Moderator Emeritus SkyBlue Posted December 19, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 19, 2018 Please update your signature as Chessie requested so that people can easily see where you are without having to read through your thread. It's good that you're focusing on small improvements. That is a good mindset. 2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever. 2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds. 2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better. Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.) "You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted December 20, 2018 Author Share Posted December 20, 2018 I made a signature. Let me know what you think! 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 20, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 20, 2018 (edited) Hi Dylan, great information in the drug signature. However all we need are drug name/s, dates and doses. So I've copied the current sig below so you have a copy and have put a link to it in your signature (the link will come back to this post) if we need additional information. ___________________________________ Detailed Drug Signature: 2010 I was prescribed what I faintly remember being bupropion. Tried it for a month or so, didn't helped so I drop it cold turkey. I had brain zaps for a few days then that was it. 2013 I decided my depression and anxiety needed a little extra help since I wasn't feeling too great and had frequent panic attacks over health and going outside. I was on 10mg from 2013-15. Decided it wasn't even doing anything and split the dose in half to 5mg. I felt the same. Was on 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Decided to talk to my doctor about tapering. She insisted I go on another drug. Then she told me I can just cold turkey and I'd be fine since lexapro wasn't addicting. I decided to just cut my 5mg in half and attempt to consume 2.5mg for 2 months before stopping. Early September 2018 I stopped Lexapro. Felt fine for about 2 months before a lot of symptoms kicked in and I missed 2 weeks of work. Finally figured out on my own I am going through a delayed withdrawal. Dec. 8th 2018 I reinstated 0.5mg lexapro. Symptoms lessened. I am left with anhedonia, fatigue, low mood, morning anxiety and hopelessness. ___________________________________ Condensed Drug Signature: Please check the following for accuracy and then copy and paste the following into your drug signature because this is all we need and it will give you more room to add your dose changes as you taper. Thank you. 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 mths then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Edited December 20, 2018 by ChessieCat added link to this post * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Leo1983 Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 Hi. Hope your ok. You have the same symptoms as me. Low mood, anxiety, mornings still bad, fatigue is awful. If they would go i would be cured. Im off all meds. Keep it up Dylan May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths. July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific. August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline. March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had. Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted December 21, 2018 Author Share Posted December 21, 2018 I used to signature you suggested, Chessie. Thanks for your help on it. When I was writing it I even thought it was too much info but didn't know what was needed at the time. Hope you're doing well. 16 hours ago, Leo1983 said: Hi. Hope your ok. You have the same symptoms as me. Low mood, anxiety, mornings still bad, fatigue is awful. If they would go i would be cured. Im off all meds. Keep it up Dylan Hey, Leo. I'm doing better. I can function more than those hellish weeks. It might possibly be because of the reinstatement. If so I am thankful for the people who suggested it to me. This week at work I have felt WAY less anxious and trapped. I was able to do my job well and even got praise today by a coworker. I feel the same, if I didn't have those symptoms I'd be normal. I am just so sick of the anhedonia. I can handle the fatigue and everything but not being able to enjoy ANYTHING is so depressing to me. Makes life feel very pointless. I am basically just going through the motions. I keep forgetting it's Xmas. Hope you find relief soon! 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 21, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 21, 2018 5 hours ago, Dylanmatthew said: I'm doing better. I can function more than those hellish weeks. It might possibly be because of the reinstatement. If so I am thankful for the people who suggested it to me. This week at work I have felt WAY less anxious and trapped. You've done really well getting through the last couple of weeks. You've also learned a lot about yourself and proven to yourself that you can get through a really tough time. And you've learned some great non drug techniques to help you get through the discomfort. It's a good idea, now that you are feeling some improvement, to check out the non drug techniques again and build up your toolkit. Different techniques can be useful at different times. Members who have a low symptom taper still feel discomfort at times, usually after a reduction, if they get sick, or there is stress in their lives, and it is helpful to have the skills to get you through these. And they aren't just good for getting through withdrawal, but are skills which will stand you in good stead to get through tough times throughout your life. You originally went on an antidepressant because you were suffering anxiety. I suggest that you check out Claire Weekes. Many SA members have found her techniques helpful. Another one that some members have mentioned as good is a book, Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks by Barry McDonagh. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 21, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 21, 2018 5 hours ago, Dylanmatthew said: I feel the same, if I didn't have those symptoms I'd be normal. I am just so sick of the anhedonia. I can handle the fatigue and everything but not being able to enjoy ANYTHING is so depressing to me. Makes life feel very pointless. I am basically just going through the motions. I keep forgetting it's Xmas. To reframe this in a positive way, be thankful that you aren't feeling as bad as you were before reinstatement. I understand that it is frustrating and disappointing to be feeling the way you are now, but you could have been feeling much worse. When we are feeling awful, time seems to move slowly. It's only been 2 weeks since you reinstated. You have improved. And remind yourself that with some more time you will start to feel more improvement. And by Christmas next year you will hopefully be feeling a whole lot better. Remember that you still need to look after yourself and try not to put too much stress on your system. I suggest you steer clear of alcohol, caffeine, staying up late and over eating. Treat yourself kindly and your body will be very thankful. Think of it as a Christmas present to yourself. And you are very fortunate that your family understands what you are going through. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted December 21, 2018 Author Share Posted December 21, 2018 59 minutes ago, ChessieCat said: You've done really well getting through the last couple of weeks. You've also learned a lot about yourself and proven to yourself that you can get through a really tough time. And you've learned some great non drug techniques to help you get through the discomfort. I really do think it was the reinstatement that has helped me. It's winter time and my depression is usually at an all time high this year anyways so the fatigue and anhedonia are probably not even related to the lexapro WD. I guess at this point I will just hold for a few months and see how I feel week by week. I am just so glad to not be suffering from the flu like symptoms, the strange head/brain pressure and extreme anxiety. I can see why people are worried they will feel that way forever because you just don't know when the end is in sight. I have learned some very good techniques. I am trying to practice them as much as possible. I haven't panicked during my commute or at my job in over a week! I have another addiction. And it's something I think will be harder to kick than lexapro. The internet/phone. It's so bad. I look at the internet all day at work and I browse my phone all evening. My attention span is terrible that I cannot even play video games or hardly watch TV (might be the anhedonia). I will give each of those books my attention. I need to stop constantly browsing the internet! 58 minutes ago, ChessieCat said: To reframe this in a positive way, be thankful that you aren't feeling as bad as you were before reinstatement. I understand that it is frustrating and disappointing to be feeling the way you are now, but you could have been feeling much worse. You're right. I could be feeling so much worse and during xmas too! I try to put on a happy face for my family but it's so hard. I am the oldest in my family and my siblings see me as a zombie, the depressed older brother. It really hurts knowing I can't form strong relationships with them or anyone because I am so depressed. I will try to go easier on myself. I never drink, smoke, I eat decently. I DON'T excercise, though! I feel this is hindering me on feeling better... Fatigue just makes it so hard. I don't know if you celebrate xmas in Australia but I hope you have a wonderful holiday! 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus eymen23 Posted December 21, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 21, 2018 Dylan, I’m SO happy to read your posts with a lot less despair in them! I could tell you were really suffering a week or two ago, but you definitely seem to have picked up. Hope it continues! PLEASE NOTE: I am not a medical professional. I can only provide information and make suggestions. Link to comment
Leo1983 Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 Your symptoms and behaviour i.e internet surfing etc sound very nuch like withdrawal to me. But at least its manageable. May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths. July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific. August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline. March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had. Link to comment
jozeff Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 Way to go Dylan! Sounds like you're doing a lot better than a week or two ago. You must be patient. Sometimes it feels like we are standing still. I too have this experience. Like I'm never going to be better ever. Then, suddenly I feel fine for 3 days in a row. The brain is a mysterious thing..... Have a nice Day! Jozeff Sep- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg Apr 2018 - Jun 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed) Jun 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 wks, updosed to 18 mg - 14Aug 2018 - 26apr 2019 citalopram 18 mg, hold 8 months 2019 apr 27 : START taper citalopram @ 18 mg: 29Jun 16.4 mg / 19aug 15.4 mg / 25aug 15.2 mg / 30sep 14.0 mg / 4dec 13.1 mg 2020 03Jan 12.75 mg / 28Jan 12.29 mg / 18Feb 11.83 mg, 25Feb 11.68 mg hold.. / 7May 11.33 mg hold...., 4Aug 10.98 mg / 5Dec 10.0 mg 4 month hold... 2021 30mar 9.8 mg / 06apr 9.5 mg / 13apr 9.4 mg / 14may 8,5 mg / 04jun 8,0 mg / 11jun 7.75 mg, 02jul 7.35 mg / 09jul 7.2 mg hold 3 weeks during holiday /31jul 7 mg/ 8aug 6.8 mg / 15aug 6.63mg / 22aug 6.5mg / 1sep 6.3 mg / 8sep 6.15 mg / 15sep 6.0 mg / 22sep 5.9 mg / 29sep 5.8 mg / 04 oct 5.65 mg / 10oct 5.55 mg / 17oct 5.45 mg / 24oct 5.35mg / 30oct 5.25 mg hold 3 wks / 22nov 5.15 mg / 01dec 5.1mg / 12dec 5.0mg / 20dec 4.85mg / 30dec 4.70mg 2022 08jan 4.5 mg / 16jan 4.4 mg / 23jan 4.3 mg / 27jan 4.2 mg / 18feb 4.1 mg / 25feb 4.0 mg / 04mar 3.9 mg / 11mar 3.75 mg / 18Mar 3.65 mg / 09apr 3.55 mg / 16apr 3.45 mg / 23apr 3.35 mg / 01may 3.25 mg / 8may 3.15 mg / 17may 3.10 mg / 28 may 3.0 mg / 7jun 2.94 mg / 18 Jun 2.88 mg / 27 jun 2.84 mg / 05 jul 2.80 mg / 16 jul 2.75 mg / 23 jul 2.70 mg / 01aug 2.65 mg / 09aug 2.60 mg hold 5wks / 18sep 2.55 mg / 25sep 2.5 mg /02oct 2.45 mg / 10oct 2.40 mg / 19oct 2.35 mg / 27oct 2.30 mg / 05nov 2.27 mg / 14nov 2.25 mg / 22nov 2.20 mg / 29nov 2.10mg / 09dec 2.05 mg / 15dec 2.0 mg 2023 hold 2.0 mg for 5 months / 05may 1.95 mg / 14may 1.90 mg / 24may 1.87 mg / 02jun 1.85 mg / 17jun 1.82 mg / 27jun 1.79 mg / 07jul 1.75 mg / 31jul 1.72 mg / 12aug 1.69mg / 27aug 1.67 mg / 04sep 1.65 mg / 09sep 1.63 mg / 22sep 1.61 mg / 27sep 1.60 mg / 12oct 1.58 mg / 18oct 1.56 mg / 31oct 1.54 mg / 06nov 1.52 mg / 18nov 1.50 mg / 04dec 1.48 mg / 11dec 1.46 mg / 22dec 1.45 mg / 28dec 1.44 mg 2024 01jan 1.43 mg / 06jan 1.42 mg/ 10jan 1.40 mg hold / 08apr 1.38 mg / 15apr 1.36 mg / 20apr 1.34 mg / 28apr 1.33 mg / 2may 1.32 mg / 9may 1.30 mg hold / micro taper 0.002 mg/day start 17jun / 27jun 1.28 mg / 06jul 1.26 mg / 29jul 1.20 mg / 24aug 1.14 mg / 02sep 1.12 mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 26, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 26, 2018 Hi Dylan, Just wondering how things are going for you with the reinstatement. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 Hi, Chessie and Jozeff. I think it's going well as far as reinstatement working. My nervous system seems less chaotic. Anxiety isn't so easily set off. I am very depressed. I am not doing much to help that either. I'm just fatigued and depressed. I also have a rash on my neck and my left eye is slightly swollen. Probably not mental health related but I noticed it on Monday and it's Wednesday night. It's concerning but I'm still alive... I took 10mg Claritin and rubbed hydrocortisone lotion on it. Wondering if the Claritin making me extra drowsy and depressed... I really get nothing out of life. 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 27, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 27, 2018 It's good to hear that things are going in the right direction. Your nervous system has taken a pounding recently and it's going to take some time for things to get back to reasonable. You will experience ups and downs, that we call Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization. You also have to realise that it's been Christmas time and that adds stress. Other members are finding that their withdrawal symptoms have ramped up a bit over this time. Have you drunk any alcohol? Over eaten or different foods, possibly fatty or sugary? Been doing more than normal? Staying up later then usual? Drinking more coffee or caffeine drinks than normal? These can all have an effect. Something that you need to realise is that it is going to take time for you to feel the same way you used to. Our desire is to go back to how we felt at our best. However, when it comes to the situation we are in here, our comparison isn't to how we felt when we were at our best, we need to compare how we feel now with how we felt at our worst. If we aren't feeling as bad as before, however small the improvement, then that is a good sign. We need to learn to be patient. You need to be patient and try and be as stress free and look after yourself as well as you can. It's important to get yourself a non drug coping toolkit together and learn and use these techniques. It is much easier if you learn then now so that if you start to feel worse then you have already learned them and just need to pull out something that you already know. It is harder to be in a bad spot and having to learn a technique at the same time. And what you learn are good things that will help you in many other life areas. I wish I had learned them when I was in my teen years. I'm 61 now and only started learning them about 4 years ago. And they have been so helpful. Wanting to do something is perfectly normal and for men I think it is an even stronger drive. It is inbuilt in most males to want to take action to fix something. However what our brains need is a calm environment and time. Being patient and doing nothing is actually doing something even though it doesn't feel like it. It would be much easier if we could see or be tested to know exactly what is happening in our brain our body but unfortunately we can't. We just have to trust the experience that has been learned from others that have gone before us. Leo1983 has been struggling with his lack of emotions. You might want to check out his topic so you understand that it isn't just you. Leo has also been given some excellent advice in his topic which you could read. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 15 hours ago, ChessieCat said: Have you drunk any alcohol? Over eaten or different foods, possibly fatty or sugary? Been doing more than normal? Staying up later then usual? Drinking more coffee or caffeine drinks than normal? These can all have an effect. Chessie, I have possibly been eating more carbs but that's about it. I don't drink. I very glad I am not suffering like I did before. I am, however, suffering from a rash, or hives on my left side neck. It's very concerning to me so I went to a doctor this morning. She doesn't seem to know either what the redness, irritated, inflammed, and tiny white bumps are from on my neck. I was then prescribed STERIODS! The drug is called PREDNISONE. I am very weary about taking it. She said you can wait out the hives or rash and see if it gets worse then take the steriods. I have read it can affect your mood and other things too. I really don't know what to do here... 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 27, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 27, 2018 It's a good idea to research anything before taking/using it. If it was me I'd be trying other non drug/safer drug (eg antihistamine tablets) and/or topical things before taking a steroid. Q: Did you ever get a rash/hives when you started taking Lexapro originally? I used google and added survivingantidepressants.org to my search string. steroid-risk-prednisone-prednisolone-etc allergies-sneezing-stuffed-up-antihistamines-and-what-to-use-for-allergy-relief skin-issues-hives-acne-dryness-itching-etc Withdrawal can affect many areas of our systems, including making us more sensitive to things. You might want to consider doing some food elimination: histamine-food-intolerance * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 27, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 27, 2018 5 hours ago, Dylanmatthew said: I was then prescribed STERIODS! The drug is called PREDNISONE. I am very weary about taking it. She said you can wait out the hives or rash and see if it gets worse then take the steriods. I have read it can affect your mood and other things too. 2 hours ago, ryan1982 said: I had a steroid shot in my back a week ago and that ramped up some symptoms. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted December 28, 2018 Author Share Posted December 28, 2018 Thank you for the helpful links. My rash looks like it has improved a little today. I believe it will heal without the use of a steroid. I envy those who live in countries with free health care. The bills keep stacking up! I was debating if I should take a hydroxyine that I was prescribed for anxiety tonight to treat my rash or just take a bendadryl. JOURNAL Fatigue and anhedonia are just the worst. I really wish I could just have some energy and life to me. I feel my family lives in another world. They can enjoy things and laugh and play. I keep researching drugs that could help give me life but they all seem to have too many risks involved or are illegal. I need to enjoy something soon. I am in my 20s for Christ's sake. I should be out in the world meeting women and enjoying life! It's so frustrating to me that I hold myself back from going out. I hope I can feel strong emotions one day. I feel inhuman. 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus eymen23 Posted December 28, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 28, 2018 14 minutes ago, Dylanmatthew said: I need to enjoy something soon. I am in my 20s for Christ's sake. I should be out in the world meeting women and enjoying life! It's so frustrating to me that I hold myself back from going out. I hope I can feel strong emotions one day. I feel inhuman. Hi Dylan, As somebody in their 20s who has also been struggling recently I can emphasise. If you can (sometimes it’s too difficult), try to accept the situation you’re in. Whatever your experience right now, is it, and there’s nothing you or anybody else can do to change that right now. Phrases like ‘I should be doing...’ can be damaging. It adds frustration on top of all the other difficult symptoms. Although they feel so validated in the moment, what about people who don’t live to see their 20s? And the people starving every day and simply trying to physically survive one day to the next? Have you tried writing a gratitude journal? I often write in one when I’m having days of feeling discontented and that life is unfair. Sometimes it can be an incredible reminder of how good our overall situation is, relative to others and indeed relative to our life at another time. If you can, try to see this period as one in which you can develop patience and new coping skills, which you can take with you long after this situation has passed. If you can see this as an opportunity to learn and grow, it will not seem like never-ending and meaningless suffering. I hope things improve for you soon! PLEASE NOTE: I am not a medical professional. I can only provide information and make suggestions. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 28, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 28, 2018 (edited) 1 hour ago, eymen23 said: what about people who don’t live to see their 20s? And the people starving every day and simply trying to physically survive one day to the next? When we are going through a difficult time, it is not always helpful to think about people who are in worse situations. Realistically you aren't able to help them and it can end up causing you more stress because it loads on the guilt. Only we can get through our own situation, and others can only get through their own situation. Even though what someone else is going through may be worse than what we are dealing with, it doesn't change the fact that we need to get through our own situation the best way we can. 1 hour ago, eymen23 said: Have you tried writing a gratitude journal? It doesn't have to be a "gratitude" journal. Maybe call it a "positive" journal. Write down things that you've noticed during the day. The fluffy clouds, or the bird singing. Or the colourful leaf that you saw. Just everyday things. You might not feel pleasure when you see them, but noticing things around you, called Mindfulness, can help to start off the process. A bit like reintroducing yourself to life. It helps to get the focus off yourself and your physical and mental problems and brings some of the outside world in. I think focusing on ourselves is an instinctive thing, designed to protect us and keep us safe. It reminds me of what my driving instructor said. I had had a car accident (uninjured but the car was a write off) and needed to start driving again a couple of days later. I had to hire a car so it was going to be unfamiliar (and it was a huge Ford Ghia Taurus and had been driving a tiny Mazda bubble car) and I didn't have anyone to come out with me for some practice. My daughter suggested that I go out with her driving instructor, which I did. And it was the best thing I could have done. Anyway, towards the end of the lesson the instructor mentioned that she had noticed that when I had started driving I was focused on things in the immediate vicinity but as I gained confidence my focus was gradually radiating outwards. Immediately after the lesson I picked up the hire car and drove through heavy traffic through narrow streets to pick up things from the other car. Edited December 28, 2018 by ChessieCat * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus eymen23 Posted December 28, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 28, 2018 21 minutes ago, ChessieCat said: When we are going through a difficult time, it is not always helpful to think about people who are in worse situations. Realistically you aren't able to help them and it can end up causing you more stress because it loads on the guilt. Chessie, I agree 100%. Although it may seem that I’m coming from a different angle, I wouldn’t suggest making direct comparisons to anybody else. However, I do think it is helpful (at times) to gently challenge thoughts and beliefs that suggest our life ‘should’ be playing out a particular way. There is no guarantee in this life of emotional stability, financial stability, physical health etc. I’ll confess the examples I gave may be a little extreme. If this method of gently challenging our frustrations and trying to accept is not possible at a given time, then another coping mechanism would perhaps be better suited. PLEASE NOTE: I am not a medical professional. I can only provide information and make suggestions. Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted December 30, 2018 Author Share Posted December 30, 2018 Sorry I haven't responded all weekend. I'm feeling those flu like symptoms again. Really concerned it's not withdrawal it might be something wrong with me like the flu or an actual disease. It's worrying me. Trying to cope. I hope it's just a WD wave. Been wondering if I should go up in my Lexapro dose... 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 30, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 30, 2018 4 hours ago, Dylanmatthew said: I'm feeling those flu like symptoms again. Questions: Do any other people around you currently or recently have/had a cold or flu? How does this flu like symptom feel compared to before? Is this your only symptom? Is it unbearable or just a nuisance? If people around you have a cold or flu, you might have it too, so increasing your dose would not be a good idea. If it is just a nuisance and you can cope with the discomfort then you could continue taking 0.5mg. However, if the symptoms are unbearable and nobody around you has a cold or flu then it might be helpful to increase your dose by a tiny amount. When you reinstated, the suggested 0.5mg was made because we don't know how much adaptation your brain has made during the time you had been off so the dose was low so that you wouldn't take too much (because taking too much can make things worse). You've been on 0.5mg for about 23 days now and you have noted improvements so it seems that reinstatement is working well. Don't forget you are taking a strong drug. You might find that increasing to 0.6mg might help to relieve your symptoms. Please keep daily notes on paper so you can how the increase is affecting your symptoms. Please let us know how things go. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 1 hour ago, ChessieCat said: Questions: Do any other people around you currently or recently have/had a cold or flu? How does this flu like symptom feel compared to before? Is this your only symptom? Is it unbearable or just a nuisance? I don't personally know anyone that has the flu. The flu like symptom feels similar to how I felt in November. Slight headache, fatigued, slight body aches and generally feel unwell. I'm afraid I'm going to get worse like before. I'm unsure if it's even Lexapro related. I have basically just sat inside all weekend because I feel too unwell to move much. Last night for a few hours I felt more normal actually then I went to sleep and felt crappy in the morning. My sleep has been normal too. In truth my symptoms aren't unbearable. I'm just sick of feeling sick and not knowing what's wrong. I haven't had a blood test since February and was only difficient in vit d. I fear I have a disease. Plush the rash is still on my neck. I refused to take the steroid though. I guess I will stick with my usual dose. For now. I feel so lonely chessie. I'm with my family a lot but I feel left out. 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 31, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 31, 2018 When we are feeling unwell our thoughts are focused inwardly on ourselves. That's why we advocate learning and using the non drug techniques. Even with a careful taper members feel discomfort at times and have to learn to just sit with or accept the discomfort. That is why we need to learn distraction techniques. I suggest you go back through your topic and reread the responses and the links. You have been given a lot of helpful information. And remember that healing isn't linear, windows and waves, good and bad. There are going to be times when you feel a bit better and then you will feel worse for a while. It can seem like there is no rhyme or reason to it, but think about the changes that your brain is trying to make. I like the Rubik's Cube analogy: Video: Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery 8 minutes ago, Dylanmatthew said: My sleep has been normal too. In truth my symptoms aren't unbearable. This is all good. 8 minutes ago, Dylanmatthew said: I'm just sick of feeling sick and not knowing what's wrong. Yes, we all get like that. It happens when we have a cold. Like, I'm over this already! And remember that it most likely withdrawal. Check out the Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist and see the wide variety of symptoms that are none to be withdrawal. If one thing is changed in the brain then something else will have to be adjusted etc etc and so on down the line, a domino affect. Understanding this can help you not be so worried about your symptoms. Not sure if this has been provided before. It's easier to repost that the look back over your topic: On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said: B asically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work. It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building! You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves. The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted January 1, 2019 Author Share Posted January 1, 2019 Happy new years. Chessie, is it possible to still have withdrawal symptoms after being back on my precious Lexapro? I'm sure the answer is a yes. My holidays this year have been the worst ever. I haven't been able to enjoy anything with my family. I didn't even make to midnight for the new year last night. I'm 26. Not short. Have a decent job. My own place. I'm not a bad looking dude. I just want someone to love and take care of. But it all feels impossible when I feel like this. Anyways, life is a chore. 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus eymen23 Posted January 1, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 1, 2019 41 minutes ago, Dylanmatthew said: I'm 26. Not short. Have a decent job. My own place. I'm not a bad looking dude. I just want someone to love and take care of. As you’ve written above, you’ve got a lot to hang in for. Try to keep faithful that you will heal. PLEASE NOTE: I am not a medical professional. I can only provide information and make suggestions. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted January 1, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 1, 2019 What you are going through is normal but it is temporary. I know it doesn't feel like it, but that's how it is whenever we are in the middle of anything bad, it feels like it will never end, will last forever and things will never be good again. Go and check out the Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal You need to learn and use non drug ways to live your live whilst in the middle of withdrawal and tapering. What you learn during this time will be useful for the rest of your life. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
MRothbard Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 Dude you're not alone. I'm trying to kick the same thing. we will get through this. September 2014 to July 2015 - 20 mg Lexapro, 30mg Mirtazipine August 2015 to November 2016- 10mg Lexapro, 30 mg Mirtazipine Nov. 2016 to Nov. 2017 - 10mg Lexapro, 3.75 mg Mirtazipine Nov. 2017 to Mach 2018 - 5mg/2.5mg Lexapro, 0mg Mirtazipne Mach 2018 to Dec. 2018 - 0mg Lexapro, 0mg Mirtazipne Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted January 1, 2019 Author Share Posted January 1, 2019 Thanks for the replies. It's hard for me to learn these skills but I am trying. I hope to GOD spring weather brings some life into me. So happy the holidays are over too. I hate that time of year. Hope everyone is doing well. I wish I had helpful advice to give others on here. I feel useless. I get all this advice and give none back in return. Maybe I'll be at that point one day. Im still afraid because I'm not off Lexapro. It could get worse but I need to be prepared. I'm just so tired and feel achey! 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted January 1, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 1, 2019 On 12/31/2018 at 10:54 AM, ChessieCat said: When you reinstated, the suggested 0.5mg was made because we don't know how much adaptation your brain has made during the time you had been off so the dose was low so that you wouldn't take too much (because taking too much can make things worse). You've been on 0.5mg for about 23 days now and you have noted improvements so it seems that reinstatement is working well. Don't forget you are taking a strong drug. You might find that increasing to 0.6mg might help to relieve your symptoms. Please keep daily notes on paper so you can how the increase is affecting your symptoms. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted January 1, 2019 Author Share Posted January 1, 2019 2 hours ago, eymen23 said: As you’ve written above, you’ve got a lot to hang in for. Try to keep faithful that you will heal. 1 minute ago, ChessieCat said: Okay I'll try to go up 0.1mg. 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Dylanmatthew Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 So do i just consume 11ml instead of 10ml 2010 bupropion(?) approx 1 month, cold turkey 2013 Lexapro 10mg from 2013-2015. Reduced to 5mg for 2.5-3ish years. Reduced to 2.5mg for 2 months then stopped early Sept 2018 Dec 8th 2018 Lexapro reinstated 0.5mg Link to further details Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted January 2, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 2, 2019 Did you increase to 10mg? When? Your drug signature says 0.5mg. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted January 2, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 2, 2019 I've just realised the confusion. You are talking about how much of your solution to take. BRB * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted January 2, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 2, 2019 On 12/8/2018 at 9:04 AM, ChessieCat said: 5mg Lexapro tablets 5mg tablet dissolve in 100mL water Each 10mL liquid will equal 0.5mg dose Please double check the calculations: 10 : 0.5 divide both sides by 5 2 : 0.1 multiply both sides by 6 12 : 0.6 You would take 12mL of liquid * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
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