rattledbytherush: Trying to time this all responsibly

July 27, 2018

You will make it, rattledbytherush. You have a great attitude.

July 27, 2018

💓 thank you Gridley.

I am thinking that because I am in no rush, perhaps a 5% taper schedule might be better for my nervous system.

Also...I am going to probably quit my job soon. I have been bartending for almost two years and have not even considered the detrimental CNS effects of drinking culture, caffeine, cigarettes, and messed up sleeping patterns. I’m going to try to find something much less pressure and that can at least provide me with a sense of routine and normalcy.

As soon as I am feeling stable for two consecutive weeks, I’ll revisit cutting my dose again.

July 27, 2018

5% might be better. Going down by 5 mg every month is a bit fast.

September 22, 2018

Hi,

Just an update here.

I have been on 20 mg of sertraline now for the last 2 months and have been the worst I’ve been in terms of OCD in a very long time. I’ve been working with my therapist who recently referred me to outside help for it—disturbing intrusive thoughts that make me feel like a disgusting, horrible human being; compulsions our the roof. They tend to switch up depending on my obsessive thoughts. Lately the binge eating has been more under control, but I’ve been aimlessly scrolling the internet and smoking cigarettes and basically sitting for hours in a state of panic self-diagnosing every single day. My job performance is suffering and I don’t see my friends anymore. I have become numb to happiness and just want to sleep all the time.

I had what is the closest to a nervous breakdown that I’ve had in a while yesterday. After talking to my close family who know what’s up, I went back up to 50mg of sertraline yesterday. Everyone I talked to agreed they thought it was a good idea.

Today I am wondering if I should just try 25mg first to see if that can help level things at all, and maybe I will still be able to fight these demons with upcoming ERP and CBT—areas my current therapist is not trained in.

As always, I want to be responsible and I want to thrive. But honestly I have not been functioning. I want to create new neural pathways, but when I am too panicked to move it’s nearly impossible to think about any form of progress whatsoever. The type of illness I have is intense. And yet...I still want to feel. I want to make progress.

I guess my question is, should I go back up to 25mg for a week and gradually taper back up? Or should I go back to 50mg that my body has been used to for such a long time?

Thank you for reading.

September 24, 2018

Hi mate - don't know much about your history but by the looks of things you've tapered wayyyyyy too fast. Your nervous system is struggling and the resulting OCD is a symptom of that. If i disturb my nervous system too much i too get OCD symptoms. But as soon as I'm stable and going very slow with my taper I'm completely fine. A moderator I'm sure will be able to shed some light on your updose and the best course of action to take.

Once you've stabilised id recommend holding for a while. In terms of months. Have a rest, let your system settle then resume tapering. Ive been there. Tapered too fast , horrid symptoms, thinking ill never feel good again, but a good hold helped me get back to a place of happiness. Id recommend looking at a micro taper of 1% - 2.5%

Theres no rush !

September 24, 2018

Going from 20mg to 50mg is very risky. You might find that a tiny updose to 21mg may be enough. If after 1 week you find that the symptoms are still unbearable you could then increase to 22mg. It is better to go up by tiny amounts than to take to much which might end up destabilising your nervous system. Once this happens it can be very difficult to rein in the beast. I suggest you take 21mg from your next dose. Please keep daily notes on paper of your symptoms so you can see whether the updose is helping. I would definitely not take more than 25mg.

Your brain will have made some adaptations to the lower doses since you have been tapering. However, you have been tapering by more than the recommended 10% of current dose. Each reduction you have made (by reducing the dose by 5mg each time) means that each time have tapered you have increased the % reduction.

It may take some time for the horrible symptoms to ease so you will need to use Non-drug techniques to cope to get through this time.

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

BTW, please note that the reductions are made on the current dose, not on the starting dose. So for your reductions from 40mg the calculation for 10% reduction: 40mg x 0.9 = 36mg, 36mg x 0.9mg = 32.4mg etc

September 24, 2018

Thanks so much for the replies.

I have been taking 25 mg the last two days, and 50mg before that.

I will resume with 21 mg tomorrow, although the syringe I have has a 2mg minimum dose line so it will be hard to find how to precisely measure.

Is there somewhere where I can get one that has 1mg marks? Amazon maybe?

September 24, 2018

28 minutes ago, rattledbytherush said:

Is there somewhere where I can get one that has 1mg marks?

September 25, 2018

Thanks @ChessieCat. And thank you @nick1990. I am back up to 22 mg as of today, and if I stabilize this week, I will continue to hold there for several months.

I definitely underestimated the amount of time this is all going to take. 15 years is a long time on SSRIs, and I have to be prepared for it to take many more years to get completely, if ever, off.

I’ve decided I’m going to stop drinking coffee indefinitely and see how I fare. My anxiety has already dropped dramatically from four days ago.

Also, I took plan b the other day and I think my hormones on top of this taper were absolutely out of control. These are things I have to be vigilant about and haven’t been.

I’ll be visiting the pharmacy tomorrow to get a smaller unit dropper.

Thanks for all the wisdom and support.

This forum has saved my life over and over.

September 25, 2018

Please update your signature: Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

Remember to keep daily symptom notes on paper.

September 25, 2018

On 9/23/2018 at 3:01 AM, rattledbytherush said:

Hi,

Just an update here.

I have been on 20 mg of sertraline now for the last 2 months and have been the worst I’ve been in terms of OCD in a very long time. I’ve been working with my therapist who recently referred me to outside help for it—disturbing intrusive thoughts that make me feel like a disgusting, horrible human being; compulsions our the roof. They tend to switch up depending on my obsessive thoughts. Lately the binge eating has been more under control, but I’ve been aimlessly scrolling the internet and smoking cigarettes and basically sitting for hours in a state of panic self-diagnosing every single day. My job performance is suffering and I don’t see my friends anymore. I have become numb to happiness and just want to sleep all the time.

I had what is the closest to a nervous breakdown that I’ve had in a while yesterday. After talking to my close family who know what’s up, I went back up to 50mg of sertraline yesterday. Everyone I talked to agreed they thought it was a good idea.

Today I am wondering if I should just try 25mg first to see if that can help level things at all, and maybe I will still be able to fight these demons with upcoming ERP and CBT—areas my current therapist is not trained in.

As always, I want to be responsible and I want to thrive. But honestly I have not been functioning. I want to create new neural pathways, but when I am too panicked to move it’s nearly impossible to think about any form of progress whatsoever. The type of illness I have is intense. And yet...I still want to feel. I want to make progress.

I guess my question is, should I go back up to 25mg for a week and gradually taper back up? Or should I go back to 50mg that my body has been used to for such a long time?

Thank you for reading.

How many cigarettes do you smoke every day ? You'll first have to taper down the cigarettes and quit, I'll tell you how to do it, just let me know if you are a regular smoker or not, ok.

September 29, 2018

@Ather, it’s been about 6-7 per day. This week I am down to about 2 per day, and will move on to 1 a day next week. Trying to do everything slow and steady with my body. Currently I am allowing myself one coffee per week, and feel more grounded switching over to tea (and less cigarette cravings).

I ran out of medicine this weekend and am taking 25 mg pill doses to get me through the next two days...after that I’m probably going to hold at 25 mg liquid and just rest for a while, like until after winter.

I can use this period of stabilization to learn new skills to help me along when I start tapering again. I am definitely not going to go as fast as I have been. It was easy for me to believe the myth that my body and brain have not been addicted since age 14 (I’m 28 now) because the fast taper didn’t catch up with me until a few months in. If I do this 10% taper the actual correct way, who knows what positive experiences I might be able to have. It’ll be hard either way, but I am really having to consider my quality of life entering my 30th decade and lean into the harm reduction model of healing.

It is comforting and validating to know that although I have had depression and OCD prior to medication, there is still much owed to withdrawal symptoms.

My current line of thinking is this:

I have to be able to thrive and be independent right now. I’ve been fighting a long depressive battle for a decade, amd have had behavioral problems all my life. I am doing gradually better with those behaviors, but the “waking up” process, as I call it, is the most painful thing I’ve ever done. I truly believe meds made me oblivious to so much of my own detrimental patterns during my coming of age years. I’m learning those lessons late now, but at least I’m learning them.

If it takes me five/ten more years to get off medication in order to thrive, learn, and be productive, I have got to make that commitment and stand by it.

Respect to all who have been going through this patiently and with humility. I am learning from all of you.

October 1, 2018

On 9/30/2018 at 3:18 AM, rattledbytherush said:

@Ather, it’s been about 6-7 per day. This week I am down to about 2 per day, and will move on to 1 a day next week. Trying to do everything slow and steady with my body. Currently I am allowing myself one coffee per week, and feel more grounded switching over to tea (and less cigarette cravings).

I ran out of medicine this weekend and am taking 25 mg pill doses to get me through the next two days...after that I’m probably going to hold at 25 mg liquid and just rest for a while, like until after winter.

I can use this period of stabilization to learn new skills to help me along when I start tapering again. I am definitely not going to go as fast as I have been. It was easy for me to believe the myth that my body and brain have not been addicted since age 14 (I’m 28 now) because the fast taper didn’t catch up with me until a few months in. If I do this 10% taper the actual correct way, who knows what positive experiences I might be able to have. It’ll be hard either way, but I am really having to consider my quality of life entering my 30th decade and lean into the harm reduction model of healing.

It is comforting and validating to know that although I have had depression and OCD prior to medication, there is still much owed to withdrawal symptoms.

My current line of thinking is this:

I have to be able to thrive and be independent right now. I’ve been fighting a long depressive battle for a decade, amd have had behavioral problems all my life. I am doing gradually better with those behaviors, but the “waking up” process, as I call it, is the most painful thing I’ve ever done. I truly believe meds made me oblivious to so much of my own detrimental patterns during my coming of age years. I’m learning those lessons late now, but at least I’m learning them.

If it takes me five/ten more years to get off medication in order to thrive, learn, and be productive, I have got to make that commitment and stand by it.

Respect to all who have been going through this patiently and with humility. I am learning from all of you.

Thank you very much for writing such a thorough, thoughtful response, which shows you actually are doing pretty well

You are doing the correct thing with the Cigarettes, I tapered them down in a few months and after exactly 1 year of quitting smoking my Zoloft left (also by tapering) forever, Thanks to God, my doctor tried putting me back on it but I couldn't take it, its gone now and you'll see your's will be too.

All the way you have to keep one thing in mind, Exercise / Walk, don't allow yourself a single day without a 30 minute (at least) work out / walk.

And yea I too stay away from Tea / Coffee, not good for my nerves, not good for my ring, not good for my stomach !

And by the way it won't take so many years, when you are set on the right path it becomes a matter of Months but I respect your slow taper, so kindly stick to it, when you feel you are going down then hold your taper for a while and then see, My prayers are with you !

October 1, 2018

On 9/30/2018 at 3:18 AM, rattledbytherush said:

@Ather, it’s been about 6-7 per day. This week I am down to about 2 per day, and will move on to 1 a day next week. Trying to do everything slow and steady with my body. Currently I am allowing myself one coffee per week, and feel more grounded switching over to tea (and less cigarette cravings).

I ran out of medicine this weekend and am taking 25 mg pill doses to get me through the next two days...after that I’m probably going to hold at 25 mg liquid and just rest for a while, like until after winter.

I can use this period of stabilization to learn new skills to help me along when I start tapering again. I am definitely not going to go as fast as I have been. It was easy for me to believe the myth that my body and brain have not been addicted since age 14 (I’m 28 now) because the fast taper didn’t catch up with me until a few months in. If I do this 10% taper the actual correct way, who knows what positive experiences I might be able to have. It’ll be hard either way, but I am really having to consider my quality of life entering my 30th decade and lean into the harm reduction model of healing.

It is comforting and validating to know that although I have had depression and OCD prior to medication, there is still much owed to withdrawal symptoms.

My current line of thinking is this:

I have to be able to thrive and be independent right now. I’ve been fighting a long depressive battle for a decade, amd have had behavioral problems all my life. I am doing gradually better with those behaviors, but the “waking up” process, as I call it, is the most painful thing I’ve ever done. I truly believe meds made me oblivious to so much of my own detrimental patterns during my coming of age years. I’m learning those lessons late now, but at least I’m learning them.

If it takes me five/ten more years to get off medication in order to thrive, learn, and be productive, I have got to make that commitment and stand by it.

Respect to all who have been going through this patiently and with humility. I am learning from all of you.

Here are a few things that I missed in the above post:

I was 18 when my doctor put me on to my first Antidepressant and now I am 41 and almost done with my drugs (after tapering them for some time) Alhumdu-lillah, so your story is no different than mine

My Brother-in-law was taking 150 - 200 mg of Zoloft at a time now he is drug free so there is hope (a lot of it).

Get out REGULARLY, stay busy and your withdrawal will become easier, when you come to sites like this one, try staying at success stories and leave, longer company of depressed people to me is not very healthy (You keep on seeing different people with problems like yours again and again and you start to loose hope).

My prayers are with you ! I am always here whenever you want me, In-Sha-Allah,

Your's A.A.

December 21, 2018

Hello. It’s been a couple of months.

I have been stabilizing at 25mg for several weeks now. I am feeling the worst I have felt since my last mental breakdown at age 24.

I have sensory processing issues like Misophonia and still struggle with insomnia. I am hypersensitive and paranoid that everyone hates me. I am intensely afraid of ending up alone for the rest of my life. I am having nightmares about being bullied (which I was, a lot), dreams about disappointing everyone, and just have a general feeling of self-hate every day upon waking. I am having panic attacks regularly, and I could cry at the drop of a hat. I feel like I might have a personality disorder. I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m crying every single day before work.

When im not numbing myself with food, internet, or sleep, the world around me feels unsafe and I feel unwelcome and unloved.

This is the side of me that comes up when I’m not taking as many meds. I’m wondering whether all the crying can be healing or not. I’m wondering if I should change jobs just to keep this healing process going. I’m wondering how much more of this my family can take—it’s been 7 years of me going on/off medication several times and getting to this point each and every time. It’s exhausting for everyone.

And yet, there is something that makes me want to keep trying to fight this without upping my dose. I don’t want to retraumatize myself though.

I have been seeing the same therapist for several years. I’m wondering if she’s helping, or if I’m being impatient with how long this is all taking. I have trust issues, and I trust her, so that’s good. But I feel empty and just totally freaked out when I’m by myself.

Im having a really time you guys.

That’s all really.

I need to put it out there.

Sign In

rattledbytherush: Trying to time this all responsibly

Recommended Posts

Gridley

Link to comment