in our bodies is connected.  Nothing is off limits in the context of withdrawal!

 

I hope you're hanging in there today Lindy!  I'm off to a neighbouring city shortly for a pointe shoe fitting... I've been in the same make and model of shoes for years, and the company discontinued them. 😡 Now I have to start all over finding my perfect shoe!  So frustrating, and a bit scary- ballet is how I cope, and if I can't find the right shoe, I don't know what I'll do!

 

Anyway, I'll be offline for a while today.  Hang in there! ❤️‍🩹

[lindy01]

You'll find the right shoe!! Yes I don't know if im still in menapause but it wouldn't surprise me as that's when all this started again!!  Have a great day!  Let me know if you found the right one cinders! 😁

[Catwoman73]

Well, I got new shoes... I debated between two different ones.  Back and forth for like 20 minutes lol.  If I end up not liking these ones, I can try the other option.  Each one had its advantages.  Truthfully, I like both of these options more than I like my current shoe, so now I'm committed to going for fittings more often, as there's always new technology being developed with pointe shoes!

 

I hope you're having a bit of a better day!  I just had a nap, and am about to go for a swim- I'll try to catch up a bit more afterwards, if you have any questions or concerns.  Thinking of you!❤️‍🩹

[lindy01]

Thanks guys I hope we will heal as none of us deserves this x

[lindy01]

9 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

Well, I got new shoes... I debated between two different ones.  Back and forth for like 20 minutes lol.  If I end up not liking these ones, I can try the other option.  Each one had its advantages.  Truthfully, I like both of these options more than I like my current shoe, so now I'm committed to going for fittings more often, as there's always new technology being developed with pointe shoes!

 

I hope you're having a bit of a better day!  I just had a nap, and am about to go for a swim- I'll try to catch up a bit more afterwards, if you have any questions or concerns.  Thinking of you!❤️‍🩹

Glad you got your shoes im hanging in there. The thing about this is the slightest thing sets me off but knowing im not alone helps! Hope you're feeling better x

[Catwoman73]

@lindy01- how are you?  You've been quiet!  Send me an update when you can.  I've been thinking about you! 

[lindy01]

Hi luv I've been about the same very low n motor running in my chest plus all other sh*tty symptoms. Not been on as I feel I'm always complaining im going through a lot SI just so very tired of never having a nice feeling as I've been going through this 4 years! Was in angies group it was good to hear others experiences. She also said im still in acute withdrawal and said that I will be having withdrawal too from diazepam so happy days! She's going to try connect me with people here in Scotland so that be good. I hope you're doing ok luv. Sorry I don't have better news 😔 

[Catwoman73]

2 hours ago, lindy01 said:

Hi luv I've been about the same very low n motor running in my chest plus all other sh*tty symptoms. Not been on as I feel I'm always complaining im going through a lot SI just so very tired of never having a nice feeling as I've been going through this 4 years! Was in angies group it was good to hear others experiences. She also said im still in acute withdrawal and said that I will be having withdrawal too from diazepam so happy days! She's going to try connect me with people here in Scotland so that be good. I hope you're doing ok luv. Sorry I don't have better news 😔 

 

That's ok- I just wanted to make sure you're doing ok.  I'm glad you got to connect with Angie, and that she'll connect you with some people more locally.  I think a local, supportive community would be a very good thing for you.   And come here to rant whenever you need to- I update my thread every damned day lol!  

[lindy01]

Thanks luv! If the emotional side would get better i could stand the anxiety I keep thinking maybe another class of ad might work as im in so much pain. I know this is not an option for me realistically n that's what I find very difficult as my strength is very low. Oh im just in a very bad spot sorry 😞 

[Catwoman73]

No need to apologize.  I find the emotional symptoms of withdrawal to be incredibly difficult.  I can deal with the physical stuff with no issues at all- the nightmares, the headaches, even the brain zaps!  But the emotional stuff really takes it out of me.  So I completely understand.  I wish I had some magic bullet, or could take your pain for a while to give you a break.  But the best I've got is to be here, listening, and making sure you know that you have support, even if it is from across the ocean!  Are you seeing a therapist at all?  If not, and it's something you would consider, I would make it clear that what you need is support around your current situation with your husband, and support with coping techniques to deal with these depressive symptoms. I would explain that the symptoms are withdrawal symptoms from psych meds, and explain that you can't take them anymore.  And avoid psychiatry for therapeutic purposes- all they seem to know is how to prescribe drugs.  I have only ever found one that was any good at the talking/CBT part.  She was a real gem.

[lindy01]

Thanks luv can't get s therpist as they all cost money here n that I dont have unfortunately. Think my husband and I are going to give it s go but not sure it will work but after 26 years I'm willing to give it a go. Suck it n see. Thus has got to be the most horrific period of my life I just want so bad to see a difference. I find it incredibly frustrating that no matter how hard I try nothing seems to shift. The symptoms are awful. Enough of my moaning wish I could be like you very optimistic I just can't find that space. I don't want to leave the house or do anything I have no fight in me atm is that normal? Thanks for listening x

[Catwoman73]

10 hours ago, lindy01 said:

Thanks luv can't get s therpist as they all cost money here n that I dont have unfortunately. Think my husband and I are going to give it s go but not sure it will work but after 26 years I'm willing to give it a go. Suck it n see. Thus has got to be the most horrific period of my life I just want so bad to see a difference. I find it incredibly frustrating that no matter how hard I try nothing seems to shift. The symptoms are awful. Enough of my moaning wish I could be like you very optimistic I just can't find that space. I don't want to leave the house or do anything I have no fight in me atm is that normal? Thanks for listening x

 

Like I said, the emotional symptoms are much harder to come to grips with than the physical ones.  And mine are mostly physical right now.  You can trust me when I say that when emotional symptoms kick into high gear, I find it much more challenging to stay cheerful.  But I just keep pressing on, practicing being mindful, with the knowledge that time does heal.  

 

There are many, many people here that end up completely housebound for part of their journey.  Just simply unable to engage with the world.  It's ok to just want to stay home right now.  Look for comforting rituals, like having a cup of tea and watching the rain outside.  Rituals help me get through my worst days.  

 

I hope things work out for you and your husband, and I hope he is able to support you through this challenging time.  Keep the lines of communication wide open.  Tell him what you are feeling, and don't hesitate to ask for what you need.  My husband absolutely hates seeing me hurting this much, but all in all, as long as I keep communicating with him, and showing him that I'm still in here (just needing to put most of my energy into healing right now), then we seem to do just fine. 

 

Sending love and hugs!  Keep on putting one foot in front of the other.  One day, this will all be a bad memory.  ❤️‍🩹

[lindy01]

Thanks luv! I really value all your support You takecare of you I will take all your advice on board x

[lindy01]

Hello catwoman is it normal to feel slightly better then go right back down especially with any upset. I know this seems a daft question. Yesterday I went out n felt better later on. This morning felt better then had a lot on n the old familiar wave washes over me of dread n horribleness making all my limbs weak which in turn brings the hopelessness despair  im not able to feel pleased about the tiny bit of progress n try to force it. Is this still Windows n waves pattern sorry to ask just seems when I say oh hello this is better its whipped away as quick as it comes 

[Catwoman73]

This is absolutely just windows and waves Lindy- and having those windows is a great sign of healing!!!  I know it's more waves than windows right now, but that WILL change with time and patience.  

 

Curious- did you start to feel better before you went out yesterday, or did you go out and start to feel better while you were out?

[lindy01]

My mood was better yesterday had loads of physical symptoms especially when I was out i cannot describe it. When I came home I felt content n stayed up till 2am watching Netflix. I'm pushing myself to go out do housework make dinner but today started ok n now im feeling very low with just no feelings I cannot ever imagine feeling normal ever again. Its so crap as I have never felt pleased with myself I fake it which is disheartening 

[Catwoman73]

It sounds like you've been really busy, plus staying up really late (though I totally get that lol- when I get into a good series, I find it hard to tear myself away!).  Maybe you've just pushed yourself a bit too hard, and it's catching up to you.  I know it's so incredibly hard to find the right balance of activity vs. rest.  I'm still not very good at it, and that's why I crash as often as I do.  But I think it's a worthwhile goal to keep working towards figuring out the best way to get through your days while you heal, allowing for just enough time to do stuff you need and want to do, and still reduce the severity of the bad times.

 

This is really all about learning to pace yourself.  Pacing is really critical to managing things like chronic fatigue syndrome and long covid, but it absolutely plays a role in withdrawal as well.  Like I said, I kind of suck at it lol, but I have figured out a few rules of thumb for myself.  On days when I have dance class, I can do literally NOTHING else.  I nap, I watch a bit of TV, but that's it.  I don't cook, clean, shop etc.  All I do is go to class.  On days when I'm feeling good but don't have class, I do one or two things that I have to do (like pay bills, go shopping, cook a meal, or make dental appointments for the family), and then spend some time doing things I like doing, like painting, swimming, going for a nice walk at sunset.  Yes, this means that I haven't vacuumed or dusted in a while.  I've learned that I have to accept a slightly messier home in order to keep myself stable.  And I also need to save up my energy for a few days before doing anything big, like traveling, or attending a birthday party.  Yes, this means that all the spontaneity is gone from my life lol, but I'll take it if it means my lows aren't quite as low.

 

It is very normal to go from feeling pretty decent to feeling complete despair that you will never feel normal again.  I don't think there's a soul on this site who hasn't thought that, with each wave that hits, they aren't completely starting over in their healing.  But the truth is- the fact that you had a decent window is a good sign that you are on your way.  You will feel good again.  Probably better, because you've been through the depths of hell, and you will look at your new life with so much gratitude.  You'll get there... just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and someday, you won't have to work so hard at it.  Moving through your days will eventually start to feel much easier.  Healing is what we do as human beings!  Sending Hugs!❤️

[lindy01]

Thanks! I wanted to ask when something even slightly stressful happens or someone says something slightly negative my whole body goes into panic mode internal tremor goes nuts minds racing, head blowing off you know all the stuff. I don't get it its just so disheartening. Is this something that will settle. Unfortunately life still happens despite withdrawal and I cannot go through life without someone or something upsetting me. I feel fragile like a bomb so sensitive to sounds and life situations. I was always someone who could face anything I know you say im healing but it certainly doesn't feel like it. I'm even thinking maybe i should stop taking hrt and cocodomol but I think that would be very silly at this time so NOT going to do that its just id do ANYTHING to feel better. 

[lindy01]

Also never feel hungry and have to force feed myself plus nausea my boobs are absolutely killing me! I don't understand it as its a symptom i never had. I cannot find anything online about it sorry to moan I hope you're having a good day

[Ariel]

Hi @lindy01

 

2 hours ago, lindy01 said:

I wanted to ask when something even slightly stressful happens or someone says something slightly negative my whole body goes into panic mode internal tremor goes nuts minds racing, head blowing off you know all the stuff. I don't get it its just so disheartening. Is this something that will settle. Unfortunately life still happens despite withdrawal and I cannot go through life without someone or something upsetting me. I feel fragile like a bomb so sensitive to sounds and life situations.

 

This is totally normal for WD. It gets better, I promise! 

 

It's because our nervous systems are in overdrive, with a hypersensitive alerting response. It causes us to startle easily and go into fight-or-flight mode. It's a completely involuntary physiological response. The evolutionary roots of this are how we have survived as a species, this is how nature tries to help us. It's just that in WD, because of the iatrogenic injury, our biological, chemical, physiological mechanisms are so dysregulated that our systems don't discern between actual danger and daily nuisance. It's like everything gets processed as code red all the time -- whether it's coming from outside or inside our bodies! Kinda fascinating, in a way, except very unfun to live through. 

 

2 hours ago, lindy01 said:

I cannot go through life without someone or something upsetting me.

 

Truer words never spoken, Lindy. And this is the key, really. We have to find a way to accept that our nervous systems will get upset, and practice not getting out of sorts about the upset. Do you see what I mean? There's the body's reaction, and there's our response to that reaction (what Buddhists call the first arrow and the second arrow). The more we react to the first reaction, the stronger that reaction gets, and the more we get stuck in it. The first arrow is unavoidable (life happens), the second arrow is where we can explore agency (our body may get upset, and we accept that and don't get upset about being upset -> we don't add second arrows). 

 

I tend to think of my nervous system as a very cranky, colicky baby. It reacts left and right, it cries and cries and keeps me up at night. I can't control that. What I do have some influence over is practicing how to stay calm and hold the baby, just holding it close and letting it cry, thereby communicating to the baby that whatever it's going through, it's safe. That's the main thing, finding ways to remind/tell myself that I am safe, even and especially when my brain and nervous system are acting like there's a threat. 

 

In the early years just about anything could have my system ramping up to 11/10 level assault-detection defense protocol. It was so extreme that honestly at times the sheer absurdity and utter ridiculousness made me laugh. (If you're able to laugh about it, I do recommend that; it's very soothing and provides relief.) Anything from someone accidentally brushing my elbow when walking past me in a crowd (even though I knew perfectly well in my rational mind that this was to be expected and nothing personal and a non-event), to going to the grocery store and having them be sold out of an item I'd intended to purchase (in my thread I wrote about how one time I almost had a meltdown on the spot because they didn't have kale!); not to mention strangers being rude, interactions with family/friends perceived as unpleasant, etc. -- anything could set me off. It didn't require outside participants, either; if I dropped my toothbrush or something like that, I might freak out. The list is endless. 

 

The point is, it's gotten so much better. It's not fully normal yet, but it is nothing at all like it used to be. And progress is exponential in that, the milder the reactions get, the easier it is to employ non-drug coping techniques to actually actively manage what's happening in real time, so there's ever-expanding space between oneself and the rogue WD symptoms. This in turn gradually builds confidence and trust, which provides positive reinforcement and helps one feel safe and capable. It grows into a virtuous cycle.

 

In the beginning, the acute phase -- which is probably where you find yourself currently -- it can be very difficult, and we really just have to endure more than anything else, just distract and keep going and wait it out. Hang in there, Lindy, I know it can feel so hard, just carry on and it will get better. This is temporary and it will pass. You don't even have to believe it, just take my word for it, I believe in you and I know healing is happening. Healing is happening whether we believe it or not, even when we don't consciously perceive it, healing is happening all the time <3

 

Love,

Ariel

[lindy01]

Many thanks you explain it so well. Is it the same thing that happens when all the horrid feelings rush over you the minute anything unsettling happens and sometimes when not. I cannot imagine ever feeling normal again! The severe anxiety is insane today keep having to drop my shoulders and the tremor in my chest is lije a motor running all fir no apparent reason. It doesn't help when people say that's been over 4 months you should be feeling better! I'm glad you said im still in acute at nearly 5 months off. Also only 6 weeks off diazepam which I'm not sure about but from what I've read it can cause terrible withdrawal even when used as needed which I did for 4 years. Thanks again Ariel so good to hear from others I'm sorry if I moan all the time just find it so so difficult. I get terrified as I blame myself fir cold turkey as I knew nothing but was so unwell ...

[lindy01]

Hi Ariel I had a look at your signature you have come through so much also.  I was put on lithium to "boost" the ad I couldn't even hold a spoon but as a good patient I kept going with it even buying kosher salt as I'd read it would help with the shaking! It didn't and I stopped tgat too! I'm annoyed at myself as all the signs were there that I was being harmed but kept at it until a light bulb moment i said hang on a minute im not getting any better maybe its the drugs!! Hence ct which was so so stupid 🙄. How did you start realising the harm 

[Catwoman73]

11 hours ago, lindy01 said:

Thanks! I wanted to ask when something even slightly stressful happens or someone says something slightly negative my whole body goes into panic mode internal tremor goes nuts minds racing, head blowing off you know all the stuff. I don't get it its just so disheartening. Is this something that will settle. Unfortunately life still happens despite withdrawal and I cannot go through life without someone or something upsetting me. I feel fragile like a bomb so sensitive to sounds and life situations. 

 

I think @Ariel said almost everything I would have said, Lindy!  I just wanted to point out, though- cognitive behavioural strategies are something that are good to practice when someone says something that sets you off.  This is what I do in these situations:

1. Identify the thought I am having in my mind as a result of the other person's comments (for example- I must be a terrible person if they think that.  Or I am not loveable.)
2. Challenge the negative thought by asking, 'is this really true?'
3. The answer will 99.999% of the time be no, it isn't true.  Then come up with the evidence that the opposite is true.  For example- if you are thinking you must be a terrible person.  Think about the good you have done- raised wonderful children, done volunteer work, etc, etc.  

It takes some work to get into these habits, and it takes time to really start believing the good stuff.  But the practice of this technique will start reprogramming your brain to respond differently to these situations.  And yes, this can happen while you are healing.  You're creating new connections in your brain all the time- those connections may as well reinforce the good stuff like resilience and good self esteem, right?

 

As for people saying that you should be through it by now... well, is this true?  No, it is absolutely not true!  There are thousands of people on this site who struggle for months and years to varying degrees.  Healing of the nervous system is well documented scientifically to happen very slowly.  So those people and shove their opinions where the sun doesn't shine lol... they don't know what they're talking about! 😉