Ellen81: Healing from 20+ years of Venlafaxin (Effexor)

[Ellen81]

Hi everyone, after reading so many stories on this great forum it is time to share mine. It would be very helpful to feel a little less lonely on this journey and to hear from other people who have been on antidepressants most of their lives just like I was.  

 

English is not my first language, thank you for ignoring any grammar mistakes 😉  

 

First of all, I am not against antidepressants if used short term and for severe cases of anxiety and depression. However, when starting with them back in 1997, I wish I had known more about the complexity and alternative options for treating depression and anxiety. At that time, I was told that I simply have a serotonin deficiency in my brain and that it runs in my family. I was 16 and got prescribed clomipramine (anafranil) by a child psychiatrist because of heavy panic attacks, hyperventilation, and emotional numbness. The medication felt like heaven: within a couple of weeks, I discovered how it felt to live a normal life with zero anxiety like most people. It was literally a lifesaver. There was no psychotherapy or any other treatment, just medication.  

 

After turning 18 (in 1999) I came off meds without any issues, I cannot remember any withdrawal issues. I got busy with the final exams for secondary school and getting ready for university. Right after passing the exams (I was 19), the panic attacks kicked in again. This time I went to the general practitioner, and they put me back on clomipramine which I used during the first year of university. Came off after a year and, again, I cannot remember any withdrawal issues.  

 

Age 20 (2001): here we go again, the panic attacks and emotional numbness. For the first time I started with psychotherapy which helped me a lot in understanding myself and my background. This time my general practitioner (another one, different city) prescribed venlafaxine (Effexor) because it was their first choice for all patients with these symptoms. It didn’t feel as good as clomipramine but it did the job and the anxiety went away. I liked it because it had fewer side effects than clomipramine.  

 

Now I will jump to my 30th year of life (2011). Over a period of 10 years I had tried to get off from Effexor 4 or 5 times (I lost count). Each time very slowly and under medical supervision. And each time, after a year or so, I fell back into that terrible state of anxiety and numbness. Around that time, the GP advised me to keep using Effexor for the rest of my life because it seems that I was born with this condition just like some people are born with diabetes or any other chronic disease. From that moment I stayed on Effexor although I never really accepted that medication is the true solution for this. Thank goodness it was always a low dosage, 75mg (I am very sensitive).  

 

In my 30s, lots of interesting things happened (mixed bag): I got married, went through a burnout, learnt to set healthy boundaries, lost connection with my creativity, found more confidence, moved around as an expat, did lots of courses in mindfulness and meditation. I am a late bloomer and learnt most social skills in the past 10 years of my life. I am definitely in a new stage of my life, practicing more patience and self-acceptance.  

 

Last year, I started playing again with the idea of a new withdrawal attempt. Main reason is that I want to feel my emotions again, including the negative ones. Over the years I was not unhappy, but I started feeling a little numb (not depressed) like life is happening as if I am watching a movie. This is not how I want to live my life (anymore); I need to feel alive and 100% present again with all its ups and downs.

This time would be different because everything in my life is pretty stable now: my marriage, my job, my social life. I also have much more awareness and knowledge of the importance of exercise, daylight, and a good diet which I didn’t really care about during previous attempts.  

 

I got new insights which I will list here: 

1. What if my relapses in the past were actually withdrawal issues? I never gave myself time to heal or tried alternative treatments, but went straight to the doctor for meds once I thought that it all started again.  
2. What if my anxiety in the past was caused by an unhealthy way of dealing with (negative) emotions and relationships? I was not an anxious or depressed child, just more sensitive than the other family members. I learnt from an early age that being sensitive is a bad thing. I cannot blame my parents for this, they have their own background. I used to walk away from anything that felt bad, including other people and my own demons. I had to learn from my husband how to speak up and how to resolve issues. I used to fear negative feelings and pushed them away. Now I acknowledge them and let them be (without dwelling, I just don’t make them bigger than they need to be). Most small conflicts with people can easily be resolved with the right communication. I learnt to accept my own sensitivity. I also stopped believing that I am an alien and that there is something wrong with me.  
   I believe that any unresolved issue or unlived emotion piles up in our bodies and minds. It all needs an outlet. That is what happened with me I believe.  

 

I am with a good and understanding psychiatrist now and he supports me to get off meds. I made a plan.  

In Februari 2024 I started tapering down from 75mg and on 5 May 2024, I took the last dosage. Four months is still pretty short for the tapering process but I felt fine. The last step was the hardest with headache and brain zaps but those went away after 4 weeks.  

Before joining the SA forum I always believed that it would be a linear process, but now I understand (and feel!) that it’s rather a rollercoaster with waves and windows.  

 

I am in my 8th week without medication. Today is a good day. I try not to think about how tomorrow will be, because I simply don’t know. The past weeks have been tough: there were days that I only wanted to sleep. It’s a strange, mental tiredness that starts very suddenly and can be gone in 15 minutes. Some days I am wondering if this was really a good idea but as long as I still have good days, I think it’s worth it.  

I stopped drinking coffee because it made me anxious. I am also more careful now with alcohol which makes me tired. I started taking fish oil, magnesium, l-theanine, and taurine. Especially the latter two seem to help a lot! Most days no heavy anxiety, just a brain fog.  

One beautiful thing that’s happening right now is that I feel lots of grief about losing the emotional connection with myself. This sounds negative but it feels amazing to cry again, such a relief. The emotions are strong, both the negative and positive ones, and that is exactly what I wanted. There was something blocked for years and I think that it is coming out now and flowing again. I let it happen and trust that my brain knows what needs to be done for healing. It takes time, patience, and self-care.  

 

I started reading about tantra and tapping into that creative energy. I was a very creative child and I am longing for those activities again. Getting out of my head, just playing a bit with paint and clay (although I still don’t know where to start).  

My story might be completely different tomorrow but as long as I still have good days, then I want to continue this new journey and find back myself. I am sad, angry scared, excited, wondering, all at the same time. It is sometimes overwhelming. I want to accept and process all those feelings without making them bigger than needed.  

What really helps me is not worrying about what I feel. It is what it is. I am in a very privileged position of working from home and I do short meditations and naps in between these weeks. My colleagues haven’t noticed any difference, and I am proud that I still manage to do my work (even though I only do the necessary and urgent tasks).  

 

Maybe in future I might go back to AD again if nothing else helps and then I will consider this period as a detoxing stage in my life to remember how life is without medication. For now, I am hoping that this is the start of a new life, finding back who I truly am. And once healed, I hope that I can help others in the same journey because life can and should be beautiful for all of us.  

 

Thank you for reading all of this!  

[Catwoman73]

Hello @Ellen81, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications and their associated withdrawal syndromes. 

 

Thank you for completing your drug signature!

 

My goodness, I could have written so much of this myself- the revolving door of symptoms, on again off again with meds, being told that my depression and anxiety was just like diabetes and needing to be on drugs for life, your lack of creativity on the meds, the realization that past relapses were actually withdrawal... we have had a very similar journey!

 

Your taper was quite fast!  Here at SA, we recommend what is known as a hyperbolic taper- decreasing by 10% of the current month's dose no more quickly than every four weeks.  This is designed to help minimize withdrawal symptoms as you go.  Some people need to taper slower.  I seem to be one of them- currently doing 5% per month here!  Read more here about this method of tapering:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

It sounds like you have developed some wonderful coping mechanisms to deal with your withdrawal symptoms!  Mindfulness, accepting the symptoms as they come, not fighting against them is the cornerstone of my coping as well.  This will absolutely help you through the rough days.  Speaking of this- it is totally normal to have good days and bad days while in withdrawal.  This is known as the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  It's a good idea to keep a journal of symptoms (you can use this site that way as well, if you like!) to help you identify patterns in your symptoms, and triggers as well.  Caffeine is a massive trigger for me, too.  I miss my coffee, but have discovered some wonderful herbal teas that agree with me much more!  Read more about windows and waves here:

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

You seem to be doing quite well, being 8 weeks out.  Some people have an uptick in symptoms around the 6 month mark- just something to be aware of.  If you keep up the amazing coping strategies that you have developed, you will likely be able to get through it just fine.  Complete healing can take many months, even years- so be very patient with yourself!  Symptoms may change over time as well.  With my last rapid taper, I started out with all physical symptoms, but at about the six month mark, all the emotional symptoms came rushing back.  So be prepared for changes in how you feel over time- but the overall trajectory will be one of improvement!  Our bodies and brains are always healing!

 

I think, given all of your insights, and your newly developed coping skills, you will likely never need to return to antidepressants again.  You clearly have developed an inner strength that you lacked with previous attempts.  I am very happy for you!  A word of warning about returning to antidepressants- it does not always go smoothly.  Many people, after repeated rapid tapers and cold turkey stops, develop hypersensitivity to these medications (along with other medications, supplements, and even foods!).  This can hit at any time, on any reinstatement or start of a new drug, so great caution is warranted.  I'm going to attach some reading on hypersensitivity here, just so you are aware.  Like I said, I don't think you will need these drugs again, but this info is really good to have when weighing that decision. 

 

Hypersensitivity and kindling

 

Overall, it sounds like you are doing wonderfully, and I really hope you choose to keep us updated on your journey!  We are always happy to answer questions, and assist in any way we can.  

 

Wishing you ongoing healing, and many more windows than waves! ❤️‍🩹

 

 

[Ellen81]

@Catwoman73 Thank you so much! This is all very helpful. I agree that 4 months is pretty fast. I guess that I was too much encouraged because the tapering was easier than expected (except for the last step) and I tend to be a bit impatient each time I want to change something in my life. If there will be a a next time, then I will definitely take it much easier and stick with the 10% rule. 

It's also very good to know about the 6 months mark which I didn't know. I never kept a log in the past and cannot remember exactly, but it wouldn't surprise me if this was exactly the moment when I went to the doctor immediately to get back on meds, each time. This time I want to give myself more time and complete at least one year without meds to see how it goes with plenty of self-care and trust. 

I like the idea of logging here and keeping track of my progress. Maybe I will do that each month and also around the 6 months mark. 

Thank you again and wishing you healing too ❤️ 

[Catwoman73]

Well, keep up the good work, @Ellen81!  Anytime you need support, or have questions about anything, we're here for you! 

[Ellen81]

Almost three months med-free now. Time goes pretty slowly when you're in withdrawal! I am still early in the process, but things are slightly better than one month ago. I cannot really say that I have waves and windows, just bad days and "okay-ish/good enough" days which are alternating. The most dominant symptoms right now are the tiredness (lack of motivation), especially in the morning, and being overwhelmed very easily. Also a constant blurry vision and occasionally some anxiety. Those symptoms are there on better days as well. It reminds me a lot of my burnout 12 years ago and that I have to spend my energy very wisely.

 

I am very lucky that my sleep is good (just weird dreams) and that I have no major life events going on, but I feel fragile. All emotions (the negative ones) are still amplified. I feel less grief than 1 month ago, now it's just crying for a few seconds and the next moment I am okay. In the past weeks though I felt emptiness, frustration, and isolation from working from home which I have been doing for 2 years now. So I dragged myself out of the house to work from a coffeeshop and that made a huge difference. After being out and also after online work meetings, I need to close my eyes for 30 minutes or so and have some rest but that's okay. 

 

I have found a great online therapist who I talk with every 2 weeks. She has been working for more than 40 years with clients with mental issues and I love her approach which is fully focused on self-love, kindness, and inner child healing. My main goal is not about feeling happy all the time, but instead feeling whole, fulfilled, complete. By the way: the original meaning of the word 'healing' in my native language is 'becoming whole again'. And that's including the full range of all emotions. 

 

I stopped fighting against the emptiness and sadness on bad days. Not dwelling neither, I just let it be and try not to pay too much attention to my feelings on those days. Previously I did everything to make them stop: finding company, entertainment, eating, drinking. Now I just let those feelings pass while I go through my day and this makes the process so much lighter! It gives those feelings less power I believe. I would highly recommend to everyone in this process to practice mindfulness. 

 

Another thing that I started doing is giving myself compliments for everything I do, especially on tough days with zero energy. Even for silly things such as getting dressed, making myself lunch, or brushing my teeth. Otherwise I would feel more depressed because I used to do so much more each day, and now it's just the basics. 

 

I am still confident and optimistic about future, just concerned about work: two weeks ago I received the news that my line manager is leaving and will not be replaced. Instead, the team (mainly me) will get more responsibilities and I will likely get requests to travel abroad for work. I am both excited and anxious about this.  I enjoy my work and I can handle those responsibilities but I am not very keen on more stress and traveling between time zones resulting into disrupted sleep. My employer and colleagues don't know about my withdrawal process and I like to keep it like that. So it will be a challenge and I have to prioritize my mental health over anything else. 

 

Although it's tough, I still feel that I have made the right decision to live without antidepressants. I also realize that other people are going through much more than me and I think about them all the time. We are all together into this. I will update my signature now and want to write my next update 3 months from now, that will be the 6 months mark. Let's see what future brings. I am already looking forward to write that success story here one day and give other people some hope.  As my therapist would say: be curious about the future, not concerned. 

 

Thank you admins for all your great work on this forum! 

[Ellen81]

3.5 months after my last dosage of Effexor and 6 months after I started tapering. After a few relatively good weeks, I'm going through a horrible time since last night. It started with shivering and shaking, from my jaws to my legs. It was not a panic attack which usually goes away after 10 minutes, but it didn't stop. As if my nerve system was overloaded. I've been worrying a lot about my work lately and also worked during the weekend because I finally had the energy, but it was too much. I also drank alcohol.

Today I am feeling nervous as if I am having an upcoming exam but 10 times worse and there is no exam. Last night I took 1.5 mg Valium to make it stop because nothing else helped. I hate to take valium and I don't want to create another independence, but the suffering was too much. This morning I took the other half of the valium (1.5 mg) and it helps just a little bit. Took a day off from work to meditate and do very basic stuff at home. I don't have any appetite and I am very concerned that this is not going to be gone tomorrow or next week. 

I was even thinking of calling the emergency line of my psychiatry clinic, but what will they do? Put me back on Effexor or something else? I am feeling horrible. Please let this be temporarily. I need the strength to get through this and to keep away the work stress. 

[Tuikea]

Hi,

I am sorry that things are getting worse for you. You will be in withdrawal and there is no quick fix.

If you are thinking of reinstating read up on that and go slowly.

Can you get some time off work so you aren't stressing about it, the more you stress about it the worse it will be.

Antidepressants isn't a drug you can stop and start it will cause havoc with your nervous system. I have tried tapering too fast and it hasn't worked for me I am on a low dose and holding until I stabilize.

I hope you feel better soon but I think it will take time.

 

 

[Ellen81]

Thank you Tuikea! This morning I went to the emergency room of our local hospital because the anxiety got unbearable and it was the only way to speak to my psychiatrist (who is in the same hospital). They took really good care of my by monitoring me for a while and giving me a drip. Had some blood tests too and all looked fine. I had diarrhea from anxiety and couldn't eat or barely drink, never experienced anxiety like this in my life. I was prepared for occasional panic attacks and for some sadness, but not for this terror.

Work is on hold for a few days and that feels so good. 

 

The psychiatrist told me that the only way to stop my suffering is getting back on the original dosage of my antidepressants. I asked him if we could try a very low dosage but according to him, that would only help as a placebo. They do not recognize pro-longed withdrawal, only accute withdrawal. Everything else after a month must be a relapse according to their books. 

I took 5mg Valium and I'm feeling so much better now. But now I have to choose between becoming dependent again on antidepressants or on valium. I was convinced that I was strong enough and able to live with meds. It went so well during the first months! It all feels like another failure. 

 

Maybe I need to give it another try in future and that time I will take it very slowly with tapering. Who knows that by that time, there will be better professional support for tapering after long-term usage of antidepressants.

[Ariel]

Hello @Ellen81

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm sorry you're suffering. 

 

1 hour ago, Ellen81 said:

The psychiatrist told me that the only way to stop my suffering is getting back on the original dosage of my antidepressants. I asked him if we could try a very low dosage but according to him, that would only help as a placebo. They do not recognize pro-longed withdrawal, only accute withdrawal. Everything else after a month must be a relapse according to their books. 

 

This is 100% wrong. Unfortunately, most psychiatrists are completely ignorant about how to safely come off of psych drugs and how WD works. That's how so many of us have been harmed and why SA exists. 

 

We have a topic about How to talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal

 

Please also see the Maudsley Deprescribing Guidelines, an essential medical/psychiatric reference manual, truly a groundbreaking work published earlier this year co-authored by psychiatrist Dr. Mark Horowitz. 

 

I'd suggest that before you make any changes -- before you start regularly taking valium and become dependent on benzodiazepines, and before you return to antidepressants -- consult this serious scientific publication to inform yourself. You might also consider giving your psychiatrist a copy. 

 

1 hour ago, Ellen81 said:

But now I have to choose between becoming dependent again on antidepressants or on valium.

 

This is not the only choice! There are other options. 

 

You could consider waiting it out and letting your body recover from the venlafaxine rapid taper/CT. It takes time; it's uncomfortable and unpleasant -- AND healing does happen. It does get better, slowly and surely. 

 

It's possible that a cautious reinstatement at a very low dose of venlafaxine could still come into play. While the general recommendation is that reinstatement be attempted within 3 months of the last dose -- and you are almost 4 months off, as far as I can tell from your drug signature -- sometimes it can work and be helpful a little past the 3-month mark. There are no guarantees, however. You will have to weigh the pros and cons.

 

Please carefully review our topic on Reinstatement

 

If you are considering a very low-dose reinstatement, please do consult with @Catwoman or another SA moderator ASAP. Time is of the essence, due to the reinstatement timeline.  

 

1 hour ago, Ellen81 said:

This morning I went to the emergency room of our local hospital because the anxiety got unbearable and it was the only way to speak to my psychiatrist (who is in the same hospital). They took really good care of my by monitoring me for a while and giving me a drip. Had some blood tests too and all looked fine. I had diarrhea from anxiety and couldn't eat or barely drink, never experienced anxiety like this in my life. I was prepared for occasional panic attacks and for some sadness, but not for this terror.

 

You've experienced a wave, the severe kind typical of acute withdrawal. The anxiety, fear, panic, terror, etc. are common for the initial phase of WD. It's not like this the whole time, it's temporary and it does pass. Things do get better. 

 

I see that Catwoman has already provided you with some important links in her welcome post. I am adding them again here for your convenience. Please review the topics on the Windows and Waves pattern of non-linear healing and stabilization, as well as the link to the topic on Hypersensitivity and Kindling.

 

The latter is particularly important in your situation. SA does not recommend treating psych drug withdrawal by adding more psych drugs. While the 5mg valium may have helped you this time, it is simply masking WD symptoms. It is not treating any underlying AD WD, which will have to run its course anyway. You already know that if you start taking valium daily, this will cause dependence. At some point when you want to stop, you will need to do a very careful, slow hyperbolic taper off of the valium. Coming off of benzodiazepines can be equally and sometimes even more difficult than with ADs. Moreover, there is no guarantee that the valium, taken regularly, will continue to be effective in masking ADWD symptoms. It may lose efficacy at some point, in which case you could be left with benzo dependency and ADWD that is no longer being covered up, which would leave you in an undesirable vise. Furthermore, being in acute WD right now means your brain and nervous system are highly destabilized from the too-fast taper (tantamount to CT) off of your AD. When our bodies are thus destabilized and dysregulated, it sets us up for hypersensitivity and increases the risk of kindling. Kindling can happen on the same drug we have quit, and it can also happen on other psych drugs. We try very hard to avoid kindling, because it's an extremely unfortunate, tortuous circumstance that can take a long, long time to recover from. 

 

I do not recommend, under any circumstances, returning to your full, original dose of venlafaxine. This would be a very high-risk move, setting you up for hypersensitivity and kindling. You have already been off the drug for almost 4 months, in which time your body has begun adapting to life without the drug. Your system is already severely destabilized and sensitized from the rapid taper/CT, meaning that you would not be introducing the drug to "the same body" as when you used to take your previous regular, full dose. Going back on your old AD at a high dose risks worsening your condition and further destabilizing/harming your system. If it goes wrong, you would then need to make another, arguably even harder choice, neither of which is desirable: either come off of venlafaxine once more (tapering from a destabilized, kindled state) and start the WD healing process all over again, this time from a further injured place; or hold for an extended period of time (definitely months, possibly years) on the AD dose you've landed on, until you achieve stability (which takes many months, sometimes years) and can begin a meticulous, harm-reduction, hyperbolic slow taper to come off the drug properly (which will take years). We only ever recommend tapering from a place of stability; the more destabilized we are, the longer it takes to achieve stability prior to attempting a taper. The more times one goes on and off psych drugs, the higher one's risk for hypersensitivity, kindling, and severe WD, and the higher one's risk for difficult tapers, i.e. one is more likely to have to taper slower, and there is a higher probability of not being able to avoid WD symptoms. 

 

I feel for you, Ellen, and reach out from peer care and compassion. I'm not a moderator, merely a fellow psych drug survivor -- who, by the way, has been through a venlafaxine CT (many years ago) and gotten to the other side. I know how horrendous a drug it is to stop. I also know how atrocious WD is from rapid tapers and CTs in general, as I'm recovering from multiple instances of both, after following the erroneous, irresponsible, ignorant advice of doctors/psychiatrists I trusted. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I do get it. I was first drugged at 17, and was consequently, subsequently stuck on the psychiatric drug merry-go-round for about 22 years. 

 

From my perspective, the main order of business right now -- and it is a time-sensitive issue -- is to figure out whether or not you want to try reinstatement at a very low dose of venlafaxine. Please read and re-read the topics linked here, incl. the topic on reinstatement. Catwoman or another moderator can assist you with any questions you might have about reinstatement in your particular case. 

 

In regards to low-dose reinstatement, don't expect to get your psychiatrist on board. They clearly have no clue. What people do in such situations is that they tell their psychiatrist (or other prescriber) that they want to go back on the drug, just in order to get the prescriptions needed. Any prescriber who is will to write you the script will do. You simply procure the necessary drugs and then manufacture your own doses at home in order to get the necessary low doses. So if you do decide to try low-dose reinstatement according to SA's recommendations, you will have to somehow find a way / make peace with procuring prescriptions (which sometimes means lying to one's doctor) and preparing your own doses at home. 

 

No matter what, remember: this is temporary, it will pass. As dreadful as WD can be, it does get better. 

Good luck, go gently <3

 

In solidarity and support,

Ariel

 

 

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Ellen81- I'm so sorry you're suffering.  But this is only a wave.  And waves always pass.  Ariel has already said it all.  Benzos are not the answer- they will cause dependence, and in the long term, only prolong your suffering.  And returning to your full dose of venlafaxine is not the answer either.  Given that you have gone on and off this drug a few times, returning to a full dose would put you at higher than average risk for hypersensitivity and kindling.  

 

I totally agree that if you want to try something, the only answer would be to try a very low dose reinstatement of venlafaxine.  Given that you are four months off the drug completely, there are no guarantees that it would work.  Familiarize yourself with the following information before making any decisions:

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 How long does it take to stabilize after reinstating or updosing?

 Hypersensitivity and kindling

 

If you choose not to reinstate (or even if you do!), it's imperative that you work really hard on your non-drug coping mechanisms.  Practice mindfulness and meditation every, single day.  Use mantras to get through the worst of the anxiety- I like repeating the following when my anxiety is high: These are only thoughts, they do not have the power to hurt me.  Find activities to distract you from your thoughts- I enjoy swimming and artistic stuff.  Your brain and body will heal, but it's going to take time, and yes, it does take some effort to learn to cope with the withdrawal symptoms as you go through your windows and waves.  If you have the opportunity to take some time off of work to focus exclusively focus on your own wellness, and on creating these new, healthier emotional habits, this would likely be the very best thing you could do for yourself. 

 

Like Ariel said, no matter what you choose to do, this is temporary.  This wave will pass, and over time, you will heal.  Focus on what you can control, take care of yourself, and keep believing.  Humans are designed to heal!  Sending love and hugs!❤️

[Ellen81]

Thank you again @Catwoman73! Absolutely agree with everything you say. Although I usually listen to doctors and I am not against medication, it would feel the best to go back to a tiny dosage of Effexor and not taking benzos on a regular basis. Besides that, two rough days is simply too short to decide on any changes so I might give it a few more days. Currently I'm feeling much much better, simply by knowing that there is a good emergency health care system where I live (didn't need it before) and by informing my colleagues that I will not be available for some time. Still feeling bad for them because we're a small team under high pressure at the moment but I need to prioritize my mental health. I'm a consultant and can live without the money but I just feel too responsible sometimes. One of those things I'm working on 😉

Thanks again.

[Ariel]

Hello again @Ellen81

 

2 hours ago, Ellen81 said:

Currently I'm feeling much much better, simply by knowing that there is a good emergency health care system where I live (didn't need it before) and by informing my colleagues that I will not be available for some time.

 

Glad you're feeling better.

 

Besides emergency health care and colleagues, how is your support system? Do you have any family/friends/faith-based community to confide in and lean on?

 

If paid WD coaching is an option for you, that might be something to consider for additional support moving forward. Angie Peacock, Baylissa Frederick, and Chris Paige all come highly recommended, just to name a few.

 

3 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

If you choose not to reinstate (or even if you do!), it's imperative that you work really hard on your non-drug coping mechanisms.

 

The first two posts in this help topic offer excellent advice and inspiration: Techniques for Managing Cold Turkey Withdrawal

 

2 hours ago, Ellen81 said:

Thanks again.

 

You're welcome. We're in this together ❤️ 

[Catwoman73]

4 hours ago, Ellen81 said:

Still feeling bad for them because we're a small team under high pressure at the moment but I need to prioritize my mental health.

 

When I went off work, I felt terrible too.  I work on a team of 3 people, and one of us was already off having brain surgery!  I promise the guilt will not last- once you realize how much easier it is to keep yourself level when not worrying about work, you'll know in your heart that you made the right decision.  

 

5 hours ago, Ellen81 said:

 Besides that, two rough days is simply too short to decide on any changes so I might give it a few more days.

 

This is exactly correct!  It's best not to make decisions when you're in rough shape.  Level headed decisions are just not possible when you are in the middle of a crushing wave.  You have to approach withdrawal almost scientifically.  See how you fare getting through this wave without meds, now that you have backed off of work.  You may find that trying to reinstate is unnecessary, now that you can focus exclusively on your non-drug coping mechanisms.  

 

I'm very glad you're feeling a bit better.  Keep us posted- we're here to help!

[AAOffZ]

On 8/20/2024 at 7:11 AM, Ellen81 said:

I also drank alcohol.

Avoid. Can cause major waves/setbacks. 

 

If have any, I feel it for weeks. I never realized it before WD, but drinking made me mentally unstable on my SSRI. It does for many.